Would I waste my time with a guy like this?
那是谁？我们要跟他谈谈 你告诉我们他的名字
OK, then who? You want him to walk outta here, you have to give us a name.
-我不说. -不，你告诉我们，废物
– I’m not talking. – No, you tell us, you punk.
你们也不想让我 背叛我的朋友吧？
You don’t want me to rat on a friend, do you?
让我引用用希索教授的话， 她是个非常有学问的人…
Let me quote Rabbi Hirschhorn, an extremely learned man,
-..或者对你来说没有说服力. -你给谁当替身？
– perhaps not of your persuasion. – Who you bearding for?
-我不是你们要找的人，这还不够吗？ -要是他出什么差子，你们两死定了
– I’m not the guy. Isn’t that enough? – You two are dead men.
是吗？告诉我们你给谁当替身， 你这个小耗子？
Oh, yeah? Who you bearding for, you little cheese eater?
耗子….我不知道那是什么意思， 但我知道不是好话
Cheese… I don’t know exactly what it means, but I know it’s not good.
你给谁当替身？ 不说我打死她！
Who are you bearding for? I’ll put a bullet right between her eyes!
-别这么做，我说！ -丹尼，别说！他们会杀了他的！
– Don’t do that! I’ll talk! – Danny, don’t! They’ll kill him!
我可不想为了帮人忙 腿被砍掉
I don’t wanna get my legs chopped off ’cause I do a guy a favour.
-那到底是谁？ -好吧，你想知道是谁吗？
– Come on, let’s go. Who is it? – All right, you wanna know who it is?
我是不是应该告诉你们呢？ 我说吗？他叫….邦尼 达恩
Should I tell you who it is? Should I say? It’s… Barney Dunn.
邦尼 达恩是谁？
Who’s Barney Dunn?
-他是谁呢？ -丹尼，你这个叛徒！
Come on, who is it?
-闭嘴！ –
– Danny, you rat! – Shut up!
Listen, I don’t owe you anything over this.
伙计们，我对天发誓， 他叫邦尼 达恩
Fellas, I swear on my life, it’s Barney Dunn.
邦尼，上帝宽恕我吧
And, Barney, may God forgive me.
-谁？ -邦尼 达恩.你知道邦尼 达恩吧
– Who? – Barney Dunn. You know Barney Dunn.
邦尼 达恩
Barney Dunn.
我听不到你说什么
I can’t hear ya.
邦尼 达恩是世界上最糟糕的 口♥技♥表演者
‘Barney Dunn was the world’s worst ventriloquist.
如果人们找不到动物表演 就会找邦尼 达恩来表演节目
‘If they couldn’t get an animal act, they would call Barney Dunn.
邦尼会在孩子们的聚会上表演 五岁的孩子都会对他喝倒彩
‘Barney would work children’s parties. Five-year-old kids would boo him.
两个星期前 不是邦尼经理人的丹尼…
‘Two weeks ago, Danny, who doesn’t handle Barney –
…这会告诉你邦尼是怎样的人， 丹尼不想给他当经理人
‘that’ll tell you about Barney’s act, Danny didn’t wanna handle him –
….丹尼在大街上遇到了邦尼
‘Danny meets Barney on the street.’
-你怎么样邦尼？最近怎样？ -我明天去巡演？
– How you doin’, Barney? How’s it going? – I’m leaving on a c-cruise tomorrow.
-没开玩笑吧？去哪儿的船？ -去巴..巴拿马的船
– You’re kidding? Where for? – I’m working a s-s-ship to the B-Bahamas.
-太好了.然后再回这儿？ -不.最妙之..之处在这里
– Fantastic. And then back here? – N-No. And here’s the b-b-beauty part.
从巴…巴拿马到 波…波多黎各演出三个星期
From the B-Bahamas to P-Puerto Rico for th-three weeks.
太好了
Oh, fantastic! Who’s your friend?
-丹尼说出了邦尼 达恩的名字 -他们查出不来吗？
‘So Danny names Barney Dunn.’ ‘Can’t they check that?’
他们真去查了. 他们把丹尼和蒂娜绑起来去查证了
‘They do check it. They tie up Danny and Tina and they go to check it.’
我这是在干什么？ 我怎么卷到这事里来了？为什么是我？
What am I doing here? How did I get into this? Why me?
我做什么了要遭到这样的待遇？
What did I do to deserve this that I’m here now?
你脑子还动得真快. 一下想出个这个名字
You were really quick on your feet to come up with that name so fast.
真好.太好了. 亲爱的，告诉你个事，我心灵受创了
Great. That’s wonderful. Let me tell you something, darling.
当他用枪指着你时 我受到了惊吓
I was traumatised.
My body went into shock when they stuck that gun in you.
我以为他们要杀了我俩 我们死定了…
I thought they’re gonna kill us, I’m gonna be dead,
米尔顿一会儿将去沃夫
and Milton is coming to the Waldorf soon.
听着，他们一会儿就要回来了. 我们得采取行动
Listen, they’re gonna be back in a minute. We gotta do something.
我连指头都动不了. 我被绑得跟头猪一样
I can’t move a finger. I’m tied up here like a pig.
-只要能松开这绳子. -我不能
– If we could get outta these ropes. – I can’t.
他们只有一把枪 我们有两个人
They just left one guy out there. There’s two of us against him.
让我提醒你一下.他们还有斧头. 他们有斧头
But let me remind you, he’s got an axe. The man has an axe.
-他们马上就会回来了. -也许我们可以逃走
– There’ll be four of us in no time. – Maybe we could sneak away.
知道我怎么想的吗， 我曾给….
You know what I’m thinking, though. I used to handle…
我曾给一个叫山达的逃跑大♥师♥ 当经理人…
I used to handle an escape artist named Shandar
…我们可以争脱绳索，但… 问题在于你得站起来…
who could get outta ropes,
but… the problem is you gotta be standing up to…
而且就算站起来 我也不能保证成功.我问你
And even then I’m not sure we could do it.
你觉得我们能站起来 移到桌子那里吗？
Let me ask you something.
Do you think it’s possible we could work our way off this table?
我几乎没法动
I can hardly move.
跟我一起试试.我认真的
Try with me. I’m serious.
-试一下.来吧，试一下. -你太沉了
– Try a little bit. Come on, give it a try. – You’re so heavy.
试试.照我说的做. 来吧，能成功的.动，动！
Just try. Just do what I’m telling you.
Come on. Come on. It’ll happen. Move. Move!
-你没事吧？ -没事
– OK? You all right? – Yeah.
试着拉.就是这样. 看见了吗？并不是那么难
Try and pull. That’s it. See? It’s not so tough.
很好，就是这样
Very good. That’s it.
试着向下滑，就是这样
Try and slide down. That’s it. That’s it. Very good. Slowly.
就是这样，很好，慢慢来
就是这样，慢慢来. 就是这样，来吧
That’s it. Slowly. That’s it. Come on.
现在用力.来吧，使劲
Now pull. Come on. Hard.
就是这样.就是这样
That’s it. That’s it.
再努力一点. 我觉得我们要成功了，太棒了
A little more. I think we got it. Attagirl.
就是这样.好了
– That’s right. OK. You got it? – Yeah.
-你明白了吗？ -嗯
OK. All right. All right.
非常好.现在，我们要…
Very good. Now, we’re ready…
现在… 当山达这样的时候…
Right. Now, here’s what… When Shandar was like this,
…他将会开始扭动
what he would do is he would wriggle.
-扭动？ -是的，你将会发现
– Wriggle? – Yeah, he would wriggle.
…绳子开始渐渐变轻
And what happens is the ropes gradually start to get some play in them,
-听我的话没错，他就是扭动的. -你确定吗？
they start to get loose.
– Take my word for it. He would wriggle. – You sure?
你准备好了吗？准备好了吗？ 好了，现在开始扭
So, you ready? Ready? All right, now start to wriggle.
对，就是这样.扭.明白我的意思了吗？ 就是这样.非常好
That’s right. Wriggle. See what I mean? That’s it. That’s a girl.
扭. 就是这样，就是这样
Just wriggle. That’s it.
-我扭着呢. -接着扭
– That’s it. – I’m wriggling.
-你扭着吗？ -嗯，扭着呢
Keep wriggling. That’s very important.
– Are you wriggling? – Uh-huh. I’m wriggling.
-就是这么扭.好. -我可不想扭过头
– That’s good wriggling. – I don’t wanna over-wriggle.
扭得好. 就是这么扭
It’s nice wriggling. That’s it.
绳子已经开始松了. 快点，开始生效了
The ropes are starting to get loose. Come on, it’s happening.
我的手出来了. 接着扭.别停下来
My hand’s getting free. Keep wriggling. Don’t stop now.
-我快成功了，快成功了. -是吗？
– I got it, I got it. – Yeah?
-我快成功了，快成功了. -是吗？
– I got it, I got it. – Yes?
-太好了！ -快点.把这玩意儿争脱掉
– Great! – Come on. Get this thing off.
快点，接着扭. 接着扭，亲爱的，别停….
Come on, keep wriggling. Keep wriggling, darling. Don’t…
我跟你说过 山达以前就是这么做的
I told you, that’s what Shandar did.
他会一直扭，扭到绳子脱落. 我看过无数次了
He would wriggle and get the whole thing to happen.
I saw it a million times.
嘿嘿 .、..、. 拿好了！
Hey, hey! Hold it!
-我们走.我的天哪，我们在哪儿？ -我的上帝
– Let’s go. Jesus, where the hell are we? – God.
这是什么鬼地方？ 这里看起来像工厂
What is this? This looks like some kind of a factory or something.
-看起来像仓库. -你听到
– It looks like a warehouse. – Yeah. You hear him?
我觉得他就在我们后面. 我们快离开这儿
I think he’s right behind us. Let’s get outta here.
-天哪，这太暗了. -别慌
– Jeez, it’s so dark. – Don’t panic.
-看起来像游♥行♥彩车一样. -太好了
Looks like a lot of parade floats.
身后有拿着手♥枪♥的家伙在追我们 我们却被困在游♥行♥彩车里
Oh, perfect. There’s a guy with a pistol running after us,
we’re stuck in the middle of a Macy’s Day Parade.
-你看到什么人了吗？ -出什么事了？我们在哪儿？
– Can you see anyone? – What’s going on? Where the hell are we?
上帝！
Jesus!
不许动 要不我打爆你的头！
Don’t move or I’ll blow your brains out!
-别开枪！我只是个替身. -你做的事是错的
– Don’t shoot! I’m just a beard. – You’re making a mistake.
别跟我说你是替身. 你这个狡猾的东西
Don’t tell me you’re the beard, you goddamn little rat.
跑，蒂娜快点. 他没子弹了.机会来了
Run, Tina, run! He’s outta bullets! It’s our chance!
好了，我来了！
Tina, it’s our chance! He’s outta bullets.
All right, all right, I’m coming!
你这个狡猾东西！你逃不掉的！ 我会找到你的！
You little rat! You’re never gonna get outta here! I’ll find you.
我无法相信！他居然喝醉了！ 还有半小时就要开始表演了！
I don’t believe this! He’s drunk!
I got a show in a half-hour. I got a packed house.
别慌.别着急 我来说说他
Don’t panic. Don’t panic. I’ll deal with him.
放松点，可以吗？ 我可以说服他.卢…
Relax, will ya? I can talk to him. Lou…
– 米尔顿到了吗？ -到了.和霍华德 科赛尔一起来的
– ls Milton here yet? – Yes. He came with Howard Cosell.
大家放松. 你会没事的
All right, relax, everybody. You’re gonna be OK.
这是卢的妻子，特里莎 这是蒂娜…米珊提
This is Lou’s wife, Teresa. That’s Tina… Musante.
– 维塔丽 -丹尼，20分钟后开始演出
– Vitale. – Danny, he’s gotta go on in 20 minutes.
外面有一屋子观众 要出大乱子了
I got a full house out there. Something’s gotta happen.
卢，念一次三个注意事项 卢，你一定要振作
Lou, say the three S’s.
Lou, please, you gotta pull yourself together.
听我讲. 你一定要完成一个出色的表演
Listen to me. You’re gonna do a great show.
-他会好起来吗？ -丹尼会让他冷静下来的
– He gonna be OK? – Danny’ll get him sober.
来吧，卢. 给我两片阿斯匹林 一些番茄汗，一次伍斯特酱
Come on, Lou. I need two aspirin, some tomato juice,
一些山羊奶酪 和一些鸡肉
and Worcestershire sauce.
And some goat cheese and some chicken fat.
– 那有用吗？ -这是凡尼 罗斯的老方法
– That’s gonna do it? – That’s the Danny Rose formula.
-我至今也搞不清怎么起作用的. -你保证你今天会成功的
– I still can’t figure out how it works. – I promise you’re gonna be OK tonight.
My hand to God!
我亲爱的
总有一天，你会有
自己的孩子
我为此祈祷
我的女孩，记得那些故事吗？
你妈即，还有我妈妈讲的故事
把意大利放在心上
让它永远成为…