高材生

不去派对 专心学习
We didn’t party because we wanted to focus on school
进入好大学
and get into good colleges.
我们做到了
And it worked.
但是那些醉生梦死不负责任的人
But the irresponsible people who partied
同样上了好大学 他们两样兼得
also got into those colleges, they did both.
所以呢
So?
我们搞砸了
So we messed up.
我们本来不用做出取舍
We didn’t have to choose.
他们就两样都做到了
They did both.
我们是只做到一样的窝囊废
We are the only assholes who did one.
我们不是窝囊废
Hey, we are not assholes, okay?
我们先
Let’s just…
过来坐下 我们切蛋糕
Come sit down, we’ll cut the cake,
看看回忆盒
look at the memory box,
-庆祝一下 -现在不是庆祝的时候
– celebrate the end – This is not a time to celebrate.
我们今晚得去参加派对
We have to go to a party tonight.
-什么 -去参加尼克的派对
– What? – Let’s go to Nick’s party.
不要 你开什么玩笑 我才不去
No– Are you kidding? No. No way.
艾米 我们只剩下一个晚上
Amy, we only have one night left
来达成高中学习娱乐两不误
to have studied and partied in high school.
不然的话 我们就成了错过一切的人
Otherwise, we’re just gonna be the girls that missed out.
我们什么都没做过
We haven’t done anything.
什么规矩都没有打破过
We haven’t broken any rules.
我们打破过不少规矩
Okay, we’ve broken a lot of rules.
其一 我们有假证件
One, we have fake IDs.
假大学学生证
Fake college IDs,
那还是为了去他们的24小时图书馆
so we can get into their 24-hour library.
说出一个打破了规矩
Name one person whose life was so much better
-而让生活变得更好的人 -毕加索
– because they broke a couple of rules. – Picasso.
是 他打破了旧的艺术规范
Yes, he broke art rules.
说一个打破真正规矩的
Name a person who broke a real one.
-罗莎·帕克斯 -再说一个
– Rosa Parks. – Name another.
罗莎·帕克斯：美国黑人♥民♥权行动主义者。
1955年因在公车上拒绝给白人让座而被捕，引发联合抵♥制♥蒙哥马利公车运动。
-苏珊·B·安东尼 -见鬼
– Susan B. Anthony. – Goddamn it.
苏珊·B·安东尼：著名的美国民权运动领袖，
在19世纪美国女性争取投票权的运动中扮演了关键角色。
艾米 我是认真的 他们觉得我们是机器人
Amy, I’m so serious. They think that we’re robots.
觉得我们关心的只有大学预科课程
They think all we care about is taking a million APs,
还有上耶鲁
and getting into Yale,
《法律评论》是专注于法律问题的学术期刊。
在美国通常由法学院的学生组织或律师协会发布。
在乔治城大学编辑《法律评论》
and editing Law Review at Georgetown,
大三和大四为联邦法官做文书
and clerking for a federal judge between junior and senior year
最终成为被提名进入美国最高法♥院♥
before eventually becoming the youngest justice
成为最年轻的大♥法♥官
ever nominated to the Supreme Court of the United States.
这是我的情况
In my case.
你说到点上了
You get the point.
-没人知道我们是有趣的人 -我们知道啊
– Nobody knows that we are fun. – We know.
他们也得知道这点
They need to know.
他们是谁
Who’s they?
我俩并不是只有那一面
We are not one-dimensional.
我们不仅聪明还有趣
We are smart and fun.
我们必须得去
We have to do this.
你疯了吧
This is crazy.
我们明天就毕业了
We graduate tomorrow.
万一遇上麻烦了怎么办
What if we get in trouble?
我们又没那么蠢
You know that we are too smart for that.
再说了 莱恩也会去的
Plus, Ryan is gonna be there.
她希望你也去 你终于要采取行动了
She wanted you to come. You’re finally gonna make your moves.
不 她才没有
No, she’s not…
你都出柜两年了
You’ve been out for two years
但你从没有亲过任何一个女孩儿
and you’ve never kissed a girl.
我想让你体验一下
I want you to experience this.
你可能会问 那我在派对上要做些啥
What will I be doing during that time, you might ask?
我要体验一下性生活的乐趣
I’m going to experience a seminal fun anecdote,
我们将从此改变自己的一生
and we are gonna change our stories forever.
今晚我们该看肯·伯恩斯的电影了
We were gonna watch that Ken Burns thing.
《沙尘暴》可以以后再看啊 小贱♥人♥
The Dust Bowl can wait, bitch!
别人花四年作的乐 我们一晚就做得到
What took them four years, we are doing in one night!
天哪
Oh, Jesus!
-不行 -不行
– No! – No!
-我不能接受 -我觉得不行
– No. Not acceptable. – Not okay.
谁允许你打扮得这么漂亮的
Who allowed you to be this beautiful?
又是谁允许你这么漂亮的呢
Who allowed you to be this beautiful?
谁准你美得都让我窒息了
Who allowed you to take my breath away?
快点叫救护车 叫警♥察♥
Call the paramedics, call the police.
-这儿有人要窒息了 -美得无法直视
– ‘Cause there has been an emergency. – I can’t look right at it.
今儿你是抓不住我的
Not today!
让你看看我的逃脱术
Grip escape move!
工作套装呀
Oh. Work.
你觉得美不美呀 美臀怪
Get it? Tushy?
洗手液
Hand sanitizer.
润唇膏
ChapStick.
大学学生证
College IDs.
还有防狼喷雾 记住安全第一
Now, mace. Listen, it is very important that you keep the safety–
艾米 这安全个鬼啊
Ah! Amy! The safety’s not on!
别摸眼睛啊
Don’t touch your eyes!
她有的部位你也有
You have the same parts she does.
你只要像你平时那样就好 前后揉动
You just take what you do to yourself, flip it upside down.
好吧 其实我不太
Well, I don’t… I don’t really–
就是把手伸进去 然后开始揉动
Just a down, but a flip.
-我不 -就伸进去然后揉动
– I don’t – A down flip.
好吧 我平时不用手的 这怎么办
Well… what if I don’t use my hands?
难道你可以意念高♥潮♥吗
You can make yourself come using only your mind?
-才不是呢 -我的意念就没那么好使
– No. – That’s the one thing my mind can’t do.
不是啊 好吧 其实我是用别的东西
No! Well, I use just… other stuff.
-用书吗 -不是
– A book? – No.
你的境界很高啊 但我怕会被纸割到
Very Freudian, but I’d worry about paper cuts.
不是啦 我们可以不聊这个了吗
No. Can we just stop talking about this?
-难道是那只小象 -不是 别说了
– That little elephant? – No! Stop!
一定是那只奇怪的针织小猪吧
That weird crochet pig?
那是我奶奶去世前送给我的
My grandma gave me that before she died!
如果你不给我说是什么的话 你知道
If you don’t tell me what it is, you know–
是熊猫 熊猫 满意了吧
It’s the panda! It’s the panda, okay?
就是熊猫 行了吧
The panda. Whatever. Just…
我们可以不聊这个了吗
Can we just stop talking about this?
饶了我吧 你快别聊了
Please, for the love of all things.
那我们来速问速答
Quick question.
只是个速问速答而已
Just a quick Q.
熊猫的眼睛是怎么回事
What happened to her eye?
那只眼睛早在我们认识之前就已经掉了
That fell off way before anything happened between us.
她会对你说骚话吗
Does she talk dirty to you?
-告诉你她濒临灭绝了 -不会
– Tell you about how she’s endangered? – No!
-你别说了 -熊猫会呻♥吟♥吗
– Stop! – Do pandas roar?
你这个小骚货
You sneaky little bitch.
真不敢相信 你从来没跟我说过
I can’t believe you didn’t tell me
你每天会在夜里
that you have been mounting that tragic panda
骑那只可怜的熊猫
every single night!
-没错 -说实话 我挺开心的
– Yeah. – This is– Honestly, it’s exhilarating.
我以为你的事我无所不知
I thought I knew everything about you.
我觉得在友情里面有秘密很正常
I think it’s healthy for a relationship to have secrets,
现在 我们就有一个啦
and now we have one.
我有什么秘密要给你讲吗 有了
Do I have a secret for you? Okay, yes.
有一次 我自♥慰♥的时候
I once tried to masturbate… Mm.
用了电动牙刷
with an electric toothbrush.
结果尿道被严重感染了
But I got a horrible UTI.
超级严重
Horrible.
就好像
Like…
反正就是很可怕
horrible.
我倒希望那个是秘密
I wish that would have been a secret,
但是你已经提过好多次了
but you’ve mentioned it many, many times.
《一个自己的房♥间》
（弗吉尼亚·伍尔夫的书）