高材生

Museum of death,
因为它的尾气都要把我们毒死了
’cause its smog is killing us all.
-操 -你还好吗
– Fuck! – You all right?
他们无时无刻不黏在一起 感觉好诡异
They spend every minute together. It’s so weird.
我们也形影不离
We spend every minute together.
我们是平等的
We are equals.
吉吉把杰尔德留在身边是当佣人
Gigi just keeps Jared around for when she needs a liver.
不要 求求你别爬到车上去
No, please don’t get on my car.
老娘累坏了 杰尔德
I’m fucking spent, Jared!
-至少把高跟鞋脱了 -老娘累坏了
– At least take the heels off. – I’m fucking spent!
-车刚做完保养 -闭嘴 我睡会儿
– I just got it back from the shop. – Okay, shh! I’m napping.
你觉得他爸在他十四岁生日的时候
Do you think it’s true that
给他找了个性工作者的事是真的吗
his dad got him a sex worker for his 14th birthday?
谁能编得出这么诡异的故事来呢
It’s too weird of a story to be made up.
细节太具体了
There’s so many specifics.
他扭了脚 她配了助听器
He sprained his ankle, she had a hearing aid.
妹子们好啊
What up, chicas?
简直不能忍♥
It’s intolerable.
你们饿了么
You guys… you guys hungry?
我买♥♥了汤包
I got… I got some soup dumps.
小声点
Keep it down out there!
可能有点泡软了 但凉的也很好吃
They’re probably soggy now, but they’re great cold!
-老天爷 -没关系
– Good Lord. – S’all right.
我去你那间奇怪的卫生间小便去
I’m going to pee in your weird bathroom.
看着我的东西
Watch my stuff.
除非上厕所不用关门了 不然谁也没办法
Until all of us can pee without genitals, none of us can.
这帮熊孩子
These motherfuckers.
全性别寻欢洞
你 丑
拥抱我
冲洗我
杀死我
（恶搞U2歌♥名）
你丑什么
“Your ugly” what?
你们小学是怎么毕业的
How did you graduate sixth grade?
真是想不通
It’s shocking to me.
那我选择
So, okay, so, I would.
是
Fuck Marry Kill：在选定的三种对象中分别选择是结婚，上♥床♥或是杀死的游戏
-娶充气娃娃 -好吧
– Marry the sex doll, okay? – Right.
上了足球
Fuck the soccer ball.
然后 杀了莫利
And then, kill Molly.
不是吧 老兄
Dude, no!
没别的办法
There’s no other way, dude.
我总不能上她 因为
Like, I can’t fuck her, you know, ’cause…
我一害怕 我就硬不起来
when I’m scared, my dick can’t get hard.
我也不能娶她 因为
And then, like, I can’t marry her, ’cause, well,
我不相信婚姻
I don’t believe in the institution.
所以我必须杀了莫利
So I have to kill Molly.
我知道这会让我后悔一辈子
And I know it’ll haunt me.
我是个爱好和平的人
I’m a peaceful person.
这倒不假
That’s very true.
等等 你们是在说莫利·戴维逊吗
Wait, are you guys talking about Molly Davidson?
对 没错
Yeah. Yeah.
那个女孩太奇怪了
That girl is so weird.
举手投足好像四十岁的大妈
She always acts like she’s, like, 40.
我倒希望她四十岁了
I wish she was fuckin’ 40, man.
四十岁的女人有自知之明
Women in their forties know themselves.
她很可爱 这我承认
Oh, she’s cute, you know, yeah, I give her that,
但是她估计会让你一边干♥她♥
but she’d probably make you
一边考她SAT类比题
quiz her on her SAT analogies while you fuck her.
老兄 不是
Dude, no,
她下面估计夹了一堆学位证书
her vagina is probably stuffed with diplomas,
你愿意赌多少
how much do you wanna bet?
那下面就跟档案柜一样
That shit’s like a filing cabinet down there.
我对档案柜没意见
Well, I’ve got no problem with a filing cabinet.
我愿意和莫利·戴维逊深情地水乳♥交♥融
I would make passionate sex to Molly Davidson.
真的假的
Really?
把她讨人厌的个性拿袋子蒙住就好了
Yeah, I’d just put a bag over her personality.
对 就这么干
Yeah. That’s it.
莫利的性格和她的长相差不多
Molly’s like a butterface for personality,
都是一副谄媚的样子
a butter personality.
没错
Yeah!
-太糟糕了 -是啊
– It’s so bad. – Yeah.
-说的好 -怎么了
– That’s cool, man. – What?
糟糕
Shit.
继续 别为了我停下来
Oh, please, do not stop on my account.
你猜怎么着 我下面是塞满了文凭
Do you know what? My vag is stuffed with diplomas.
不久之后还会塞满工作邀约
Soon it’s gonna be stuffed with job offers,
还有亮眼的履历 以及州长的表彰
and glowing profiles, and commendations from the governor.
你们都在用心研究自♥慰♥的时候
So, while you guys were all studying AP hand jobs,
我在学业上力争上游
I was kicking ass and busting curves.
而且我明年在耶鲁也会继续这么做
And I’m gonna continue to do that at Yale next year.
所以
So…
我对我的选择无怨无悔
I like my choices,
不管你们明年身在何处 希望你们也是这样
and wherever you three are next year, I hope you do, too.
我也去耶鲁
I’m going to Yale, too.
什么
What?
SAT满分1600
我虽然手上活儿好 但SAT也有1560分
I’m incredible at hand jobs, but I also got a 1560 on the SATs.
胡说 你才没有
No, you didn’t.
我还被提前录取了
I got in early.
-耶鲁吗 -没错
– To Yale? – Uh-huh.
对了 坦纳 你去哪上学
Oh, um, Tanner, where are you going to school?
我去斯坦福踢足球
Uh, I’m… I’m playing soccer at Stanford.
斯坦福大学 你们在说些什么 那
Stanford University? What are you guys talking about? That’s–
-对 就是斯坦福 -没错 斯坦福大学
– No, yes, Stanford. – Mm-hm. Stanford University.
我不去上大学
Hey, I’m not going to college.
我被谷歌♥招去敲代码
I got recruited to go code for Google.
虽说比不过苹果
I mean, it’s not Apple,
但是福利相当不错
but the bennies are pretty tight, man,
五六十万的工资 所以我挺满意
and it’s mid six-figures, so I’m not complainin’.
-真不愧是我哥们 -真为你骄傲
– That’s my boy. – So proud of you.
了不起
Amazing.
你七年级留级了两次
You failed the seventh grade twice.
三振才出局
Rule of threes.
你们是认真的吗
You guys are serious?
我明年就假装不认识你了
Hey, um, I’m gonna pretend like I don’t know you next year.
别见怪
No offense.
这 这不可能
This… this isn’t possible.
你们根本就不在乎学业
You guys don’t even care about school.
不是
No.
我们是不只在乎学业
We just don’t only care about school.
我收拾完了
Well, I’m… I’m done.
你先走 你先走
After After you. After you, man.
那好
Okay.
不好意思 借过
Sorry, excuse me.
你比任何曾经怀疑过你的人都更努力
You’ve worked harder than everyone who’s ever doubted you.
你更努力
You’ve worked harder.
怀疑过你的人
…doubted you.
你还好吗
You okay?
尼克 你明年去哪上学
Nick, where are you going to school next year?
-我以为我们不说话的呢 -告诉我
– I thought we weren’t supposed to talk. – Just tell me!
乔治城大学 无语了
Georgetown. Jesus.
霍普 你明年去哪上学
Hope, where are you going next year?
别过来 我才没兴趣
No, I couldn’t be less interested
跟着你发疯
in, like, whatever this is.
吉吉 你♥他♥妈♥明年去哪上学
Gigi, where the fuck are you going to school next year?
别看不起我 这是我的第五志愿
Don’t judge me, it was my fifth choice.
哈佛
Harvard.
高四万岁
Seniors rule!
太操蛋了
This is fucked!
好吧
Okay.
看来这样帮不了你
This is obviously not helping.
我们做出取舍
We chose.