爆炸新闻

虽然这些蠢货有手♥机♥
These jackasses have cellphones.
你可是拥有一个电视节目
You have a fucking TV show!
我们必须反对物化女性
We have to fight the objectification of women.
屁话
Oh, bullshit.
多听 少说
Listen, mouth shut, ears open.
没人愿意看一个中年妇女
Nobody wants to watch a middle-aged woman
-在更年期满头大汗 -什么
– sweat her way through menopause. – What?
在全国电视节目上更是没门
Not on national fucking television!
谢谢你的建议
Thank you for the advice.
物化
Objectification.
好了
All right.
格雷琴 我真的很感激…
Gretchen, I really appreciate…
闭嘴
Shut up.
祝你好运
Good luck.
上上上
Go, go, go!
好球 亲爱的
Good one, honey.
这都乱套了
It’s a zoo here.
电♥话♥响个不停
The phone’s ringing off the hook.
有人在乎他说我是浪荡♥女♥吗
Anyone care he called me a bimbo?
那倒没有
Not really.
-他把《GQ》杂♥志♥的照片发推特上了 -看见了
– He tweeted the GQ photo. – I saw.
-怎么样 -心情复杂
– And? – Torn.
天啊 我也想被荡♥妇♥羞辱
God, I’d love to be slut-shamed.
吉尔想再问问我们要不要发表声明
Gil wants to ask again if we should make a statement.
不 不作回应 零回应
No. No response. Zero.
道格输了 挂了
Doug just lost. I gotta go.
下次再赢 亲爱的
Next time, honey.
真棒
Nice.
-打得不错 -特朗普 2016
– Good game. – Trump, ’16.
不好意思
Excuse me.
你要是再跟我老婆说话
You talk to my wife again,
我就把你打成肉酱
I will beat you to a fucking pulp.
真奇怪
That was weird.
我要好好报答你
You’re getting some action.
是吗
Oh, really?
真是的
Oh, man.
坏蛋
Asshole.
你不用担心特朗普
You don’t have to worry about Trump.
你比那帮家伙厉害多了
You’re tougher than all those guys, okay?
你就小心点那些疯子就行
You just gotta worry about the crazies.
几个疯子我还应付得来
I can handle a few crazies.
-我知道 -妈妈
– I know. -Mommy.
特朗普只要觉得自己吵赢了就会罢休
Trump will stop once he feels he’s won the argument.
我觉得相比较
I feel like he’s less interested
吵赢辩论
in winning the argument
特朗普更感兴趣的是和你在公共场合辩论
than just having the argument with you in public
以证明自己能跟建制派相抗衡
to prove he can take on the establishment.
我才不是建制派
I’m not the establishment.
亲爱的 现实点 你现在就是建制派
Honey, get real. You are the establishment now.
-妈妈 -等一会
– Mommy! – Not yet!
你明白我得置身于性别之上吧
You do understand I have to be above this, right?
我首先是新闻主播 然后才是女人
I have to be an anchor first, then a woman.
你知道全国
You know the entire country
现在都在谈论你的月经吧
is talking about your period right now?
-妈妈 -怎么了
– Mommy! – What?
-这里有个人 -什么
– There’s a man. – What?
-雅德莉 -看 他就在那里
– Yardley! – Look. He’s right there.
-雅德莉 他在哪 -看 就在那里
– Yardley, where is he? – Look. There he is.
老天 他拿着相机
Oh, Jesus. He’s got a fucking camera!
过来 宝贝
Come here, honey.
不不不 不要开门
No, no, no! Don’t open the door.
我们在家里面照片就不能卖♥♥
They can’t sell them if we’re inside.
滚出去 走开 快滚
Get out. Get out of here! Go!
你没事吧
Are you okay?
你们刚刚在做什么
What were you guys doing?
爸爸和妈妈吗
Mommy and Daddy?
在玩填字游戏…
It was a crossword…
妈妈睡了一小觉
Mommy was just taking a quick little nap.
-就睡了短暂的一会 -也没那么短
– Quick one. – It wasn’t that quick.
我得打给罗杰谈一下安保问题
I’m gonna have to call Roger about security.
很明显 “骚乱凯莉”已经黑化了
It’s as clear as a bell that Mayhem Kelly has gone over to the dark side.
她越是出♥卖♥♥♥自己
The more she sells out,
鼻孔就变得越大
the wider her nostrils have become.
记住我刚说的话
Listen to what I’ve just said to you.
看到她鼻孔张开了吗
Have you seen them flare?
他到了
He’s here.
这个女人曾经很漂亮
This woman was once pretty,
她越是出♥卖♥♥♥自己
and the more she has sold out,
鼻孔就变得越大
the wider her nostrils have become.
都快变成猪鼻子了
They’re almost porcine.
她哼哧哼哧地辱骂美国…
She snorts her insults at America…
罗杰
Roger!
如我所说 如今已经不是《道林·格雷的画像》
and, as I say, it’s now the portrait of Dorian Kelly,
而是《道林·凯莉的画像》
not the portrait of Dorian Gray.
给我一天时间想想怎么反击特朗普
Give me a day to figure out how we hit Trump back.
晚点再来
Stop by later.
我不想我的孩子听到这胡话
I don’t want my kids hearing this crap.
别理这些该死的蠢货
Ignore the damn morons.
我是个肥胖的丑老头子
I’m old, fat, and ugly.
老天 他们叫我赫特人贾巴
Christ, they call me Jabba the Hutt.
血友病让我关节肿胀 无法锻炼
Hemophilia swells my joints. Can’t exercise.
我感觉还好 就是样子太糟糕
I feel fine, but I look like shit.
我的外形完全背离了我的感受
I look the opposite of how I feel.
我会被这个影响到吗 不 不会
Do I let it affect me? No, I do not.
这并不全是事实
This isn’t entirely true.
罗杰肥胖
Roger is also fat
还因为他叫客房♥服务会直接点菜单整页
because he’ll get a room-service menu and order page two.
福克斯不准有该死的橙色
No goddamn orange on Fox!
-但他很在乎形象 -该死的蠢蛋
– But he cares a lot about looks. – Fucking idiots.
现在来看看韩国的情况
Let’s turn our attention to South Korea.
韩国官员称
South Korean officials say
与朝鲜的会谈延迟到明天
talks with the north have adjourned until tomorrow…
很早他就意识到 电视台要二十四小时不间断
Early on, he realized for a network to stay on 24 hours a day,
就得有能留住观众的东西
you need something to hold an audience.
赛斯·乔伊将和我一起谈论朝鲜半岛的问题
Joining me to discuss the Korean peninsula is Seth Choy…
那就是美♥腿♥
That something is legs.
透明的桌子是有存在原因的
There’s a reason for clear desks.
你的裙子还要再短点
We need you in a shorter dress.
但你知道他们会…
But you know that they’re gonna take…
全景镜头 再拉远点
Wide shot! Wider!
转到全景镜头
Go to the wide shot!
我要看到她的腿
I want to see her goddamn legs.
不然我为什么要雇她
Why the fuck do you think I hired her?
但种族运动人士会认为
But this might be seen by racial activists
这纯粹是种族问题
purely through the racial prism.
站起来转一圈我看看
Stand up and give me a spin.
-说真的吗 -没错 这是视觉媒体
– Really? – Yeah, it’s a visual medium.
不错 挺好 坐下吧
Yeah. That’s good. Sit down.
我支持修建隔离墙 真的
I support the wall. I do.
但至于大规模驱逐出境 还是算了吧
But mass deportations, come on.
永远行不通的 因为第十四条修正案
That’ll never work because of the 14th Amendment.
想让我引述出来吗
You want me to quote it?
“生在美国
“If you were born in America,
就是美国人 没有争议”
“You’re an American, period. Period.”
找个符合受众的西班牙裔女人来谈移♥民♥
Get me a demographically friendly Hispanic woman on immigration.
但是她必须特别符合受众
But she needs to be very demographically friendly.
好了 新人上 凯拉
Okay. New girl’s up. Kayla.
你好 先生
Hi, sir.
我今早听了拉什·林堡的节目
So, I was listening to Rush Limbaugh this morning.
他对安东尼·韦纳的评价挺棒的
He said something kind of cool about Anthony Weiner.