蓝（1993）

蹒跚着走进浴室
If I become so tired, maybe I’ll sleep.
要是我累极了 也许就能睡了
Films chase through my mind.
心中涌出些许活生生的影像
Once in a while I dream a dream
as magnificent as the Taj Mahal.
偶尔我会做一个泰姬陵那样恢宏的梦
I cross southern India
with a young spirit guide
一个年轻的幽灵引导着我跨越南印度
India the land of my dreaming childhood.
印度是我年幼时就向往的地方
The souvenirs in Moselle’s
peach and grey living room.
摩泽尔桃灰色起居室里有印度的纪念品
[Derek的外婆摩泽尔（Moselle）和母亲Elizabeth Evelyn Jarman（娘家姓Puttock，又称Betts）皆出生于印度加尔各达。]
Granny called Moselle,
摩泽尔是外婆的名字
called ‘Girly’,
大家叫她
called May.
少女小梅
An orphan who lost her name,
which was Ruben.
她曾是个孤儿 名唤“鲁本”
Jade monkeys, ivory miniatures,
mah-jongg.
纪念品有：玉猴子 象牙雕 麻将
The winds and bamboos of China.
小乐器 还有瓷做的竹子
All the old taboos
所有那些古老的禁忌和规矩
of Blood lines and blood banks
关乎血统和族系
Blue blood and bad blood
高贵的血和卑贱的血
Our blood and your blood
我们的血和你们的血
I sit here you sit there
我必须坐这儿 你得坐那儿
As I slept
我睡觉的时候
a jet slammed into a tower block.
一架喷气机撞了大楼
The jet was almost empty
飞机上空无一人
but two hundred people were fried in their sleep.
但是却有两百人在睡梦中被烧死了
The earth is dying and we do not notice it.
地球正在死去 而我们毫无察觉
A young man frail as Belsen
一个青年在走廊上缓缓行走
Walks slowly down the corridor
他瘦弱得如同刚从贝尔森集中营出来
His pale green hospital pyjamas
Hanging off him
旧病号♥服跟捆在身上似的
It’s very quiet
万籁俱寂
Just the distant coughing
唯余远处传来的咳嗽声
My jugsy eye blots out the young man
我快瞎了的眼还没看清这位青年
who has walked past my field of vision
他就走出了我的视野
This illness knocks you for six
这病会不时地击垮你
Just as you start to forget it
每回你刚要忘记它
A bullet in the back of my head
它就像子弹突然从脑后射进来
Might be easier
威力更大
You know,
你知道么？
you can take longer
than the second world war to get to the grave.
你要等待比二战还长的时间才能最终进入坟墓
Ages and Aeons quit the room
衰老和永生离开这个房♥间
Exploding into timelessness
升华成永恒
No entrances or exits now
现在这里既没有入口也没有出口
No need for obituaries or final judgements
用不着讣告或什么结论
We knew that time would end
我们知道时候到了
After tomorrow at sunrise
就在明天日出之后
We scrubbed the floors
And did the washing up
悠闲地擦擦地板 洗洗餐具就好
It would not catch us unawares
死神不会让我们措手不及的
The white flashes you are experiencing
in your eyes
are common when the retina is damaged.
当视网膜被破坏时 你的眼睛会经常感到有白色闪光
The damaged retina has started to peel away
坏死的视网膜开始脱落
leaving innumerable black floaters,
留下数不清的黑色漂浮物
like a flock of starlings swirling around in the twilight.
像一群盘旋于黄昏中的椋鸟
I am back at St Mary’s
我回到圣玛丽医院
to have my eyes looked at by the specialist.
让专家再看看我的眼
The place is the same, but there is new staff.
却是青山依旧在 物是人已非
How relieved I am not to have
the operation this morning
真幸运 今早我不用做手术
to have a tap put into my chest.
那个从我的胸腔往外抽液的手术
I must try and cheer up H.B.
我得让H.B.高兴一点儿
as he has had a hell of a fortnight.
他已经过了半个月地狱般的日子
In the waiting room a little grey man
over the way is fretting
候诊室里的小老头儿很烦躁
as he has to get to Sussex.
因为他刚去过苏塞克斯
He says, “I am going blind,
I cannot read any longer”.
他说：“我快全瞎了，我再也不能看书了。”
A little later he picks up a newspaper,
过不一会儿 他拿起张报纸
struggles with it for a moment
撕扯一阵子
and throws it back on the table.
再把它扔回到桌子上
My stinging eye-drops
have stopped me reading,
眼药水的刺♥激♥让眼睛没法看书
so I write this in a haze of belladonna.
所以我只能在颠茄的阴霾中写下这个
The little grey man’s face has fallen
into tragedy.
小老头儿一脸不幸的苦相
He looks like Jean Cocteau
without the poet’s refined arrogance.
他长得活像让·科克托 却没有这个诗人的优雅和傲慢
[注：让·科克托（188♥9♥-♥1963），使用多种艺术媒体进行创作的法国作家和电影制♥作♥人。]
The room is full of men and women
这个房♥间塞满了男人和女人
squinting into the dark
乜斜眼注视着黑暗
in different states of illness.
他们的病各自不同
Some barely able to walk,
有些几乎走不了路
distress and anger on every face
忧伤和愤怒写满了他们的脸
and then a terrible resignation.
逐渐转变成最可怕的放弃
Jean Cocteau takes off his glasses,
“让·科克托”摘下他的眼镜
he looks about him with an undescribable
meanness.
用难以形容的猥琐目光到处张望
He has black slip-on shoes, blue socks,
grey trousers,
他穿着黑便鞋、蓝袜子、灰裤子
a Fairisle sweater and a herringbone jacket.
一件干净卫衣 还有人字纹的夹克
The posters that plaster the walls above him
他头上方的墙上贴着张海报
have endless question marks,
画满问号♥
HIV/AIDS?, AIDS?, HIV?
艾滋病毒/艾滋病？艾滋病人？艾滋病毒？
ARE YOU AFFECTED BY HIV/AIDS?
AIDS?, ARC?, HIV?
你感染艾滋了吗？艾滋病？综合症？艾滋感染？
This is a hard wait.
这是艰难的等待
The shattering bright light
of the eye specialist’s camera
眼医镜头中射出来的光
leaves that empty sky blue after-image.
产生天蓝色的视觉残留
Did I really see green the first time?
起初我真的看见过绿色么？
The after-image dissolves in a second.
残留的影像马上消失了
As the photographs progress,
拍摄的时候
colours change to pink
颜色变得粉红
and the light turns to orange.
灯光变成橙色
The process is a torture,
这过程是种折磨
but the result, stable eyesight,
不过结果——稳定的视力
worth the price and the twelve pills
I have to take a day.
也值每天不得不吃12粒药的代价了
Sometimes looking at them I fell nauseous
有时一看见它们我就恶心
and want to skip them.
想干脆不吃算了
It must be my association with H.B.,
这让我想起H.B.
lover of the computer and king of the keyboard
他是电脑的情人 键盘的主子
[那个时候就有网虫了啊~]
that brought my luck on the computer
这次的药物试验 他从电脑上给我报了名
which chose my name
for this drug trial.
最后被选中 是他给我带来的好运
I nearly forgot as I left St Mary’s
我离开圣玛丽医院时
I smiled at Jean Cocteau.
差点忘了向“让·科克托”笑一下
He gave a sweet smile back.
他还给我个甜蜜的微笑
I caught myself looking at shoes
in a shop window.
在一家鞋店的橱窗前 我停下脚步
I thought of going in and buying a pair,
寻思是不是要进去买♥♥一双
but stopped myself.
最终没进去
The shoes I am wearing at the moment
现在脚上穿着的这双
should be sufficient to walk me out of life.
已经足以陪我走完人生剩下的路
Pearl fishers In azure seas
采珠人遨游在蓝色的大海
Deep waters
Washing the isle of the dead
深深的海水冲蚀着死亡之岛
In coral harbours amphora spill gold
Across the still seabed
在珊瑚礁岸边 寂静的海底 双耳罐里散落出金币
We lie there
我们躺在那里
Fanned by the billowing
Sails of forgotten ships
巨浪拍打着被遗忘的船的帆
Tossed by the mournful winds
Of the deep
它在哀号♥的风中飘摇
Lost Boys
Sleep forever
迷路的男孩 永远沉睡
In a dear embrace
Salt lips touching
在温暖深情的怀抱里 咸咸的嘴唇轻轻相吻
In submarine gardens
海底花♥园♥中
Cool marble fingers
Touch an antique smile
大理石冰凉的手指 触摸到一个古老的微笑