蓝（1993）

Kiss me
亲亲我
Kiss me again
and again
再一次 再多一次
Kiss me again
再吻我一次吧
Kiss me
亲亲我
Kiss me again and again
再一次 再多一次
Never enough
永不满足
Greedy lips
贪婪的唇
Speedwell eyes
婆婆纳似的蓝眼睛
[注：婆婆纳，一年生或越年生草本，玄参科植物。花瓣外圈蓝色、中心白色，形似眼睛。]
Blue skies
蔚蓝的天空
A man sits in his wheelchair,
his hair awry,
一个男人坐在轮椅里 头发蜷曲
munching through a packet
of dried biscuits,
大声嚼着块压缩饼干
slow and deliberate as a praying mantis.
动作轻缓得像只螳螂
He speaks enthusiastically
他时而热情时而语无伦次地
but sometimes incoherently
of the hospice.
讲述着收♥容♥所♥的事情
He says, “You can’t be too careful
who you mix with there,
他说：“在那儿，你不能过于在意跟谁混。
there’s no way of telling the visitors,
patients or staff apart.
那里根本没办法分辨出谁是探视的、谁是病人、谁又是工作人员。
The staff have nothing to identify them
工作人员也没任何身份证明，
except they are all into leather.
除了一点——他们都穿皮衣。
The place is like an S&M club”.
这地方就像个SM俱乐部。”
This hospice has been built by charity,
收♥容♥所♥是慈善机构建的
the names of the donors displayed for all to see.
捐助者的名字向所有人公示
Charity has allowed the uncaring
慈善团体让那些不被注意的东西
to appear to care
展露出来并引起关注
and is terrible for those dependent on it.
这对依赖它的人来说真是糟透了
Charity’s big business.
那可是慈善机构的大买♥♥卖♥♥
We go along with this,
我们只能随声附和
so the rich and powerful who fucked us over once
于是有钱有权的家伙一次又一次
fuck us over again
利用我们 欺骗我们
and get it both ways.
左右逢源
We have always been mistreated,
我们总是被欺侮的
so if anyone gives us the slightest sympathy
所以如果哪个人给了我们哪怕一丁点儿同情
we overreact with our thanks.
我们也会涌泉相报
I am a mannish
我是个爷们儿
Muff diving
爱舔屁屁
Size queen
他有大鸡鸡
With bad attitude
恶劣又无趣
An arse licking Psychofag
喜欢舔屁屁
Molesting the flies of privacy
调戏小鸡鸡
Balling lesbian boys
玩弄小男孩
A perverted heterodemon
一个不正常的异性恋
Crossing
抱持着
purpose with death
必死的信念
I am a cock sucking
我是下♥贱♥的
straight acting Lesbian man
假扮成异性恋的男同性恋
He is a cock sucking
他是个下♥贱♥的
straight acting Lesbian man
装扮成异性恋的男同性恋
With ball crushing bad manners
还有坏习惯
Laddish nymphomaniac politics
以及奇怪的政♥治♥立场
With ball crushing bad manners
还有坏习惯
Laddish nymphomaniac politics
以及奇怪的政♥治♥立场
Spunky sexist desires
Of incestuous inversion and incorrect terminology
我性别倒错 浑身暴走着对男人的渴望
I am a Not Gay
我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy
他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay
我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy
他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay
我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy
他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay
我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy
他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay
我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy
他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay
我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy
他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay
我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy
他不是个直男
I am a Not Gay
我不是同性恋
He is a Not Guy
他不是个直男
He is a Not Guy
他不是个直男
I am a cock sucking straight acting Lesbian man
我是个下♥贱♥的装扮成异性恋的男同性恋
I am a Not Gay
我不是同性恋
H.B. is in the kitchen
Greasing his hair
H.B.在厨房♥里往头上抹油
He guards the space
Against me
他不准我进去
He calls it his office
他把这里称为他的办公室
At nine we leave for the hospital
9点到了 我们前往医院
H.B. comes back from the eye dept
H.B.从眼科出来
Where all my notes are muddled
我的记录糟糕透了
He says It’s like Romania in there
他说那看上去就像罗马尼亚
Two light bulbs grimly illuminate
The flaking walls
两只灯泡冷冰冰地映照着薄木墙
There is a box of dolls in a corner
Indescribably grim
墙角有箱娃娃 难以名状地阴冷
The doctor says:
医生说：
“Well of course
the kids don’t see them”
“当然孩子们看不到这些，
”There are no resources
To brighten the place up”.
没有什么能使这里变得敞亮。”
My eyes sting from the drops
眼药水刺痛我的眼睛
The infection has halted
感染停止恶化
The flash leaves
强光移开后
Scarlet after images
Of the blood vessels in my eye
鲜红血管的残影
Of the blood vessels in my eye
映在我眼中
Blue
蓝色
Teeth chattering February
冷到牙打颤的二月
Cold as death
Pushes at the bedsheets
严寒像死亡一样掠过我们的床
An aching cold
Interminable as marble
令人疼痛的寒冷 大理石花纹般绵长
My mind
我的思想
Frosted with drugs ices up
被药物的寒冰覆盖
A drift of empty snowflakes
雪花飘
Whiting out memory
掏空了回忆
A blinkered twister circling in spirals
喝醉了的惹是生非的意识,犹如一股明灭不定的龙♥卷♥风♥
环绕着盘旋上升
Shall I? Will I?
我可以知道吗？我会知道吗？
Doodling death watch
那死神在本子上写下的命运书简——
Mind how you go
关于“你将怎样离开这个世界”
Oral DHPG
口服的DHPG
is consumed by the liver,
被肝脏吸收
so they have tweaked a molecule
to fool the system.
这样他们就能改变分子 欺骗身体
What risk is there?
那么有什么风险呢？
If I had to live forty years blind,
如果我不得不在失明中度过40年
I might think twice.
我也许会重新考虑一下
Treat my illness like the dodgems:
治这病就像玩碰碰车：
music, bright lights, bumps
音乐 强光 碰撞
and throw yourself into life again.
然后再一次把你投回现实生活里
The pills are the most difficult,
吃药是件苦差事
some taste bitter, others are too large.
药片有的太苦 有的太大
I’m taking about thirty a day,
每天我得吃大约30粒
a walking chemical laboratory.
简直像个会走路的化学实验室
I gag on them as I swallow them
我把它们塞进嘴里咽下去
and they come up half dissolved
in the coughing and the spluttering.
有一半在咳嗽声中就已溶化
My skins sits on me like the shirt of Nessus.
我的皮肤就像内萨斯的衬衣
[注：内萨斯，希腊神话中半人半马的怪物。]
My face irritates,
我的脸针♥刺♥一般
as do my back and legs at night.
在夜里 我的背和腿也这样疼
I toss and turn, scratching, unable to sleep.
我辗转反侧 又抓又挠 难以入睡
I get up, turn on the light.
索性爬起来拉开灯
Stagger to the bathroom.