单亲度假村

好吧 那我把它给回它主人吧
All right, I’ll give this back to whoever it belongs to.
劳伦雷诺兹 你认识她吗
Lauren Reynolds? You know her?
你见过她吗
Have you met her?
哦 我的天 我不知道我最近怎么了
God! I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately,
我觉得脑子越来越不好使
I feel like I’m losing my mind
进来吧
Just come in
等等 你怎么知道我住在哪里
So wait, how do you know where I live?
我谷歌♥你 然后 衣柜皇后 出现了
I googled you and the “Closet Queens” came up
你是同性恋吗
You are a lesbian?
不是
No
我们整理衣柜 而且我们最厉害 所以我们是皇后
We organize closets and we’re the best, so we’re queens
衣柜皇后
“Closet Queens”
也许是照片混淆了我
Maybe the picture was confusing me
什么照片
What picture?
那些滑头
Those little weasels
你的女朋友知道我们曾经约会过吗
Your girlfriend , does she know we went out on a date?
她会杀了我吗 她看起来像个疯子
Is she gonna kill me? She looks nuts
劳伦
Lauren
-她在这 -我需要和你谈谈
-Here she is -I have to talk to you
我从来没碰过她 她拒绝了我
I never touched her, she repulses me
-什么 -什么
-What? -What?
珍 怎么啦
Jen, what’s wrong?
我和迪克分手了
It’s over between me and Dick
-分手了 -我以为你不喜欢男人
Over? -I thought you don’t like Dick
但你们刚开始用爱字
But you guys just started using the “L” Word
爱字 我明白了 你们是我猜的那个吗
the “L” Word? I saw that, So you guys on that one I’m guessing?
不好意思 你是谁 你是来修东西的吗
Sorry, who are you? Are you here to fix something?
你最好赶快去修
Because you should probably go and do that
我是吉姆 我不会对你造成威胁的
I’m Jim, I’m not a threat
-吉姆 -相亲的那个家伙
-Jim? -The Blind Date Guy
-你说那是场灾难 -确实是
-You said that was a disaster -It was
-你说他是个失败的胖子
You said he was a chubby loser
他是
He is
你没提过他的声音
You didn’t mention he has
像喝了很多奶制品那样沙哑
tha high phelgmy voice like he drinks a lot of dairy
我知道
I know
女士们 我就站在这里 我什么都听得到
Standing right here ladies, hearing everything
好了 我们的信♥用♥卡♥被调换了
Alright! Our cards got switched
-所以我们在处理这事 -迪克怎么啦
-So we’re just dealing with that -What happened with Dick?
他扔了个大炸♥弹♥给我
He just dropped a mature bomb on me
他已经结婚了
He’s married
不 更糟糕
No , worse
他有孩子了
He’s got kids
噢 你还在这里 为什么
Oh, you still here, why?
你还是拿着我的信♥用♥卡♥ 为什么
You still have my card, Why?
等一下 你打算
Wait, you’re just going
和他分手就是因为他有孩子
to break up with him because he has children?
5个孩子 5个
Five children, five
我是谁 朱莉安德鲁斯吗
What am I , Julie Andrews?
我要缝出一样的服装
I’m gonna sew matching outfits
和唱歌♥来逃避纳粹吗
and sing to escape the Nazis?
他问我想不想成为其中一员
He asked me if I wanted to be part of the team
不 我不想
No I don’t
也许你应该
Oh maybe you should just go on that
去那趟旅行 和迪克单独呆在一起
trip and you know, spend some alone time with Dick
不 他希望孩子们也一起去
No, he wanted the kids to come with us
他想让我在 有趣和中立的环境 下了解孩子们
He wanted me to get to know them on “Fun and neutral environment”
五个孩子 难道他姓西奥多波里斯吗
Five kids, is his last name is Theodopolis?
是的
Yes
难以置信 他是我老板
That’s incredible, that’s my boss
他是所有迪克商店的老板 我管理里奇菲尔德的店
He owns all the Dick’s sporting goods. I manage the Richfield
当然了
Of course you do
迪克雇佣很多有特殊需要的人
Dick takes a lot of special
让他们去做 经理
needs people and makes them “Managers” Of something
这样他们就有名片了 让他们自我感觉很重要
So they can have a business card and feel important
真替你高兴
Good for you!
那解释了 解释了很多东西
That explains it. That explains a lot
事实上我在衣柜皇后那申请了工作
Actually I applied to work at Closet Queens but
但他们说已经有一只猩猩填补了空缺
They said there is already a gorilla filling that position
这是甲状腺问题
It’s a thyroid thing
他准备带你去哪
Where was he going to take you?
非洲
Africa
本来会是很美好的 看看这
It was gonna be incredible, look at that
沙滩 沙滩 游猎
Sun, sand, safaris
我的天
Omg
他一定很喜欢你
He must really like you a lot
对不起 我完全不明白
Sorry, I’m not getting it at all
行了 我们的事已经解决了
Ok, and this concludes our business
谢谢
Thank you , Africa
所以现在他准备自己带着全部孩子去那吗
So he’s just gonna go there all by himself with the kids ?
不
No
他现在心都碎了 没人会去
He’s heartbroken now . Nobody gets to go
噢 该死的
Oh , damn it!
他为什么要共同抚养权
Why does he have to have joint custody? ,
我以为都是妈妈得到孩子的抚养权
I thought the mother always got the kids
我是说 还有一个星期 我希望他能拿回他的钱
I mean… this is a weekaway, I hope be gets his money back
一个星期
A week out?
没可能了
Not a chance
也许在非洲事情的运作方式会不一样
Well maybe they do things differently in Africa
我忘了你是衣柜专家和非洲退款政策专家
I forgot you’re an expert in closets and African refund policies
赶他出去
Kick him out
别让他这样对你说话
Don’t let him talk to you like that
滚出去
Get out
珍
Jen
如果能去一次这样的旅行 我的孩子会愿意付出一切
My boys would give anything to go on a vacation like this
西奥多波里斯先生 你好 我是吉姆 弗里德曼
Mr. Theodopolis, Hi! It’s Jim Freedman
我不想像秃鹫般
I don’t mean to be a vulture
在你感情的残骸里榨取好处
picking on the carecass of your dead relationship
但我想知道
But I wonder…
你愿不愿意把你的旅行卖♥♥给我
If you would be willing to sell me the vacation
你原本要和鬼王姐姐去的那个
you were gonna go on with Freddy Krueger’s sister?
我是说 我一直存钱一直存
I mean I’ve been saving and
但也没办法全价买♥♥下来
saving I could never give him full value for it
但拿回来一些总比没有要好 对吗 先生
But something is better than nothing, Right sir?
只有我们三个
It will just be the three of us
只有我们四个 所以我们只需要一间房♥
It will just be the four of us so we’d only need one room
我的天
Omg
等我告诉儿子们
Wait until I tell the boys
等我告诉女儿们
Oh, wait until I tell the girls
-我们要去非洲啦 -我们要去非洲啦
-We’re going to Africa! -We’re going to Africa!
我不敢相信我们竟然在这
I can not believe we’re here
妈妈 这太棒了
This is pretty cool, Mom
是啊
Yeah
所以我做得很好吗 比保龄球和逛商场好太多了吗
So I did good? This is better than , like bowling and the mall?
噢 是啊
Oh, yeah
非洲
Africa
非洲
Africa
太谢谢你了 谢谢 这太棒了 太好了
Thank you so much . Thank you . This is terrific. This is great.
-我了个 -布兰登
What the f… ? -Brendan!
我那个 在想他在这里干什么
What the , what is he doing here?
我们现在是家庭旅行了吗
We are going on family vacations together now?
我完全不知道他们为什么跟着我们来非洲
I have no idea why they followed us to Africa
哇哦 哇哦 哇哦 这是个噩梦么
Whoa , whoa whoa . Is this a sick dream?
现在什么情况
What is happening right now?
你在跟踪我妈妈
You are stalking my mom
-你就是个捕食者 -嘿
-You’re a predator -Hey
傻♥逼♥ 别这样和我爸爸说话
Do not talk to my dad like that, butthole
注意言辞
Language!
你别纠正我女儿
How about you don’t correct my daughter,
她想说傻♥逼♥就能说傻♥逼♥
she can say butthole if she wants to