单亲度假村

噢 我没有开玩笑
Yeah, I’m not kidding
这就是那个彬彬有礼的男士带我来的地方
Here is where this type Elegant brought me
是的 你没听错
Yes, you heard me
猫头鹰餐厅
Hooters!
这是我离婚后的第一次约会
This is the first date I’ve been on since I divorced.
然后他带我去了猫头鹰餐厅
And the guy brings me to a Hooters
泰勒在睡觉
Is Tyler asleep? ?
哦 是的
Oh, yeah!
他没有一直在睡觉
Not all the way.
他在干嘛
What is he doing?
T恤着火了
T-shirts on fire!
他为什么那么唱
Why is he singing that?
好了 灭了
All right, it’s all good. It’s out
什么
What’s out?
我要回家
I’m going home
那真是个好主意
Maybe that’s not actually a bad idea.
好了 计划是这样的
Ok, here’s the plan
你十分钟之后打给我
You are gonna call me in 10 minutes
让我来告诉那个傻蛋 我有急事
So I can tell this fool that I have an emergency
你现在可以给我冲凉了吗
Can you give me my bath now?
我还是五分钟后打给你吧
Make it five minutes
给你点了一份水牛城炸虾
Got you a Buffalo shrimps
酱汁在旁边 平时他们就是这样给我搭配的
With the sauce on the side, they’ll do that for me here
我不知道你想怎么吃
I don’t know how you take it so
你有没有意识到 你都没有直视我
You realize that you are not looking at my face now?
那上面有非常刺♥激♥的比赛 我不想错过
A very tight game up on there, I do not want to miss it
-嗨 金 -嘿 金
Hi Jim -Hello Jim
这里
Here
心形芝士棒
Cheese Sticks , in the shape of heart
我 班尼 蒂芙妮 布兰妮做的
From me, Bunny, Tiffany and Britney
谢谢你们 泡泡女孩
Thank you , Bubbles
你们真好
You’re very nice
玩得开心
Have fun
嘿 我倒是注意到了 你刚才直视那些女孩儿了
Hey I noticed you made eye contact with Bubbles
但是她们在看哪儿我就不知道了
But I’m not sure where her eyes were looking at
那么
So…
你靠整理衣橱维持生计
You organize closets for a living
是的
Yes
要找到不会自己整理
Is it hard to find people
衣橱的人难吗
who can not organize their own closets?
你们是怎么找到的
How does that work?
不是他们自己不会做
Well it’s not that they can not do it themselves
而是他们没有时间或者不能高效地整理
They just do not have time or they don’t do it efficiently
你是从整理手套格开始
Did you start with organizing glove compartments
然后一路向上 还是
And you walk your way up from there or…?
抱歉 我知道我做的不好
I’m sorry, I know this is not going well
我有20多年没有约会了
I have not been on a date in 20 years
我大四之后就没约会过
I have not been on a date since senior year
你在大学就结婚了
You married in college?
是的
Yes
我也是
Me too
-真的 -嗯
-Really? –yes
这难道不是世界上最奇怪的事吗
Is this not the weirdest feelings in the world right now?
和怪异科学中的怪艾尔一样
Like weird AL starring in weird science
是的 我喜欢这句话
Yes, I like that
你忽然想到的
You just came out with that?
是的
Yes
太好了
Very good
你知道吗 我想要吃一个水牛城炸虾
You know, I think I’ll have one of these Buffalo shrimps
蘸点酱
And I’ll have it with the sauce
太棒了
Excellent
太辣了
It’s hot
噢 我的天 谁做的酱这么辣
Oh my God, who made sauce hot?
你喝了我的酒
Did you drank my beer?
不 我觉得应该是你喝了
No, I think you did
泡泡女孩们 班尼 布兰妮 给我点水
Bubbles, Bunny, Britney can you get me some water?
喝点法国洋葱汤
Have some French onion soup
跟你说 我很好奇
You know, I’m curious
那么多可能的原因中
With so many possible reasons,
你妻子是因为哪一个离你而去
Which one is the one your wife leave you for?
癌症
Cancer
对不起
Sorry
我
I…
我很自然地设想你离婚了
Naturally just assumed you were divorced
没关系
It’s Ok
我很自然地设想你丈夫饮弹自尽 所以
I naturally assume that your husband shot himself so…
我们扯平了
We’re even
我得接个电♥话♥
I must take this
你好
Hello
冷静
Calm down!
有雪崩 在我们后院
An avalanche, in our backyard?
我马上回家
I’ll be home right away
抱歉 有急事
It’s an emergency, sorry
20元应该够付我的那半
20 dollars should cover my half
他用了你的借口 说有急事
He used the emergency excuse on you?
说的好像他是必须逃走的那一个
Like he is the one that had to escape
好像我才是那个很糟糕的人
Like I am horrible
好了 每个人都有失败的相亲 而这次是你
Well everyone has a bad blind date story and this loser was yours
谁安排的相亲
Who set you up?
泰勒班上的一个母亲
One of the mothers in Tyler’s class
每次我见到她
Every time I see her
她就讲她的朋友吉姆
she tells me about her “Friend Jim”
我说 我必须见见吉姆
Oh, I just have to “meet Jim”
她是个骗子和白♥痴♥
She is a liar and an idiot
你应该给她下药然后剃光她的头
You should roofie her and shave her head
迪克
Dick? ?
你好
Hello
我方便啊 在工作而已
I can talk, I’m just at work
这下好了
Great
我知道 我很疼的
I know, I’m so sore
我也爱你
I love you too
好的 待会打给你 再见
Ok, talk to you later, bye
你刚才是不是对迪克说 爱 字了
Did you just use the L word with Dick?
我们昨晚就说了
We said it last night
珍
Jen
太好了 你为什么不告诉我
That’s great, why did not you tell me?
你知道的 你终于去约会了
You know, you finally went on a date
那么糟
And it was so awful
我的意思是你会感觉更孤单
I don’t want to make you feel lonelier than you probably already feel
实际上我很好 我一点都不孤独
I’m fine actually, I’m not lonely
我生活中有两个好男人
I have two wonderful men in my life
布兰登和泰勒
Brendan and Tyler
布兰登需要女朋友 泰勒需要镇静剂
Brendan needs a girlfriend and Tyler needs withering
你在旁敲侧击要用滚床单和毒品
You’re suggesting sex and drugs
来挽救我孩子
are the remedy for my children’s behavior
我的天 这是我梦寐以求的裙子
Oh my God this is a dress I’ve been wanting for ever
什么
What?
不
No
谁有那么多钱
Who has that kind of money?
迪克
Dick
试一下 绝对的辣妈款
Try it on . This is totally a Milf dress
我们不试穿客户的衣服
We did not try on the clients’ clothes
这是我们的卖♥♥点之一
It is one of our selling points
当我们整理你的衣橱的时候绝不♥穿♥你的内衣
We won’t wear your underwear while we are organizing your closet
我只是说说而已
I’m just saying
继续工作
Back to work
我认为在这个衣橱下面
I think right at the bottom of this shelf
我们可以放鞋和储藏 珍
We can put shoes and store… Jen!
坎耶 来换宝宝的尿片
Kanye come and change the baby
诺斯尿湿了 我不想再带她去照相了
North is wet and I don’t want to drive her to camera again