微不足道（2006）

请让斯摩尔斯牧师听电♥话♥好吗？
May I speak to the Reverend Smalls, please?
牧师，你是否熟悉一个网站
H i, Revered. Are you by any chance familiar with a website
网址是幼齿妹妹.com
that goes by the name of TeenOrgies. Com?
或是巨蟒少年.com？
Or YoungAnd H ung. Com?
某人趁老婆不在就鼠标乱点
Someone who knows what the mouse plays when the wife’s away.
听着，神经病，我手头有
Llsten, up, slcko. I have In my hand
你最爱浏览的网址清单，你的信♥用♥卡♥号♥
a list of all your favorite sites, credit card number,
你所有的上网时间记录
dates and times of all your connections.
所以你少跟我啰嗦
So you’d better cut the crap.
我要什么？
What do I want?
10万美金
One hundred thousand dollars.
10万美金
One hundred thousand dollars.
20万美金？
Two hundred thousand?
什么？！
What?!
你听到我的话了，我要20万现金
You heard me. I want $200, 000, cash.
不答应，就等着瞧吧，牧师
Take it or leave it, Rev.
如果明晚我拿不到钱
If I don’t have my money by tomorrow evening,
下个月的《教会通讯》必定大放异彩
the church newsletter next month’s gonna be a doozy.
我会派人前来取钱
And I’ll be sending somebody.
好了，现在
Well, now,
我够格成为全面合伙人了，对吗？
I think that somebody deserves to be made full partner, don’t you?
等等
Walt I
我把握住机会，成功了
I took a chance and it worked.
现在我们每个人都能分到7万美金
Now we each get $ 70, 000.
实际是66666
It’s actually 66, 666
小数点后面还有无数个6
follow by an infinite number of sixes.
谢谢，雨人，好了听着，从现在开始
Thanks, Rain Man. Right, look, from now on, okay,
如果还有人他妈的突然变卦 就给我出局
anybody pulls any out-of-the-blue candy- ass stunt, she’s out.
要做合伙人，就拿出合伙人的样子来
If we’re partners, let’s start acting like it.
计划是这样的，明天晚上9点我去取钱
This is the plan. I go get the money at 9: 00 P. M. Tomorrow.
与此同时，查理去“搅局”吧
At exactly the same tlme, Charlle enters the Monkey Wrench
假装我们在去磨坊溪的路上时车没油了
and pretends that we ran out of gas on the road to Mlll Creek.
他会跟人说，我去加油站了
He also says that I’m on my way to the gas station,
那个全天候开放的加油站 别忘了说这句话
the one that opens 24/7. Don’t forget to say that.
晚上10点，我把钱藏进火车站的储物柜后
Ten P. M., after I’ve stashed the money In a locker
回来向大家讲述我在黑暗中的徒步经历
at the rallways statlon, I come back and I tell everybody about my walk.
就这样，万一有人问起 查理在酒吧，我则在加油站
That way, if it comes up, Oharlie was at the bar, I was at the gas station.
加油站的人会作证说从没见过你
The guy at the station will testify that he never saw you.
当然没见过，知道为什么吗？ 因为他是瞎子
Sure. You know why? ‘Oause he’s blind.
妙极了！
Pretty brill.
我们后天中午碰头
The followlng day we meet up at noon.
把钱分摊后各走各的路
We divvy up the money and we all go our respective ways.
好了，现在还有问题吗？
Okay, now, any questions?
是的，为什么不立刻把钱分了呢？
Yeah. Why don’t we just divvy up the money immediately?
规则二：要等一切风平浪静
Rule number two. Always let the dust settle after a job.
你一直在看《傻瓜学勒索》
You’ve been reading “Blackmailing for Dummies”
还是什么？
or something?
有问题吗？
Any questions?
很好，规则三
Great. Rule number three.
无论发生什么
No matter what happens,
永远按计划进行
always stick to the plan.
第二天
The next day
或许是我这辈子最漫长的一天
mlght’ve been the longest one I’d ever known.
我记忆中第一次
For the flrst tlme slnce I could remember
能带给家人安全和幸福
I’d be able to brlng securlty and happlness to my famlly.
不知道是因为恐惧还是兴奋
I couldn’t tell you If what I felt pumplng through my velns
我的脉搏跳动得厉害
was fear or excltement.
那么，主管先生，告诉我
So, M r. Supervlsor, talk to me.
你有秘书吗？
Do you have a secretary?
是的
Yep.
她漂亮吗？
Is she pretty?
漂亮？不，可以说她平淡无奇
Pretty? U m, no. She’s more nondescript.
她叫什么名字？
What’s her name?
莎朗
Sharon.
莎朗，姓什么呢？
Sharon. Sharon what?
斯通
U m, Stone.
莎朗·斯通？
Sharon Stone?
我知道
I know.
那么你今天过得怎么样？
So, how was your day?
非比寻常，最后
Phenomenal. And to top It off
联邦调查局还把“老眼”派来了
the F B I is sending in the eye.
什么？
The what?
这个人是超级王牌特工
The “who.” Bionic supersonlc Speclal Agent
联邦调查局的切斯特·海姆斯 绰号♥“老眼”
Ohester Hymes, F B I, aka “The Eye.”
这正合我意
Whlch Is just what I need
因为杀人狂魔的案子快失控了 没线索，没指纹，一无所获
with the U ndertaker case spinning out of control. No leads, no fingerprints.
老实说，为什么有人突然 摇身一变就成了罪犯
Honestly, why some folks suddenly have to go and turn Into crlmlnals
我实在想不通
is beyond me.
万一我这么做了呢？
What if I did?
你做什么？
What if you did what?
假如我变成罪犯
If I became a criminal.
比如，如果…我不知道
Like, if I, uh, I don’t know,
偷钱什么的？
stole some money or something?
我会逮捕你
I’d arrest you.
可这么说吧，假如我迫不得已
But, but let’s say, um, let’s say, I had to.
比如，我们别无选择
You know, like we had no other choice,
不得不偷东西
and I had to steal something, um,
因为…我是迫不得已的，那会怎么样？
because… because I had to. What, what then?
我会逮捕你
I’d arrest you.
为什么
Why?
因为好警♥察♥总能逮到她的男人
Because a good cop always gets her man.
我是认真的，佩妮，为什么…
I’m serious, Pen. Why should…
为什么艾米莉得玩二手玩具
Why should Emily have to put up with secondhand toys,
穿旧衣服，过穷日子呢？
secondhand clothes, secondhand life?
查理，你有自己的书
Oharlie, you, you have your book.
有我和艾米莉
You have me and Emily.
有了这些我们已经很富裕了
And that makes us rich.
嗨
H i.
多么疯狂的夜晚
Ohh, wooh, what a crazy night.
我的车没油了
My car ran out of gas.
你要来点什么吗？
Are you gonna order something?
当然，请给我啤酒
Sure. Beer, please.
你们这儿大量酿造的最好的…
One of your finest mass produced…
我朋友加斯
My friend, Gus, um…
你认识加斯, 加斯·狄金森
You know Gus. Gus Dickinson.
就在，就在呼叫中心上班
Works at the, works down at the call center.
斯摩尔斯牧师？
Reverend Smalls?
他这会儿就在那里
And that’s where he is now.
一路走向加油站
Walking down that road to the station.
斯摩尔斯牧…
Reverend Sma…
妈呀！
Alls.
那个加油站工作的老瞎子
The old blind guy who runs the station
一天24小时，一周7天开放
keeps it open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
老瞎子今晚正在庆祝他的80大寿
Old bllnd guy Is celebratlng hls 80th blrthday tonlght.
你到底是谁？
Who the hell are you?
我是来取钱的
U h, I’m the guy that’s here to collect the money.
把枪给我
Gimme your gun.
我没有枪
I don’t have one.
你来取钱，却不带武器？
You come to get money from me and you ain’t even packing?
代我向大胡子致敬
Glve my regards to the blg bearded guy.
你不是指圣诞老人吧？
You don’t mean Santa Olaus, do ya?
加斯！
Gus!
加斯！
Gus!
加斯？
Gus?
加斯！
Gus!
哦，我的…
Oh, my…
如果你是约瑟
If It’s you, Jose,
滚你的，别再打来了
fuck off and don’t call back.
其他人请留言
Everybody else, please leave a message.
乔茜，乔茜！快接电♥话♥
Josie. Josie! Pick up.