冒牌老爸

在你毁掉你俩的生活之前 把孩子送回去
Give that kid back before you ruin both your lives.
谢谢你的建议 爸爸
I appreciate that.
他住在垃圾堆里也比跟你住强
He’s better off living in a dumpster.
我会做个比你更好的父亲的
I’ll be a better father than you!
不可能 你只在乎你自己
Impossible! All you care about is yourself!
是吗? 不 我很在乎你 我不浪费你的电♥话♥费了
Yeah? No, I care about you saving money on this call!
我们去吃东西
Let’s eat.
搞不定Vanessa了
The Vanessa thing did not work out.
她精神失常了 并不是你的错 明白吗?
She lost her damn mind. That wasn’t your fault, though, okay?
我知道你刚过来的时候 以为能见到你♥爸♥爸
I know when you first got here, you thought you were gonna meet your dad.
但我认为现在不可能了
But I don’t think that’s gonna happen.
为什么?
Why?
不知道
I don’t know.
但是 兄弟 亲生爸爸并不一定很伟大
But, buddy, real dads aren’t always that great.
我有一个 但他疯了
I got one and he’s out of his mind.
他让我做这做那 却从来不让我为自己的生活做决定
He tells me what to do. He never lets me figure stuff out on my own.
很多爸爸都是这样的 这就是为什么很多人长大后就废了
A lot of dads are like that. That’s why people grow up nuts.
瞧这个家伙
Look at this guy.
他可能以前也像你这么乖 然后他老爸把他给毁了
He was probably a nice boy like you. Then his dad messed his mind up.
Jets队那场比赛谁赢了?
Who won the Jets game?
管他呢
Who cares?
算了吧 他以后控制不了你了
Let it go. He can’t control you anymore.
你什么意思?
What do you mean?
你明白的
You know.
对 你是个没用的家伙
You’re a loser.
你在生你♥爸♥的气 不是我 我原谅你
You’re mad at your dad, not at me! I forgive you!
对 是的 我恨我爸
I am. I am. I hate my father.
看见吗 我可不想那样 我不想控制你
I don’t want it to be like that. I don’t wanna control you.
你喜欢Julian这个名字吗?
You even like your name?
大概喜欢
I guess.
大概? 你的名字自己得喜欢啊
You guess? Shouldn’t you like your name?
为什么不自己挑个名字 名字要陪伴你一辈子呢
It’ll be your name the rest of your life.
你想叫什么?
What do you want?
弗兰肯斯坦
Frankenstein.
我能接受 以后我就叫你弗兰肯斯坦
I can deal with that. I’ll call you Frankenstein.
干嘛? 弗兰肯斯坦 你要玩脏水?
Frankenstein, you gonna play in the puddle?
玩吧 从现在起 想干什么就干什么
Go ahead. From now on, you do whatever you wanna do.
一会我教你些好玩的
I’ll show you some cool shit along the way.
这个样子才对嘛
That’s what it’s all about.
接球 别怕
Stay in front of it. Don’t be scared.
朝你打过来了
It’s coming right at you.
很好 不错
Okay. All right.
你得抬起头来 别那样
You’re picking your head up. Don’t do that.
这样行吗?
Is this okay?
你想穿成这样?
That’s what you wanna wear?
那我就不反对
That’s okay with me then.
祝你在街上好运 我只能这么说了
Good luck walking down the street.
还不行想办法接住
Way to block it. Stay with it.
你就是下一个Willie Randolph记住
You’re the next Willie Randolph.
摔角明星常用这一招
Chief Jay Strongbow used to do a sleeper hold.
把胳膊放在这儿
Put your arm under here.
抬起这只胳膊 行吗? 手腕用力扣住
Lift this arm, okay? Slide under and try to lock wrists.
扣住我示范一下看好
Let me show you. Watch.
把他扔向场边 他又弹回来
Throw him into the ropes and he comes back….
抓住他抓住他扣住他
Get him. Get him. Lock him up.
手腕扣紧
Lock wrists.
慢慢把他放倒
You bring him down slow.
施加压力
Apply pressure.
他要昏过去了
He’s going to sleep now.
瞧 他被击倒了
See, he’s out.
醒来
Wake up.
你将是同龄人里唯一有弹弓的 我保证
You’ll be the only kid your age with a slingshot.
去好好玩吧 打打易拉罐什么的
Go have some fun. Shoot a few beer cans or something.
你喜欢?
You like that?
Sonny Sonny 快过来
Sonny, Sonny, come here!
什么? 怎么了?
What is it? What’s the matter?
还是给我吧
Let me have that.
去你的房♥间 或者随便你干什么
Go to your room. I think. Or do whatever you want.
肯定会很有趣 你紧张吗?
It’s gonna be fun. You nervous?
不? 你很兴奋吧?
No? You’re excited, aren’t you?
开始上 上 上
Let’s go. Up, up, up.
有糖吃了
Here comes some candy.
你好吗?
How you doing?
万圣节快乐 我们是第一个
Happy Halloween! We got a first-timer.
做你该做的 伙计
Do the right thing, buddy.
我们要糖
We want some candy!
在这儿等一会儿 不要走开
Hang on right here for a second. Don’t move.
对了 这还差不多
Yeah, that’s it.
好的 CD你喜欢吗?
Yeah, CDs. You like that?
他不开心 你还有什么?
He’s not happy. What else you got?
好了 不错不给就捣乱
Okay, that’s good. Trick-or-treat.
说”万圣节快乐”
Say, ” Happy Halloween.”
谢谢
Thank you.
明年要早点准备好 傻瓜
Next year, be prepared, moron.
孩子穿的那是什么
What’s with the cummerbund?
我让他穿自己想穿的
I let him wear whatever he wants.
那靴子最棒了
Those boots are the best.
我想那是Kevin的
I think they’re Kevin’s.
我要个加芥末和奶酪的热狗
I’ll have a hot dog with the mustard and a knish.
弗兰肯斯坦 你要什么?
Frankenstein, what do you want?
三十包番茄酱
Thirty packets of ketchup.
好的 三十包番茄酱
All right. Thirty packets of ketchup.
打得好 伙计
Nice cut, pal.
弗兰肯斯坦
Frankenstein.
做一下那天我教你的
Do that thing I taught you the other day.
他用了20分钟就学会了 很快 很聪明
It took him 20 minutes to learn that. He’s quick. He’s smart.
-而且他喜欢番茄酱 -是啊
-And he loves ketchup. -He does.
这是种全新的教育方式
This is a whole new school of child-raising.
你给他选择 而不是命令 让他自己决定
You give him options, not orders. Let him make the decision.
你真是个先锋
You’re a pioneer.
-那你们俩成天都在一起? -基本上
-So you two just chill out all day? -Basically.
昨天我们去公园 这小子在单杠上连做了8个引体向上
Hung out on the monkey bars. The kid did eight chin-ups.
8个 我这细胳膊连一个都做不了
I can’t even do one with these scrawny arms.
不细 很好呢
They’re not scrawny. They’re nice.
Julian你明天干什么?
What do you wanna do tomorrow?
我想去上学
I wanna go to school.
瞧 我没强迫他 他做了正确的决定 很不错
I don’t force him, he makes the right decision. Way to go.
我们周一去报名好吧 再好好过个周末
We’ll enroll you on Monday. Enjoy the weekend.
再做一次
Do the thing again.
这次碰到地面了
That one touched the ground.
太厉害了
That was awesome!
干得漂亮
Good job.
帮帮我 帮帮我
Help me! Help me!
请帮帮我 我不知道我家在哪里
Please help me. I don’t know where I live.
这不是什么大问题
This isn’t a big problem.
我会找到你的父母的
We’ll find your parents.
-你叫什么? -弗兰肯斯坦
-What’s your name? -Frankenstein.
你在这儿
There you are.
你在这儿 你没事吧?
There you are. Are you okay, buddy?
我一转头他就不见了
I turn my head and he disappeared.
以后不要再这样了 别再这样
Don’t you ever do that to me again. Don’t do that.
谢谢你对我的小宝贝这么好
Thank you for being sweet to my little boy.
别客气Sonny
You’re welcome, Sonny.
我想我妹妹Corinne已经和你室友订婚了
I think my sister, Corinne, is engaged to your roommate.
你妹妹是Corinne? 真是的
Your sister’s Corinne? That sucks.
是啊 我从华盛顿特区来 那天我也在
Yeah, I’m up from D.C. I was at that party…
我们把惊喜浪费在你身上的那个晚会
…where we wasted the good surprise on you.
那事我很抱歉
Sorry about that.
怎么 你现在有儿子了?
So, what, you have a son now?
我不是他爸 我只是临时充当父亲
I’m not his dad. I’m more of a father-figure type…