冒牌老爸

这不关我的事
That’s not my problem.
不关你的事? 好吧
It’s not your problem? All right.
来吧
Come on.
请坐 随时为您效劳
Here you are. Your waiter will be right with you.
我尿不出来
I can’t do it.
什么意思 尿不出来? 放心尿
What do you mean, you can’t do it? Just go.
我害怕 你能陪我吗?
I’m scared. Could you do it too?
好吧
All right.
开始吧
Here we go.
出来了
And we’re off.
不是很难 对吧?
That’s not too difficult, right?
我们都在减轻重量
And we’re both losing weight.
干得好 我们要赶不上早餐了 快走
Good job. We’re gonna miss breakfast. Let’s go.
收起来
Put it away.
-还是谢谢你了 -没问题 随时效劳
-Thanks, anyways. -Sure thing. Anytime.
快点儿走 小尿包
Move your ass there, pee-boy.
我们只剩5分钟了 5分钟 现在4分钟了
We only got five minutes, five minutes. Now four.
快 我们就到了
Come on. We’re almost there.
嘿 先生 你为什么坐在地上?
Hey, mister. Why are you sitting on the ground?
我住在这儿
This is where I live.
我们得走了
We gotta get going.
为什么?
Why?
回想起来 因为我高中毕业时 做了个错误的选择
In retrospect, I made some bad choices after high school.
-我们得走了 -为什么?
-We gotta get going. -Why?
那据说是个很好的时代
This was during the so-called Disco Era…
但对我来说 那是个很郁闷的时代
…but for me, it was more the Doing Mushrooms Era.
-我们要错过早餐了 -为什么?
-We’re gonna miss breakfast. -Why?
我从来没想过
I never thought about that.
高中时我一直都不受欢迎
I was never Mr. Popularity in high school…
我经常看电视剧
…and I watched Fantasia a lot.
-有天我醒悟了 -嘿 流浪汉
-One day it clicked. -Hey, yappy.
如果你结束对话 我就给你个吉士蛋堡
If you end it, you get an Egg McMuffin.
不如来个火腿汉堡加土豆饼?
How about a Sausage McMuffin with hash browns?
成交
You got a deal.
看 看 他睡着了 快走
Look, look. He fell asleep. Let’s go.
走
Let’s go.
火腿汉堡
Sausage McMuffin.
对不起 先生
Pardon me, sir.
你好?
How you doing?
要点什么?
What can I get for you?
-你要吃什么? -麦片
-What do you want? -Cheerios.
这儿没有麦片
They don’t got Cheerios.
烤饼
Lasagna.
你怎么回事? 我们要热蛋糕和香肠
What’s the matter? We’ll take hot cakes and sausage.
对不起 我们已经停止供应早餐了
Sorry. We stopped serving breakfast.
我们只晚了4秒
We’re four seconds late.
你们晚了半小时加4秒 早餐10:30结束
You’re 30 minutes and four seconds late. Breakfast stops at 1 0:30.
啊 狗屎
Horseshit!
别哭 对不起
Don’t cry. Sorry.
我在骂这位女士 不是你
I was cursing at the lady, not you.
好父亲
Nice parenting.
谢谢 你是我的心理医生? 走开
Thanks. Are you my therapist? Take a walk.
想吃开心乐园餐吗?
Do you want a Happy Meal?
有开心乐园餐吗?
You got a Happy Meal?
谁给我的孩子拿个开心乐园餐?
Will somebody get the kid a Happy Meal?!
放松
Relax.
我的吉士蛋堡呢?
Where’s my Egg McMuffin?
早餐10:30就结束了
Breakfast is over at 1 0:30.
-真的? 我还以为到11点 -我也这么以为
-Really? I thought it was 1 1 . -I thought that too.
说话不算数
Total mind blower.
你能不能不要哭了? 下来
Will you just relax? Here.
你想要我怎样?
What do you want me to do?
你今晚会见到Vanessa 她很好 你会喜欢她的
You’re gonna meet Vanessa tonight. You’ll like her.
你想看我痛苦吗? 那样是不是会让你高兴?
You wanna see me get hurt? That’ll cheer you up?
好吧
All right.
喜欢吗? 你认为很有趣?
You think that’s funny?
好 不能再哭了
Good. No more crying.
你没事吧?
Are you okay?
下次撞死我
Next time, kill me.
好好干 游骑兵队
Let’s do it, Rangers.
纽约游骑兵队迎战坦帕台♥*♥湾♥闪电队
–Rangers against the Tampa Bay Lightning
这场比赛
And at this stage
对于纽约游骑兵队来说不能失败
it’s as close as you can get to a must-win game for the Rangers
否则他们排名会落后
Or they’ll fall behind–
你在干嘛?
How you doing?
你在干嘛?
How you doing?
你喜欢冰球?
You like hockey?
你喜欢冰球?
You like hockey?
这是场非常重要的比赛
This is a big, important game.
这是场非常重要的比赛
This is a big, important game.
不准学
Cut the crap.
不准学
Cut the crap.
我是认真的 不要这样
I’m serious. Don’t do that.
我是认真的 不要这样
I’m serious. Don’t do that.
吃葡萄不吐葡萄皮 不吃葡萄倒吐葡萄皮
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
这个你不会 闭嘴吧
That’s what I thought. Shut up.
你从来不休息吗?
Don’t you take naps?
有时
Sometimes.
那去休息会儿
Go take a nap.
我太饿 睡不着
I’m too hungry to sleep.
要吃东西吗?
You want some food?
有孩子真好
Having a kid is great…
只要他眼睛闭上就不会乱动 也不会说话了
…as long as his eyes are closed and he’s not moving or speaking.
他被撞到了 罚球
He’s taken down! Penalty shot!
嘿 你在干嘛? 你梦游?
How you doing? You sleepwalking?
为什么不回去睡觉觉? 觉觉
Why don’t you go back sleepy? Sleepy.
再睡会这是什么?
Keep napping. What’s this?
袋鼠歌♥
Kangaroo song.
太棒了那我们比赛后看 好吗?
That’s terrific. And we’ll watch this after the game, okay?
但我每次小睡醒来 都要看袋鼠歌♥
But after my nap, I always watch the kangaroo song.
现在是加时赛 而且马上要罚点球
It’s overtime, and there’s a penalty shot about to take place.
这是十年难遇的比赛
It happens every 1 0 years–
袋鼠歌♥袋鼠歌♥
Kangaroo song. Kangaroo song!
好吧
All right!
老天 你昨天还挺正常的
God! You were normal yesterday.
我受不了 你真要看这个?
I can’t take this. Are you serious?
来一起玩
Come and play
你说什么?
What do you say?
大袋子袋鼠
Douche-bag kangaroo.
怎么了 你跳完了?
Are you all hopped out?
我不知道怎么办了 希望Vanessa知道
I don’t know what to do. Hopefully Vanessa will.
我想她已经回来了 如果她没回来 我们就在她家门口等
I think she’s back. If she’s not back, we’ll wait for her.
去穿上外套 弄干净
Get your coat. Clean up.
噢 老天 你不想小便吧?
Oh, God. You don’t have to pee, do you?
-你发誓? -我发誓
-Do you swear? -I swear.
你为什么不尿?
How come you’re not going?
我现在不用尿 就你和我爷爷每30秒要尿一次
I don’t have to go. Only you and my grandfather go every 30 seconds.
我们动作快点 好吗? 我得在这儿陪着你
Let’s hurry it up, all right? I’m keeping you company.
他会把你们的名字在墙上尿出来 管好你们自己吧
He’ll write your name on the wall. Mind your business.
走吧 快走
Let’s go. Let’s go.
我为什么要见这位女士?
Why do I need to meet this lady?
-现在是你的事了 -谢谢
-Now it is your problem. -Thank you.
她就是那位我跟你提到过的女士
She’s that lady I was telling you about.
她会成为你生活中的一部分
She’s gonna be a big part of your life.
我害怕 万一她不好怎么办?
I’m scared. What if she’s not nice?
看
Look.
看到吗? 这是神奇太阳镜 明白吗?
See these right here? These are magic sunglasses, okay?
如果害怕 戴上你就可以隐形了
If you’re afraid, put them on to become invisible.
真的? 谁也看不见我?
Really? Nobody can see me?
戴上
Put them on.