冒牌老爸

-你好? -Sonny 我是爸爸 你在睡觉?
-Hello? -Sonny, it’s your dad You asleep?
不 不 我在锻炼
No. Hey, man. I was exercising.
-胡扯 你是在睡觉 -不 我没有
-Bullshit You were sleeping -I wasn’t.
你总是向我撒谎 好像你还是六岁小孩
This kid won’t stop lying to me You still act like you’re six
噢 好吧 爸 我像六岁小孩
Yeah, okay, Dad I act like I’m six
你找到个像样的工作了吗?
Found a job yet, where you work more than one day a week?
正在找呢
I’ve been looking
“找”可付不了房♥租
Looking won’t pay the rent
我从那场出租车意外中得到的赔偿
All the money I won from the cab accident
都投资股市了 放心
is kicking ass in the stock market, so relax
-不要浪费了 -我不会的
-Don’t blow it on worthless crap -I won’t
你该把钱用在你的律师考试上
You should spend it on your bar exam
你是个律师 我可不想考什么律师
You’re the lawyer I ain’t taking a bar exam
我自己还有太多其它事要烦
I got too much other shit going on
我真不知道你到底是怎么了
I don’t know what happened to you
算了 你和那女孩怎么样了 Vanessa?
How’re things going with your girlfriend, Vanessa?
一切都好
Things are going fine.
糟糕
Shit!
我得挂了
I gotta go.
该死 你又把闹钟关了
Shit! You turned off the alarm clock again.
不 我是考虑到你需要更多睡眠
No! I mean, yes, I did, but I thought you needed more sleep.
我根本就不该留在这儿 太蠢了 真是多谢了
I shouldn’t have stayed here. That was a jerk thing to do.
你干嘛 为什么要去上班? 今天是周日
Why are you going to work? It’s Sunday.
我不是去上班 我要和潜在的客户 吃早中饭
I’m not going to work. I’m going to brunch with potential clients.
作为晚会策划者 就得这样 多和客户见面
That’s how a party planner gets business, by making contacts.
和我见面好了 我来叫Cozy’s的外卖♥♥ 那多开心
Meet with me. I’ll order in from Cozy’s. We’ll have fun.
我讨厌Cozy’s 你总是从那儿叫东西吃
I am sick of Cozy’s. You order in from there all the time.
那送外卖♥♥的看上去 就是你最好的朋友了
The delivery guy’s your best friend.
他人确实不错
He happens to be pretty damn nice.
这是我人生的低潮期
This is a rough patch in my life.
雪城0比3输了 而我又有那些医疗问题
Syracuse is 0 and 3. And I got those medical problems.
医疗问题?
Medical problems?
两年前被出租车轧了脚 你就住了一天医院
A cab runs over your foot two years ago. You’re hospitalized one night.
注意 那辆出租车可很大
First of all, that cab was huge.
而且陪审团认为那一晚上的疼痛 值20万美元
And a jury decided that one night of pain was worth $200,000.
-你还能说什么 -随便吧
-So there you go. -Whatever.
你怎么了? 为什么最近这么疙瘩?
Why are you being so nuts to me lately?
因为是你拒绝让我们 发展到下个阶段
You refuse to move on to the next phase.
我希望某天能有自己的家庭
I’d like to have a family someday.
但我需要的是一个我能依赖的人 不是玩伴
I need someone I can rely on, not a playmate.
难道你需要一个父亲的形象? “不要拉你妹妹的头发”
You need a father figure? “Stop pulling your sister’s hair!”
知道吗? 我要去雪城看我妈
You know what? I’m gonna go to Syracuse to see my mom.
-我周三回来 -等等 你在说什么?
-I’ll be back on Wednesday. -What are you talking about?
有人打电♥话♥叫了外卖♥♥又不收 巧克力蛋糕 你要吗?
I had call for delivery, but it was crank call. You want chocolate cake?
你来的不是时候 来晚点儿吧 到时跟你玩扳推
Come back later. I’ll lndian wrestle you.
你输定了 兄弟
You’re going down, sucker.
到时候再看
We’ll see about that.
好 我走了
Okay. Peace, out.
你说要去雪城是什么意思?
You’re going to Syracuse?
我需要时间考虑 你也一样
I need time to think and so do you.
思考什么?
Think about what?
你的生活还有我为什么要成为当中的一部分
Your life and why I should be a part of it.
好吧
All right.
考虑的时候 不如也考虑找个真正的工作
While you’re at it, think about getting a real job.
我有真正的工作
I got a real job!
帕特里克?尤因 好球
Patrick Ewing, nice shot.
-嘿 Sonny -你好吗 伙计
-Hey, Sonny. -What’s up, buddy boy?
我走了 嘿 伙计
I’m out the door. Hey, pal.
-你要去哪? -曼哈顿
-Where you going? -Manhattan.
愿意带我一程吗?
You wanna take me with you?
我想可以
All right, I guess.
好 钱收起来吧 回见
Hold onto your money. Later on.
好 保重 Sonny
Okay, take care, Sonny.
再见
See you.
凯迪拉克 我喜欢
Cadillac, I love it.
惊喜
Surprise!
不是他
Just ignore him.
不过是Sonny 不过是Sonny
It’s only Sonny. It’s only Sonny.
对 不过是我 不过是我
Yeah, it’s only me. It’s only me.
-要干嘛? -Corinne给Kevin举办的告别晚会
-What’s going on? -Corinne’s going-away party for Kevin.
她为什么不告诉我? 室友有权知道啊
She didn’t tell me. The roommate has a right to know.
她认为你告诉了他就不是惊喜了
She knew you’d ruin the surprise.
不 我不会的
No, I wouldn’t.
嘿 惊喜吧
Hey, surprise.
惊喜
Surprise.
怎么了?
What’s going on?
我们把惊喜浪费在你身上了
We wasted the good surprise on you.
没错
All right.
你的杰作吧?
Is this your handiwork?
估计是
I guess.
3小时后见
See you in three hours.
很高兴见到你们 你最近在干什么?
Good to see you stiffs. What’ve you been doing?
最近三周真是疯狂 我去了丹佛 达拉斯
Last three weeks have been crazy. I’ve been in Denver, Dallas–
我在办公室睡大觉 我们在做一宗欺诈案
I’m sleeping in the office. We’re going to trial on the fraud case.
宝贝 我真的很惊喜 我彻底被震住了
Honey, it was a great surprise. I was totally shocked.
不 你没有 而我费了那么大劲准备
No, you weren’t! And I worked so hard on this.
要我帮忙吗?
Need some help?
-宝贝 你妹妹来了 -嘿 甜心
-Honey, your sister’s here. -Hey, sweetie.
我恨Sonny
I hate Sonny.
我的客户损失了7百万 而我们只能告对方违约
My client’s out $7 million. All we can sue on is breach of contract.
或许你可以依据《反海外腐♥败♥法》起诉
Maybe you can sue under the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act.
我得回办公室一趟 你真了不起
I gotta get back to the office. You’re the king.
Mikey 很荣幸
Mikey, a pleasure.
-回家见 -好的
-I’ll see you at home. -All right.
我送你出去
I’ll walk you out.
我得承认 这个吻让我感觉很不舒服
I gotta admit, I’m still weirded out when they kiss.
为什么? 他们是同性恋 他们这样很正常
Why? They’re gay. That’s what gay guys do.
我知道 但在学校的时候 他们看上去就像兄弟
I know, but they were like brothers to us back in school.
他们仍然像我们的兄弟 我们非常非常同性恋的兄弟
They’re still like our brothers. Our very, very gay brothers.
你一会去哪? 参加3K党集♥会♥?
What are you doing after this? Going to a Klan meeting?
还记不记得爸爸那次 为他朋友烧烤的时候突然下雨
Remember when Dad had that barbecue for his friends and it rained…
然后他就和妈妈在厨房♥里
…so he and Mom went into the kitchen and made…
用一个煎锅做了100个汉堡?
…1 00 hamburgers with one frying pan?
你不会让一点小雨 阻止你做100个汉堡吧
You’re not gonna let a little rain stop you from making 1 00 hamburgers.
他们的关系比我想象的持续得久
That relationship’s lasted longer than I thought it would.
看他的眼神 他已经厌了 也就再有两个礼拜
Look at his eyes. He’s bored. I give it two more weeks.
嘿 不好意思 各位
Hey, excuse me. Everybody!
我很抱歉 我要谢谢你们今晚前来
I’m sorry. I wanted to thank you for coming tonight.
我想我该说
I guess I should say–
我正在学
I’m getting it.
明天我要代表Morton&Mandel公♥司♥去中国
Tomorrow I’m leaving for China to represent the firm of Morton and Mandel.
我 曾经为了赌5美元而刮屁♥股♥的家伙
Me, the same guy who once shaved his ass to win a $5 bet.
证明一下
Prove it!
开个玩笑
Just kidding.
我真的很高兴今晚你们都来了 因为
But I am real glad you’re all here tonight, because…
我要做一件我从来没敢做的事
…l’m gonna do what I never thought I’d have the guts to do.
你难道要求婚?
You’re not proposing, are you?
对 兄弟 是的
Yeah, pal, I am.
喔 考虑考虑 明白吗?
Well, think about it, you know?
老天 Sonny 闭嘴
God, Sonny, shut up!
不管了 你愿意吗?
Anyway, will you?
愿意
Yeah.
你还说两周
Good call on the two weeks.
Sonny 刚才为什么那样说?
Sonny, what was that all about?
恭喜 你和”波霸”McGee会很幸福的
Congratulations. You and ” Big Boobs” McGee are gonna be happy.
别这样称呼她
Don’t call her that.