美剧《风骚律师》 第一季 第五集

那个人需要帮助 仅此而已
Guy needed help — that’s all.
其实我做的事 别人也都能做
You know, if I could do it, anybody could.
我很佩服你
Well, my hat is off to you.
就是这里了
So, here we are.
专利法是不是你…
And patent law is something you —
是的 实际上我接过很多专利案件
Oh, yeah. In fact, I-I do so many patent cases,
我以后专接专利案件得了
I should probably just go ahead and specialize already.
这是什么
So, what do we got?
-我有个不情之请 -请说
– I feel silly asking this. – Yeah.
在我向你展示我的发明之前
But before I show you my invention,
你介不介意签署一份保密协议
would you mind signing a non-disclosure agreement?
当然可以 没问题
You got it. No problem.
这是我毕生的心血
It’s my idea of a lifetime.
万一费雪或者孩之宝得知了这个想法…
If Fisher-Price or Playskool ever got their hands on this…
美国玩具商
无需担心
No worries.
准备好了吗
You ready?
我以前好像看过这样的东西
I may have seen one of these before.
和这个不一样
Not like this.
我在这上面加了个小装置
This one has this little unit I’ve added.
这才是我的发明
This is my invention.
-你有孩子吗 -没有
– Do you have children? – No.
我和我妻子有两个男孩 一个四岁一个六岁
My wife and I have two boys — 4 and 6.
说真的 教他们学会上厕所
And let me tell you — toilet-training them?
真是场噩梦 两个都是
Nightmare, both times.
他们不习惯用坐便器
They just didn’t want to use the commode.
所以我在传感器上连了一个语♥音♥芯片
So I wired a motion sensor to a voice chip,
没必要说得那么专业
and, well, no sense getting all technical,
关键就是正强化
but it’s all about positive reinforcement.
通过鼓励使一行为形成
这就是”如厕好伙伴托尼”
Meet Tony the toilet buddy.
当你坐下去准备上厕所
And when you sit down to do your business,
它是这样工作的
this is how he works.
对 就是这样
Oh, yeah, that’s the way!
天呐 好大
Gosh, you’re big!
你真大
You’re so big!
天呐 你真棒
My goodness! Look at you!
快把我塞满 钱德勒
Fill me up, Chandler!
快放进来
Put it in me!
钱德勒是我的小儿子 他很喜欢
Chandler’s my youngest — loves it.
快给我 钱德勒 我想要
Give it to me, Chandler! I want it all!
后面还有呢
Anyway, it goes on from there.
不过大致就这样
You get the picture.
没错 我…
Yeah, I, uh…
是的
Yeah.
那么你觉得怎么样
So, what do you think?
这是不是太挑逗了
It’s a little sexual, maybe?
挑逗 你是什么意思…
Sexual? What — what does that…
带有某种暗示 可能
Suggestive, maybe —
可能这种说法比较合适
Maybe that’s a better word.
听着 我并没有
Look, I’m not —
我不是说这个发明不会让你发财
I’m not saying this thing won’t make you rich.
有些环太平洋国家的富人
I mean, some of your wealthier Pacific rim nations —
那帮变♥态♥疯子 他们会爱死这个的
They’ll love this — the crazy bastards.
这项发明是面向孩子的 孩子 明白吗
I created this for children — children, understand?
伟哥起初还是用来治疗高血压的呢
Viagra was originally invented to treat hypertension.
结果呢
Look how that turned out.
你真是叫人作呕
You’re completely disgusting, you know that?!
伙计 你才是发明性♥爱♥马桶的人
Hey, buddy, you’re the one with the sex toilet.
马上滚出我家
Get off my property!
对了
Hey, you know what?
我真心希望你能大赚一笔
I hope you do make a fortune,
然后用这笔钱给钱德勒做心理治疗吧
’cause Chandler’s gonna need it to help pay for his therapy!
邻里联合对抗犯罪
我找到了阿尔卑斯牧童
I found the Alpine Shepherd boy!
不 你就坐那儿
No, no. You just stay put.
我这就过去
I’ll be right over.
我们说到哪儿了
Now, where were we?
再来点茶吧
Oh, would you like some more tea?
不 谢谢 不用了
No! No, thank you. I’m — I’m fine.
那么牧羊少年赫梅尔
Now, the shepherd boy Hummel —
是要留给你的侄子克拉伦斯吗
That’s gonna go to your nephew Clarence?
-只要他能念完大学 -好的
– As long as he finishes college. – Okay.
如果他辍学 那就留给我的侄女雷琳
If he drops out, it goes to my niece Raylene.
但雷琳就得不到那个姑娘…
But then, Raylene doesn’t get the girl —
那个养鹅姑娘
The girl with the geese.
那就留给你的表亲海伦
Yeah. No, then that would go to your cousin Helen…
条件是她不和弗雷德里克复婚对吗
…so long as she never remarries Frederick?
-没错 -好的
– Exactly. – Yeah.
还有这对黄发双胞胎瓷人
And no matter what, I want the towheaded twins
我无论如何要留给劳伦斯教士的孙子
to go to Reverend Lawrence’s grandson.
你是说黑尼斯教士吗
Um, don’t you mean Reverend Hanes?
因为要留给劳伦斯教士孙子的
‘Cause Reverend Lawrence’s grandson is going to get
是这个吹笛天使 他是唱诗班的
the, uh, Lute-playing angel, ’cause he was in the choir.
脑子转得真快 麦吉尔先生
Very sharp, Mr. McGill.
我还以为律师都是傻瓜呢
And here I thought all lawyers were idiots.
一半是傻瓜
No, only half of us are idiots.
剩下的一半都是骗子
The other half are crooks.
你真风趣
Aren’t you a spicy one?
要是我再年轻四十岁
If I were 40 years younger,
我肯定会要你请我喝一杯果汁朗姆酒
I’d have you buy me a Pina colada.
如果你让我起草一份放弃急救同意书
Well, if you want me to draw up a DNR,
我就带上搅拌机和菠萝
I’ll bring a blender and some pineapple.
当我在电视上看到
I knew I’d like you
你是如何英勇救人的时候我就喜欢上你了
when I saw how you saved that poor man on the television.
世风日下 勇气已经很少见了
Moxie is in such short supply these days.
没错
Yeah.
我也很以自己的勇气为荣
Well, I pride myself on my moxie.
虽然我不想这样
Now, I hate to do this,
但我必须得说一下我的报酬问题
but I do need to bring up my payment.
很抱歉
Um and I’m sorry,
绿色盾牌邮票 由S&H公♥司♥发♥售♥
集齐一套可兑换公♥司♥产品
我不接受绿色盾牌邮票作为支付方式
but I can’t accept S&H green stamps.
我一共要收取您一百四十块
Now, uh, my fee is $140.
一百四
$140?
您可以今天先给我七十块
I’ll gladly accept $70 today.
等我把所有文件都准备好以后
And $70 when I come back
再把剩下的七十块给我
with the completed documents, if…
二十 四十 六十
$20, $40, $60…
八十 一百
$80, $100…
一百二 一百四
And $20, $40.
好的
Uh. Okay.
麦吉尔先生 我们能继续了吗
Shall we continue, Mr. McGill?
当然了 我们继续 施特劳斯太太
Yes. Yes, we shall, Mrs. Strauss.
要涂在指甲上 别蹭到皮上
Put it on the nail, not the skin.
你的脚趾这么小 我也没办法
I can’t help it if your toes are too small.
如果都长得一样大
They should all be the same size —
都像大脚趾一样
the size of the big toe.
那我就好办了
That one I can do.
是啊 那样看起来才迷人
Yeah, that would be attractive.
你今天怎么样
So… how’s it go again?
钱德勒 你好大噢
Oh, you’re huge, Chandler!
你真是个大家伙
You’re a big, big boy!
还这么长
Oh, where does it end?!
别停啊 钱德勒
Oh, don’t stop, Chandler!
别停
Don’t stop!
哎呦 来了来了
Oh, here it comes!
那是什么啊
Oh, what is that?
-那是一粒玉米吗 -你别说了
– Is that a piece of corn? – No, don’t.
你是不是吃玉米了 钱德勒
Did you eat corn, Chandler?
-不会是玉米吧 钱德勒 -真恶心
– Is that a niblet I see, Chandler? – That’s disgusting.
-求你别讲了 -你受不了了吗