伯尼（2011）

不瞒您说 我也不喜欢火葬
Can I tell you, I am not fond of cremations.
我不喜欢人们永生的时候
I just don’t like the idea of someone spending eternity
竟然困在一个旅馆冰桶大小的玩意儿里
in something the size of a motel ice bucket.
说不定一不小心
I’d just soon drop you in a ditch
就把你扔到路边水沟里了
by the side of the road.
我想简单点儿
I want to keep it simple.
这个 这个就行
Yeah, this is… this is fine.
-这个 -对
– I see. – Yeah.
这种盖布的复合板我们主要卖♥♥给政♥府♥
Now, these composite wood with cloth we sell mostly to the county
来埋葬一些无亲无故的穷♥人♥
to bury the unclaimed, the indigent,
自然 也没什么保障
and also no warranty, of course.
什么保障
Warranty?
好一点的棺材
Oh, with our better caskets,
可以保证您的遗体
we, uh, guarantee that your remains
不被雨水侵蚀
will be untouched by rainwater,
不被虫子和爱打洞的寻食的动物所侵扰
pesky insects, burrowing animals searching for food…
还有 埃考斯先生您多高
Also, how tall are you, Mr. Eccles?
大概一米九
About 6’2″.
天哪
Oh, dear.
这种经济型棺材没那么大
These economy boxes are not very large.
为了能放好 可能得调整一下腿部
We may have to make a leg adjustment to get a proper fit.
调整腿部?
Leg adjustment?
也不一定是要砍断 不过总得
Well, not necessarily break the legs but definitely
-蜷一下脚… -不 不
– bend the feet… – No! No,
我不要这样
I… I won’t have it.
那我向您推荐
Then may I suggest…
希腊科林斯式棺
the Corinthian.
照我本相
Just as I am
无善足称
Without one plea
我肯定伯尼是在纽金特先生的葬礼上
I’m pretty sure the first time Bernie met Mrs. Nugent
第一次见到纽金特太太
was at the time of Mr. Nugent’s funeral.
替我受惩
Was shed for me.
并且召我…
And that thou bist me come…
她的丈夫德韦恩
Her husband, Dwayne,
是一个老派硬汉
he was just a tough old typical old man.
做生意只跟客户握握手
And he liked to do business just a handshake,
还会说类似…
He would say things like…
“我敢他妈保证”的话
I’ll guaran-damn-tee yah…
他有个油气公♥司♥ 又勇于开拓
He was some kind of exploration guy with a big oil company
在六十年代挣了一大笔钱
and he made a whole lot of money back in the 60s.
他一点舍不得乱花
He was too tight to spend any of it
都拿来投资了
but he liked to invest his money in everything he could.
因你宝血除罪可靠
To thee who’s blood can cleanse
噢主…
each spot, o’ lamb…
事实上 他甚至在城里买♥♥了一个银行
As a matter of fact, he even bought a bank here in town.
应该是1987年买♥♥的
I believe it was ’87, he bought the bank.
他经营的方式很强势
He run that sucker with a hard fist.
就是说
Just, I mean, he was kinda…
有点粗鲁…
abrupt, and the way…
我倒很欣赏
I appreciate it.
他做生意的手法和为人
The way he done business and stuff.
当然 他死了之后 纽金特太太继承了一切
Of course, then after he died, well, then she took over
坐上了他原来的位子
and she started having a position that he had
如果说纽金特先生做生意时
and if it was said that he was kinda
会让人略感不快
disliked in the way he did business,
那纽金特太太简直是叫人憎恨
you’d have to say that she was literally hated,
那老太婆常常
’cause that old heifer,
心血来潮地拒绝贷款申请
she turned down loans just for a hobby.
她就是个尖酸刻薄的老贱♥人♥
She was just a mean old hateful bitch.
我这是实事求是好吧
Hey. There’s just no other way to put it.
她不太好相处
She wasn’t friendly.
她…就是这样
She… she really wasn’t,
她可能…告诉你 镇里有些人
and she probably… there are people in town, honey,
愿为了五美金去杀她
that woulda shot her for five dollars, ya know?
一个住在小镇子上的人
I mean, when you live in a small town,
一定得跟周围的人处好关系
you’ve got to be friendly and nice to folks.
她能一瞬间把你生吞活剥
She would chew your ass at the drop of a hat.
把你的屁♥眼♥活活撕开
I mean, she’d rip you a brand new
撕成一个足球场那么大 真的
three bedroom two bath double wide asshole. No problem.
约翰福音的第十四章里
In the fourteenth chapter of the book of John,
耶稣说 “你们心里不要忧愁”
Jesus said, “Let not your heart be troubled.”
我听说她和她的姐妹
Well, I heard that she hadn’t talked
二十年都没说过话了
to her sisters in over 20 years
可她母亲一去世
but when the mother died,
她马上冒出来
she was right in there fightin’ them
和姐♥妹♥们♥争家产
over quilts and chairs.
你能相信吗
Can you believe that?
她的一个姐妹想把土地捐给教堂
And one of the sisters even wanted to donate land to the church,
她横加干涉
but she interfered
因为她不想教堂得到土地
because she didn’t want the church to have it.
她不喜欢那个牧师
She didn’t like that pastor.
因为他假日会穿百慕达短裤
He wore Bermuda shorts on his day off.
朋友与爱人们…
Friends and loved ones…
镇上的人
Everybody in town
都知道纽金特夫妇和儿子小德韦恩一家
knew that Mr. And Mrs. Nugent weren’t exactly friends
不是很和睦
with their son Dwayne Junior and his family.
儿子在米德尔顿做医生 几乎没回来过
He was a doctor out in Middleton, almost never came to visit.
儿子的一个女儿甚至状告自己的祖母
One of his daughters had actually sued her grandparents
侵吞信托基金里的钱
trying to get at the money in that trust.
让纽金特夫人很生气 再也没和他们说过话
That made her so mad she never spoke to any of them again.
让我们祈祷
Let us pray.
玛乔丽·纽金特 她…
Marjorie Nugent. She was…
不是个好相处的人 她鼻子也太高了
not a very nice lady and her nose was so high
迟早会在暴雨天里淹死
she’d drown in a rainstorm.
玛吉太太 让我感觉是
Mrs. Margy, she was the kind of person
一生下来就老了
that I believe she was born old.
好像一出生就这么张干巴巴的老脸
She was just born with this prune face.
大家差不多都这么看她
That’s pretty much the impression people got from her.
我有个老熟人 路易
I got a buddy of mine, Louie.
人很正直 我给他打工
He’s a decent fellow I work for.
纽金特太太有一次拿着扫帚追着他跑
Mrs. Nugent took a broom to his ass one day.
要不要我进去给您打理一下后院
Would you like me to get up and do the back in there?
滚开
Get out.
-葬礼很棒 -谢谢
– Beautiful service. – Thank you.
-周日见 -谢谢你
– I’ll see you on Sunday. – Thank you very much.
他对待太太们很有一套
He was great with the D-L-O-Ls.
就是我们常说的”可爱的小老太们”
That’s what we all called the “Dear little old ladies.”
镇上所有寡妇都迷上了伯尼
All the widows in town had crushes on Bernie.
需要手帕吗
Just thought I’d bring you a hankie.
对 老伯尼
Oh, yeah, old Bernie.
他喜欢拥吻那些老太太
He loved to hug and kiss on those older women.
老太太也很庆幸 能和年轻小伙待一起
At his age now, they were lucky to get the time of day from him.
纽金特太太你好
Hi, Mrs. Nugent, I just, uh…
只是想告诉你 我很关心你
wanted you to know I was thinking about you.
-请节哀 -行 谢谢
– These times can be hard. – Oh, thank you.
好吧
Okay.
我没安排他这么做
I never asked him to do this and
他也不能因此多拿点钱
he wasn’t getting paid to do it,
不过他还是会在丈夫的葬礼后
but he would always stop by and check on the widows
去拜访和关心寡妇们
after he’d done their husbands’ funerals.
他是真的关心别人
He just really cared about them.
他总让人感觉非常贴心
I mean, that guy was just a sweet guy,
人们爱死他了
and they just loved him to death.
客房♥服务
Room service.
你好 纽金特太太 我刚好路过
Hi, I’m just dropping by again, Mrs. Nugent,
来向你问个好
to pay my respects.
我给你买♥♥了些香皂
I brought you some soaps
还有能放松身心的泡沫洗浴剂
and a little bubble bath to soothe you in the tub,
和一些夜宵时吃的巧克力纸杯蛋糕
and some chocolate cupcakes for a late night snack.
进来吧
Come in.