成为约翰·马尔科维奇

and someone else, who local legend has it was named Flemmer.
有一天 老船长接见一位陌生访客
Well, one day, old Captain Mertin received an unexpected visitor.
是莫丁船长吗
Captain Mertin?
是的 小女孩 你想要什么
Aye. What want ye, girl child?
我不是小孩 而是一个成熟的迷你女人
I’m not a child, but rather an adult lady of miniature proportions.
我懂了 如果想募款
I see. Well, if it’s charity you’re
你就给我滚得远远的
after be gone with ye, you foul demon!
我不是来要施舍
I’m not asking for alms…
而是想向好心人申诉
but, rather, the ear of a kind man with a noble heart.
你要说 就说吧
Well, speak then, if you must.
船长 世界上的建筑都没有为我着想
Captain Mertin, I’m afraid that the world was not built with me in mind.
门把太高 椅子太笨重
Doorknobs are too high, chairs are unwieldy…
高天花板的房♥间在嘲笑我的身材
and high-ceilinged rooms mock my stature.
为什么我没有安全和舒适的工作场所
Why cannot there be a place for me to work that’s safe and comfortable?
你的故事令我感动
Thy story has moved me like no other.
因此 我将娶你为妻
Therefore, I shall make ye… me wife.
我将在自己大厦的七 八楼之间
And… And I shall build a floor for ye…
特地为你建造一层楼
between the seventh and the eighth in me own building…
使你和其他不幸的朋友
so at least there’ll be one place on God’s green earth…
在世上至少有一个安全舒适的地方
where ye and your accursed kind can live in peace.
这就是七楼半的故事
So that’s the story of seven and a half.
因为租金特别低
Since the rents are considerably lower, this floor has been adopted…
用户都是被迫
by businesses which, for one reason or another,
精简人事的公♥司♥
have been forced to cut corners.
毕竟这里什么都低
After all, the overhead is low.
很感人吧
Moving story, huh?
全是胡说八道
Unfortunately, the story’s bullshit.
我是克雷格·施瓦兹 刚到莱斯特公♥司♥上班
Listen, I’m Craig Schwartz. I’m just starting out at Lestercorp.
你在哪个公♥司♥上班
Where are you starting out?
闭嘴 闭嘴
Shut up! Shut up!
-闭嘴 -喂 闭嘴
-Shut up! Shut up! -Hey, shut up!
-对不起 -对不起 亲爱的
-Shut up! I’m sorry. -I’m sorry, honey.
对不起 亲爱的
Sorry, honey.
对不起 亲爱的
Sorry, honey.
-闭嘴 -对不起
-Shut up! -Sorry!
救命 她把我关在笼子里
Help! She’s locking me in a cage.
是不是很可爱 今天才教他的
Isn’t that cute? I just taught him that today.
是很可爱
Yeah, that’s adorable.
你要帮我洗碗吗
You want to do some dishes for me?
把那个放下来
Put that down.
伊利亚 来这里
Here, Elijah. Here you go.
明天医生要治疗伊利亚畏怯的毛病
You know, I have an appointment tomorrow with Elijah’s shrink.
我们就快找出
Yeah. I think we’re finally getting down to
他胃酸过多的原因 对吗
the bottom of this acid stomach, aren’t we?
来这里
Come here.
下来
Just get down from the…
她认为是小时候所受的心理伤害
She thinks that it’s some sort of childhood trauma.
他感觉自己不配当猩猩
Feelings of inadequacy as a chimp, you know?
小心
Careful.
是不是很有趣
Isn’t that interesting?
我认为挺有趣的
I find it really interesting.
亲爱的 你有考虑过生孩子的事吗
So, honey, have you thought any more about us having a baby?
现在日子不好过
Uh… you know, I think it’s just so tough right now economically and all…
先看这份工作顺不顺利
that I think maybe we should just wait and see if this job thing pays off.
好吗
You know?
我一直认为上次你说的
I was thinking about what you were saying
关于影片的简介是胡说八道
about the orientation film being bullshit.
怎样
Yes?
我想你是意有所指
I think maybe you’re on to something.
太多的开场白 能让女孩子脱掉裤子
And 50 other lines to get into a girl’s pants.
不 我只是在说那部影片
No, I was just talking about the… you know, about the film.
依我来看
Here’s the thing.
就算你追到我
If you ever got me,
也不知道该如何逗我开心
you wouldn’t have a clue what to do with me.
我并不是…我是在说那部影片
I wasn’t… I was talking about the film.
你的手指整理档案真是又快又神奇
Ooh, what magic those fingers could work on the right cabinet, mmm.
或许你可以帮我排序
Maybe you could alphabetize me.
别忘记
And don’t forget…
“我”排在”你”前面
“I” comes before… ” U.”
芙洛丽丝 我认为你很好
Floris, I think you’re very nice…
但是我已…
but the truth is that…
爱上别人
I’m in love with someone else.
我听不懂你在说什么
I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re saying to me.
你这个混♥蛋♥
You bastard.
什么
What?
别玩弄芙洛丽丝 施瓦兹
Don’t toy with Floris, Schwartz.
我没有
Oh, no…
如果我年轻八十岁 一定会揍你
If I was 80 years younger, I’d box your ears.
先生 我没有玩弄她 我不会…
I wasn’t toying with her, sir. I wouldn’t…
先生 你多大年纪
Pardon me. How old are you, sir?
一百零五岁
105.
我喝很多胡萝卜汁
Carrot juice, and lots of it.
但并不值得 因为我的小便是橘红色
I swear, sometimes it’s not worth it. I piss orange.
我得像女孩子一样坐着小便
And I have to piss sitting down like
而且15分钟尿一次
a goddamn girly-girl, every 15 minutes.
但是没有人想死
But nobody wants to die.
啊 要是能再变成年轻人 施瓦兹
Ah, to be a young man again, eh, Schwartz?
也许芙洛丽丝会喜欢我
Maybe then Floris would care for me.
但老年人是无价的
But the elderly have so much to offer, sir.
他们是我们与历史的联♥系♥
They’re our link with history.
我才不要做什么天杀的联♥系♥
I don’t wanna be your goddamn link, damn ya.
我要芙洛丽丝的玉腿夹住我
I want to feel Floris’s naked thighs next to mine.
我要用身体挑逗那个美丽深沉的女人
I want my body to inspire lust in that beautiful, complex woman.
我要她颤抖 因狂喜而痉挛…
I want her to shiver with a spasm of ecstasy…
施瓦茨 当我进入她湿润的…
Schwartz, as I penetrate her wet…
莱斯特博士 感谢你和我分享你的感受
Dr. Lester, while I’m flattered you would share your feelings with me…
但在工作场所好像
perhaps the workplace
不太适合谈这种事
is not the most suitable environment for this type of discussion.
不错 你说的对
All right. You’re right. I’ll tell you what.
那么下班后 我们在雷士的杰瑞果汁店见面
Meet me after work today at Jerry’s Juiceteria on Lex…
我会把所有的艳事都告诉你
and I’ll spill my goddamn guts for ya.
不 我不会太晚 洛蒂 我只是要去…
No, I won’t be late, Lotte. I just have to, you know…
听莱斯特乱盖性♥爱♥狂想曲和陪他喝胡萝卜汁
listen to Lester’s sexual fantasies and drink carrot juice for a while.
工作上的应酬 真的
It’s a job thing, really.
晚一点再和你谈 好吗
Yeah. So, I’ll talk to you later, okay? Yeah. You too.
得回去工作了 再见
Gotta go back to work. Okay, bye.
嗨 我连你的名字和在哪工作都不知道
Hi. Do you know that I don’t even know your name or where you work?
不错
Yeah.
这样好不好
Um… okay, how about this?
如果我三次之内猜中你的名字
If I can guess your name in three tries,
今晚我们就一起去喝酒
you have to come have a drink with me tonight.
好吧
Why not?
你看起来像…
You look like a…
玛克辛
Maxine?
对 谁告诉你的
Yeah! Who told you?
没人告诉我 顺口而出
Nobody told me. That just came out.
很奇怪吧
Isn’t that odd?
你住哪 在哪上班
So where do you live and stuff?
我虽然半信半疑
I am dubious…
但我不会赖账
but I don’t welsh.
七点在刺猪酒吧见
Okay, meet me at The Stuck Pig, 7:00.
如果你迟到 我就走人
If you’re late, I walk.
性感 金发
Nubile. Blonde.
欲♥火♥焚身 我穿皮衣
Wet with desire. Me in leather.
甚至套着马具
A harness, if you like.
所有的目光都看着我
And all eyes, Craig, are upon me as I speak.
我说”各位女士”
” Ladies,” I begin.
“我是爱神厄洛斯” 她们喜欢那样
“I am the love god Eros.” They like that.
“我令你们陶醉”
“I intoxicate you.
“我的精♥液♥是琼浆玉液”
“My spunk is, to you, manna from heaven.”
莱斯特博士 这些真的都很迷人