漂亮男孩

-好吧 -上帝啊
– Okay, okay. – Jesus fucking Christ.
大卫·谢菲
David Sheff.
爸爸 是我
Hey, Dad. It’s me.
-尼克 -是的
– Nic? – Yeah.
请不要恨我 爸爸
Please don’t hate me, Dad.
我知道我做错了
I know I did wrong.
我想停下来 但是拜托 拜托 拜托
I want to stop, but please, please, please,
拜托 拜托 拜托别送我去戒毒 好吗
please, please, please no rehab, all right?
让我回家就好 行吗
Just let me come home. You know what?
我知道其实我…我需要回家
I realize it’s actually I… I-I need to be home.
你们 你们会给我力量 让我停下来
You guys, you guys are gonna give me the strength to stop.
好吗
All right?
那是不可能
That’s not going to happen.
我也想要帮助你
I wish that I could help you,
但我做不到
but I can’t do that.
我…我做不到
I c… I can’t.
求你帮帮我 爸爸
Oh, please help me, Dad.
不 爸爸 我只需要一点帮助
No, Dad. I just need a little bit of help.
求你帮帮我 我想回家
Please help me. I want to come home.
我能告诉你的都已经和你说过了
All I can tell you is what you already know.
爸爸 你为什么就不听我说话呢
Dad, why aren’t you fucking listening to me?
-打给担♥保♥人 -我现在不想和我的担♥保♥人说话
– Call your sponsor. – I don’t want to talk to my sponsor now.
我想和你说话
I want to talk to you.
找人帮你
Get help.
-我爱你 -爸爸 什么…
– I love you. – Dad, what…
希望你能重新将你的人生拼凑起来
And I hope that you get your life together.
我也爱你
I love you, too.
我爱你
I love you.
-喂 -尼古拉斯给我打了电♥话♥
– Hello. – Nicolas called.
他听上去很绝望
He sounds desperate.
如果我们不做些什么 他会死的
Gonna die if we don’t do anything.
就算我们做些什么 他也会去死
He’s gonna die even if we do.
我们所做的一切对他都没有用
Nothing we do has any effect on him.
我失败了
I failed.
我知道你觉得很丢人
I know you feel ashamed, okay?
我也是
So do I.
但你一直做得很好 大卫
But you have done great, David.
凯伦也是 谢谢你们
And Karen, too, so thank you for that.
当初我不在时 是你坚持下来
You were up for it when I wasn’t,
我现在不要再放弃了
and I’m not giving up now.
永远不会
Never.
但我一个人做不来
But I can’t do it alone.
我需要你的帮助
I need your help.
我觉得你救不了别人 维姬
I don’t think you can save people, Vicki.
但你可以陪着他们 不是吗
You can be there for them, can’t you?
你们看
Look at this.
我受够了
I’m done.
好吗 我…
Okay? I…
好吧
Okay.
三不原则
不是我造成的
我无法控制一切
我无法治愈一切
大家伙
Hey, everybody.
集♥合♥起来
Time to get together.
我这一周很糟糕
I… I had a rough week.
你们有人知道 有人不知道
Some of you know, some of you don’t.
我…
I, um…
我这周失去了我的弗朗西斯
I lost my Frances this week.
她在周日时死于吸毒过量
She died of an overdose on Sunday.
所以…
So…
我是在哀悼 但是我…
I guess I’m in mourning, but I-I…
我意识到了一些别的事
I realized something else.
我其实已经哀悼好几年了
I’ve actually been in mourning for years.
因为就算她活着的时候 她…
‘Cause even when she was alive, she…
她也像是不在了
she wasn’t there.
当你为生者哀悼时
When you mourn the living,
那种生活太痛苦了
that’s a hard way to live.
所以…
And so, in…
所以说这样…
in a way, it’s-it’s…
我想这样更好
it’s better, I guess.
她是一个非常可爱的年轻女子
She was a dear, dear young woman.
我总是觉得
I always felt…
我需要…坚强
I needed to… to stay strong,
以后万一有什么事
that there’d be some future event,
我…我会需要我全部的力量
and I’d… I’d need all my strength for it.
但这以后不后再有什么事了
But there are no events after this one.
我希望她现在不再痛苦了
I hope she’s not in pain now.
再见 弗朗西斯
Bye, Frances.
他怎么样了
How’s he doing?
医生现在正和他一起
The doctor’s with him now.
他说尼克体内有如此高剂量的毒品
He said it’s close to a miracle
还能活下来简直就是一个奇迹
Nic survived with all the drugs in his body.
“无论幸福还是安宁
“Either peace or happiness,
都请好好珍惜
“let it enfold you.
我年轻时 我觉得这些东西
“When I was a young man, I felt that these things
非常愚蠢 简单
“were dumb, unsophisticated.
我生性顽劣 屡教不改
“I had bad blood, a twisted mind,
就像个定时炸♥弹♥
“A precarious upbringing.
我冥顽不灵
“I was hard as granite.
连太阳也不放在眼里
“I leered at the sun.
我不相信任何男人 女人更甚
“I trusted no man and especially no woman.
我在狭小的空间中过着地狱般的生活
“I was living a hell in small rooms.
我破坏 我打砸
“I broke things, smashed things,
走过一片玻璃废墟
“Walked through glass, cursed.
我目空一切
“I challenged everything,
一直遭到放逐 监禁
“Was continually being evicted, jailed,
各种争斗 各种挣扎
“In and out of fights, in and out of my mind.
女性于我只是泄欲和打骂的对象
“Women were something to screw and rail at.
我没有男性朋友
“I had no male friends.
我换了工作和城市
“I changed jobs and cities.
我讨厌节日 婴儿 历史
“I hated holidays, babies, history,
报纸 博物馆 祖母
“Newspapers, museums, grandmothers,
婚姻 电影 蜘蛛 清洁工
“Marriage, movies, spiders, garbagemen,
英式口音 西班牙 法国 意大利
“English accents, Spain, France, Italy,
胡桃 橙色
“Walnuts and the color orange.
代数让我愤怒
“Algebra angered me.
歌♥剧让我恶心
“Opera sickened me.
查理·卓比林就是骗子
“Charlie Chaplin was a fake.
鲜花是给娘炮的
“And flowers were for pansies.
幸福和安宁对我来说是低劣的象征
“Peace and happiness were to me signs of inferiority,
是弱者和废物的情感寄托
“Tenants of the weak and addled mind.
但在我在多年来于深巷中与人争执后
“But as I went on with my alley fights,
考虑自杀后
“My suicidal years,
与各种女人相交相识后
“My passage through any number of women,
我开始意识到 我和其他人
“It gradually began to occur to me that I wasn’t different
没有什么不一样
“From the others, I was the same.
他们都充满了愤怒
“They were all fulsome with hatred,
浑身开遍了微小的痛苦之花
“Glossed over with petty grievances.
与我在暗巷中搏斗的男人们有着铁石之心
“The men I fought in alleys had hearts of stone.
所有人躲在躲避 退缩
“Everybody was nudging, inching,
推却微不足道的冒险
“Cheating for some insignificant advantage.
谎言就是武器 空虚就是计谋
“The lie was the weapon, and the plot was empty.
黑暗主宰了世界
“Darkness was the dictator.
我偶尔会让自己感到放松
“Cautiously, I allowed myself to feel good at times.
我会在廉价的房♥间中寻得一丝平和
“I found moments of peace in cheap rooms
盯着梳妆台的把手
“Just staring at the knobs of some dresser
或者听着黑暗中的雨声
“Or listening to the rain in the dark.
我需要的越少 我就感觉越好
“The less I needed, the better I felt.
也许是另一种生活让我精疲力尽
“Maybe the other life had worn me down.
我已经不再能够从
“I no longer found glamour
口舌之争中胜过他人
“In topping somebody in conversation