是一个坦然接受自己的死亡的人
totally fine with his own mortality.
我知道他并不想死
Like, I know he doesn’t want to die,
他当然不想 但他
of course not, but he’s…
他的思想非常平静
He’s got this calmness of mind.
他已经明白什么东西对他来说是重要的
Like, he’s worked out what is important to him,
他知道自己的价值是什么
he knows what his values are, and therefore,
所以其余的事自然都安排好了
everything else falls into place.
未来五年内我都要经常复诊
I’ll need regular follow-ups for the next five years
检查我的癌症是否有复发
to see if the cancer has come back.
-你好汉娜 -你好 你还好吗
– Hi, Hannah. – Hi, how are you doing?
-进来吧 -谢谢
– Come through. – Thank you.
-进来坐着吧 -谢谢
– Come on in, have a seat. – Thank you.
过得还好吗
How is it otherwise going?
-你还好吗 -我还行
– You’re fine? – Yeah, it’s OK, yeah.
我意识到 这永远会是我生活的一部分
I realise now that this is going to be part of my life forever.
今天是纪念日
It’s an anniversary today.
不是传统意义上会庆祝的纪念日
Not the sort of anniversary you traditionally celebrate,
但一年以前我在医院里
but it was a year ago today that I was in hospital
接受了手术
with my surgery.
今天早上我在想这件事
I was thinking about it this morning.
直到最近
It’s only until very recently that
我才没有完全回避这件事
I haven’t just been completely reeling from it.
我觉得不可能
I mean, I think it’s just impossible to, like,
在三十多岁
get cancer in your mid-thirties
在康复之后
and not come out of it
却没有一种全新的生活态度
with a really different view of life.
这件事留下了不可删除的痕迹不是吗
Yeah, it’s left an indelible mark, hasn’t it?
不是简单的
I mean, it’s not a simple, you know,
康复 调整情绪 向前看
“Heal, get over it, move on.”
你当然得在一定程度上向前看
I mean, you do have to move on to a degree, but it’s not,
但完全不是那么简单的
it’s nowhere near that simple.
我觉得对大多数人来说
I think, for most of us,
大多数人的生活里
for most of our lives,
我们可以假装我们是永生的
we get to pretend that we are immortal, really.
我们不用活在这种
We don’t have to live with this shadow of death,
一直笼罩着我们的死亡的阴影里
really, hanging over us all the time.
我们有这样的奢侈
We have this kind of luxury of that,
所以我觉得如果有一天
and so I think that whenever you are confronted
你被迫使面对自己的死亡
with your own mortality,
就像你得知自己的癌症确诊一样
as you are when you receive a cancer diagnosis,
不管有多严重
no matter how serious it is,
我觉得我们太不习惯这种想法
I think that we are so not used to that idea,
我们非常恐惧这种想法
we are so terrified of the idea
以至于我们不愿意承受任何风险
that we are unwilling to tolerate any risk whatsoever.
我试着不要老是想着复发的概率
I try not to think too hard about the numbers of recurrence,
因为一比十这个数字
because that number of one in ten,
这个复发概率就在那里
the chance of recurrence, it is still there,
这是真实的数字 是一个事实
and it is still true and it’s still a fact.
我觉得随着时间的推移
I don’t know, I just think, over time,
你必须要接受生活里总有风险
you have to accept that life comes with risks,
你不能一边活着
and that you can’t sort of wander around being terrified
一边对可能会发生的事充满恐惧
of everything that might happen.
不然你永远都没有机会好好生活
Otherwise, you’re never going to have the chance to properly live it.
我觉得或许我们决定了
I think that somehow we’ve decided that the chance of dying
死亡的几率是唯一重要的数字
is the only number that matters,
所以我们建立了一种统一的癌症治疗方式
and so we’ve built a one-size-fits-all approach to cancer care
另寻出路需要勇气和力量
that takes courage and strength to deviate from.
或许这是因为我们并没有在坦诚地交流
Perhaps that’s because we’re not having honest conversations
关于治疗的真正益处和代价
about the true benefits and costs of treatment.
只有我们这么做了
Only when we do
人们才能明白自己最关心的东西
can people work out what they most care about,
做出适合自己的选择
and make the choice that’s right for them.
安已经完成了她的化疗
妮娜的癌症治疗很有效
罗伯在停止治疗一年之后去世了
罗伯·梅特卡夫
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