你需要承受的巨大代价
a heavy price that you have to pay.
就感觉 无论呕吐
Yeah, it feels like it. It’s the vomiting,
还是感染
it’s the infections,
或是牙龈出血 流鼻血
it’s the bleeding gums, it’s the nose bleeds.
一旦做出化疗的决定
I’ve made a choice to have chemo, and, you know,
你就可以把一切痛苦抛给我
you can keep throwing anything at me.
只要我知道我有一线生机
As long as I know that I have a percentage in there
我就会做
of it working, I will do it. You know,
我下定决心要接受了
I’ve committed myself to it.
你是否觉得
Do you sort of feel in a way like
你希望通过这三个月的付出
you’re paying with this three months now and in return,
给你争取几年时间
hopefully, you get a couple of years?
这就是代价 一场交易
Yeah. It’s like a price, a trade.
感觉像一场交易
Yes, it feels like a trade.
只是没有保障
Yes, there’s just no guarantee.
你只能接受治疗
You have to have the treatment
然后希望得到最好的结局
and hope for the best.
很多都是一种希望 而我充满希望
A lot of it is hope, and I’m hopeful.
那些真实的奇迹故事
Do those stories of real miracles
那些患有四期癌症的人
where people had stage four cancer,
看起来很糟糕
things look really bad,
但是最终肿瘤萎缩了
and then, somehow or other, their tumours shrank
然后他们也能够过上很长的
and they managed to go on and live these very long,
很健康的生活 你经常想着这样的故事吗
healthy lives, do they play on your mind, those stories?
-时时刻刻 -是吗
– All the time. – Do they?
是 我认为我会成为那样的故事
Yeah, I think I’m going to be one of those stories.
我真心相信
I really believe.
那么你对于思考结局是怎么看的
And how do you feel about… thinking about the end? Are you…
你认为你是否接受了现在的状况
Do you think that you’ve accepted what’s going on?
是也不是
Yes, and no.
但是 现在
But, yeah, right now,
我的内心没有看到死亡
my heart does not see death.
我看到的不是结束
My heart does not see the end.
你看到的是那些故事
Your heart sees those stories.
我看到的是那些充满希望的故事
My heart sees those stories of hope
我知道我要活下去
and I know I’m going to live,
我不想死
and I’m not going to die.
我没有理由不能成为他们中的一员
There’s no reason why I can’t be one of those people.
那就…
So…
-祝你好运 -谢谢你
– Good luck. – Thank you.
她说的有一点让我印象深刻
One thing she said really stood out to me,
她说即使是百分之一 她也会
where she said that she would have chemo
进行化疗
even if it was 1%,
即使化疗只有百分之一的机会
even if there was a 1% chance
能给她争取更多的时间
that chemo would buy her more time,
她会选择化疗
she would take it.
那对我来说真是不可思议
And that seems pretty incredible to me.
你是否冒太多的险 做出太多的牺牲
Are you risking, sacrificing, really more than you should?
而不是享受你剩下的一切
Rather than just enjoying what you have left?
我觉得危险就在于此
I think that’s what the danger is.
我觉得她还没到这个地步 但我觉得…
And I don’t think she’s there yet but I think that there is…
我觉得希望未必总是好事
I don’t always think that hope is a good thing.
我觉得有的时候
I think there are some times where
它可能会适得其反
it can be a bit counterproductive.
-因为它不切实际 -是的
– Because it’s unrealistic? – Yeah.
是的 或者因为… 因为…
Yeah, or because… Because…
因为你太专注于
Because you’re so focused on
可能发生的最好的情况
the best possible thing that could happen
而没有为真正会发生的事做好准备
that you fail to prepare for what really is happening.
实际上 病人接受治疗的
In fact, patients will often go through treatment with
成功率非常低
a very low chance of success.
有研究表明超过三分之一的癌症晚期患者
One study showed that over a third of terminal cancer patients
会接受治疗 即使延长他们生命的
would undergo treatment even if there was only
百分三十五 千分之一
治疗人数 成功率最小值
机会只有千分之一
a 0.1% chance it would prolong their life.
但是为他们治疗的医生说 如果他们
But the doctors who treat them, if they were
自己得了癌症
to have cancer themselves,
除非成功的机率达到百分之二十五以上
say they would refuse treatment unless it had
百分之六十一 百分之二十五
肿瘤专家 成功率
否则他们不会进行治疗
at least a 25% chance of working.
妮娜显然不是唯一一个满怀希望的人
Nina is clearly not alone in her dedication to hope,
但是我忍♥不住想知道
but I can’t help but wonder
我们制♥造♥了什么样的信息不对称
what kind of information gap we’ve created,
以至于连提供治疗的人
where the very people offering a treatment
自己都不想接受治疗
wouldn’t want it for themselves.
重要的日子
Big day.
还有大概二十分钟
Got about 20 minutes.
我就要开车去医院查看结果
Then I’m getting in the car to go to the hospital to find out…
就是去查看
What the situation is, basically,
他们在淋巴结里发现了什么
to find out what they found in the lymph nodes,
然后决定…
to find out…
我需不需要化疗 还有…
Whether I need to have chemo or…
手术是否已经把肿瘤全都清理干净了
Whether the surgery did the job of getting everything out.
你没办法掌握或者选择
You just don’t have any control or any choice
将要发生的事
over what’s going to happen.
你怎么样 汉娜
So how are you, Hannah?
-还行 -很好
– Yeah, all right. – Good.
显然你在等着我告诉你结果
So, you’re obviously waiting to hear what the results are.
我们让你很痛苦 我知道
We’re putting you through misery. I know.
我上车再告诉你
I’ll tell you in the car.
是吗
Yes?
没事了
Gone?
我的天 真的吗
Oh, my God, really?
太好了
Oh, fucking brilliant!
哦 宝贝
Oh, baby!
我的天啊
Oh, my God.
天啊
Oh, God.
天啊 我的天
Oh, God. Oh, my God.
太好了 说说看 快点告诉我
That’s amazing. So go on. Tell me, tell me. Tell me.
-没事了 完全没问题了吗 -没事了
– It’s done. Absolutely done? – It’s done.
天啊
Oh, God.
上帝
Jesus Christ.
感谢上帝
Oh, thank God.
不过他们说所有的淋巴结都呈阴性
But they said that all the lymph nodes came back negative.
他的意思是 “不能保证”
And he was like, “Can’t guarantee.”
不能说
You know, “This isn’t, like,
百分百 不能
100% like, you know, this isn’t, like,
保证说永不复发 不过 就是…
“A guarantee that it’s never come back again, but, like…”
当然
Bloody hell.
太棒了
Great.
-今晚不醉不休 -必须的
– Getting drunk tonight. – Fuck, yeah.
真为你高兴
Pleased with you.
太好了 太好了
Well done, well done.
这是最好的消息了
It’s the best possible news.
但是我的癌症还是有十分之一
But there’s still a one in ten chance
复发的可能性
that my cancer will come back.
你们吃过晚饭了吗
Have you had dinner?
-吃过了 -你们吃什么了
– Yeah, we did. – What did you have?
爸爸 爸爸
Daddy? Daddy?
几个月之后 问题出现了
A few months later, there’s a problem.
我开始注意到我的腿肿了
I’ve started to notice swelling in my legs.
要是我没注意
If I’m not careful,
一♥期♥ 二♥期♥ 三♥期♥ 四期
我的右腿肿得
my right leg swells up
比左腿大得多
to be much bigger than the left-hand side.
这是我手术的副作用引起的淋巴水肿
It’s caused by a side-effect of my surgery called lymphedema,
过多的体液在四肢积聚
where excess fluid builds up in your limbs.
这很残酷 不是吗
It’s grim, innit?
人体有淋巴系统
You have this system called your lymphatic system,
它的作用就像是小管子和通道
and it’s like little tubes and channels
