但我想好像 化疗带来的区别
But I think that, like, the difference that the chemo makes,
就算不是精确的百分之四
even if it’s not exactly 4%…
也没有她想象的那么大
It’s not as big as she thinks.
是的 准确地说
No, exactly.
相比于我 这对你来说
It sort of sits slightly more uncomfortably
似乎会更难以接受
with you than it does with me.
我来告诉你为什么
I’ll tell you why.
-我见过癌症复发的病人 -当然
– I’ve seen the cancers come back. – Of course.
我知道这是一个相对温和的化疗方案
And I know that this is a relatively gentle chemo
我能够让她挺过去
and I can get her through it.
我清楚如果这是某个我关心的人
And I know if that was somebody that I cared about,
我会百分百告诉他们接受化疗
I would 100% tell them to have it.
我用尽一生
I spend all my life trying
试图向世人解释数学概念
to explain mathematical concepts to people.
我知道这很难 对吗
And I know how hard it is, right?
我知道这个概念有多晦涩
And I know how difficult this concept is.
我不是在说 哪怕一瞬间
And I’m not saying, even for
它会改变她的人生道路
a moment, that it would change the path that she’s on,
改变她做出的决定
change the decision that she’s made.
但我就在想这些病人做化疗
But I’m just thinking about the patients who are taking chemo
是因为他们认为这是活下去的唯一机会
because they think it’s their only chance of survival
却没有意识到事实上 它只有很小的区别
without realising, actually, it’s making a very small difference.
问题在于
So, the thing is,
我认为人们不能从哲学角度真正地
I don’t think philosophically people can really deal
处理如此复杂的思考和决策
with that level of complex thinking and decision-making.
我想人们需要从决策中得到信心
I think people need confidence in their decisions,
而有时候这需要更简单的答案
and sometimes that requires a more simplistic answer.
我觉得很矛盾
I’m feeling conflicted.
我担心病人不能够
I’m uneasy that patients might not
认识到获益有多么微小
see how small the benefits are,
但我也知道害怕是什么感觉
but I know what it’s like to be frightened,
因而希望医生来主导
and just want a doctor to take charge.
尽管我淋巴结肿大
Despite my swollen lymph nodes,
我仍然希望不做化疗
I’m still hoping to avoid chemotherapy,
但我妈妈敦促我采取更现实的方法
but my mum is urging a more realistic approach.
我妈得癌症的时候我还在上学
Mum had cancer when I was in school.
所以她一点也不在乎
This is why she doesn’t give a shit.
妈妈有九个兄弟姐妹
Our family, though, so Mum’s got nine brothers and sisters
有几个没有得过癌症
how many of them have not had cancer?
就像有些家庭打橄榄球一样
You know like how some families play rugby?
我们是得癌症
Ours gets cancer.
我刚听到消息的时候非常担心她
I was very worried about her when I first heard the news.
虽然我刚告诉你的时候
Yeah. When I first told you, though,
-是用很乐观的方式 -对
– I told it to you in a very positive way. – Yes, yeah.
你也依然很担心吗
What, and you were still worried about it?
我上网查了一下
Well, I looked it up online.
你查到了什么
What did you see when you looked it up?
如果子♥宫♥切除 如果是癌症
Well, if it’s a hysterectomy and if it’s cancer,
那么就是化疗 在我们国家 在西方世界
then it’s chemo. In this country, in the western world,
大家都这么做
they decide to do it.
我不知道有谁能不做化疗或者放疗就痊愈
I don’t know of anyone who’s got away without the chemo
你就尽一切可能对抗癌症
or the radio. You just do your best to fight it.
不过我也有可能不是
I’ve got a chance of it not being, though.
那就等等看
So, just wait and see.
对 很棒
Yeah, well done.
你看 到处都是化学品
They’re full of lots of chemicals, you see.
什么是化学品
What are chemicals?
“什么是化学品” 这是个好问题
“What are chemicals?” That’s an excellent question,
也许应该让你妈妈回答
and probably one for your mum to answer,
而不是我
I’d say, rather than me.
如果汉娜接受化疗
If Hannah has chemotherapy,
那将会
that’s going to have, you know,
在很多层面上都有显著的影响
dramatic implications on a number of levels,
从实际层面到情感层面
from pragmatic levels to emotional levels.
孩子们看她承受这些
I mean, the kids seeing her going through
会是很艰难的
that’s going to be tough.
我看她承受这些
Me seeing her go through
也会是很艰难的
that is going to be tough.
汉娜承受这些 会是很艰难的
Hannah going through that is going to be tough.
我们来玩什么
What shall we play?
真正重要的是情绪稳定
All that really matters is the emotional stability,
这是最重要的事
which is the most important thing.
我觉得关于癌症 在某个点
I think the thing about cancer, there’s this point,
某个岔路口
there’s this fork in the road,
然后来到了简单的结局
and it does come down to something as simple
一些癌细胞出现在了错误的地方
as a few cancer cells in the wrong place.
一条路
Where, on one path, we have
是一个病重的人 可能会死
a very sick person at home, potentially dying,
然后一切都发生了改变
and everything changes.
另一条路是
And then the other fork, which is…
我的病好转了 我们可以继续生活
I get better, and we get to go on with our lives.
我仍在思考
I’m still thinking about my conversations
我与朱迪和安妮的对话
with Judy and Anne,
以及这些数字如何随着癌症的发展而变化
and how the numbers change as cancer progresses.
我试图理解为何病人
I want to understand why patients
决定进行治疗
decide to keep going with treatment,
哪怕概率对他们不利
when the odds are stacked against them.
我在网上遇到妮娜
Online, I came across Nina,
一个来自伦敦南部的三十九岁的
a 39-year-old fashion designer
自♥由♥ 不觉得吗
感谢我的轮滑团队带给我笑容 非常爱你们俩
时尚设计师和母亲
and mum from South London.
三月一次吗 我爱你
与四期癌症共存
我等不及明天去进行化疗了
I can’t wait to go into chemo tomorrow,
接受下一个疗程
having one more session,
下一个循环
one more cycle.
上帝保佑今天这个天使般的护士
她罹患了非常严重的乳腺癌
She’s got a particularly aggressive form of breast cancer
目前认为是晚期
that’s now considered terminal.
像她这样类型和阶段的癌症患者
Women with her type and stage of cancer
五年生存率只有百分之十二
have only a 12% chance of living five years.
你好吗
Hi, how are you doing?
-很高兴见到你 -很开心见到你 谢谢
– Nice to meet you. – Lovely to meet you, thank you.
抱一个
Yeah, well, let’s hug!
她化疗的过程常常让人精疲力尽
Her chemo is often exhausting,
而她的生活已被药物占据
and her life’s been taken over by medications.
-你在开玩笑 -没有
– Wow, you weren’t joking. – Ha, no,
这 这太多了
there’s… There’s quite a lot.
这是每天的吗
This is for…? This is every day?
太多药物了 不是吗
So much medication, isn’t it?
化疗之后
After chemo,
我吃这个来减轻呕吐
I take these that help me with anti-sickness. Yep.
我现在在进行第三个疗程
Now that I’m on my third cycle,
我需要更频繁地吃药
I’m having to take the pills more often
因为我感觉很不好
because I just feel so bad.
血液稀释剂
Yeah, so blood thinners,
-我得用这个 -这是注射剂吗
– I have to take these. – That’s an injection?
是 我需要每天给自己注射
Yeah, and I have to inject myself every day,
一天比一天难
and every day it gets harder.
你需要自己振作起来吗
Do you have to psyche yourself up?
是的
Yeah.
我感觉我的肚皮越来越敏感
I feel like my stomach is getting more sensitive
因为我已经注射了好几个月
because I’ve had so many months of it.
有时候我只想把它推进去
And some days I just want to push it in,
但是太疼了
but it hurts me. Yeah.
天啊
Oh, gosh.
这大大提醒我 我有癌症
And it’s a big reminder that I have cancer.
在我开心的日子明确提醒我
It’s a big reminder, on my good days, that
一切都不寻常
things are not normal.
这一切都是
I mean, all of this is just such
