我从未能真正地弄明白
I have never been able really
to figure out
我的生活从何开始
where my life begins
从何结束
and where it ends.
我从来没有把自己的生活完完全全地搞清楚
I have never, never been able
to figure it all out,
它的内容
它的意义
What it is all about,
what it all means.
所以当我现在开始
So when I began now
把这些胶片汇聚起来
to put all these rolls
of film together,
串在一起时
to string them together,
第一个想法就是将它们按照时间顺序排列
the first idea was
to keep them chronological.
但是我放弃了
But then I gave up
我只是出于一些偶然间的想法把它们拼贴在一起
and I just began
splicing them together by chance,
就像我在书架上发现它们时也是出于偶然一样
the way I found them on the shelf.
因为我真的不知道
Because I really don’t know
我生命中的任何一部分应该属于哪里
where any piece of my life
really belongs.
所以就顺其自然 随它而去吧
So let it be, let it go,
让它落于纯粹的偶然
just by pure chance,
与混乱之中
disorder.
这其中存在着某种秩序
There is some kind of order in it,
关于它本身的秩序
order of its own,
但我不理解
which I do not really understand,
就像我从未理解的周遭生活——
same as I never understood
life around me,
世人所说的“真实的生活”
the real life, as they say,
或“真实的人们”——一样
or the real people,
我从未理解过这些事情
I never understood them.
现在依旧如此
I still do not understand them,
而我也并不想尝试去理解
and I do not really want
to understand them.
在不知情的境况下 我们不知不觉地
Without knowing, unknowingly,
背负着彼此
we carry, each of us,
也承担着自身
we carry with us
在幽深的环境中
somewhere deep
天堂的影像
some images of Paradise.
也许不是影像
Maybe not images…
是一种异常朦胧的感觉
some vague, vague feeling
关乎我们置身过的地方
where we have been some place…
有一些地方
There are places, there are places
在那里我们能从生命中找到自身的存在
in which we find ourselves
in our lives,
我到过这样的地方
I have been in such places
就感觉
where I felt, ah,
这里就像天堂一样
这里就是天堂
this must be like Paradise,
this is Paradise,
天堂就长这样吧
this is how Paradise was,
or something like that,
这就是所能代表它的碎片
a little fragment of Paradise.
不光是地方
Not only the places…
我也有朋友们
I have been with friends,
我和我的朋友们很多次欢聚在一起
we have been together,
我和我的朋友们很多次欢聚在一起
my friends, many times,
我们感受到了
and we felt,
一种特殊的、亲密无间的友爱情谊
some kind of togetherness,
something special,
让我们欢乐无比
and we were elated and we felt, ah,
我们感觉自己身处天堂
we felt like in Paradise.
转念一想我们只是在这世间
But we were right here on this Earth.
但这种情感只属于天堂
But we were in Paradise…
那些短暂的瞬间……那些瞬间……
Those brief moments, those moments,
也许是……有关于……
and that is maybe
what it’s all about…
忘记永恒，享受吧
Forget eternity, enjoy,
是的，让我们享受那些时光吧
yes, we enjoyed those moments,
那些短暂的片刻，那些夜晚
those brief moments, those evenings,
有很多夜晚，很多这样的夜晚，我的朋友
and there were many such evenings
many such evenings, my friends,
我永远都无法忘记，我的朋友
I will never forget them,
my friends…
我认为尼采是一个过渡
I think Nietzsche was the transition.
我相信西方文化中最伟大的哲学家就是尼采
I believe one of the absolute greatest
我相信西方文化中最伟大的哲学家就是尼采
philosophers of the Western
culture is Nietzche.
这样说是最精确的
The most precise of all.
这就是他为什么最具影响力的原因
That is why he was
the greatest influence…
他在1960年改变了我的生活
He changed my life in 1960.
1959年我读了他的戏剧构作
In 1959 I read his Dramaturgie
然后我读了第二和第三版的引言
and I read the introduction
of the second or third edition
也就是在第一版出版的多年之后
which was years later,
他说：“噢！如果我只写诗
and he says “Oh if I would have
only written poetry”
然后把它们都整合起来，而不是想方设法把自己塑造成一个哲学家，
那该有多好
“and incorporated it all instead
of trying to say it as a philosopher”
这是我的失败之处。”
“that was my failure.”
所以我说，够了：
So I said, that’s enough:
我现在要拍我的电影了
I have to make my films now.
那时我刚离开平面工作室
And that is when I left my job
at the Graphic Studios
拍了《枪林炮丛》
and made “Guns of the Trees”
他有自己的思想
He had his mind,
一直在持续不断地努力
and he continuously struggles…
我在这里 我的剪辑室
Here I am, in my editing room,
深夜
this late night,
又是一个深夜
this late night again.
我已经暂停了我的录音机
I have stopped
my tape recorder here…
也就是说 处理声音的时候
That is, I am rewinding…
我在倒带
as I’m working on my sounds…
我在这儿 只有我的影像与声音环绕于此
Here I am, just with my images
and my sounds…
我在这儿 只有我的影像与声音环绕于此
by myself,
在这几乎已变得空荡荡的房♥子
now in practically empty house.
乌娜已经结婚了
Oona is now married
现在正开心地在布鲁克林
and happy and she is in Brooklyn.
但实际上 此时此刻
But actually, this very minute
她正和塞巴斯蒂安一起看电影
she is watching with Sebastian,
他们去了电影院
they went to a movie.
霍利斯出去了
她是今天早上离开的
Hollis is out,
she left early this morning,
我比她提前出门
I left before her,
所以我也不知道她在哪 什么时候回来
so I don’t know where she is
and when she’s coming back home.
所以现在只剩我一个人
So here I am, just myself,
还有这些猫 我的影像 我的声音
and cats and my images
and my sounds
以及我自己
and myself,
我自己
myself,
对自己感到感到惊奇 感到诧异
wondering, wondering about myself.
实际上 也许是我夸大其词了
Actually, maybe I am exaggerating.
我没有想对自己了解太多
I’m not really wondering.
我只是在做我的工作
I’m just doing my work.
我只是在工作罢了
I’m just working.
这里是我的小作坊
This is my little workshop here,
这间装满了胶片的小屋
this little room,
loaded, stacked with film,
还有我的两把巴扬琴
and my two bayans…
这是一把
Here is one,
这是另一把
and here is another,
我在处理自己的声音
as I’m working on my sounds.
我不太确定我在做什么
I’m not so sure what I’m doing really.
一切都是随机的
It’s all chance.
我在检查所有我录制的声音
I’m going through
all the reels of my sounds,
检查一下这个 检查一下那个
picking up this, picking up that,
拼接在一起 堆放在一起
splicing it all together,
putting it all together,
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