我觉得你很可爱 – 是吗?真的吗?
I think you’re cute. – Yeah? Do you?
上吧
Go ahead.
我不知道他们怎么会让我参加这样的集♥会♥
I don’t know why they would have me at this kind of rally
因为我本来根本不是表演政♥治♥喜剧的
’cause I’m not essentially a political comedian.
有意思的是 我曾和艾森豪威尔班子里的…
I interestingly had dated a woman…
一位女士约会过 时间不长
in the Eisenhower administration, briefly.
在我看来这真的很滑稽
It was ironic to me…
因为我想要对她”做”的事情
’cause I was trying to do to her…
正是艾森豪威尔在过去八年里 一直对这个国家”做”的
what Eisenhower’s been doing to the country for the last eight years.
对不起 我无法继续下去了
I’m sorry. I can’t go through with this.
因为我无法忘记这事 爱丽森 它一直困扰着我
I can’t get it off my mind! It’s obsessing me!
噢 我真受够你了 你要你更加专注一点
I’m getting tired of it. I need your attention.
但是这太说不通了 他的车通过存书房♥
But it doesn’t make any sense. He drove past the book depository…
可警♥察♥确凿地说那伤口是 子弹穿出造成的
and the police said conclusively that it was an exit wound.
因此 奥斯瓦尔德怎么可能 同时从两个不同的角度射击呢?
So how is it possible for Oswald to have fired from two angles at once?
这太荒唐了嘛 – 艾尔维
It doesn’t make sense!
我来告诉你 他的枪法没那么好
I’ll tell you this. He was not marksman enough…
在那么远距离射中一个移♥动♥的目标
to hit a moving target at that range.
但是 如果有第二个杀手…
But if there was a second assassin-
那么就结了 – 我们已经说过这个了
That’s it! – We’ve been through this.
他们找到了从那把来♥复♥枪♥掉出的弹壳
They recovered the shells from that rifle.
好吧 你现在想说什么?
What are you saying now?
沃伦委员会的每一个人 都卷进了这个阴谋 是吗?
That everybody on the Warren Commission is in on this conspiracy, right?
为什么不会?
Why not?
厄尔·沃伦? – 亲爱的 我不确定厄尔·沃伦是否卷入
Earl Warren? – Honey, I don’t know Earl Warren.
林登·约翰逊?
Lyndon Johnson?
林登·约翰逊?林登·约翰逊是个政客
Lyndon Johnson is a politician!
你知道那些家伙的道德观 他们比儿童骚扰犯还要低一个档次
You know the ethics those guys have. It’s a notch underneath child molester.
那么每一个人都参与了阴谋
Then everybody’s in on the conspiracy.
联邦调查局、中♥央♥情报局 约翰·埃德加·胡佛、还有石油公♥司♥
The FBl and the CIA and J. Edgar Hoover, the oil companies
五角大楼、再加白宫卫生间里的服务生?
the Pentagon, the men’s-room attendant at the White House?
我看卫生间里的服务生可以排除掉
I would leave out the men’s-room attendant.
你这是在用阴谋论 作为逃避和我做♥爱♥的借口
You’re using this conspiracy theory as an excuse to avoid sex with me.
噢 我的上帝 她说得对
Oh, my God! She’s right.
为什么我要拒绝爱丽森·普曲尼克?
Why did I turn off Allison Portchnik?
她那么漂亮 那么心甘情愿 而且她也真的很聪明
She was beautiful. She was willing. She was real intelligent.
是不是这就像格劳乔·马克斯的 老笑话说的那样
Is it the old Groucho Marx joke…
我只是不想加入这样的俱乐部 它的会员是像我这样的人?
that I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me for a member?
艾尔维 不要慌 快抓住它 – 我早就跟你说过…
Alvy, don’t panic! – It’s a mistake…
不要把活的东西带回屋里
to bring a live thing in the house.
别 别那样做 快抓那边那个
Don’t do that.
也许我们应该报♥警♥ 快拨911 那是专门对付龙虾的分队
Maybe we should call the police. Dial 911. It’s the lobster squad.
得了吧 它们只是小龙虾 看在上帝的份上
They’re only baby ones. For God sakes.
它们只是小龙虾?那你把它们捡起来 – 好吧 行了
If they’re babies, you pick them up. – All right! All right!
给你这个 – 别给我 别这样
Here you go! – Don’t give it to me.
快看 一个爬到冰箱后面去了
Look! One crawled behind the refrigerator.
它晚上会出现在我们的床上 快把那家伙拿开 天哪
It’ll turn up in our bed at night. Get out of here with that thing!
跟它谈谈吧 你不是会说贝壳语嘛
Talk to him. You speak shellfish.
咳 看 快把它放到锅里
Hey, put it in the pot.
我不能 我不能把一个活的 东西放进热水锅里
I can’t. I can’t put a live thing in hot water.
给我 让我来 你觉得我们应该怎样做 带它去看电影?
What d’you think we were going to do, take him to the movies?
好 艾尔维 噢 谢谢
Good. Oh, thank you.
行了 放进去了 它绝对在锅里了
Okay, it’s in. It’s definitely in the pot.
安妮 有一只大的龙虾在冰箱后面
Annie, there’s a big lobster behind the refrigerator.
我弄它不出来 冰箱太沉了
I can’t get it out. This thing’s heavy.
也许我放一盘奶油沙司再加把 胡桃钳子在这儿 它就会从另一边跑出来了
Maybe if I put a dish of butter sauce here, it’ll run out the other side.
我去取我的相机 等等
I’m going to get my camera.
要是我能撬开…
I think if I could pry-
我们应该买♥♥牛排的 因为它们没有腿 它们不会到处乱跑
We should have gotten steaks, ’cause they don’t have legs and run around.
噢 讨厌 噢 天哪
抓着这个龙虾 抓住它 快 – 你什么意思?现在还要拍照片?
Pick this lobster up. Hold it, please. – You’re going to take pictures now?
艾尔维 那很好玩的 噢 太妙了
Alvy, it’ll be wonderful. Oh, lovely!
天哪 太恶心了 – 再来一张 艾尔维 快点 再来一张
It’s disgusting. – One more, please? One more.
噢 好 好
Good!
那么这是我想知道的 我是你第一个真正的情人吗?
Here’s what I want to know. Am I your first, big romance?
噢 不 不是的
真的吗?那是谁? – 噢 那是齐佩瓦瀑布市高中的丹尼斯
Who was? – There was Dennis from high school.
丹尼斯吗?当地男孩?那么一定在 周六晚上在电影院门口和你约会?
Local kid who’d meet you in front of the movie house on Saturday night?
噢 天哪 你应该看看我那时候的样子 – 我可以想象 也许像个宇航员的妻子
You should’ve seen how I looked then. – I can imagine. An astronaut’s wife.
然后就是杰里 他是演员 – 你看看你
Then there was Jerry, the actor. – Look at you.
真的很可笑
You’re such a clown.
我看上去很漂亮 – 你总是很漂亮 但是那个和你在一起的家伙
I look pretty. – You always do. But that guy with you!
表演 就如同对灵魂的探索 是非常宗教性的
Acting is like an exploration of the soul. It’s very religious.
就像是某种意识的解放
Like a kind of liberating consciousness.
又像是一首视觉上的诗歌♥
It’s like a visual poem.
哈 他那样胡扯不是在开玩笑吧?
Is he kidding with that crap?
噢 对
Oh, right!
是的 我想我知道你说的 “宗教性的”确切意思是什么
Right. I think I know exactly what you mean when you say “religious. ”
你真知道? – 行行好 我那时太年轻了
You do? – Come on. I was younger.
咳 那才是去年啊
That was last year!
就像是我想起死亡的感觉 你知道我愿意怎么死吗?
It’s like when I think of dying. You know how I’d like to die?
不知道 怎么死?
How?
我希望被野兽撕成碎片
I’d like to get torn apart by wild animals.
够猛 被松鼠啃掉 – 咳 听着 他是个出色的演员
Heavy! Eaten by some squirrels. – He was a terrific actor.
看看他 长得也很优雅 而且感情丰富
He’s neat looking and he was emotional.
对了 我想你不太喜欢感情化的吧
I don’t think you like emotion too much.
用你的脚摸一下我的心
Touch my heart with your foot.
我去吐先
I may throw up.
他的确是有点怪 – 承认了吧
He was creepy. – Yeah!
我想你遇见我真是很幸运 – 哦 真的吗?呵呵 啦-嘀-哒
You’re pretty lucky I came along. – Oh, really? La-de-dah!
“啦-嘀-哒” 要是以前有人跟我说 我会和一个满嘴”啦-嘀-哒”的姑娘约会
If anyone ever told me that I’d be taking out a girl…
我肯定以为他是个疯子
who used expressions like “la-de-dah”-
是啊 你只喜欢那些纽约女孩
That’s right. You really like those New York girls.
嗯 不”只”是啦 不全是啦 – 我看是的 你不是结了两次婚都是纽约女孩吗?
Not just. Not only. – I’d say so. You married two of them.
那位是亨利·德鲁克
There’s Henry Drucker.
他在普林斯顿历史系有个位置(椅子)
He has a Chair in History at Princeton.
那矮个的男人是赫歇尔·卡明斯基 他在康奈尔哲学系有个位置(椅子)
The short man is Hershel Kaminsky. He has a Chair in Philosophy at Cornell.
再加两把椅子 他们就可以搞定个餐室了
Two more chairs, they got a dining room set.
你为什么那样充满敌意? – 因为我想在电视上看尼克斯队的比赛
Why are you so hostile? – I want to watch the Knicks on TV.
那是保罗·古德曼吗?不
Is that Paul Goodman? No.
对主人客气点 因为他正在出版我写的书
Be nice to the host, because he’s publishing my book.
嗨 道格 那是道格拉斯·外厄思
Hi, Doug. Douglas Wyeth…
“污秽的回收心灵破烂之店” (叶芝：《遗弃马戏团动物》)
The Foul Rag-and-Bone Shop of the Heart.
我真受够了整晚和那些…
I’m so tired of spending evenings…
干”痢疾”活的人 进行假惺惺的探讨
making fake insights with people who work for Dysentery.
干”评论”活的人
Commentary.
哦 是吗?我怎么听说”评论”和”异议” 已经合并成了”痢疾”
I heard Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.
别说笑了 他们都是朋友 行吗?
No jokes. These are friends. Okay?
克里夫兰骑士队要输给纽约尼克斯队了
Cleveland Cavaliers losing to the New York Knicks.
你在这儿哪 那外面都是人哪
Here you are. There’s people out there.
两分钟前 尼克斯队还领先十四分
Two minutes ago, the Knicks are ahead 14 points…
可现在他们才领先两分了
and now they’re ahead two points.
艾尔维 一帮子脑垂体变异的怪胎…
Alvy, what is so fascinating…
忙活着将只圆球塞进个铁圈子里 究竟有什么吸引人的?
about a group of pituitary cases trying to stuff a ball through a hoop?
吸引人的地方在于这是体力活
What is fascinating is that it’s physical.
而有关于智力往往是
That’s one thing about intellectuals:
知识分子可以看起来很才华横溢 而实则却是狗屁不通
They’ve proved you can be brilliant and have no idea what’s going on.
但从另一方面来说 身体却从不口是心非 就像你我都知道现在该干什么
But, on the other hand, the body doesn’t lie as we now know.
别装疯卖♥♥傻了
Stop acting out.
那感觉会很棒的 因为那些博士们都在那儿讨论…
It’ll be great, because all those Ph. D.s are in there discussing
离间的模式啥的 而我们却在这儿静悄悄地嘿♥咻♥嘿♥咻♥
modes of alienation, and we’ll be in here quietly humping.
艾尔维 别这样 你这是利用性来表达你的敌意
Don’t. You’re using sex to express hostility.
“为什么你总是把我的动物本能 降格到心理分♥析♥的范畴”
Why do you always reduce my animal urges to psychoanalytic categories
他一边说一边解她的胸罩
he said as he removed her brassier.
艾尔维 外面有从《纽约客》杂♥志♥来的人啊
There are people out there from the New Yorker magazine!
老天啊 他们会怎么想?
My God! What would they think?
该死的警笛 – 别生气
Damn siren! – Don’t get upset.
妈的 我已经差不多了
Damn it! I was so close!
天哪 昨晚是因为有个家伙直按喇叭
Last night it was a guy honking his car horn.
我是说 整座城市不可能完全安静下来嘛
The city can’t close down.
你想让他们把机场也关闭啦? 没有了飞机我们才可以做♥爱♥?
You want them to close the airport so we can have sex?