谭恩美：意外的回忆录（2021）

And this man spend my money all up.
这个人把我的钱都花光了。
Can you see that?
你能看出来吗？
And he was… destroying my body, too, is that right?
他还…还毁了我的身体，明白吗?
So foolish,
太傻了，
so stupid… stupid person.
太傻了…笨蛋。
– I hate myself. – Mm-hmm.
-我恨我自己。 -嗯嗯。
And every day the sex,every day, he want it.
每天做♥爱♥，每天，他都想要。
They don’t get… don’t give it,again on the bed.
他们达不到…没有给，就再次躺在床上。
He’s not treating my person.
他根本没把我当人看待。
He treating I belong to him…a box, a thing,
他认为我是属于他的…就像一个盒子，一件物品，
For he to not everyday use,
对他来说，不是每天必用的，
– is that right? – Mm-hmm.
-明白吗？ -嗯嗯。
Just so you know how bad he was,
你要知道，他对我有多坏，
He was somebody who made his daughters bring home
他是那种，让自己的女儿把同学
their schoolmates so he could rape them.
带回家，好强♥奸♥她们。
This is a man my mother could not leave.
这是一个我母亲无法离开的男人。
By the laws of marriage at that time,
根据当时的婚姻法，
she had to stay with him.
她必须和他在一起。
And during that time with him,she had four children,
在这段时间里，她生了四个孩子，
a son and three daughters.
一个儿子，三个女儿。
The first son that you had then, how did he die?
你当时的第一个儿子，他是怎么死的?
Maybe with the restaurant…eat something wrong that night,
也许在饭馆…那天晚上吃错了东西，
then he came home,was diarrhea… never stop.
然后他回到家，就拉肚子了…停不下来。
Then I was looking for his father,
然后我就去找他父亲，
take him to the doctor.
带他去看医生。
He came home,he said that son’s sick.
他来到家，他说他儿子病了。
He said, 鈥淪i ren bu guan.鈥?
他说，“死人不管。”
鈥淪i ren bu guan.鈥? meaning,
死人不管，是不是就意味着，
– doesn’t something matter… – No, if he die, I don’t care.
-是无关紧要的东西… -不，如果他死了，我不会介意的。
– Yeah. Oh… – 鈥淪i ren bu guan.鈥?
-是的。哦…“死人不管。”
– 鈥淪i ren bu guan.鈥? – Mm-hmm.
-“死人不管。” -嗯嗯。
– “He dies, I don’t care.” – Mm-hmm.
-“他死了，我不在乎。”—嗯。
My father took this photo in Tianjin,
这张照片是我父亲在天津拍的，
he was working for the US Information Agency,
他在美国新闻处工作，
and she was visiting that town with her sister-in-law.
而她和她的嫂子正在那个城市游玩。
Once she met him, she stayed,
她一遇到他就留下了，
effectively abandoning her marriage.
实际上放弃了自己的婚姻。
This was during the height
那是在我父母的婚外情
of my mother and father’s affair,
最激烈的时候，
unfathomable love during this time,
在这段时间里，深不可测的爱，
that could conquer everything.
可以征服一切。
They had this affair for at least two seasons,
他们的这段恋情，至少持续了两个季度，
and then her husband,who hired a detective,
然后她的丈夫雇了一个侦探，
had her hauled back to Shanghai
把她带回了上海，
and put in jail.
关进了监狱。
She tried to kill herself,of course, in jail,
她试图自杀，当然，是在监狱里，
was hospitalized.
被送进了医院。
And during that time,my father had
在那段时间里，我父亲的良心
his conscience stirred and he felt that he had played
受到了触动，他觉得他在
this terrible role in destroying this marriage
破坏这段婚姻，和这个家庭中扮演了
and this family.
一个可怕的角色。
He pledged that he would love her forever.
他发誓永远爱她。
And if she could free herself,
如果她能挣脱束缚，
she should join him in the United States.
她应该去美国和他会合。
And then he left.
然后，他就走了。
She got the divorce, eventually,
她最终通过耍手段
through trickery and through the help of relatives.
和亲戚的帮助下，成功离婚了。
What happens to a person
一个女人把自己的女儿
when they leave their daughters behind?
抛在身后会发生什么?
What kind of guilt comes up?
她会产生什么样的负罪感?
As my mother tells it,
我母亲告诉我，
when they announced that John Tan’s bride
当他们宣布约翰·谭的新娘
was coming from Shanghai,
从上海来的时候，
there were several womenwho shrieked
有几个女人尖叫着，
and then ran out in tears.
然后哭着跑了出去。
I don’t know whether that’s true.
我不知道，这是不是真的。
She was in love,
她陷入爱情中，
so she did what she needed to do.
所以她做了她需要做的事。
It was hard to wrap my head around
我很难理解
all the different aspects of Auntie Daisy’s past.
黛西阿姨过去的方方面面。
What helped is that I had a half-brother
帮助我的是，我有一个同父异母的哥哥，
and knowing the story of my grandmother being a concubine,
并且知道我祖母是姨太太的故事，
which was not easy to say.
这并不容易说出口。
Because the culture’s different,
因为文化不同，
talking to people in the States,
和美国人交谈，
it was hard, I think, for them to understand what that meant.
我想他们很难理解这意味着什么。
I learned about Auntie Daisy’s past,
我知道黛西阿姨的过去，
I think it was as Amy was developing her stories.
我想是在恩美讲故事的时候。
Amy had written a few stories
恩美写了一些故事，
that she didn’t really connect up with as a novel or anything,
但她并没有真正把它们，作为小说或其他东西联♥系♥起来，
（斯阔谷：1960年冬季奥♥运♥会举办地）
but she went to the Squaw Valley
但她参加了在“斯阔谷”召开的
Writer’s Conference
作家大会，
and got a lot of good feedback
得到了很多很好的反馈，
to encourage her to keep writing.
鼓励她继续写作。
I was teaching at Squaw Valley
我在斯阔谷教书，
and we had Wednesday afternoons off.
我们周三下午休息。
So a bunch of us took the tram up to the top of the mountain.
所以我们一群人乘电缆车上了山顶。
I didn’t know Amy.She was in the tram.
我不认识恩美，她当时也在缆车上。
We got up the mountain,
等我们到了山顶，
it started to hail,and the lightning was going.
就开始了下冰雹，并伴随着电闪雷鸣。
Our guide, who said he knew the mountain
据我们的向导说，他虽然对这座山峰
like the back of his hand did in the winter.
了如指掌，但那时在冬季。
He was a ski instructor.
他是一位滑雪教练。
He did not know how to get us down in the summer.
他不知道怎么在夏天把我们这些人送下山。
So it took us maybe two or three hours.
于是，我们大概花了3个小时。
I mean, we’re all good writers,but bad athletes.
我们虽是优秀的作家，却不是蹩脚的运动员。
None of us were exactly in shape.
没有一个人有健硕的体型。
And we edged our way down the ravines.
我们沟壑小心翼翼地下山。
And when we got to the bottom,
当我们走到山底时，
Amy Tan unzipped her fanny pack
恩美·谭拉开腰包的拉链，
and pulled out a single cigarette.
拿出一根烟。
And I remember they took a picture.
我记得他们拍了一张照片。
I… this white jersey skirt of mine was…
我…这条白衬连衣裙…
had been hailed on, it had mud on it, had blood on it.
被冰雹刮过，上面有泥，甚至还有血。
It was just sort of dragging around
那时候我的脚踝
my ankles at that point.
都被它拖着了。
But Amy looked perfect.
但是恩美却看上起不错。
And then the one cigarette,perfect.
虽然是在抽烟，但却很完美。
The next day, she felt that
第二天，她觉得
we’d been through something together,
我们已经有了共度困境的经历，
and she asked if I would take a look at her story,
她问我，是否可以读一下她写的故事，
and I did, and I loved it.
我读了，并非常喜欢它。
And it was a mess, and I still loved it.
虽然有点儿凌乱，但我还是喜欢它。
And I remember saying to her,
我记得我跟她说，
“You know, this would be wonderful.”
“我跟你说，这会非常精彩的。”
“You should break this into 12 separate short stories.”
“你应该把它分成12个独♥立♥的短故事。”
And Amy said my favorite word as a student,
恩美说了，我学生时代最爱用的词，
“Okay,” and she did it.
“好吧”，她照做了。
So that’s how it started, and it happened fast after that.
事情就是这样开始的，之后很快就发生了。
It happened very fast.
发生的确实很快。
Molly Giles said,”I think you should meet
莫莉·贾尔斯说:“我觉得你应该见见
a writer I’m working with, Amy Tan.”
和我一起工作的作家谭恩美。”
And so Amy came armed with an outline and,
于是恩美带着大纲来了，
the title was Wind and Water.
题目是《风与水》。
And I said, well, coming from California,
我说，好吧，我来自加州，
I will be laughed out of Manhattan
我会在曼哈顿引起别人笑话的，
if I come in with a book called Wind and Water.
如果我带着一本名叫《风与水》的书的话。
In the synopsis
在故事梗概里
were these four magical words,
有这四个神奇的字，
“The Joy Luck Club.”