谭恩美：意外的回忆录（2021）

throughout our lives.
贯穿我们一生。
We were so young,and he didn’t know
我们那时太年轻了，他不知道
how to stand up for me to his parents.
如何在他父母面前维护我。
And so I said, this is it.
于是我说，就是这样了。
Either we get married,or it’s over.
我们要么结婚，要么结束。
So that was the proposal.
这就是我的建议。
And he said, “Oh, okay.”
他说:“哦，好吧。”
Four months later,we got married.
四个月后，我们结婚了。
He was such a nice guy.
他是个很好的人。
And I had the thought that my father would have liked him.
我还有这样的念头，如果我父亲还健在，会喜欢他的。
I lived with my mom in San Leandro.
我和我妈住在圣莱安德罗。
I think I was 16 or 17 years old.
我想我当时16或17岁。
Amy and Lou had come down to visit.
恩美和卢来串门了。
Shrimp, my favorite.
虾仁，我最爱吃了。
And my mom had made over,I’d say,
我妈做了，差不多
200 to 300 pot stickers.
200到300个锅贴。
And they came and they ate most of them.
他们来了，吃掉了大部分。
Oh, my God. He just, like,wolfed those down.
哦,我的上帝。他就这么狼吞虎咽地吃了下去。
I was so pissed off.
我很生气。
I said,”Don’t ever bring him back.”
我说”永远别把他带回家来。”
All this needs is a little soy sauce.
只要一点酱油就行了。
The entire world assumes it must be me.
社交圈里的人都认为，我一定会这样干的。
I can’t count the times I’ve met people and they say,
我都记不清我遇见了多少人，他们都说，
“I know you.You’re the guy who said,
“我记得你，你就是那个说，
‘All it needs is a little soy sauce.'”
‘只要加一点酱油就行了’的人。”
And I think the irony to that story is that
我认为这个故事的讽刺之处在于，
I actually managed to make
我实际上成功地
a halfway decent first impression.
给人留下了，还算不错的第一印象。
He’s like a brother to me.
他就像我的一位兄长。
I mean, my lost brother,he came into my life,
我想说，我虽失去了哥哥，但他走进了我的生活，
he supported me as much as possible,
他尽可能地给我帮助，
and he was very conscious of keeping my mom happy
他非常了解怎么让我的妈妈和我，开心起来
and so forth.
之类的事情。
There was a brief period of time that I actually
有很短一段时间，说实在的，
probably had a better relationship
我和恩美妈妈的关系
with Amy’s mother than Amy did.
可能比恩美还好。
And they were at loggerheads
当他们吵得不可开交时，
because Amy was finally telling her mother,
因为恩美终于向她妈妈袒露，
no, I’m not going to be a medical doctor
不，我不想当医生，
and a concert pianist by night.
晚上又当音乐会钢琴家。
You know, I’m going to do this my way.
你也知道，就得我来打圆场了。
– There you are, puffing away. – Oh.
-你就在那儿吞云吐雾。 -哦。
You’ve turned it on?
你开机录了？
– Yeah. – Oh, no.
-是的。 -哦，别。
My mother will see this and tell me…
我妈妈看到这个会跟我说…
She won’t approve.
她不赞同你抽烟。
At that point,I really had the love/hate
而此时此刻，我真的和我妈妈有一种
relationship with my mother.
爱恨情仇。
I knew what kind of support she needed to not kill herself.
我知道，她需要什么样的支持才不会让她自杀。
So I started writing letters to her
所以我上大学后
when I went to college.
开始给她写信。
“Dear Mom, Boy, it sure was good
“亲爱的妈妈，老伙计，能和你
talking to you on the telephone,
在电♥话♥里交谈，真的很好，
even though I didn’t say anything too profound.”
尽管我没有说什么深奥的话。”
And in a way, it was similar
在某种程度上，这就像
to what I do now with characters.
我现在对我书中角色所做的。
I have to make myself
我必须让自己
emotionally like those characters.
在情感上像那些角色。
And that’s what I did with my mother.
我和我母亲的交流，就是这么进行的。
It was necessary
这是必要的，
because she was alone in the world.
因为她在这个世界上是孤独的。
She needed that.
她需要交流。
Lou and I talked about kids,and I was a little afraid
卢和我谈到了孩子，我有点担心，
that what if I had a child who would be,
如果我有了孩子，
A, like me,once they’re a teen,
会像我一样，一旦他们长大成人，
you know,a lot of trouble,
你知道，会有很多麻烦，
or would be… be sick like my brother, and die.
或者会…像我哥哥一样生病，然后死去。
I would have been a terrible mother,
我会是一个糟糕的母亲，
I would have been like my mother.
我会像我母亲一样。
I would have been worried all the time about
我会一直担心
every single possibility of disease and danger.
每一种疾病和危险的可能性。
And so that became the decision.
这就成了我们的决定。
– Hi. – Hello.
-嗨！ -你好。
– Oh, look at you. – What? Look at you.
-哦，看看你。 -什么？看看你吧。
I wonder if you could just tell us a little bit
我想知道你能否给我们讲讲
about your pre-Joy Luck Club world.
你们喜福会之前的世界。
You know,I had another best seller.
你知道吗，我还有一本畅销书。
It sold… you know what these numbers are.
它售罄了…你要知道这些数字。
When you have a best seller,
当你完成了一本畅销书，
you have to sell a certain amount in the first week.
你必须在第一周销♥售♥出一定数量的书本。
I’d sold 80,000 copies and went in for two reprints.
我卖♥♥出了8万册，还再印了两遍。
It was called Telecommunications and You.
它叫做《通讯和你》。
It was published for IBM.
是为了“国际商用机器公♥司♥”出版的。
And I was a business writer
在我开始写小说之前，
before I started writing fiction.
我是一个商业作家。
Amy was linguistics…an English major…
恩美是个语言学家…她的专业是英语…
and I remember her wanting to write.
我记得她有写作的欲望。
John, my husband,started a business.
约翰，我的丈夫，开始了一门生意。
He had one phone line that was Dial-A-Joke,
他有一条电♥话♥是“笑话热♥线♥”，
another phone line that was Dial Michael Jackson,
另一条是“迈克尔·杰克逊热♥线♥”，
and another one that had astrology.
还有一条是“占星学热♥线♥”。
So he hired Amy to write astrology.
所以他雇佣恩美，写占星术材料。
She was very creative,
她非常有创造性，
and she would make it up.
她会编得很好。
I was doing a little bit of ad copy,
我那时也会编一些广♥告♥的样本，
direct mail…the really sleazy stuff.
我会把这些样本直接寄给…那些庸俗不堪的机构。
You know, like,do these exercises,
你懂的，这就像在做练习，
and your vision will become perfect,
而你自己的视界会变得更加完美，
or study this course,and you’ll be a doctor.
否则继续研究你的专业，然后成为一名医生。
I had materials I wrote for a telecommunications company.
我为一家电♥信♥公♥司♥写了一些材料。
I was the subject matter expert
我曾经是“一线通”、“广域网络”
on ISDN and wide area networks
和有关“美国电♥话♥电报公♥司♥”
and the divestiture of AT&T.
股权转让方面的主题材料的专家。
All those subjects, I had absolutely no interest in.
所有这些主题，我都完全没有兴趣。
I was doing really well.
我曾经真的做的很好。
I had a lot of clients.
我当时有很多客户。
I was working about 90 billable hours a week,
我每周工作90个计费小时工作，
and… which meant I didn’t have a lot of time
而且…这意味着我没有很多时间
to sleep or eat or be social.
睡觉、吃饭或进行社交。
And I was looking for something more meaningful.
我在寻找更有意义的工作。
And that’s why I started writing fiction.
这就是我开始写小说的原因。
I met somebody who encouraged me to read fiction again,
我遇到了一个人，她鼓励我再次读小说，
and she gave me a reading list and she was a writer.
她给了我一个阅读清单，她是一个作家。
And I started to write.
于是，我开始写作。
And the things I discovered about writing at that point
我在写作中发现的东西
were so important to me.
对我来说，非常重要。
It was the notion that you could write
它的理念是，你可以通过写作
and find out what you really believed and felt.
来发现并体会到，自己真正的信仰。
All these things that had been submerged,
所有这些被淹没的东西，
they just came out
都通过小说
and it was through fiction
浮出水面，
because fiction gave you a place of safety.
因为小说给了你一个安全的地方。
It wasn’t about you,
这不是关于你，
it was about these characters,
是关于这些角色，
but it was about you.
但它也是关于你的。
And at that point,I knew I would write
在那一刻，我知道我的余生
the rest of my life.
都将写作。
I would write fiction the rest of my life.
我会用我的余生写小说。
1985, 33 years old.
1985年，已经是33岁了。
I never was so egotistical as to think
我从来没有自大到认为