谭恩美：意外的回忆录（2021）

“你能给我画一只鸟吗?”
like my publisher did.
就像我的出版商那样。
And I said, “Sure.”
我说:“当然。“
And then I couldn’t draw him a bird.
然后我就不能给他画鸟了。
And I realized that was a part of it.
我意识到这是其中的一部分。
The freedom to do what I enjoyed
随心所欲的自♥由♥
had to come with no expectations
没有任何期望，
and that I did it only for myself.
我只是为自己而做。
I joined a Nature Journal Group.
我加入了一个自然杂♥志♥小组。
I would post things.
我加入了一个自然杂♥志♥小组。
I would post my mistakes even.
我甚至会把我的错误贴出来。
It was good exercise
这是一种很好的练习，
to say I didn’t have to be perfect.
告诉别人，我不必完美。
It’s not just powers of observation,
这不仅仅是对细节和行为的
of details and behavior,
观察的能力，
it’s wonder,it’s wonderment, you know,
这是好奇，是惊奇，
because when you look at these things,
因为当你在看这些东西的时候，
you wonder how…how this is possible.
你会好奇，这个…是怎么可能的。
How did… why is this bird on this branch?
怎么会…为什么这些鸟在树枝上？
What is, you know,the behavior?
你就想知道，这些行为是什么？
What… why is it doing this?
怎么…为什么要这么做？
And allowing no answers
别想有答案
and just saying you just have to observe it
也就是你只需观察这些，
and be in wonder the whole time.
并同时不断发出惊讶。
Oh, that one.
哦，看那只。
There’s so many there,and I just…
那里还有很多，我只是…
it’s not completely exact.
这并不完全准确。
Yes.
是的。
“Spontaneous epiphanies always leave me convinced
“自发的顿悟总是让我再次相信，
once again that there is no greater meaning
没有什么比我写作时发生的事情
to my life than what happens when I write.”
对我的生活更有意义了。”
“It gives me awareness so sharp it punctures
“它给了我敏锐的意识，用来刺穿所有
all layers of thought so that I can rise.”
思想上包裹面层，所以我可以上升。”
“That’s what it feels like,
“这就是感觉，
a weightless rising to a view high enough
失重般地上升到足够高的地方，
to survey the moments of the past that led to this one.”
审视过去的时刻，导致了这一刻。”
“Too soon,that feeling dissipates,
“太快了，那种感觉的消失，
and I am hanging on to contrails as I come back
一旦我要回到思维的正常状态，我会紧紧抓住
down to a normal state of mind.”
住那种感觉的留下的航迹云。”
“Has my imagination worked this way since birth?”
“我的想象力从出生起，就是这样起作用的吗?”
“What enables me to draw a bird that looks like a bird?”
“是什么让我能画出一只，看起来像鸟的鸟?”
“When did I start noticing
“我什么时候开始注意到
that one thing is emotionally like another?”
一件事在情感上很像另一件事?”
“When did emotion and imagery
“情感和意象从什么时候
start colluding with velvety sharks?”
开始与柔软的鲨鱼勾结起来的?”
“Whatever imagination is,I’m grateful for
“不管想象力是什么，我都很感激
its elasticity and willingness
它的灵活性和
to accommodate whatever comes along,
适应任何事情的意愿，
for giving me flotillas of imagery
它让我的大脑有了一系列的意象，
circumnavigating a brain that finds emotional resonance
几乎能在任何事情上
“in almost anything.”
找到情感共鸣。”
“I just have to let go of self-consciousness
“我只需要放开自我意识，
for it to spill out freely,
让它自♥由♥地溢出来，
“as if all I am doing is listening to music.”
就好像我所做的一切都是在听音乐。”