谭恩美：意外的回忆录（2021）

他们可以选择不隐藏它，
to take what’s broken,
接受破碎的东西，
to feel the pain and know that it will heal.”
感受痛苦，并知道它会愈合。”
– Hi. – Hi.
-嗨。 -嗨。
– So nice to meet you.- Nice to meet you.
-很高兴见到你。-见到你很高兴。
We all have…
我们都有…
Thank you so much for paving the way
非常感谢你，为亚裔美国人
for Asian-American representation
在写作和艺术领域表现
in writing and in art.
铺平了道路。
Are you in writing…are you writers?
你们是在写作…你们是作家吗?
We’re all aspiring creatives.
我们都是有抱负的创意者。
You mean you’re not in pre-med or…
你是说,你不是医学预科,还是…
– No. – No.
-不。 -不。
– She is. – Oh, you are? Okay.
-她是。 -哦，你是？好吧。
You have to have one.
必须给你们签一个。
– Thank you. – Sure.
-谢谢你。 -应该的。
Thank you.
谢谢。
– And for you as well.- Yeah.
-也必须给你签名。 -好的。
“At the end of June 2001,
“2001年6月底，
after a four-month book tour that had taken me
在为期4个月的新书巡回推销活动之后，
to 40 cities across the United States,
我走遍了美国的40个城市，
then to a dozen more in the United Kingdom,
然后又去了英国、
the Republic of Ireland,
爱尔兰共和国、
Australia and New Zealand,
澳大利亚和新西兰的12个城市，
“I returned home to San Francisco.”
回到了旧金山的家。”
“I lowered the shades,crawled into bed,
“我放下窗帘，爬上♥床♥，
and began the long rest I felt I deserved.”
开始了我认为自己应得的漫长休息。”
“I slept for nearly 24 hours that first day.”
“第一天我睡了将近24个小时。”
“After the tour, I told my husband, Lou,
“旅程结束后，我告诉我的丈夫卢(Lou)，
that I felt as if something in my body had broken,
我觉得我身体里，好像有什么东西坏了，
something was not right.”
有些不对劲。”
There were these times where she’d be
有时候她
really quiet and disengaged,
会非常安静，心不在焉，
and I would wonder if it was me,
我就会怀疑，是不是因为我，
our relationship.
使我们的关系出现问题。
She was just ill and didn’t know it.
她只是病了，自己却不知道。
I started running red lights and stopping at green lights.
我开始闯红灯，遇到绿灯就停下来。
I would get lost and suddenly find
我会迷路，突然发觉
that I didn’t recognize where I was.
我不认识自己在哪里。
Soon, the hallucinations started.
很快，幻觉开始出现了。
“Some switch in my brain that controlled dreams
“当我睁开眼睛时，我大脑中
now seemed to fail to turn off once I open my eyes.”
控制梦境的某个开关，似乎无法关闭。”
“And before me would spring forth
“在我面前出现的将是
the embodiment of my nightmares.”
我噩梦的化身”
“I would whisper,’Who’s there?'”
“我会小声问，‘谁在那儿?’”
“And the dogs would instantly leap to attention,
“狗狗会立刻集中注意力，
scan the room, sniff the air.”
扫视房♥间，嗅嗅空气。”
“When they settled back to sleep, so would I.”
“等他们睡着了，我也会睡着的。”
“That is, I would try to sleep after having seen a corpse
“也就是说，当努力入睡时，我会看到一具尸体
lying next to me
躺在我身边，
or a pudgy poodle dangling from the ceiling.”
或者一只矮胖的狮子狗，在天花板上晃来晃去。”
At the worst, I would say,
最糟糕的是，我要说，
it had to do with feeling
它已经使得我
that I was losing my mind.
快要发疯了。
I know what it feels like to have Alzheimer’s.
我知道患老年痴呆症是什么感觉。
I couldn’t read. I couldn’t remember anything.
我不能阅读。我什么都不记得了。
I couldn’t speak.
我说不出话。
At the time, we were perplexed and, you know,
当时，我们都很困惑，你知道，
I was mystified, but I know
我也很困惑，但我事后
with hindsight exactly what happened.
知道发生了什么。
We attended her editor’s daughter’s wedding
1999年，我们在纽约的哈德逊河上
on the Hudson River in New York in 1999,
参加了她编辑女儿的婚礼，
and she had a tick infect her from that afternoon,
从那天下午开始，她就被蜱类虫感染了，
although she didn’t know that at the time.
虽然她当时并不知道。
It was only when Tan went on the Internet
直到谭恩美上网，
and saw a tick rash like this one
看到了像这样的蜱疹，
that answers started to come.
她才找到答案。
And I said, “Oh my God,
我说，“天哪，
that is the rash that I had on my leg four years ago.”
这是四年前我腿上的疹子。”
What several doctors who misdiagnosed her
误诊她的几位医生不知道的是，
didn’t know was Tan had been bitten by a tick this tiny.
谭恩美被一只这么小的蜱虫咬了。
It infected her with Lyme disease.
这让她感染了莱姆病
As soon as I started taking medication,
我一开始服药，
the anxiety went away completely.
焦虑就完全消失了。
No amount of therapy would have done that.
再多的治疗也做不到。
It had to be medication to get rid of Lyme disease.
必须通过药物治疗来摆脱莱姆病。
And it was because it went into my brain,
因为它进入了我的大脑，
and it caused brain inflammation,
引起了大脑炎症，
it caused scarring in my brain,
在我的大脑中留下了疤痕，
and the reason I have epilepsy.
这就是我得癫痫的原因。
That Lyme disease,it went after her.
莱姆病，一直侵扰着她。
So that set her back,
这让她很沮丧，
but she is incredibly tough and resilient.
但她非常坚韧。
It’s her first non-fiction book
这是她的第一本非小说类书籍，
called The Opposite of Fate: A Book of Musings.
名为《命运的反面:一本沉思之书》。
The book is called Saving Fish from Drowning.
这本书叫做《救溺水的鱼》。
– Amy Tan, good morning. – Good morning.
-谭恩美，早上好。 —早上好。
– Great to see you.- Good to be here.
-很高兴见到你。 -很高兴来到这里。
We haven’t seen anything from you in eight years,
我们已经八年没见过你的消息了，
so what took you so long?
你怎么这么久才来?
I started one book,and then I,
我开始写一本书，然后我，
suddenly, I saw something, a family mystery developed
突然，我看到了一些东西，一个家庭谜案发生了，
and I had to start another book.
我不得不开始写另一本书。
It’s called The Valley of Amazement.
它叫做《惊奇谷》。
It goes on sale tomorrow. You can-
明天开始销♥售♥。你可以-
I probably learned as much working with Amy
和恩美一起写书，我学到的东西
on her books than I have any other writer.
可能比其他任何作家都多。
For Amy, actual writing is not a challenge
对恩美来说，真正的写作并不是挑战，
because she’s so fluid and so good
因为她文笔非常流畅，非常擅长
at getting down what she knows she needs to get down.
写下她知道她需要写下的东西。
And she’s got such a good ear for language.
她对语言有很好的鉴赏力。
She hears the language in a way
她以诗人的方式
that a poet hears it.
来聆听语言。
I think the biggest challenge
我认为最大的挑战
is a psychological one,that is, writing.
是心理上的，也就是写作。
Not the writing.It’s just writing.
不管写的什么。只要在写作。
What’s this? It’s…
这是什么？这是…
Oh, that’s a sonata?
哦，是这首奏鸣曲？
I’d like that.
我喜欢这曲子。
One day, I got a phone call.
有一天，我接到一个电♥话♥。
I don’t know how long it was into her Alzheimer’s.
我不知道她患上老年痴呆多久了。
I would say it was at least two years into it.
我觉得至少有两年了。
At that point, she didn’t remember a lot of things.
那时，她不记得很多事情。
She was not that verbal.
她语无伦次。
And her voice sounded like her voice from the past.
她的声音听起来，就像她以往的声音。
She said, “Amy, Amy I… I… I don’t know where I am.
她说:“恩美，恩美，我……我…我不知道我在哪里。
I’m scared.I think I’m going crazy.”
我很害怕。我想我要疯了。”
And I had not heard her talk like that.
我从来没听过她那样说话。
And it was like she had come up from out
她就像从海洋深处
of the deep of the ocean,
浮上来一样，
and she was, like, flailing
拼命挣扎，
and trying not to drown again.
努力不让自己再次被淹死。
She said… and I said, “You know,
她还想说… 我说:“你知道，
we often can’t remember where we are.
我们也经常记不住我们在哪里。
Don’t worry about it. You’re fine.”
别担心。你没事的。”
And she said, “No, no, no.
她说，“不，不，不。
Something is wrong with my mind.”
我脑子出问题了。”
And… and then she said,
接着… 接着她说道:
“I just wanna tell you that…”
“我只是想告诉你……”
“I know I did some things to hurt you,”
“我知道，我做了一些伤害你的事”
And…