谭恩美：意外的回忆录（2021）

We’re gonna bring Amy Tan out to do a song where
我们要请谭恩美来唱首歌♥
she reveals her inner bad girl.
让她展示自己内心的坏女孩。
[playing “These Boots Are Made for Walkin'”
[播放着“这些靴子是为走路而生的”]
你一直说要有东西给我
你所谓的爱不过是坦白
My friend Kathi said,”You know,
我的朋友凯西说:“你知道，
I’m thinking of putting together a rock band.
我在考虑组建一支摇滚乐队。
What do you think?”
你认为如何？”
And without thinking, I just said, “Yeah, sure.”
我想都没想就说:“当然可以。”
The band was started by a woman
这个乐队是由一个叫凯西·卡门·戈德马克
named Kathi Kamen Goldmark,
的女人创立的，
who was a literary escort in San Francisco.
她曾是旧金山的一个文艺女青年。
She, over the years had met many authors,
多年来，她认识了许多作家，
me being one, who had
我就是其中之一，
been in bands at one point or another,
他们或多或少都加入过乐队，
or who wanted to have been in bands.
或想加入乐队。
So she came up with the idea of starting…
1992年，她蹦出了这个想法…
of having all-author rock band
邀请全由作家组成一支摇滚乐队
perform in Anaheim, California,in 1992.
在加州阿纳海姆演出。
And so she sent faxes out to every author she knew,
于是她给所有认识的作家发了传真，
and the ones who answered “yes” became the band.
回答“是”的人就组成了一个乐队。
And Stephen King was one of those authors,
斯蒂芬·金是这些作家中的一个，
Ridley Pearson, Amy Tan.
还有雷德利·皮尔森，谭恩美。
People were laughing,and they were dancing,
人们在笑，他们在跳舞，
and we pretty quickly decided we had to do this again.
我们很快，决定我们必须再举办一次。
In the next year we went on a…
第二年我们去了一个…
like, a multi-city tour,and we were still terrible.
就像一场多城市的巡演，尽管，我们表现还是很糟糕。
We got a little bit better.
我们只改进了一点点。
We all just loved it.
我们都很喜欢这样。
And I realized this was my outlet
我意识到，这是我的发泄口，
for the kind of boxed-in feeling
发泄那种在公共场合
of being in public because there are no expectations.
被禁锢的感觉，因为这种演出，没有收什么期待。
There is no reviewer.
也不会有什么文艺评论家。
It was just for the fun of doing it.
只是为了好玩而已。
And that was immediate,
这是立竿见影的，
and it was exhilarating.
令人振奋。
You couldn’t expect it.
你不能指望它。
What Amy has told me is that
恩美告诉我的是，
to come out and dress like she’s hot shit
走上舞台，穿得像个辣妹，
and just carry a whip was so liberating for her.
只拿着鞭子，对她来说是如此的自♥由♥。
我们为什么不在路上做
没人会看到我们
我们为什么不在路上做
I feel like to have fun,
我想玩得开心，
I sometimes have to take risks.
有时我不得不冒点风险。
Being in the band taught me that
在乐队的经历让我明白，
you have to go beyond
你必须超越
what you’re comfortable with
令自己轻松的样子，
and you can’t just imagine
你不能只想
the dangerous and the horrible things that could
在结束时可能会发生
happen at the end of it as a consequence.
危险和可怕的事情。
You have to just be there and have a great time.
你就是要在舞台上，度过美妙的一段时光。
And with a lot of risky things,
有了很多有敢冒风险的事情，
the potential for having fun
获得乐趣的潜力
is so much greater because you find
就会大得多，因为你会
these things in yourself where you just have
在自己身上发现这些事情，
to go to an extreme.
你只需跨过一个极限。
I used to be scared of swimming in the ocean.
我过去很害怕在海里游泳。
I would never do it because I imagined
我永远不会这么做，因为我想象着
that there were all these scary things under there.
下面有那么多可怕的东西。
I was my mother’s daughter imagining dangers,
我曾是妈妈的乖女儿，幻想着如果发生了危险，
I would die horrible death.
我会死得很惨。
And then one day, I actually looked under
后来有一天，我用潜水镜往下看，
with goggles,and I saw this beauty.
我看到了这个美景。
And it built from there until more recently,
从那时开始，直到最近，
I went swimming with sharks,
我和鲨鱼一起游泳，
I’d watch these sharks looking at me
我看着这些鲨鱼看着我，
like, “Who are you?
就像在说:“你是谁?
What are you doing here?”
在这里做什么？”
I just love that.
我只是喜欢这样。
Okay. There was,no purchases made
好的。自从我们上次见面以来，
since our last meeting,
没有购买♥♥过任何东西，
but I have deposited the 600 collected last meeting.
但我已经存入了上次会议收取的600美元。
“In 1995, my mother had been diagnosed
“1995年，我母亲被诊断出
with Alzheimer’s disease.”
患有老年痴呆症。”
“She was several months shy of her 80th birthday.”
“她还有几个月就要过80岁生日了。”
“The plaques on her brain had likely
“她大脑上的斑块可能在多年前
started to accumulate years before,
就开始积聚了，
but we never would have recognized the signs.”
但我们永远不会识别出这些迹象。”
“‘Language difficulties,gets into arguments,
“‘语言障碍、爱争吵、
poor judgment…those were traits
判断力差……这些都是我母亲
my mother had shown her entire life.”
从小到大展现出来的特质。”
“How could we distinguish between
“我们如何区分
a chronically difficult personality
长♥期♥难相处的性格和
and a dementing one?”
精神错乱的性格?”
When her mother was developing Alzheimer’s,
当她的母亲患上阿尔茨海默氏症时，
I’d say the worst part of that time
我想说，最糟糕的时间是是，
is when the person who is suffering from it
患者明明知道
knows that things aren’t right,
事情不对劲，
but has enough intact mentally for it to really haunt them.
但精神上足够完整，这真的会困扰他们。
“We were eating dinner in a restaurant
“我们在一家餐厅吃晚饭，
and she was obsessing about a family member
她一直在为一个
who she believed did not respect her.”
她认为不尊重她的家庭成员而烦恼。”
“Lou, my brother, and I didn’t exactly disagree with her.”
“卢、我弟弟和我，对她的看法并不完全不同。”
“The trouble was we didn’t wholeheartedly agree.”
“问题是我们并没有完全一致。”
“Her anger mounted until she leapt up from the table
“她越来越生气，最后她从桌子上跳起来，
and ran out of the crowded restaurant
跑出了拥挤的餐厅，
with us chasing after her.”
我们在后面追着她。”
She went charging out of the restaurant
她刚冲出餐厅
to get ran over in traffic.
就被车撞了。
And as far as I could tell,
据我所知，
she was ready to act on it.
她已经准备好采取行动了。
And I went chasing out after her,
我去追她，
and I picked her up and carried her back to the car.
我把她抱起来，把她抱回车上。
I think it was just an urge she would
我认为这只是一种她
never be able to get rid of probably as…
永远无法摆脱的冲动，可能因为…
as strong as alcohol is to an alcoholic or,
就像酒精之于酒鬼，或者
you know, cocaine to a cocaine addict.
可♥卡♥因♥之于可♥卡♥因♥成瘾者。
It’s not something you could just say
这并不是说
you don’t have to do this anymore,
你不用再这样做了，
your life is happy.
你的生活很幸福。
You don’t have to threaten anymore.
你不用再威胁我了。
It was… it was an impulse.
这是…这是一时冲动。
It was a desire
那是一种
that just came up from her she couldn’t control.
她无法控制的欲望。
I’m a different person than I was from my last book,
我和上一本书里的我完全不同了，
only because I’ve gone through more of life.
只是因为我经历了更多的人生。
“Ruth was amazed at what her mother could recall.”
“露丝惊讶于她母亲的回忆”
“She knew not to expect LuLing to remember appointments
“她知道不要指望陆玲记得约会
or facts about a recent event.”
或最近发生的事情。”
“But her mother often surprised her with
“但当她谈起自己的青年时代时，
“he clarity of her emotions
她的母亲总是能清晰地表达自己的情感，
when she spoke of her youth.”
这常常使她感到惊讶。”
“It didn’t matter that she blurred
“她模糊了一些细节，
some of the finer points.”
但这无关紧要。”
“The past, even revised,was meaningful.”
“过去，即使经过修改，也是有意义的。”
This book is about memory,
这本书是关于记忆的，
losing memories and trying to hang on
关于失去记忆，以及试图留住
to certain memories and so it is intensely personal
某些记忆，所以它非常个人化地
about the things I went through over the last five years.
讲述了我过去五年所经历的事情。
“After all, Bao Bomu says,
“毕竟，鲍博木说，
‘What is the past but what we choose to remember?’
‘如果不是我们选择记住的，过去是什么?’
“They can choose not to hide it,