谭恩美：意外的回忆录（2021）

with a fake Chinese fairy tale.”
用了一个虚构的中国童话传说。”
“The fairy tale is not Chinese,
“这个童话故事不是中国人的，
but white racist.”
而是白人种族主义者的。”
In the beginning,I didn’t know what to say.
一开始，我不知道该说什么。
I would be caught off-guard.
我简直措手不及。
But then I realized,what they wanted,
但后来我意识到，他们真正想要的，
really, was role models.
是要树立一个榜样。
They wanted me to right the social wrongs,
他们希望我纠正社会的错误，
the social injustices.
解决社会的不公。
And finally, they had somebody in the limelight who should
现在，他们找到了这样一位引人注目的人物，
now address that and not be pandering,
可这个人只是在陈述，而不是迎合
so to speak,to the mainstream.
他们的“主流”期盼。
What they were asking me to do was to write propaganda.
他们让我做的是写宣传。
When you occupy a space that has rarely been occupied…
当你到达了一个罕有人至的位置上…
now, we’re talking 30 years ago…
我此时说的是，我30年前…
that that is going to be placed on you naturally,
这个重任就自然而然地，落在了你的头上，
and I understand it.
这一点，我能理解。
But to be true to myself,
但真实的我，
I could not give in to that kind of pressure.
是不会向那个压力屈服的。
The moment you start mixing activism and writing,
当你开始把行动主义和写作混在一起的时候，
then you’re not writing fiction anymore,
你就不再是写小说了，
or not good fiction.
或者说，写不出好小说。
And I think that Amy has that very clear.
我想恩美已经说得很清楚了。
The crazy thing about fiction
小说的疯狂之处在于
is it is a representation,
它是一种表征，
the deepest representation of truth you can find.
是你能找到的对真♥相♥最深刻的表征。
It’s not limited to facts.
它并不局限于事实。
It has really to do with human nature.
这真的与人性有关。
And so, my mother speaks broken English.
所以，我妈妈说着蹩脚的英语。
My grandmother was a concubine who killed themselves.
我祖母是一个自杀的姨太太。
And I said,”You have to write
我说:“你必须写
what’s personally important to you.”
对你个人重要的东西。”
Every author has the same need
每个作家都有
to understand their own lives.
理解自己生活的需求。
Who are the characters in Amy’s work?
恩美作品中的人物是谁?
Her family and people who really
她的家人和那些
have gone through hell
经历过地狱的人
and somehow have come out of it.
不管怎么样，都出来了。
And I don’t think it’s a conscious choice.
我不认为，这是一个有意识的选择。
It’s the way it is,
事情就是这样，
because we are surrounded by those people.
因为我们周围都是那些人。
We belong there.
我们属于那里。
In a way,we are one of them.
在某种程度上，我们也是他们中的一员。
We have a legacy of trauma and tragedy,
我们留下了创伤和悲剧的遗产，
suicide, rape, children left behind in China.
自杀，强♥奸♥，把儿童留在中国。
It’s embedded in me.
它已经嵌入我的内心了。
And I don’t always know how it is embedded
我并不总是知道，它是如何嵌入的，
until something comes out and clicks and makes me respond,
直到有东西出现，催赶着我，让我做出回应，
and not always in a good way.
并不总是好的方式。
“I have had bouts of depression in the past.”
“我过去也有过抑郁症。”
“They had occurred after big changes in my life,
“它们发生在我生活发生重大变化之后，
which should have been happy periods,
那些本该是快乐的时期，
including the unanticipated success
包括我的第一本书《喜福会》
of my first book,The Joy Luck Club.”
出人意料的成功。”
“On the day my book was published, I cried.”
“我的书出版那天，我哭了。”
“They were not tears of joy for a dream come true.”
“并不是梦想成真后的喜极而泣。”
“I was afraid.”
“我当时害怕了。”
“I was overwhelmed with a sense that this book
“我被一种感觉淹没了，这本书
would upend the happiness I already had.”
将颠覆我已经拥有的幸福。”
“Everyone expected too much,
“每个人都期望过高，
and I was certain I would fail.”
我当时就确信自己也会失败。”
You’re uncomfortable with success.
你对成功感到不舒服。
We just have a few seconds.Are you getting used to it now?
我们只谈了了一会儿。你现在习惯了吗?
I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.
我觉得我永远都不会习惯。
I don’t think I should.But it’s been wonderful…
我觉得，我不应该这样。但一切都很很美好了…
a wonderful reception to both books.
两本书都很受欢迎。
Well, we’re certainly very glad
你的成功，
that you’ve been successful.
我们当然很高兴。
We look forward to your next novel.
我们期待你的下一部小说。
I don’t wanna give you an anxiety attack,
我不想让你焦虑，
but hopefully,we’ll talk then.
但希望到时候，我们再能谈谈。
– Amy Tan, thanks so much.- Thank you.
-谭恩美，非常感谢。 -谢谢。
Then Amy Tan wrote a children’s book,
后来谭恩美写了一本儿童读物
The Moon Lady.
《月亮夫人》。
The latest book is another children’s book
最新出版的是另一本儿童读物
called The Chinese Siamese Cat.
《中国暹罗猫》。
“Just like our ancestor,Sagwa of China.”
“就像我们的祖先，中国的“傻瓜”一样。”
– And that’s the end.- Wow.
-就这样结束了。 —哇。
That is one of the best stories Elmo has ever had, Amy.
那是埃尔莫听过的最好的故事之一，恩美。
As a short story writer,I’ve never had expectations.
作为一个短篇小说作家，我从来没有期望。
And you learn to work without expectations
你要学会不抱任何期望地工作
just for the joy of it, you know?
只是为了从中获得乐趣，你知道吗?
I think Amy is unusual in that
我认为恩美不同寻常，
she’s had more expectations than any writer I’ve known.
因为她比我所知道的任何作家，都有更多的期待。
And if there was just pressure to keep doing this.
如果只是有压力，才能让我继续做下去。
My first guest is already one of the world’s
我的第一位嘉宾已经是世界著名的
leading female authors.
女性作家之一。
She’s written a third book,
她写了第三本书，
The Hundred Secret Senses.
《一百种神秘的感觉》。
Family used to always ask me, “Where’s Amy?”
家人以前总是问我”恩美呢”
And I said, “Well,how would I know?”
我说，“那我怎么知道呢?”
And then she’ll end up on some TV show.
然后，她就会上什么电视节目了。
Ms. Tan, I loved The Joy Luck Club.
谭女士，我喜欢喜福会。
You really showed me how the mother-daughter bond
你向我展示了母女关系是
can triumph over adversity.
如何战胜逆境的。
No, that’s not what I meant at all.
不，我不是这个意思。
You couldn’t have gotten it more wrong.
你真是大错特错了。
– But… – Please, just sit down.
-但是… -请坐下吧。
I’m embarrassed for both of us.
我为我们俩，感到尴尬。
Her books have sold more than five million copies
她的书被翻译成35种不同的语言，
worldwide, translated into 35 different languages.
在全球销♥售♥了500多万册。
The Hundred Secret Senses as the characters…
《一百种神秘的感觉》的角色是…
Over the years,with each book,
多年来，每出版一本书，
she realized how much time
她都意识到自己花在
was being taken away from writing.
写作上的时间有多少。
She knew that she had to be pretty public
她知道她必须公开地，
and show appreciation to her readers,
向她的读者表示感谢，
which she’s so great about.
这一点她做得很好。
She will take the time to sign.She’ll take the time to talk.
她会花时间签字的。她会花时间谈话的。
Oh, this is for my daughter Katie, she said…
哦，这是给我女儿凯蒂的，她说…
When I was young, I really craved privacy.
当我年轻的时候，我非常渴望隐私。
And I think it was in part to get away from demands
我认为这在一定程度上是，为了逃避诉求
and family chaos.
和家庭的扰乱。
And I would go in my room,and I would draw.
然后我回到自己的房♥间，开始画画。
And that is something I had with my fiction at one time.
我的小说也曾有过这样的经历。
It was private.
这是属于个人的。
And I wrote it for my own reasons
我写这本书
to be in that place.
是出于我自己的原因。
And when you have a lot of expectations,
当你有很多期待的时候，
the little private room
小私人房♥间里
is very crowded with editors,
挤满了编辑、
and agents, and fans,and detractors.
经纪人、粉丝和评论者。
And all of that made it very difficult to write.
所有这些都让写作变得非常困难。
I was writing in a…at a different place.
我在写…在不同的地方。
It was not as meditative.
它不像冥想。
It was full of anxiety.
它充满了焦虑。
I felt the burden of expectations a lot.
我感到了很多期望的负担。
One of the main achievements of this band
这支乐队多年来的主要成就之一，
over the years has been to reduce
就是把谭恩美的名声
the reputation of Amy Tan to rubble.
打得粉碎。