所有明亮的地方（2020）

呃
Uh…
我猜是因为 我最近在学校里打架
I guess it’s ’cause I… I got in this fight at school and,
像是
like,
我在那里 但我又不在那里
I was there, but I wasn’t there.
我在观看我自己
I was watchin’ myself, and…
呃
uh…
我只是有时候会茫然
I-I-I just get a little lost sometimes.
我常跑步
I run… a lot.
有时候 有帮助
Sometimes that helps.
多多少少
Kind of.
我不知道 够了吗
I don’t know. Is that enough?
当然
Sure.
谢谢你能来
Thanks. Glad you’re here.
阿曼达 该你了
Amanda, why don’t you go ahead?
Arwen 801-end
我叫阿曼达
I’m Amanda.
我有贪食症
I’m bulimic.
我曾自杀过两次
I’ve tried to kill myself twice.
我几乎每天都想自杀
I think about it almost every day.
嘿 你有什么消息了吗
Hey, have you heard anything yet?
– 没有 – 好吧
-No. – OK.
我得去上班了
I gotta go to work.
不然要迟到
I’m gonna be late.
但你可以留下
But you should stay.
他为什么总是突然消失
Why does he keep doing this?
我不知道
I don’t know.
要是有他的消息就让他打电♥话♥给我 好吗
Have him call me when you hear from him, OK?
好
Yeah.
– 拜拜 – 拜拜
– Bye. -Bye.
听说你把罗蒙尔打了一顿
I heard you beat the shit outta Roamer.
你为什么总是做这些事
Why do you keep doing stuff like that?
大家都在讨论你 你一点儿也不烦吗
Aren’t you tired of people talking about you all the time?
他们肯定会讨论的
People are always gonna talk.
这是他们的本性
It’s their specialty.
你还好吗
Are you OK?
不知道 我觉得自己总把事情搞砸
I don’t know. I feel like I keep messing things up,
我也不确定自己是否知道怎样才能停下
and I’m not sure I know how to not do that.
参加互助会有用吗
Does this work?
至少比别的办法好
It’s better than the alternative.
你女朋友很担心你
Your girlfriend’s pretty worried about you.
她在家里待了一下午
She’s been at the house all afternoon.
怎么回事
What’s going on?
我不太记得
I don’t… really remember…
我爸了
Dad that well.
还有我做过的事
And everything I do…
回忆太糟心了
remember is… is bad.
你和他
Are there any…
有没有什么愉快的回忆
good memories you have of him?
他常常把我们打得屁滚尿流
Well, the fact that he would beat the shit out of us
这点就能把所有欢乐时光都给抹去
kind of negated all the good times.
可他为什么会变成那样
But why was he like that?
是因为我们吗
Was he like that because of us? Was he…
还是因为妈
like that because of Mom?
他变成那样是因为他本身就是个烂人
He was like that because he was a shitty person.
但这其中肯定有原因
There has to be a reason, though.
如果找到那个原因 他可能会有所改变
Because if there’s a reason, then he could get better.
一些事 或者
Something or…
一些人能让他变好 不是吗
someone could make him better, right?
我不知道
I don’t know.
谁在乎 兄弟 这是别人担心的问题
Who cares? Dude, he’s someone else’s problem.
你为什么要问爸的事
Why are you asking me about Dad?
发生了什么 芬奇
What’s going on, Finch?
你可以告诉我
Come on. You can talk to me, man.
没事 凯特
Nothing, Kate.
抱歉 没什么
Sorry. Nothing.
我很好
I’m good.
你确定吗 我得开门营业了
Are you sure? Because I have to open the bar,
– 但我可以找人替我顶班 – 我没事
-but I can find someone to cover me. -I’m good.
你知道我是爱你的 对吗希欧
You know I love you, right, Theo?
我知道
I know.
你吓着我了
You scared me.
这些都是什么
What is all of this?
我在集中注意力
I’m trying to focus.
集中注意力做什么
Focus on what?
保持清醒
On staying awake.
我不明白你的意思
I don’t understand what that means.
有时候 我
Sometimes I…
脑子一片空白
go blank.
我会陷入阴郁
I… get into these dark moods.
脑子飞速运转 乱成一锅粥
I think too fast to keep track of anything,
然后
and then it’s like…
一瞬间 所有念头又消失了
all my thoughts are gone at once.
有时 我把脑子里的东西写下来贴在那 我就能
And sometimes, if I put ’em up there, I can…
集中注意 放慢思考
focus and slow down, but…
可我现在做不到 我做不到
I can’t right now. I can’t.
好吧
OK.
这办法通常有用
And this usually works.
也许是太杂乱了
Maybe there’s too much clutter.
我能解决 我只是
I can fix it. I just…
我只是需要一些时间去解决
I just need time to figure this out.
– 我想帮你 – 我不需要你帮忙
– I’m trying to help you. -I don’t need your help!
这是我的事 与你无关
This is on me! This isn’t about you!
你得告诉我 你到底怎么了
You need to tell me what’s wrong.
你不明白
You don’t get it.
你说的对
You’re right.
我不明白
I don’t get it.
你还不明白吗 维奥莱特
Don’t you know, Violet?
我就是个怪胎
I’m “The Freak.”
我现在一团糟
I’m fucked up!
你得离开这里
I need you to leave.
走啊
Go!
嘿 我是芬奇 请留言
Hey, it’s Finch. Leave a message.
嘿 芬奇
Hey, Finch. Um…
抱歉
I’m sorry.
我给了你太多压力 真的很抱歉
I’m just sorry that I pushed.
我
And… I…
我需要你回到我身边
just need you to come back.
我真的很需要你 你知道吗
I just really need you to come back, OK?
嘿 宝贝
Hey, kiddo.
嘿
Hey.
爸
Dad?
怎么了
Yeah?
埃莉诺生日那天
On Eleanor’s birthday…
我
I…
我脑子里不知道在想什么
I wasn’t really thinking.
我发现自己在那座桥上
I found myself at the bridge.
我当时站在护栏上
I was standing on a ledge.
我就是在那时候遇到了芬奇
That’s how I met Finch.
他发现了我
He found me there.
救了我
He saved me.
你那时候是不是想
You… you weren’t gonna…
我没事
I’m OK.
我那时只是
I was…
很困惑
confused.
当时我很难过
I was sad.
我现在没事了
I’m OK.
状态好些了
I’m better now.
哇
Wow.
我真庆幸芬奇当时在那
Well, I’m glad Finch was there.
我也是
Me too.
我只想知道他现在在哪