爵士春秋

Thursday I plan to be dead, so…
那天就吃比较 清淡的食物哦
I’ll just have something light.
吉德安先生
Mr. Gideon!
她在后面写了一小段话 她说你会懂的
She wrote a little note on the back. She said you’d understand.
“亲爱的既慈爱又慷慨的爹爹”
“Dear loving, giving, generous”
下面还划了4条线…”爸爸
underlined four times…”Dad,
听说护士人都很好 提示 提示
I hear nurses are nice people. Hint, hint.
你可怜且无弟弟的女儿上”
Your poor, brother-less daughter.”
乔 这是什么意思
Joe, what does it mean?
这表示她遗传了妈妈的决心
It means she’s inherited her mother’s determination.
就是这个意思
That’s what it means.
哦 不 谢谢 不 不 不
Oh, no. Thank you. No, no, no, no.
你们是很棒的观众”超级巨星”这词…
You’re wonderful, wonderful. The word”superstar”…
在娱乐圈被滥用
is greatly overused in this business.
但是就我下一位来宾而言…
But for my next guest…
“超级巨星”这词还不足以形容他
the word”superstar” is totally inadequate.
每次参加义演 而我今年
Whenever I do a benefit…
已经表演了一百五…六…七十场了
and I’ve done 150, 160, 170 this year
全都是很值得参与的活动…而这小子总会…
all for very worthy causes… I can always count on this dude…
一道共襄盛举
to be right there with me.
我在他的面前倍感虚心
I feel humbled in his presence.
这是打自内心里的话 各位先生女士
From deep, deep in here, ladies and gentlemen…
-请允许我为您介绍…-一位杰出的演艺人员
-let me lay on you… -A great entertainer.
-一位杰出的演艺人员…-一位好心的慈善家
-A great entertainer… -A great humanitarian.
-一位好心的慈善家…-以及我25年来的好友
-A great humanitarian… -And my dear friend for 25 years.
以及我20年来的好友…
And my dearest, dearest friend for20years…
你少讲了5年
You missed by five years.
演艺圈真令人厌烦
Oh, boy, do I hate show business.
乔 你喜欢演艺圈
Joey, you love show business.
没错 我是喜欢演艺圈 我是又爱又恨
That’s right. I love show business. I’ll go either way.
我能洞察你的想法 吉德安
I got insight into you, Gideon.
你知道你心里想什么吗
You know what’s underneath?
对自身平庸的恐惧
The dreadful fear that you’re ordinary…
对不独特的恐惧
not special.
没错
Right.
我想…
I think…
我想…
I think…
我快勃起了
I’m getting an erection.
哦 吉德安先生 别…别这样
Oh, Mr. Gideon, don’t… don’t do that!
关于性那回事…天呐
That sex thing… Jesus!
听着 我不是说你是同性恋…
Listen, I wouldn’t say you were a faggot…
但是你真的蛮女性化的
but you do have a lot of feminine characteristics.
是吧
Right?
是的
Right.
你不把你的严重病情当回事是幼稚愚蠢的行为
You are foolishly and childishly flirting with disaster.
乔 你在干什么
Joe, what are you doing? Come on.
你真是疯了 你想干什么 自杀吗
You’re really crazy! What do you want to do, kill yourself?
伯林格医生让我做点儿锻炼
Dr. Ballinger told me to get a little exercise.
他做的每件事似乎都在否定他的病情
Everything he does seems to be a denial of his condition.
伯林格医生 每次我看到他 我都觉得…
Dr. Ballinger, every time I’ve seen him, I get the impression…
他不在乎自己的死活
that he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies.
没错 我知道 但是我想他其实很在乎
Yes, I know. But I think he cares a lot.
好 从现在起 我们开始限制他的访客不超过2人
Okay, starting now, we’ll limit his visitors to no more than two.
乔 我真希望你能在那边
Joe, I wish you could have been there.
今天早上9点半 还没有半个影评刊出前…
9:30 this morning, before a single review was out…
电影院前就大排长龙
the line at Cinema One was around the block.
观众清楚得很
The people know. I mean, the people know!
票房♥已经打破首映日记录 这部电影大卖♥♥座 大卖♥♥座
This broke every first-day record. It’s a blockbuster. A blockbuster.
我是说真的 超级大卖♥♥座
I mean a blockbuster!
还有加州那些人…
And those guys in California…
你不会相信我们接到什么电♥话♥
You wouldn’t believe the telephone calls.
他们说”恭喜””我们很高兴你们慢工出细活
“Congratulations,” they say.”Congratulations, we’re glad you took your time.
花工夫是值得的”
It was worth it.
投下去的每块钱都很值得”
Every dollar we put in that film is up there on the screen.”
他们现在说要花350万元的广♥告♥费
I’m telling you, they’re talking about a $3. 5 million advertising budget.
350万元啊
Three and a half million dollars!
很抱歉 对不起 你相信吗
I’m sorry. Excuse me. Do you believe that?
350万元
Three and a half million dollars!
有这样的广♥告♥促销这部电影准会红遍半边天
This picture is going right through the roof.
红遍…
Right through…
半边天
the roof!
看看这些影评 看到了吗 我们做到了
Look at those reviews. See? We did it.
乔 我们做到了
Joe, we did it!
不喜欢这部电影的影评呢
Where are the bad ones?
没有不喜欢的
There are no bad ones.
加斯
Josh.
是有几个影评说了点坏话 我把它们留在办公室里
There were a couple that quibbled a little. I left them at the office.
加斯 我要你帮我一个忙 别把它们拿给我看
Josh. I want you to do me a favor: Don’t show them to me.
永远
Never.
电视的影评如何
How were the television reviews?
我想莱斯里·佩莉有来看试映会
I think we got Leslie Perry at the screening,
她当时跟我说她很喜欢
she told me she loved it.
乔·吉德安以”50位俏女郎”…
Following Joe Gideon’s triumphant directorial achievement…
的优越导演技巧…
with Fifty Beautiful Girls, Fifty…
赢得各奖项后…
when he won every possible award…
很荣幸报道他的万众期待的新作…
it would be nice to report that Mr. Gideon’s latest effort…
戴维斯·纽曼主演的”脱口秀”…
The Stand-up, starring Davis Newman…
能更上层楼
was a better film.
哦 开始炮轰了
Oh, boy. Here it comes.
然而”脱口秀”实在不怎么样
The Stand-up, however, does not quite stand up.
乔 请把它关掉吧
Joey, turn it off, please.
偏向于狂乱风格的吉德安显出
Leaning toward the frenetic, Gideon falls…
不计一切
into his characteristic weakness of trying too hard…
-讨好观众的弱点 -我要把这浑蛋东西关掉
-to please, to entertain. -I’m gonna turn that off.
加斯 别这样 我想听下去
Josh, no. I want to hear it.
花言巧语掩盖了现实
Slickness obscures reality.
-眼花撩乱抹杀了戏剧 -她懂什么东西
-The old razzle-dazzle obliterates drama. -What the hell does she know?
她从来不给任何好评
She never gave anything a good review.
那女人根本没资格评论任何事
That woman is totally unqualified to criticize anything.
她对电影一窍不通
She doesn’t know a goddamn thing about film.
-什么事都不懂 -她根本不是在做电影评论
-Or anything. -She’s not even reviewing a film.
她是在告诉你她有多聪明
She’s telling you how clever she is!
由戴维斯·纽曼主演的过气喜剧演员…
where the has-been comic, played impeccably by Davis Newman…
藉由独白来表现…
demonstrates his former brilliance…
风光不再的才气
in a monologue where clearly…
吉德安导演很明显地完全放手让纽曼尽情发挥
director Gideon gave Mr. Newman free rein.
内容虽然了无新意…
Rising above rather commonplace material…
-演员的表现堪称经典喜剧独白…-不管她说什么
-the actor creates a classic comic aura… -I don’t care what she says.
我敢保证这部片在国内至少会有三千万元的净利
I guarantee this picture will do 30 million domestic, at least.
-你们谁去帮我叫人来 -什么
-One of you better get somebody. -What?
我想我有麻烦了
I think I’m in trouble.
我去找人来 -纷乱的剪辑 震耳欲聋的配乐
I’ll get somebody. -chopping offends of scenes
戏味还没酝酿出来就被剪掉
before the drama has played out
让我相当困惑和…
left this reviewer with bewilderment…
严重头疼
and a four-aspirin headache.
以我四颗气球的评价规则…
Using my four-balloon rating system…
我只给”脱口秀”半颗气球
I give The Stand-up half a balloon.
-你觉得如何 -说实话
-How are you feeling? -The truth?
我很害怕
I’m scared.
转 开始
Roll them. Action.
天啊
Oh-ho-ho-ho, my God.
各位先生女士 医生上场了
Ladies and gentlemen, the doctors.
我是内科医生海门
I’m Dr. Hyman, the internist.
我是外科医生加里
I’m Dr. Garry, the surgeon.
-我是心脏科医生伯林格 -五 六 七 八
-I’m Dr. Ballinger, the cardiologist. -Five, six, seven, eight.
心脏是保持血液循环的心肌…
ALL EXPLAINING CARDIOLOGY: VOICES OVERLAPPING…
啊
Huh?
那表示他的两根动脉…
That means he had total blockage…
完全…阻塞了
in… two arteries.
哦
Oh!
我认为他堪称为现代圣人的首选