录取通知（2006）

I’ll see you later，Thor. I mean Dirk.
噢，特伦特？ 对不起，是特洛伊
Uh，I mean Trent. Sorry，Troy.
对不起，金头发
Whoop，sorry，Goldie.
施瑞德，你去哪了？ 我找你半小时了
Schrader，where you been? I’ve been calling you for half an hour.
又怎么了，哥们？ 我正忙
What the hell，man? I’m in the middle of rush.
我不管，哥们 我遇到麻烦了
I don’t care，man. I got a situation goin’ on.
这对我很重要 明白？
This is huge for me，all right?
你不要在这个时候出现 – 好，好，好
You can’t be here right now. Okay，okay，okay.
还记得那次去偷我妈的避孕药？
Remember that time we had to steal my mom’s birth control pills?
当然，于是莉齐出世了 – 这次比那还糟糕
Yeah，and then Lizzie was born. It’s worse than that.
这些人从哪来的？
SCHRADER: Where did these people come from?
从那些乱糟糟的花名册 他们都无学可上
Oh，from the chaos catalog. They were going out of business.
出什么事了？ – 马上就告诉你
What is happening? I’ll tell you what’s happening.
上次让你做一个看上去合法的网站 但是不要功能化
I told you to make the website look legitimate，not functional.
嗨，你想骗你父亲 他可不是白♥痴♥
Hey，you wanted to fool your dad. And the guy’s not an idiot.
同时，也是你提议加个“录取”选项
And，also，it was your idea to put “Acceptance is just one click away.”
对，对，加一个选项 但是不能真的可以点
Yeah，yeah，yeah. Put it as one click away，you don’t make it clickable.
噢，天啊，施瑞德，该死的
RORY: Oh，my… SCHRADER: Holy shit.
耶
Yeah.
他们都付了第一学期的学费？
They all paid first semester’s tuition?
对，每人一万
Oh，yeah. 10,000 bucks apiece.
100张支票后我就没继续点
I stopped counting after the first 100 checks.
74万
That’s $74,000,000.
100万，格伦
It’s $1,000,000，Glen.
对，可流通的美金
Yeah. In human dollars.
好了，好了 我们该做点事情
Okay，okay，okay. We gotta do something.
嘿，别看我，问问某个发起人吧
Hey，don’t look at me. Ask one of the founding fathers.
B?
HANDS: B?
我可没办法，哥们
This isn’t my deal，man.
开始我就和你说这不是好主意
I told you this was a bad idea from the get-go.
对
True.
我们要开始大逃杀了
We could have a Battle Royale.
喔 那是什么？
Wow. What is that?
B，你该让这些人回去
B，you gotta tell these people to go home.
你是对的，哥们
You are absolutely right，my friend.
事情由我开始，就让我来结束吧
I started this，I’m gonna finish it.
谢谢
Thank you.
上吧
Go.
嘿，格伦
Hey. Hey，Glen!
好了
All right.
对不起
Sorry. Sorry，sorry.
对不起，大家
Excuse me. I’m sorry，I’m sorry，everybody.
我能占用你们一点时间？
Can l– Can I just get your attention for one minute?
好，我会在一分钟讲完
Um，yeah，I’ll be taking questions in a minute.
请给我点时间，安静下来 好了
Just give me one second，please. Hold on. All right.
你是哪位？
Who the hell are you?
啊哈
Ah-ah. Okay.
问的好 谢谢
That’s a good question. Thank you.
我叫巴特比 你好
My name’s Bartleby. Hello.
呃，基恩斯 要说的是
Um，Gaines，for what it’s worth.
呃，你们知道网站上说的
And，um，you know on the website how it said,
“录取只在弹指之间”？
“Acceptance is just one click away”?
还记得？
Do you remember that?
我们原本… 别动
We had intended… Hold on.
我们加上这句是因为… 噢，该死
We added that because we were… Aw，shit.
算了，你…你想干什么？
Yeah，okay，what… I’m sorry. What–What–What do you want?
当我被这录取的时候
When I got accepted here,
我父母第一次说他们为我而骄傲
it was the first time my parents ever said they were proud of me!
很棒 很不错，哥们
That’s cool. Um，that’s cool，man.
好，举下手 多少人有申请其他学校？
Hey，uh，just show of hands，how many people applied to other colleges?
都有，好
Everybody. Uh，okay.
有多少人如愿以偿？
And how many of you got in to the other places you applied to?
没有人
Nobody.
没有人通过？
Nobody got in anywhere else?
你们知道吗，我也没有
And you know what? I didn’t，either.
我也没有进入真正的大学
I didn’t get into a real college.
真正的，好的大学
A really，really good college.
我知道被拒的感受
I know what it’s like to be rejected. It sucks.
他们跟你说不
Rejection blows. Being said no to.
诸如，对不起，你还不够优秀
You know what，I’m sorry，you’re just not quite good enough.
你没有足够的课外活动
You didn’t have enough extracurriculars.
你网球玩的不够好
You didn’t play enough tennis.
你的没有认真修学分 所以你还做的不够
You didn’t study hard enough for your scores. So you’re not gonna make it.
这都是百般挑剔
You know what? Screw that!
他在做什么？
What’s he doing?
我想他在预热
I think he’s winging it.
难道我们就没有被接受的机会？
Shouldn’t we all have the chance to be said yes to?
在南哈蒙 我们跟你说可以
At South Harmon，we say yes to you!
我们对你的愿望说可以
We say yes to your hopes.
对你的梦想说可以
We say yes to your dreams.
包容你的缺点 欢迎你们！
We say yes to your flaws! So welcome!
找个房♥子，找个朋友
Grab a room，grab a friend,
把握自己 我们不会插手
grab yourself，we don’t give a shit.
欢迎来到南哈蒙理工学院
Welcome to South Harmon lnstitute of Technology!
噢，哥们
Oh，man.
欢迎来到S.H.I.T.！
And welcome to S.H.I.T.!
你！我爱你！
You! I love you!
你在干什么？
SCHRADER: What are you doing?
你没意识到这有多蠢？
Do you realize how stupid this is?
你请他们来到一个根本不存在的学校
You invited everyone to a college that doesn’t exist.
我，我说不出口 你看到他们的表情
I–I just couldn’t do it，okay? You saw their faces.
他们四处碰壁
They got rejected from everywhere.
要是我再把他们拒了 会有多惨？
What–What kind of message does that send if I reject them from my college?
你没有学校！
You don’t have a college!
嘿！书店在哪？
Hey，hey，hey，where’s the bookstore?
我们可以从Amazon上买♥♥
Oh，we have a deal with Amazon.
有信♥用♥卡♥即可
You just buy ’em with a credit card.
何时选课？
When do we sign up for classes?
我们在扩专业 你会有的
Uh，we extended orientation. You’re fine.
我们在哪吃饭？
Hey，man，where the heck do we eat around here?
格伦，300个披萨 发给他们
Uh，Glen，uh，300 pizzas. Order them.
18个披萨袋 什么？不不，3个
18 pizza pockets. What? No，no，no. 3…
嘿，我该把学费交给谁？
Hey，who do I give my intuition money to?
谁？什么？ 我，我想
Who? What? Me，I guess.
我挑了块好布“钓”来的
I’m done fishing singles out of my G-string.
我现在是大学生喽！ 耶
I’m a college girl now! Aw，yeah.
噢
Wow.
B，你要办虚构的学校
Uh，B，hey，uh，you just started a fictional college.
噢，上帝. 好
Oh，God. Yeah，yeah，okay.
嘿，这里有游泳队吗？
Hey，do you guys have a swim team here?
有，这是汉兹·霍洛威 他是体育指导
Yes，you know what? This is Hands Holloway. He’s the Athletic Director.
他会帮你了解任何事情 我现在没空
He can help you with anything you need to know. I can’t do it right now.
谢谢 对不起
Thank you，though，thank you，I’m sorry.
你这家伙，现在该怎么做？ – 我需要一分钟来考虑
RORY: Uh，you guys，what are we gonna do now? I just need a minute to think.
什么？ 该死的！
What? What the… Holy shit!
嘿！嘿！住手！住手！
Hey! Whoa，whoa，whoa，whoa，whoa，whoa，whoa，Tex!
你们在做什么？
What the hell are you guys doing?
你什么意思？ 我们想让房♥子大一点
What do you mean? We’re makin’ the room bigger!
有道理 但这是我的房♥间
Yeah，Thorgeous，but this is my room.
这里谁管分房♥子？
Who’s in charge of room assignments around here，anyway?
两位，这是罗莉
Guys，I’d like you to meet Rory.
她负责S.H.I.T.的房♥间分配
She is the resident S.H.I.T. room assignmenter.
她很乐意帮你们解决困难 对不对？
And she’ll be more than happy to help you out with that. Okay?
好吧，我想…我可以带你们看♥房♥♥子
Okay，uh，l–I guess I’ll show you your rooms.
跟我来 – 谢谢
Follow me. Thanks.
抱歉
Sorry about the wall.
没事 别担心这个，哥们
Oh，it’s fine. Don’t worry about it，man.
这事经常有 没问题
It happens all the time. No problem.
对了，我们有个实际的问题
Yeah，well，we actually do have a problem
你不知道如何管理学校
because you don’t know how to run a college.
没事，这不是问题 没事