录取通知（2006）

把我按在柜子上，然后我说我感到异常
by pushing me up against the locker and I said I felt something.
你瞧见了，这是天才的表现
I mean，come on. That was pure genius.
也许你不该写那篇叫做“我一无所知”的论文
Maybe if you didn’t write an essay called “l Don’t Have a Clue.”
可那是事实！
Well，it’s true. You know?
关于我的余生将怎样度过，我一无所知
I don’t have a clue what I want to do with the rest of my life.
老爸老妈会杀了你的
Mom and Dad are gonna kill you.
相信我好了
O ye of little faith.
他们不会的 – 是吗？
They’re not gonna kill me. Uh-huh.
我只要稍微耍点小花招
I just have to spin it
用一种他们可以理解的方式解释
and put it in terms they can understand.
我不能理解
I don’t understand.
我也不能理解
I don’t understand，either.
好吧，这么说吧
Okay，I figure it like this.
大学每年的学费是多少？ 20000美元？
The average cost of college is，what，$20,000 a year?
根据我从网上查到的统计
Now，according to these estimates that I got off the Web…
大家传阅一下
You can pass those around.
一个只有高中学历的人
Someone with no education beyond high school
在目前的就业情况下，一年可以挣20000美元
can expect to make about $20,000 a year in the current job market.
也就是说，接下来的四年
Now，that being said，over the next four years,
你们可以选择花费80000美元
you could either spend $80,000
或者，我可以挣80000美元
or I could make $80,000.
你难道不想上大学？
Are you saying you don’t want to go to college?
不，我只是说，如果我去上大学
No. I’m saying that it is fiscally irresponsible
这从财政上来说不科学
for me to go to college. You know?
你是不是吸毒了？ – 哦，老天，没有
Are you huffing? Oh，God. No.
你发烧了？ – 你吸大♥麻♥？
Are you high? You’re huffing grass?
不，我没有吸毒，也没有喝酒，我完全正常
No. I’m not huffing，Mom. I’m not stoned. I’m completely fine.
事实上，我现在再清醒不过了
In fact，I’m more clear and level-headed than I’ve ever been.
那好，收起你那套吧，巴特比.
Okay，cut the crap，Bartleby.
这个社会有它的准则
Society has rules.
第一条准则就是：上大学 嗯
And the first rule is you go to college. Mmm-hmm.
你想拥有快乐而成功的人生吗？ 那就上大学
You want to have a happy and successful life? You go to college.
你想出人头地？ 那就上大学
If you want to be somebody，you go to college.
如果你想融入社会 就去上大学！
If you want to fit in，you go to college.
如果没有大学要我怎么办
Well，you know what? Maybe I didn’t get into college.
你什么意思？
What do you mean?
所有的学校都拒收我
I didn’t get accepted anywhere.
噢，巴特比.
Oh，Bartleby.
该死
Damn it.
我就说了，他应该从初中开始准备上大学
I knew he should’ve started preparing for college in junior high
就像他妹妹
Iike his sister.
现在她做的很好 我做的很好
Now，she’s got a shot. I’ve got a shot.
她做的很好 – 大家听着
She’s got a shot. Listen，guys.
有很多成功人士没有上过大学
There are plenty of successful people who didn’t go to college.
阿尔伯特·爱因斯坦，你们都知道
Albert Einstein，you know.
波卡洪塔斯从没有上过大学 （《风中奇缘》中的印地安公主）
Pocahontas never went to college.
克里·费尔德曼，还有 科里·海姆 （两人均为演员）
Corey Feldman and Corey Haim.
他们都事业有成
They had a great run.
还有刘易斯（《纳尼亚传奇》的作者） 和克拉克（鞋业大亨）
Both Lewis and Clark.
苏珊娜·萨默斯（电影演员） 波诺（U2乐队主唱）
Suzanne Somers. Bono.
我得去看看皮鞋匠那里是不是收学徒
I need to go check on the cobbler.
“皮鞋匠” 咕，咕，咕
“Check the cobbler.” Glug，glug，glug.
我毫不关心波诺做了什么或者没做什么
You know，I really don’t care what Sonny Bono did or didn’t do.
你得上大学
You’re goin’ to college.
我告诉过你了
I told you so.
知道了
You were adopted.
各位
MRS. SCHRADER: Everyone,
我想敬所有的毕业生一杯
I would like to propose a toast to our graduates.
2006年毕业的同学们
To the Class of 2006,
祝未来的大学四年
may the next four years of college
成为你们人生中最精彩的岁月
be the best years of your life.
老妈
MAN: Hear，hear.Mom.
嘿，伙计，怎么样
HANDS: Hey.Hey，man，what’s up?
好啊，B? – 你好，伙计
What’s up，B? How you doin’? What’s up?
伙计，我发誓，如果再有一个人说
Dude，I swear，if one more person tells me
要上大学了，真兴奋这样的话 我就崩溃了
how excited they are to go to college，I’m gonna lose it.
伙计，我听说奖学金的事情了
Oh，man，I heard about the scholarship.
太变♥态♥了，你是我们州最棒的接球手
That’s insane. You’re one of the best receivers in the state.
曾经的吧，膝盖受伤就别想打棒球了
Uh，the best. And，uh，no knee，no football，man.
太过分了，接下来打算怎么办？
That sucks. What are you gonna do now?
我也不知道
I have no idea.
真是患难兄弟啊
That makes two of us，pal.
没什么大不了的，没什么大不了的 .
RORY: It’s fine，it’s fine，it’s fine，it’s fine，it’s fine.
嗨，罗莉，怎么了？ – 嗨，什么？哦，没事，没什么大不了的
Hey，Rory. What’s goin’ on? Oh，hey. What? Fine. Nothing.
呃，我没有被耶鲁大学录取
Um，l–I didn’t get into Yale.
我没有…没有被耶鲁录取
I did– I didn’t，I didn’t get into Yale.
我没有… 没有被耶鲁录取
I didn’t… I didn’t get into Yale.
什么？难以置信
What? I can’t believe that!
耶鲁大学没有容纳罗莉的地方
Well，there’s no room for Rory at Yale.
成绩平平，家里有钱的孩子太多了
Too many rich kids with mediocre grades
而且，我猜今年有关系的家长也很多
and well-connected parents this year，I guess.
没有罗莉的容身之所 她从一年级就开始
No room for Rory，who’s been working
为进耶鲁大学努力学习
since first grade to get into Yale.
罗莉，她除了耶鲁没有申请第二所学校
Rory，who only applied to Yale and nowhere else.
我是故意的！
I had it all planned!
太完美了，B! 太完美了！
It was perfect，B! Perfect!
没什么大不了的！没什么！
And now it’s nothing! Nada!
鸭蛋，零！
It’s a goose egg!
好吧
Okay. Well.
上帝，罗莉! 罗莉!
God，Rory! Rory!
她的处理方式很好
She’s handling that really well.
去他泽的大学！
RORY: College is for pussies!
我得走了，老兄
All right. I got to get out of here，pal.
再等等看 – 好的，伙计，你也一样
Hang in there. All right，man. You，too.
巴特比! 嘿！ – 哦，你好，施瑞德先生，我正想…
Bartleby! Hey! Oh，hey，Mr. Schrader. I was actually just…
你吃蛋糕了吗？
Did you have any cake?
哦，你知道我不喜欢吃蛋糕
No，you know，I’m not much of a cake guy.
这蛋糕做的棒极了
Oh，it is a hell of a cake.
这蛋糕的口味从斯科特和塞斯 读哈蒙学院的时候就没变过
It is the same cake we got for Scotty and Seth when they got into Harmon.
哦，风水轮流转
Oh，ah，everything comes full circle.
杰伊，你好吗，老兄？ – 我真不知道…
Jay! How are ya，bud? Oh，I really don’t…
嗨，施瑞德 – 嗨
Hey，Stu. Hey.
你的小儿子就快去一所好的大学了
I can’t imagine your pride，knowing your youngest
一定很骄傲吧，如释重负？
is headed off to a good college. Must take a load off.
哦，别提了
Yeah，well，not to mention
负担卸下了，账单背上了
the load it takes off my bank account.
老爸
Dad.
没什么如释重负的
Nothin’ like gettin’ a load off!
你怎么样，巴特比?
What about you，Bartleby?
问的好，哈金先生
That’s a good question，Mr. Harkin.
好在哪里，特雷贝克先生?
What’s with the questions，Mr. Trebek?
你去哪里？
Where you goin’?
呃，我…
Um，l–l，well…
我没有，呃…
I didn’t really，uh…
巴特比不好好努力，现在上不了大学了
Bartleby screwed around and now he’s not goin’ to college.
他糟蹋了自己的人生
He’s thrown his life away.
这正是我想说的，谢谢老爸
Yeah，that’s– that’s what I was gonna say. Thanks，Dad.
等等，南哈蒙理工学院？
SCHRADER: Wait. South Harmon lnstitute of Technology?
没错 – B，你知道，缩写是狗屁（SHIT），对吗?
BARTLEBY: Yeah. B，you realize that makes it S.H.I.T.，right?
狗屁？ 我随便想的，管他呢
S.H.I.T.? I was wingin’ it. Whatever.
帮我建好网站就行了
Just finish building the website，please.
这也太疯狂了吧？
This is the act of a desperate，wildly unrealistic person.
B，你弄好了也发给我一份录取通知书
Yo，B，you have to hook me up with one of these acceptance letters，bro.
你是不是在搞笑，当然不行 – 为什么？
Are you kidding me? No way. Why not?
得了，要想奏效，就必须得保密
Oh，come on. The only way this is gonna work is if we keep it quiet.
即使这样，还是得从长计议
And even then，it’s still a long shot.
伙计，我不管了，我总得做点什么
Dude，I don’t care. I have to do somethin’.
我一丢了奖学金
The minute I lost my scholarship,
我老爸就开始考虑让我去开公交车了
my pop started talkin’ about me getting my own bus route.
帮帮我
Help me. Please? Mmm.