时空恋旅人

to the sound of some Italian weirdo
要放那个意大利怪人唱的《世界》
singing a song called Il Mondo.
多好的歌♥
Excellent song.
就是我说坚决不行的那首
To which I’ve said a definitive “no”.
所以这样吧
So here’s the deal.
你决定一件事 我就脱一件衣服
I will take off one item of clothing for every decision you make.
好的 我了解了 年轻的女士
Okay. You have my attention, young lady.
好的
Right, um,
你想在哪办婚礼
where would you like to get married?
家 我讨厌别的地方
Home. I’d hate anywhere else.
好的
Okay.
天哪 很好
My God. Good.
应该找哪位神父
Who should the priest be?
得是有一口黄牙
It’ll have to be the local bloke
和一堆连心眉的当地人
with yellow teeth and the massive unibrow.
好的
Okay.
那就决定找海格
That’s a lock for Hagrid.
伴郎呢
Best Man?
该死
Damn.
伴郎 快决定
Best Man. Now.
不 太难了 这是双输
No, this is so hard.
会气坏所有没选的人
It’s lose-lose you know You piss off all the
最后还会憎恨你选的那个人
ones you don’t pick, and you end up hating the one you do pick
因为他的演讲乱七八糟 把婚礼搞砸了
because he makes a bad speech and ruins the day.
你想不想见这对小可爱嘛
Do you wanna see these puppies or not?
想
Yes, I do.
-杰 -你决定
– Jay. – It’s your choice.
他是我最好的朋友 但他是个傻子
He’s my best friend, but he’s a moron.
对 他会把所有事都搞砸
Yeah, he will mess up everything.
-罗利 -确定吗
– Rory. – Sure?
不 哈利吧
No, Harry.
那就哈利了 来吧
Harry it is. Let’s do this.
罗利 抱歉
Rory. Sorry.
什么 真会作弊
What? That’s such a cheat.
好吧
Okay, fine.
蜜月呢
Honeymoon?
去苏格兰 住小旅馆
Bed and breakfast in Scotland.
苏格兰可不值得让我脱掉小裤裤
I am not taking my pants off for Scotland.
但是我们的钱只够去那 快 脱掉内♥裤♥
But it’s all we can afford. Take off your pants.
不脱
I will not.
脱掉内♥裤♥
Take off your pants!
我想去巴厘岛待两个星期
I want two weeks in Bali!
脱掉内♥裤♥
Take off those pants!
-你计划间歇了吗 -没有
– Have you planned a break? – No.
不 是你吗 不是我
No! Is that you? It wasn’t me.
这是给你的
It’s for you.
不 我被勾住了 我来我来
No, I’m caught! I’ve got it. I’ve got it!
帮帮我
Help me!
好
Yes!
对 跟着我
Right, follow me!
天哪
My gosh!
天哪
My God!
神哪
God!
真是个玩笑
It’s a joke!
给
Here.
对 快来
Yes, come on.
这边
This way.
天哪
My God!
我是罗利
I’m Rory.
蒂姆让我当他的伴郎的时候 我吓坏了
When Tim asked me to be his Best Man, I was terrified.
所以我想最好是去找一本
So I thought best thing is to find
关于演讲的书 这本就是
a book about speeches. And here it is.
书上说想想有趣的轶事
And it says think of really funny anecdotes.
工作时候 有件非常好笑的事
And there is a very hilarious story, actually from work.
这个笑话基于一个挺复杂的案子
It was quite a complicated case based on an issue of
有关离婚后
cross-amortisation of ownership of
财产所有权跨摊销
post-divorce properties and, um…
我解释一下背景 被告…
Let me just explain the context. The Defendant…
蒂姆让我做伴郎演讲时
When Tim asked me to do his Best Man speech,
我当即的反应是
my immediate reaction was,
你要付我多少钱 小混球
“How much are you gonna pay me, you little shit?
我写的东西可得花钱买♥♥
“I don’t write for free, you know.”
这些是那时他有机可趁的姑娘们
These were the girls available to him at that time.
姑娘们好 而这是他跟她们的距离
“Hello, girls.” And this is how far he got with each of them.
我来解释编号♥的含义 5代表口♥交♥
Let me explain the code. 5, blow job.
8代表完全深入…
8, full penetrative…
那么我们敬一杯
And so a toast
给这间屋子发型最糟糕
to the man with the worst haircut
但是人最好的新郎
but the best bride in the room.
女士们先生们 蒂姆和玛丽
Ladies and gentlemen, Tim and Mary.
蒂姆和玛丽
Tim and Mary.
是我们
That’s us.
我要是说了”我爱你”就好了
I wish I’d said “I love you”.
你说了 爸爸
You did, Dad.
话里的意思就是
It was implied.
我觉得婚礼上搞”话中话”不大好
I’m not sure “implied” is good enough for a wedding day, are you?
不 别那么做 这样就好
No, don’t do it, it’s fine.
现在这样我就很高兴 真的不用
I’m so happy with it as it was. You really don’t have to.
我要按我想的做 小伙子
I’ll do what I wanna do, young man.
我能先离开一下吗
Will you excuse me for just one moment?
待会儿我会给你们讲述
Later on I may tell you about
蒂姆作为男人以及乒乓球选手的许多失败故事
Tim’s many failings as a man and as a table tennis player.
但是
But,
重要的是先说一件大事
important first to say the one
我一生中
big thing, I’ve only loved
只爱过三个男人
three men in my life.
我爸爸是个冷酷的讨厌鬼
My dad was a frosty bugger so that
所以第一位是亲爱的德斯蒙德叔叔
only leaves dear Uncle Desmond,
美国布鲁斯吉他手和歌♥曲作者 2003滚石杂♥志♥排名第三吉他手
最伟大的布鲁斯音乐家之一 外号♥”布鲁斯之王”
第二位当然是B·B·金
B.B. King, obviously,
还有就是这个小伙子
and this young man here.
我只给将结婚的人一条建议
I’d only give one piece of advice to anyone marrying.
我们最终都差不多
We’re all quite similar in the end.
我们年华老去 境况大同小异
We all get old and tell the same tales too many times.
但是试着跟一个
But try and marry someone
善良的人结合
kind.
而这是一位有着好心肠的
And this is a kind man
善良男人
with a good heart.
我一生中没有很多
I’m not particularly proud
特别自豪的事 但是作为他的父亲
of many things in my life, but I am very proud
我十分自豪
to be the father of my son.
很抱歉打断你 但能跟你要个签名吗
I’m so sorry to disturb you, but I wonder if I could have your autograph.
不 不行
No. No.
我在婚礼上呢 老天啊
I’m at a wedding, for God’s sake.
我在这里庆祝真爱 而不是
I’m here to celebrate true love not
在一张纸上随便签个名
scribble my illegible signature on stupid
好让你放到网上拍卖♥♥
bits of paper that you can flog on eBay
换点钱买♥♥个不这么丑的帽子戴
so that at the next wedding you can wear a less hideous hat.
你好像见过我的梅姑姑了
I see you’ve met my Aunt May.
神啊 大家要是都戴着姓名牌就好了
God. People should wear name tags.
下一个就是你了 琪凯
You next, Kittle Kattle.
我也不知道 D舅舅
I don’t know, Uncle D.
男生对我都不怎么好
Boys aren’t very nice.
真的吗 亲爱的
Aren’t they, darling?
据我所知是这样的
Not in my experience.
他们永远都是随随便便的
They’re always taking liberties,
不懂得报答别人
not giving much back in return.
-好吃 -是吗
– It’s yummy. – Yeah?
我喜欢你说好吃的样子
I like the way you say ‘yummy’.
你会不会希望我们当初挑了个晴朗的日子
Do you wish we’d picked another less wet day?
不会