Horns aren’t gonna move the needle.
相较于你即将
Space is nothing
目睹的恐怖 太空不值一提 亚宇拉车！
compared to the horrors you will witness, Yumyulatch!
我的名字不是这么念的 -末日之时你将会…
That’s not how you pronounce my name. -By day’s end you will…
我是不小心掉进“郊区妈妈” 的地狱了吗？
Did I accidentally go to suburban mom hell?
接下来蒂姆·伯顿是不是要 拿着漩涡状雨伞跳出来了
I’m waiting for Tim Burton to pop out with a swirly umbrella.
你对恐惧一无所知 亚宇拉车
You will know fear, Yumyulatch.
我的名字不叫这个
Not my name.
闭嘴！
Silence!
太让人毛骨悚然了
Ugh. So spooky.
吓得我睡不着
Can’t sleep.
加热一点美味的意大利酱吧
I’ll just heat up some nice Italiano.
意大利肉汁烩饭里 不会有什么恐怖的东西
Nothing spooky about risotto.
这东西怎么这么慢
This thing takes forever.
快点啊 -安东尼原本只是一个小裁缝
Come on. -Anthony was a simple tailor.
后来他很快发现 缝纫什么就会收获什么
But he soon found that you reap what you sew.
Korvo, whoa, whoa, whoa.
嘿 冷静点 亲爱的 -别叫我亲爱的
Hey, calm down, boo. -Don’t call me boo.
楼下有一只该死的食尸鬼
There’s a fucking ghoul downstairs.
我们得找人来抓鬼
Let’s call someone to bust a ghost.
这种事能找谁啊 消防员吗？
Who we gonna call? A fireman?
谁都不用找 那只是我们的守墓人而已
We’re not calling anyone. That’s just our crypt keeper.
什么？ -我们从墓地
What? -We dug up
挖回来一具尸体
a body from a graveyard
然后用黑暗的科幻魔法将它复生了
and used dark sci-fi magic to bring it to life.
很可爱吧？
Pretty sweet, right?
不 一点也不可爱
No, it’s not sweet.
让它滚出我的房♥子 太恐怖了
Get it out of my house. I-I-It’s scary as hell.
抱歉 他是我们那套装饰品之一
Sorry. He’s our one decoration.
那不是装饰品 他能说话
That’s not a decoration. He talks.
他什么用都没有 所以他只是个装饰品
He doesn’t do anything. Which means he’s a decoration.
这是你制定的规则 你得尊重这张兑换券
We’re following your rules. Honor the coupon.
好吧 我知道你这个人 有多喜欢拿法律说事
Fine. I know how litigious you can be.
那家飞斧酒吧之后肯定长记性了
Axe throwing bar learned the hard way.
那我们可以养着它吗？
So, we can keep him?
好 但别让它再出现在我面前
Ugh, yes. I don’t want to see him again.
从前有个银行家 兑现了他最后一张支票
In this rich tale, a banker will cash his last check.
他在讲什么鬼东西？
What’s he talking about?
他是守墓人 所以他会讲很多 双关语鬼故事
He’s a crypt keeper. He tells pun-filled anthological scary stories.
这是他们的特长
That’s what they do.
他脑子里装了多少故事啊？ -不清楚 很多吧？
How many does he have? -I don’t know. A lot?
一辆纳斯卡赛车手
This NASCAR racer
拼了命地想赢
was driven to win.
女孩与食尸鬼们
Well, girls and ghouls,
这个水管工的故事溢满了讽刺
this plumber’s story is dripping with irony.
嘿 只能看 不能摸
Hey, you can look, but no touch.
这玩意是你从哪买♥♥的？
Where did you get this?
走开吧 每个参观者只能听一个故事
Move along. One story per viewer.
我们成功了
It’s working.
现在我们比兰道尔还有人气
We’re even more popular than Randall.
他长得有点像我奶奶 她的坟墓最近正好被盗了
He reminds me of my nana, whose grave was recently robbed.
这怪物真逼真 看来你们认真听取了我的建议
Would you look at that? Somebody took my advice.
干得漂亮 你们可得带他到处转转 好好炫耀一下
Great job. You gotta show that bad boy off.
好主意 兰道尔
Great idea, Randall.
万圣节蒙太奇 开始吧
Hallo-montage, here we come.
试衣间
玫瑰是红的 紫罗兰是蓝的 死尸也是红蓝的
Roses are red, violets are blue, just like dead bodies.
等等 亚宇雷去哪了？
Wait, where’s Yumyulack?
他如果看到我们的样子 肯定会狠狠嘲笑我们吧
He’d love to be making fun of us right now.
在后院 下地狱了！
Backyard. In Hell!
听听他说了多少新词
Aw! Listen to that word salad.
看来那个“可可西瓜”频道没白订阅
That CoComelon subscription is totally paying off.
终于有事让我转移一下注意力了
Finally, something to distract me.
多亏这个模拟甲板故障了 我真想好好亲亲你
I could almost kiss this Pretend-O-Deck for breaking down.
谢谢 亚宇雷 你能把那个…
Oh, thank you, Yumyulack. Can you hand me the…
要万般小心
Nice and easy.
纳撒尼尔是一位船长
Nathaniel was a sea captain…
他总是有一种自己会深陷债海的 窒息之感
…who had a sinking feeling he would drown in debt.
我受够了
That’s fucking it.
曾经有人跟我说 这世界迟早会把我生吞活剥
Somebloody once told me the world is gonna skull me.
我不是死人堆里头最聪明的食尸鬼
I ain’t the sharpest ghoul in the dead.
等等 那是破嘴乐队的歌♥词吗？
Wait, was that Smash Mouth?
讲一个最长的故事给我听
Tell me your longest story.
别管我 我在听你 你专心讲故事就行
Don’t worry, I’m listening. Just keep talking.
贾马尔是个总是感到无限压力的 深海潜水员
Jamal was a deep sea diver who was always feeling the pressure.
但如果他觉得做小生意都算难的话
But if he thought running a small business was hard,
他最后一次下海肯定会让他粉身碎骨
his final dive would prove to be the most crushing of all.
真是美好的一天 谁想玩一局沙包吗？
What a beautiful day. Anyone up for a round of cornhole?
之后我们可以去Jamba 吃1000毫升的芒果胖胖杯
We can cool down afterwards with 32oz mang-a-go-go fatties at Jamba?
不 情况不妙 -发生什么事了？
No, this is bad. -What’s going on?
我们不知道守墓人去哪了
We don’t know where Crypt Keeper is.
我们到处都找过了 我快担心死了
We looked everywhere. I’m fucking freaking out.
我觉得他可能走丢了
I think he might be lost.
他敢说迟早会出现的 你看过垃圾桶里面吗？
I’m, uh, certain he’ll show up. Did you check the trash?
他经常从里面跳出来
Seems to pop out of there.
我当然找过了
Of course, I checked.
后门总是开着
The back door was open.
小墓肯定是趁我们吃了100根 巧克力棒打瞌睡时 自己跑丢了
Crypty must’ve shuffled out when we were snoozing off all those 100 Grand bars.
他现在可能孤单又害怕
Oh! He’s probably scared and alone.
没有墓可守 也没有人可以吓
No crypt to keep, no people to creep.
咱们先冷静一下 深呼吸
Let’s calm down, take a deep breath.
或许来看一集 《台词落谁家重启版》？
Maybe watch an episode of the Whose Line Is it Anyway? reboot.
他们怎么还没搞清 台词到底是谁的？
How do they still not know whose line it is?
我们得继续找它！
We gotta keep looking!
守墓人？ -守墓人！
Crypt Keeper? -Crypt Keeper!
快出来吧 宝贝 -守墓人！
Come out, boy. Come on out. -Crypt Keeper!
我敢说他肯定是不喜欢这里 跑去别的他喜欢的地方了
I’m sure he ran off to some other place where he wanted to be instead of here.
也许我们可以假装从没养过守墓人
Maybe let’s forget you ever had a crypt keeper
这样我们的生活就会恢复常态
and everything’ll go to normal.
我不想恢复常态！
I don’t want it to be normal!
你去哪了？
Where have you gone?
我最爱的宝贝！
My baby boy, my boy!
出来吃吧 宝贝 -快出来！
Here, boy. -Come on!
小墓！ -小墓 你在哪儿？
Crypty! -Crypty, where are you?
大家通常会印多少张寻“宠”启示？
How many lost fliers do people usually print?
一千张 还是一万张？
A thousand? Ten thousand?
大多数人印五千张
Most people do 5,000.
给我们印十万张！
Give us 100,000!
你们是不是已经好几世纪 没给折磨刑具更新换代了？
Have you guys not updated your torture techniques in centuries?
你厚颜无♥耻♥的言论 已经传遍了整个地狱火境
Word of your impudence has spread through the fiery realm.
谢谢你告诉我 这里有无线网信♥号♥♥吗？
Thanks for the update. Is there WiFi here?
没有 但你会忙着在死灵海妖面前
No, but you won’t have time to browse the web
瑟瑟发抖
when you’re cowering before
没时间上网冲浪的
the Necro-Kraken!
我好像在90年代的《格斗之王》 电影里看到过这玩意
I think I saw this thing in a ’90s Mortal Kombat movie.
这东西能吓到负罪之人吗 无聊死了
This is what sinners are supposed to be afraid of? Boring.
我们该怎么办？ -命令他
What should we do? -Make him
推着巨石爬上烈焰山峰 -他肯定会嘲笑咱们的
push a rock up a flaming hill. -He’ll just make fun of us.
船到桥头自然直
Then we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
小墓
Crypty.
我真的以为你们对守墓人的喜欢 只是一时的心血来潮
I really thought your interest in Crypt Keeper was superficial,
就像你们买♥♥的那只机器狗
like when you bought that robot dog.
但如今看来 你们好像真的 很爱那只脏兮兮的怪物
But it really seems like you loved that dusty freak.
我们真的很爱它
We do love him.
现在他可能已经死了 第二次死亡 双倍的死透透
And now he’s probably dead. Again. Or double dead.
我也不知道 我伤心时没法思考
I’m not in a good head space.
等等 那只机器狗去哪了来着？
Wait, what happened to the robot dog?
我的“小机狗”也失踪了吗？
Is I-Pooch missing too?
谁知道呢 反正我我不知道
Who knows? I definitely don’t know.
一年前
不如我们去墓地再挖一具尸体出来？
How about we go to the cemetery and exhume another corpse?
那它也不是小墓 -求你了 科尔沃
It won’t be the same. -Please, Korvo.
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