外星也难民：万圣节特别篇（2022）

10月31日 万圣节快乐
吓死你！
啦啦啦 万圣节到啦
Fa la la la la la Halloween!
耶！
Yeah!
万圣节快乐
今天感觉好特别 万圣节的那种特别 你懂吗？
Something about today feels special. Halloween special, you know?
当然 这次我们一定搞一个 吓死人的万圣节活动
Hell, yeah! This is gonna be scary as shit, yo.
不要打我的塑料蜘蛛！
Not the plastic spiders!
冷静点 科尔沃 给我冷静！
Heel, Korvo! Fucking heel!
要命 我还以为去年我们已经 治愈了科尔沃的10月恐惧症了
Geez, I thought we already resolved Korvo’s Rock-tober issues last year.
最后又回到七点了
We reset at the end.
我最讨厌这个恐怖得要死的月份了 尤其是万圣节这几天
I’ll always hate this spooky-ass month, especially Halloween.
太恐怖了
It’s too spooky.
但我们挂的只是从公共图书馆偷来的 装饰
But we only put up decorations we stole from the public library.
那是世界上最不恐怖的地方
That’s the least spooky place on earth.
科尔沃 看看四周
Korvo, look around.
孩子们都喜欢万圣节 而我们最喜欢孩子喜欢的东西
Kids love Halloween and we love stuff kids love.
没那么恐怖啦
It’s not that scary.
你喜欢被一把刀 小小地捅进肚子的感觉吗？
Do you like being stabbed in the stomach?
我被“小小地”吓一下就是这种感觉
That’s how I feel about being spooked.
坚强一点 这会是一次特别的万圣节
Tough ta-tas, ’cause Halloween’s gonna be special,
我们要好好过这个节
and we’re doing the shit.
不 拜托了 就等一天嘛
No, please, just wait a day,
然后过《寻梦环游记》里的亡灵节
and we can do Día de los Mia… Muertos like in Coco.
说晚了 我们已经全情投入了
Too late! We’ve already committed.
什洛浦星曾是个完美的乌托邦 直到被小行星撞上
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia until the asteroid hit.
一百个成人和他们的复♥制♥人
One hundred adults and replicants
分到了一只噗宝 逃往了太空
were issued a Pupa and escaped into the space,
在杳无人迹的世界寻找新的家园
searching for new homes on uninhabited worlds.
我们坠毁在地球上 困在了一个已经人口过密的星球
We crashed on Earth, stranding us on an overpopulated planet.
情况就是这样 说话的人是我
That’s right. I’ve been talking this whole time.
也就是抱着噗宝的那个 我叫科尔沃
I’m holding Pupa. My name’s Korvo.
这是关于我的动画 我刚把噗宝摔下去了
This is my show. I just dropped the Pupa.
你看见我了吗 真是让人无语
Do you see me? This is ridiculous.
我讨厌地球 这是个糟糕的家园 人类愚蠢至极
I hate Earth. It’s a horrible home. People are stupid and confusing.
我不懂万圣节和其它节日
I don’t get Halloween and holidays.
难道人类不知道时间就是一种幻象 这一切都是模拟世界吗？
Don’t people know time’s an illusion, this is a simulation,
其实他们都被困在小房♥间里
and they’re in chambers
连接着一台收割能量的机器
hooked up to a machine that’s harvesting energy?
是谁把发光蜘蛛网 放在量子除颤器上的？
Who put glittery cobwebs on the quantum defibrillator?
万圣节外星人！
Halloween alien!
不要装饰我们的科技用品
No decorating the tech.
你们这些幻想的破烂 把我们酷炫的科幻武器都搞俗了
You’re ruining all our awesome sci-fi with this fantasy shit.
万圣节无聊死了
Halloween blows.
把本该专注于科学和数学的时间 浪费在魔法和咒语上
It’s all magic and spells when you could be doing science and math.
我觉得亚宇雷想说的是
I think Yumyulack is trying to say
这些东西太吓人了 让人夜不能寐
it’s too haunting and spine-tingling.
什么 才不是呢 这些蠢得要命
What? No. That’s stupid.
大家的娱乐就是我的噩梦
Everybody else’s fun’s nightmare fodder.
普通的草垛马车巡游 已经够惊悚的了
A regular hay ride is already overwhelming.
为什么还要把鬼牵扯进来？
Why does it have to be h-h-haunted?
因为很好玩啊
Because it’s fun.
南瓜神灵不好玩吗？ -什么神灵？
What about the Great Pumpkin? -The what?
万圣节的南瓜之神
The spiritual gourd god of Halloween.
南瓜神灵只会在极具万圣节精神的
The Great Pumpkin only shows himself to believers
虔诚信徒面前现身
who are full of October 31st spirit.
他会来到需要他的人身边
He comes to those who need him
也许还会带来玩具和加油站礼品卡
and maybe brings toys, gas station gift cards
还有成卷的上等丝绸
and rolls of the finest silks.
我已经吓得开始反胃了
Ugh, I’m literally nauseous with fear right now.
给我一个袋子 我要吐了
Get me a bag. I need to barf.
万圣节是古老的异教♥徒♥传统
Halloween is an ancient pagan tradition.
最初的形式是披下自己的头发 把别人的头发顶在头上
It’s about letting your hair down, then putting someone else’s hair on top.
太荒谬了
It’s ridiculous.
如果这是真的 南瓜神灵真的存在
If that was true and Great Pumpkin existed,
我全年都会在提心吊胆中度过
I’d be terrified year round.
让这个抄袭的毛骨悚然版 南瓜圣诞老人去死！
Fuck that creepy pumpkin Santa rip-off!
南瓜神灵 您原谅科尔沃吧 他不是有心骂您的
O, Great Pumpkin, please forgive Korvo. He means not what he says.
我不要玩“不给糖就捣蛋” 太吓人了！
No trick or treaters. Too scary!
科尔沃 别紧张 现在还早呢
Korvy, relax. It’s way too early.
嘿 兰道尔
Hey, Randall.
万圣节快乐
Happy All Hallows.
我顺路过来跟你们说一声
Just swinging by to remind you
今年街区的主题是玉米糖之巷
that this year’s neighborhood theme is Candy Corn Lane.
每一家都要把自己房♥子装饰好
Every house is doing their part to decorate.
你真是万圣节之王 兰道尔 -谢谢夸奖
You’re the king of the ‘Ween, Rando. -Thanks.
好好玩吧 但记住
Have fun. But remember,
这不是什么比赛 因为没人能比我装饰得更好
it’s not a competition because nobody can outdo my place.
我从去年11月1日就开始准备了
I start my prep on November first.
没问题
You got it, baby.
来的是德古拉吗 特里？
Was it a Dracula, Terry?
如果是德古拉 我真的会吓得尿裤子
I will lose my shit if it was a Dracula.
是兰道尔 也爱过万圣节的邻居
That was Randall, the neighborhood Halloween guy.
天啊 他真的好酷
Man, he’s so cool.
每年整个小镇都会排队 来看他的自♥制♥鬼屋
The whole town lines up to walk through his DIY haunted house.
这跟酷有半毛钱关系吗？
In what world is that cool?
他每年要在装饰上花上千美元
He spends thousands on decorations.
我听说他甚至在石棉工厂找了兼♥职♥
I heard he picked up a shift at the asbestos plant
就是为了买♥♥一套 片场级别的《猎魔人》服装
just to pay for his set-quality Witcher costume.
拜托你让我们参加今年的 “玉米糖之巷”吧
Oh, please, please, please,let us participate in Candy Corn Lane this year.
不 我禁止
No. Denied. -That’s it.
够了 我要兑现你在情人节 送我的“打飞机”券
I’m cashing in the blowjob coupon you gave me for Valentine’s.
你不能把节日福利混在一起
You can’t cross-pollinate holidays.
这张券只能用来兑换性福利 -或是与之价值等同的东西
That coupon’s for sexual favors only. -Or something of equal value.
这超小号♥的附加条款还是你自己写的
You wrote the fine print.
该死 我为什么要痴迷这些法律屁话
Damn my obsession with legally binding verbiage.
好吧 你可以用它兑换 一套恐怖的装饰
Fine. You can cash it in for one spooky decoration.
兑换一张假蜘蛛网外加 半次“打飞机” 怎么样？
What about one fake spiderweb and half a hand job?
不行 还有什么叫半次“打飞机”？ 用两只手指和手掌下半部分吗？
No, and what’s half a hand job? Two fingers and the base of the palm?
等你让我在屋里填满四千年的霉味
You’ll never find out unless you let me fill the air
就知道那是什么东西了
with the funk of 40,000 years.
不 别跳《颤栗》舞
No! Not the Thriller dance!
不给糖就捣蛋
我们得找一些兰道尔没有的酷炫装饰
We need something cool that Randall doesn’t have.
这哥们什么都准备了
The dude’s got everything.
等等 你看到那个纸板棺材了吗？
Hold the bone. You see that cardboard coffin?
好假啊 我们弄来的棺材 肯定比他的逼真
Cripes, we can do better than that.
闻起来像101只斑点狗 在这里拉过屎一样
Ugh, smells like all 101 dalmatians took a shit in here.
迪士尼的标准与规范部门 这么快就给我打电♥话♥了？
Whoa. Disney Standards and Practices are already calling me?
给我去语♥音♥信箱里吧
To voicemail you go.
爱莎 激活坩埚程序
Aisha, activate cauldron protocol.
辛辛 – 苦苦 – 做魔药
太棒啦
Yeah.
你们站得离坩埚太近了
You standing way too close to that cauldron.
如果你们谁掉进去变成癞蛤♥蟆♥
If either one of y’all fall in and end up a toad,
我可不会亲你们
I’m not kissing you back.
别盯着看 你盯着它看 它就永远不会沸腾
Don’t stare. A watched cauldron never toils.
特里 闭嘴吧 你这个小白♥痴♥
Terry, shut up. You stupid.
烦死了 这些俗气的哥特风装饰 和我们家的整体审美太不搭了
Damn it. All this cheesy goth shit is clashing with our whole aesthetic.
喜欢万圣节的成年人 和成年追星族有什么区别
Grownups who like Halloween are the horse girls of adults.
我懂 你没有自己个性 所以才要用鬼魂之类的东西填补…
We get it. You have no personality. So you fill the void with ghosts and…
恶魔？拜托
Aw, demons? Oh, please.
这也太庸俗了
This is so lame.
亚宇雷！
Yumyulack!
地狱
如今
真“棒” 我跌进地狱了？
Oh, great. I’m in hell?
真是浪费我的时间
What a waste of time.
亚宇拉车！
Yumyulatch!
蝙蝠翅膀 我真的好怕怕喔
Bat wings. So scary.
我是冥王哈迪斯的士兵
I am a soldier of Hades.
我以痛苦为食！
I eat suffering!
我是太空来的 你这个乡下恶魔 我见过宇宙尽头是什么样的
I’m from space, you dork. I’ve seen what lies beyond the universe’s edge.
我可不会怕长着角的东西