谁死了
Who’s dead?
查克
Chuck.
什么时候
When?
现在
Now.
他刚刚才过世
He just died now?
我不知道他何时过世的
I don’t know when the hell he died.
我不在现场
I wasn’t there.
大概的死亡时间呢
What was the approximate time of death?
最近 你自己去看看啊
Recent. Why don’t you go check it out for yourself.
他在里面
He’s in there.
其他的人知道吗
Does anyone else know about this?
我不知道
I have no idea.
要是有任何人知道 却什么也没说..
Because if anyone else knows about this and they’re not saying anything…
我得要知道是谁
I need to know about that.
对不起
Excuse me.
我常听你的节目
I used to listen to your show…
直到我过世后
until I died.
我叫洛伊比特森
My name was Lois Peterson.
当时我正开车要去北边的小屋
I was driving up to this cabin up north…
你正在说个故事 我笑个不停
and you were telling a story and I was laughing.
结果车子滑出马路 翻进山沟里
And then the car skidded off the road and into a ditch and it flipped.
事发当时 我还正在想着
And as it did, the thought occurred to me…
这故事并没那么好笑
that the story just wasn’t that funny.
接着..
And then…
我就站在草上 看着我自己的尸体
I was standing in this tall grass looking down at my own body.
嗯
Hmm.
很遗憾
So sorry.
我正要去小屋跟我的爱人赖利碰面
I was on my way to that cabin to meet my lover Larry.
我们计划了两个月
We had been planning it for over two months.
就因为你的故事 我开车失控死了
And because of your story, I lost control and I died.
所以..,-我很抱歉
So… – I’m so sorry.
你也算是..害死了我
So you killed me, in a way.
有趣吧
Isn’t that interesting?
他真死了
He’s quite dead.
半小时前他还到处说着..
Just a half an hour ago he was walkin’ around…
什么互换呼吸的空气啊
exchangin’ the gases with the atmosphere.
现在可出来的比进去的多喔
Well, there’s a lot more out than in now.
报♥警♥吧
We should call the cops.
不行
No.
时间到了我就会打的
When the time is right, I’ll make the call.
你..就..
You… just, um…
好啦 我们只剩五分钟了
All right. We’re at five minutes from broadcast.
不准跟任何人说这事 知道吗
Don’t talk about this to anyone. All right?
保持隐密
Keep it under your hat.
去干♥你♥的活吧
Go about your business.
我会封锁现场
I’m gonna secure the area.
让节目继续吧
Let’s get on with the show.
你没事吧
You gonna be all right?
嗯 我没事的
Yeah, I’ll be all right.
所以你真是个天使
So you’re really an angel?
当然
Of course.
嗯
Hmm.
你都做些什么
What do you do?
这是个蠢问题
Well, that’s a dumb question.
不 我做很多事情的
No, no. L… uh, I do lots of things.
我抚慰极度悲伤的人们
I comfort people that are desperately sad.
我也尔而专程现身
And I make personal appearances.
我..
L…
雕像上的眼泪
Tears on a statue.
有次我把主的脸放在一碗燕麦片上
One time I put the face of the Lord on a bowl of oatmeal.
让大家开开心
Just to cheer people up.
就是这类的事情
You know, those kind of things.
但大部分我..带人去见上帝
But mostly l… I take people up to see God.
这是我来的原因
That’s why I’m here.
但我一直想着那个故事..
But I-I just keep thinking about that story…
以及他好笑的原因
and why it was funny.
我在广播里讲的故事啊
The story I told on the radio?
那是个企鹅的故事
It was about penguins.
喔 企鹅的笑话
Oh. The penguin joke.
两只企鹅站在浮冰上
Two penguins standing on an ice floe.
就是这个
That’s the one.
第一只企鹅说
And the first penguin says…
你好像穿着燕尾服
“You look like you’re wearing a tuxedo.”
第二只就说了
And the second penguin says…
你为什么觉得我不是
“What makes you think I’m not?”
还有吗,-没了
Is there more? – No.
这就是整个笑话,-嗯
That’s the joke? – Mm-hmm.
好笑在哪里
Why is that funny?
我想他好笑是因为人们听了会笑
I guess it’s funny because people laugh at it.
我没笑啊
I’m not laughing.
你是个天使
You’re an angel.
G.K.麻烦到前台
G.K. To the stage, please. G.K. To the stage, please.
我该走了
I should probably go.
喔 当然 我不是为你来的
Oh yes, of course. I didn’t come for you.
喔 这样啊
Oh. OK. All right.
我想他们在等我了
I think they’re waiting for me.
喔 第二只企鹅说什么来着
Oh… what did the second penguin say?
他说 你为何觉得我不是 好了吧
The second penguin said, “What makes you think I’m not?” OK?
好,-好啦 再会啦
OK. – All right. See you.
慢慢来
Take your time.
谢谢
Thanks.
还有两分钟 两分钟
Two minutes from broadcast. Two minutes, please.
哼 哼
Ahem. Ahem. Ahem.
能跟你说下话吗
Could I have a word with you?
出了点状况 正在处理中
Uh, we have a situation here, um, which we are monitoring…
我希望知会你
but I wanted you to be apprised of it.
你是指那个穿着白雨衣的女人吗
You mean the woman in the white trench coat?
不是 有个女人穿着白..
No, there’s a woman in a w…
一件白雨衣 对啊 你见到他了
a white trench coat, yes. You saw her?
我看见他在那,-有跟他说话吗
I saw her over here. – You spoke to her?
你..不 你在跟他说话的
You… no, you were talking to her.
你看见啦
You saw that?
对啊 你啊
Yeah. You.
如果你在观众中发现他 给我个讯号♥
Well, if you see her in the audience, I need you to give me a high sign.
就用..你的手给我讯号♥
Just use… give me a signal with your hand.
就…
Do, uh…
这样吧 在你背后
No. Here, do it behind your back.
就..就..随便动动,-兔子尾巴
Just… just… just wiggle. – Rabbit tail?
嗯 还有点口头的讯号♥ 一些暗号♥
Yeah, and give me a verbal, uh, sign, some… something in code.
就说 嗯 赦免
Just say, uh, indemnity.
赦免 好,-好
Indemnity. Yeah. – OK.
或者 不 说葛奈瀑布好了
Or no. Granite Falls.
好 这怎么..
OK. How does that…
这怎么说呢 葛奈瀑布
How does that go? Granite Falls?
你就说 接下来要表演一首歌♥
Well, you just say, uh, then we would like to do a song now…
献给住在..
for our dear friends in…
葛奈瀑布的朋友
Granite Falls.
喔 好 没问题
OK. All right. OK.
如果我没听见的话 就让瑞奇这样弹..
And then if I miss that, uh, this’ll be a cue for Rich…
让音乐变个调
to do a-a musical turn.
这就是密♥码♥,-密♥码♥
That’s the code. – Code?
那我就懂了 好吗
Then I’ll get it. OK?
事实上我就是这样进广播的
That’s how I got into radio, actually.
摩斯密♥码♥
Morse code.
我在艘船上担任甲板水手
I was a deckhand on a… on a boat.
大风暴 在十一月
Big storm. November.
永远忘不了
I’ll never forget it.
就打开船上的广播
You got on the ship radio…
说些笑话 唱个两小时歌♥
and you told jokes and you sang for two hours…
直到船安全的入港
until the ship came in safely to port.