撒谎精自传（2012）

Hi!
谢啦 谢啦
Thank you, thank you.
现在 抓紧瓜柄 把切片机磨锋利了
Now, grip the teat and whet the micro-tome.
若是要开派对
If tea party there be,
就让黄瓜君被切成最薄的均匀小片
let cucumber be slivered to the thinnest with precision
再辅以上好的面包夹在两边
and pressed twixt finest slices of good bread.
好极了 好极了
Bravo! Bravo!
Graham 那边那个是不是乔治·拉赞贝(69年的邦德)
Graham, isn’t that George Lazenby over there,
看起来很享受那罐特别进口的Foster淡啤那个
seen enjoying a can of specially imported Foster’s lager?
谁 你说站在克里斯托弗·艾什伍德(单身男子作者)和乔治娅·布朗(著名女高音)
What, you mean behind Christopher lsherwood and Georgia Brown,
站在那儿和伊安·拉·弗雷奈斯(英国著名编剧 写银行大劫案等)说笑的吗
seen there enjoying a joke with Ian La Frenais?
是的 站在彼得·库克、达德利·摩尔、Bo Diddley(歌♥手和吉他手)和钢琴之间
Yes, between Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, Bo Diddley and the piano,
他们看来都在排得满满的行程中挤出时间来放松片刻
all seen enjoying a brief rest in a tight schedule.
那个和好莱坞的心理学家Stuart Lerner医生站在一起的又是谁啊
And who’s that with the Hollywood psychiatrist, Dr Stuart Lerner?
可能是简·西摩(著名演员 牙买♥♥加旅店)珍妮·艾加特(演员)
It could be either Jane Seymour, Jenny Agutter,
苏珊·乔治(演员 稻草狗)谢莉·杜瓦尔(闪灵演员)或是维托·埔柱(幽默钢琴表演大♥师♥)
Susan George, Shelly Duvall or Victor Borge.
维托·埔柱?
Victor Borge?
不好意思 我刚才说了维托·埔柱?
Sorry. Did I say Victor Borge?
只是我觉得我好像看到了维托·埔柱
Only, I also thought I caught sight of Victor Borge
在和查尔顿·赫斯顿(演员 宾虚)和电影编剧Alan Katz
enjoying a quiet word with Charlton “Chuck” Heston
一起说悄悄话
and screenwriter companion Alan Katz.
好吧 不过那个和Stuart Lerner一起的姑娘是谁？
Yes, but who’s the girl with Stuart Lerner?
唔 啊 那是西尔维娅·克里斯特尔(演员 艾曼纽)
Hmm. Ah! That’s Sylvia Kristel.
我滴个神啊(翻译心声 特么查的手抽筋了)
Good God!
Graham 你有没有意识到 就光刚刚五分钟
Graham, do you realise that in the last few minutes alone,
你就显摆了不下17个名人的名字?
you’ve dropped no less than 17 famous names?
是吗 我都没发觉 我只是碰巧认识他们
Have I? I didn’t intend to. I just happen to know these people.
他们都是我的朋友 呃 其实是住在我这儿
They’re friends of mine. Uh, they live here.
我希望你把刚刚说的话对自己重复一遍
I want you to repeat what you’ve just said to yourself
并从医生的角度来分♥析♥一下
and think about it as a medical man.
– 你是说我得了… – 是的
– You mean I’ve got… – Yes.
不拽人名不舒服症 公举病的常见并发症
Niven-ism. It’s a common enough complication of angelitis.
这是自传作者特有的一种病症
It’s an endemic autobiographical complaint
得了这种病的人只能间接靠他人名气过活
whereby people live vicariously through the fame of other people.
当时 正好是David Frost的四十岁生日派对
It was, coincidentally, David Frost’s 40th birthday party,
他当天下午的第三个派对
his third that afternoon,
我答应了要找时间去露个脸
and I’d promised to try and look in for a moment or two.
太棒了
Super!
太棒了 太棒了 太棒了
Super, super. Super!
实在太棒了
Really super.
祝你生日快乐
Happy birthday
亲爱的…David Frost!
Dear…David Frost!
太棒了
Super!
我们特别崇拜你
We think you’re swell
你功成名就
You’ve achieved so much
无与伦比
And done so well
大家都觉得 应该多颁几个大英帝国官佐勋章给你
That everybody here agrees You deserve more OBEs
差不多唱的就是这个意思了
And that was the message That was
太棒了 太棒了 太棒了 太棒了
Super, super, super. Super.
太棒了
Super.
出门的路上 我安慰了一肚子不高兴的洛·史都华(摇滚歌♥手)
On the way out, I consoled an agitated Rod Stewart,
居然沦落到要亲自来参加派对
who unfortunately had had to come to the party in person.
他当天早上刚结婚
He’d got married that morning
新婚燕尔时翻脸让他一时无法接受
and the blow-ups of the happy couple could not be processed in time.
– Keith你好啊 – 你好啊 Graham 找我啥事儿
– Hello, Keith. – Hello, Graham. What do you want?
你一会儿想不想来我家参加个派对？
Would you like to come to a party at my place later?
– 我已经在派对了 – George(Harrison)说一会儿他也过来
– I think I’m already at one. – George said he’d drop by.
我知道Harry and Richard也会去(不知道是Keith Richards还是Cliff Richard）
I know Harry and Richard will be there.
– 我能捎上Mick (Jagger)和Ronnie(Wood)吗(滚石成员)
Can I bring Mick and Ronnie?
– 好的 一会儿见 – 再叫上Pete(Best)还有Ringo(Starr)?
– All right. See you later. – And Pete and Ringo?
当然 待会见吧 我得去基友堆里走一趟了
Sure. See you later. I’m just gonna nip off down through Boys Town on the way back.
– 我想去买♥♥点致幻蘑菇 – 我赌不止买♥♥个蘑菇
– I want to pick up some zoom. – I’ll bet that’s not all.
Graham 你必须正视自己这个拽人名的毛病
Graham, you must face up to this name-dropping problem.
我该怎么做 搬去芬兰吗？
What should I do? Move to Finland?
你只需要再熬一阵子
You’ll just have to sweat it out.
就没有什么能加快治疗的方法吗？
Isn’t there anything I can do to speed up my recovery?
有是有 就是恐怕过程不怎么愉快
There is, but it isn’t going to be pleasant, I’m afraid.
厌恶疗法
Revulsion therapy.
我这次的处方给你开一个好莱坞派对的密集疗程
I’m going to prescribe an intensive course of Hollywood parties for you.
这是你唯一的希望了
It’s your only hope.
你好啊 Graham
Hello, Graham.
Graham 那边的年轻女士没事儿吧？
Is that young lady all right over there, Graham?
起作用了 Graham 坚持住
It’s working, Graham. Stick with it.
晚上好 Chapman先生 我叫胡赛
Good evening, Mr Chapman. I am Jose.
我是您今晚的从星空到被窝掖到满天星掖被子人
I’ll be your star to bed tucker-inner to the stars this evening.
好极了
Jolly good.
我进入到了一种惰性状态
I had slipped into a state of inertia.
各种额外活动都显得毫无意义
All further activities seemed pointless.
我决定要办一场告别派对
I decided to have a farewell party.
David做了黄瓜三明治
David made the cucumber sandwiches
而我穿着我的米色航♥空♥服悄悄溜了出门
and I slipped out in my beige spacesuit
看看有没有人愿意一起凑个热闹
to see if the others would be prepared to pop along.
我灵巧的穿过了空气闸门
I stepped up nimbly through the air lock
轻盈地飘过了Elton John的钢琴形状的太空探月车
and deftly percolated past Elton John’s piano-shaped moon buggy.
他显然在为David Bowie和Ken Liberace演奏
He was obviously entertaining David Bowie and Ken Liberace,
所以 我没有停留
so I passed on.
我知道下一个路过的飞行器里
I knew the next space vehicle was occupied for an at-home evening
是宅在家的大卫.霍克尼(同志艺术大♥师♥)和阿兰·本奈特(编剧)比着谁的口音更重
by David Hockney and Alan Bennett, comparing the size of their accents.
来点儿卡仕达酱吗 David？
Custard cream, David?
大吉岭泡淡一点儿就好 Alan
Just a weak Darjeeling, please, Alan.
所以我也没在他们身上浪费时间
S0 I didn’t bother with them.
小心猛兽
– 你能来我们的派对不 – 不行
– Can you come to our party? – No!
我还要吸尘来着
And I have got to do the hoovering!
– 你能来我们的派对不 – 不好意思啊Gray(Graham简称)
– Can you come to our party? – Sorry, Gray.
日程排得太满满当当了
Diary’s absolutely chock-a-block.
在此的是奥斯卡·芬戈尔奥弗莱厄蒂·王尔德
“Here lies Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wilde.
与世长辞
“Gone out for good.”
你能来我们的派对不？
Can you come to our party?
在贪婪的世界中有个节点
There is a time in the affairs of greed,
始于缺陷 终于凶残
which, taken at the kludge, leads on to brutalness.
原句There is a tide in the affairs of men which,taken at the flood,leads on to fortune.世事本无常，弄潮者才将功成名就
人不是黄蜂 杜塞多夫也不是一天建成的
A man is not a wasp, nor Dusseldorf built in a day.
Damon Runyon长了个囊肿 最终 他们说 喂 我
Damon Runyon had a bunion. For all, they say, hey I.
这都是些什么意思啊？
What’s that supposed to mean?
我的心受到煎熬 我感到昏昏欲睡…
My heart bakes. A drowsy numbness fills my…
My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains 这是济慈的夜莺颂
就这样吧 就这样了
Let it be. Let it be.
得了吧 王尔德 这是什么意思？
Oh, come on, Wilde.What does that mean?
这是说 殿下 这是说…
It means, your Majesty, it means…
记记台词啊 害得我们等得黄花菜都凉了
Learn your lines. You had us waiting for hours.
我觉得没人发现啊
I didn’t think anyone noticed.
确实 没人注意到
No, I suppose they didn’t.
剧终
The end.
Graham Chapman 鹦鹉短剧的编剧之一
Graham Chapman, co-author of the parrot sketch,
已经不在了
is no more.
他已经离开了我们
He has ceased to be.
失去了生气 他永远安眠了
Bereft of life, he rests in peace.
他蹬腿了 翘辫子了
He’s kicked the bucket, hopped the twig,
撒手人寰 还绊了一下
bit the dust, snuffed it,
最后一次爬起来扬长而去了
wheezed his last
到九天之上去见那位轻松娱乐片的老大去了
and gone to meet the great Head of Light Entertainment in the sky.
我想大家都会认为这是多么令人悲伤
And I guess that we’re all thinking how sad it is
如此一位才华横溢
that a man of such talent,
悲天悯人
of such capability for kindness,
聪明绝顶的
of such unusual intelligence,
在仅仅48岁时便突然与世长辞
should now so suddenly be spirited away at the age of only 48
他还尚未取得许多他应得的成就
before he’d achieved many of the things of which he was capable
也尚未享受到足够的乐趣
and before he’d had enough fun.
不过 我还是要说 拉倒吧
Well, I feel that I should say, “Nonsense.
他倒是解脱了 这好占便宜的混♥蛋♥ 我希望他下油锅
“Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard. I hope he fries.”
我要这么说的原因就是…
And the reason I feel I should say this…