撒谎精自传（2012）

Perhaps a couple of weeks’ rest might be a good idea.
你觉得咱们应该休息吗 毕竟David Frost花钱了啥的…
But do you think we should? I mean, David frost and all that.
他给了咱们工资的 Graham
He has paid us, Graham.
是的 你说的对
Yes, I suppose you’re right.
我可能明天就好了也说不定
Yes, well, I’ll probably be all right tomorrow.
对 好的 咱们明天就开始 明天一起床就开工
Yes, right. That’s fine. We’ll start tomonow, first thing in the morning.
好的 一定一定 就这么说定了
Right. Yes, yes, yes. Fine, then.
我到时候就揣着打字机呆在阴凉的地方 你可以坐在阳台上
I’ll sit in the shade with the typewriter and you can sit out on the balcony in the sun
晒晒太阳 加几句词儿进来 怎么样？
sunning yourself and shout a few lines in, right?
好的 太好了
Fine. Great.
噢 不对
Oh, bugger.
Graham 咱们能明天晚上再开始吗？
Graham, do you mind if we don’t start till the evening, actually?
我答应了Connie明天带她出去玩儿 她就在这儿呆几天
I promised to take Connie out tomorrow. She’s only got a few more days here.
现在放人家鸽子不太好 对吧 该死的
Bit awkward to get out of it now, you know? Damn!
我无所谓的 咱们已经列好了电影剧本的大纲
Oh, that’s fine by me. We have done a synopsis of the film.
我觉得歇上两天无所谓
I mean I wouldn’t mind taking a bit of time off.
那咱们就周五开工好了？
So we’ll start on Friday, yes?
好的 没问题
Yes. Right.
呃…
Um…
到时候会有点吵 不过我们关好门窗应该问题不大
Be a bit noisy, but we can shut ourselves away.
– 有点吵？ – 本周末正好赶上狂欢节
– Noisy? – Well, there’s the fiesta this weekend.
到处都是跳舞啊 烟花啊 酒精啊这类的
Lots of dancing, fireworks, wine and that sort of thing.
这其实是我第一次来西班牙
Oh. I’ve never been to Spain before.
是吗 那你一定要感受一下
Haven’t you? Oh, well. You must, then.
你一定要去参加狂欢节 好了我们来算一下
You must go to the fiesta. So let’s have a think.
这样就到了下周一了 我们周一开工好了
That brings us to Monday. We’ll start on Monday.
不对 周一周二是Connie逗留的最后两天了
No, Monday and Tuesday are Connie’s last two days
我周三想着要去送她的 那咱们周四开始好了
and I’d like to see her off on Wednesday, so let’s start Thursday.
听着 咱们何不干脆休息两周呢？
Look, why don’t we make it two weeks?
成交
Done.
看看这景色
Just look at that.
好风光→
我把接下来的两周 都花在了找寻我预期的性感尤物上了
I spent the next two weeks searching for something that I knew was probably very sexy.
性感狂欢节
太棒了 小伙子们 太棒了 实在是太棒了
Super, boys, super. Really super.
期待你们十页之后的内容
I look forward to reading more than ten pages.
哎呦 要去赶飞机了 再见
Ooh, got to fly- Bye!
撒谎精自传 12个月后 切换至：伦敦，David和Graham的公♥寓♥，室内 音效：电♥话♥铃♥声♥…
你好？
Hello?
刚刚那是谁？
Who was that?
哦 某个画家
Oh, it was one of the painters.
听着像是我认识的某个画家
It sounded like one of the painters I’ve spoken to before.
可能吧 你可能见过
Well, yes, it probably did a bit.
这个点画画是不是有点晚了？
It’s a bit late for painting, isn’t it?
没有 你不了解伦敦的生活节奏 母亲
No, no. You just don’t understand London, mother.
这里不是莱斯特
This is not like Leicester.
整整一年 我都生活在深深的恐惧中
For a whole year, I’ve lived in terror, an almost Thorpean terror,
唯恐真正的自己被人发现 一个基佬
of being found out for what I was. A poof.
“去他的” 我想着 “何苦如此自寻烦恼？”
“Fuck it,” I thought. “Why go through all this agony?”
我想着要办场派对邀几个密友来见见David
I decided that I would invite my closest friends to a party to meet David
向他们说明一下我有点弯
and explain to them all that I was a bit bent.
这是场出柜派对
This was a coming-out party.
不 Graham 你不明白
No, Graham, you don’t understand.
我只是特别震惊
I’m just very surprised.
因为自打我认识你以来 你打橄榄球 好喝啤酒
Because ever since I’ve known you, you’ve played rugby, drank a lot of beer,
你抽烟斗 还穿粗呢西装布洛克鞋
you smoked a pipe, you wore a tweed suit and brogues
而这可不是同性恋的标准形象啊
and this is not a standard gay profile.
另一个特别精彩的反应来自Keith Moon(谁人乐队鼓手)
The other extraordinary reaction was from Keith Moon,
他特别震惊 显然当时他还年轻
who was quite stunned. Obviously, he was quite young then,
但是我还是向他解释了同志的含义
but I had to explain to him what it all meant,
我确实和同性上♥床♥来着
that I actually did go to bed with people of the same sex,
过程还算享受 我们也真心相爱
and it was quite fun and that we actually loved each other.
不只是为了做点下流事儿
It wasn’t at all naughty.
请进
Come in.
– 厂里出问题了 – 不会吧 什么事儿啊？
– Trouble at mill. – Oh, no. What sort of trouble?
有一根横梁与踏板的斜交不对
One of crossbeams gone out of skew on treadle.
啥
Pardon?
有一根横梁与踏板的斜交不对
One of crossbeams gone out of skew on treadle.
我不知道你在说什么
I don’t understand what you’re saying.
有一根横梁与踏板的斜交不对
One of the crossbeams has gone out of skew on the treadle.
– 这到底说明了什么？ – 我不知道
– But what on earth does that mean? – I don’t know.
Wentworth先生就让我进来说一声 工厂里出了问题
Mr Wentworth just told me to come in and say there was trouble at the mill.
我也不好对他来个三堂会审
I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish inquisition.
突然我又想跑偏一下开个脑洞
Suddenly I feel like digressing for another moment about morality.
新西兰人前书
直译为使徒保罗致新西兰人的首封书信，戏仿了圣经中圣保罗所写的书信的标题
我想要在此首次发表一下
I intend to publish here for the first time
我认为的新约缺失的部分
what I believe to be a missing portion of the New Testament.
从古希腊语翻译过来的莎草纸手稿
The papyrus manuscript, translated here from the original Greek,
是由笔者于1979年在奥克兰机场发现的
was discovered in 1979 by the author at Auckland airport.
手稿就是在那里 在他转机去澳大利亚悉尼 途中消磨时间的时候
It was there, in transit to Sydney, Australia, whiling away a few moments,
由担任洗手间侍者的毛利酋长交给他的
when the manuscript was given to him by a Maori chieftain toilet attendant.
使徒保罗致新西兰人的首封书信 公元59年
The first epistle of Paul the Apostle to the New Zealanders, AD 59.
第一章
Chapter 1,
信中保罗谴责了大洋洲子民流于表面的信仰
in which Paul castigated the Antipodeans’ empty showing of holiness,
谴责了乱♥伦♥者和残害同胞者
of fornicators and abusers of mankind,
谴责了贫穷和容忍♥
of poverty and tolerance,
并敦促他们警惕假先知的出现
exorteth them to beware of false prophets.
“亲爱的新西兰人 你们中的一部分人
“Dear New Zealanders, what is all this nonsense
对着十字架下跪是怎么回事？
“about certain of your number kneeling down in front of crosses?
这真是下流至极
“That is naughty in the extreme.
你们将正直无比的上帝的荣光化为了虚影
“You’ve changed the glory of an incorruptible god into an image.
我知道同一批人还跑去教堂集♥会♥
“I understand that the very same people collect together in churches
只为对上帝顶礼膜拜 是为了上帝吗？
“for the purpose of worship. Who needs it?
上帝可不需要 我问过他了 他受够了 特别是那些赞美诗
“God doesn’t. I’ve asked him. He’s fed up with it, especially the psalms.
一听到他就头疼 还磨牙
“They give him a headache and cause his teeth to strike together.
他们难道没有意识到他们的崇敬都是毫无意义的么
“Don’t they realise their praise is meaningless?
为什么不能专注于彼此间友善相待
“Why can’t they concentrate on being better behaved towards one another
省省这些流于表面的礼拜
“and forget about this empty show of holiness?
他是这么回应的 不过别说是我讲的 “滚他们的蛋”
“He says, though don’t quote me on this, ‘They can stuff it up their arses.’
他说的 可不是我
“He said that, not I.
我一介布衣凡人 才不会把话说到这个份上
“I, a mere mortal, would not have put it quite like that.
我觉得我可能太在意我在世俗的名声了
“I’m afraid I think too much about my earthly reputation,
但是我还是同意他对于通奸 乱♥伦♥
“but I cannot help agreeing with him about fornicators, adulterers,
娘炮 还有残害同胞者的观点的
“effeminates and abusers of mankind.
我总是在这个问题上被曲解
“I’m constantly being misquoted on this point.
我希望在此严正声明一下 性只不过是
“I would like to state quite clearly that sex is nothing more
一种两个或两个以上的人
“than the way in which two or more people
获得很多无害 廉价的乐子的方式
“can have lots of harmless, cheap fun,
只要他们都没有染病 也不以延续后代为目的
“provided that they are clean and that the aim is not reproduction.
如果不对繁衍进行严格限制
“The betterment of the lot of mankind is impossible
将十分不利于绝大多数人类的福祉 所以别犯傻了
“without strict limits on reproduction, so don’t make the mistake
没有你世界也已经创造出了过剩的人口了
“the rest of the world has made and overpopulate yourselves.
不是人人都需要生小孩的 看在耶稣基♥督♥的份上
“Not everyone has to have children, for Christ’s sake.
他就没生啊 生了我能不知道吗
“He didn’t have any and I should know.
要是你实在想要孩子 那就保证
“If you really feel you have to have children, then make sure
作为家长 你孩子的数量不会多到看管不过来
“that, as parents, you have no more than you can properly look after.
我劝戒你们要有同情心
“I exhort you to be empathetic,
活出自我 且意识到自己的无知
“be splendid, be aware of your own ignorance,
还有 时时注意提防那些 说能让你更好的认识自己
“and, as always, beware of those who claim to lead you
0,0,
其实只是想要你钱的人
“to better self-knowledge by taking your money.
古怪宗教有限公♥司♥
必须停笔了 还得赶寄信的班期呢
“Must finish now as I have to catch the post.
爱你们呦 隔壁老保 mua mua mua
“Lots of love, P. Kiss, kiss, kiss.”
Chapman先生 第二幕还有两分钟开始Chapman先生
Mr Chapman. Two minutes till act two, Mr Chapman.
满肚黄汤 且被溜须拍马说得飘飘然
Full of gin and the feeling of superiority over mortals
自以为比凡人优越的我
which commonly afflicts the adulated,
在一场下流且直至今天还违法的活动中
I’d reached my zenith in a naughty and to this day illegal act
在空无一人的更衣室地板上到达了极乐
upon the floor of an empty dressing room.
坐我脸上 告诉我你爱我
Sit on my face And tell me that you love me
我也会坐你脸上告诉你我爱你
I’ll sit on your face And tell you I love you too
我爱听你口一管时的声音
I love to hear you oralize
我在你双腿间时 你让我惊艳/帮我口一管
When I’m between your thighs You blow me away