新郎上错床（2003）

人类的身体是多么令人吃惊般的脆弱啊
It’s amazing how fragile the human body is.
-你不这么认为吗? -是的 先生
– Don’t you think? – Yes, sir.
给我闭上嘴!
Shut the fuck up!
够了 雷 这家伙就偷了块饼
Come on, Ray. Guy just stole a doughnut.
那只是开始 厄尼!
That’s where it starts, Ernie!
你好吗?
How you doing?
你好 伙计
Well, hello, fellas.
雷
Ray.
邮件快递
Special delivery.
这真是有点令人沮丧
That’s a little disheartening.
不 不 不!
No, no, no!
你不能和她的表妹睡
You did not sleep with her cousin.
我不知道她是她的表妹
I didn’t know she was her cousin.
你为什么跟谁都睡?
Why would you sleep with anyone?
你已经有了凯伦 她是那么的迷人…
When you have Karen, who’s so stunning…
聪明和可爱…
and witty and delectable…
还有那迷人的小酒窝…
and has those little dimples…
-皮特 -怎么?你是个笨蛋!
– Pete. – What? You are a moron!
怎么啦?是说抽烟吗?
How is it? Is it smoking?
你们要是不喜欢…
If you don’t love it…
我在走道上有一个穿双排扣的白妞
I have double-breasted white one sitting on the runway.
那让人喷血的美貌!
Talk about a burning-hot look!
艾哈迈德 不错 那很好
Ahmed, that’s fine. This is great.
-谢谢 -那好
– Thanks. – Word.
总之 她真是很酷
Anyway, she was cool about it.
她喝醉了吗?
Was she drunk?
-你什么意思? -要等到她喝醉
– What do you mean? – Wait till she’s drunk.
下个感恩节或圣诞节
Next Thanksgiving or Christmas.
这个周末你的婚礼…
This Saturday at your wedding…
在她酒过三巡之后…
after she’s had four gin and tonics…
她可能会站到麦克风前…
and she steps up to the microphone…
告诉全世界
and tells the whole world.
那不会发生的
That’s not gonna happen.
“大家请注意啦
“Everyone, your attention please.
“我想你们应该知道…
“I think you should know…
“凯伦的丈夫保罗上周六上了我
“That Karen’s husband Paul nailed me last Saturday.
“我们疯狂的做♥爱♥ 还有就是我正怀着他的孩子
“We had hot sex and I’m carrying his child.
“感谢你们听我讲 请继续用餐”
“Thank you for listening. Please return to your entrees.”
那不会发生的
That’s not gonna happen.
我们在这儿要怎么去干 巨星们?
How are we doing in here, superstars?
很好 艾哈迈德!怎么样?
Great, Ahmed! How about it?
我马上走
I go now.
好极了
Right on.
不好意思 先生?
Excuse me, sir?
那堆里面没有适合你的
There’s nothing for you in that stack.
让我来帮你
Let me help you with that.
不 我行的 没问题!
No, I got it. It’s OK!
对不起
Sorry.
什么意思…
What does that mean…
“那堆里面没有适合你的”?
“There’s nothing for you in that stack”?
那些东西太高级啦
That stuff’s too advanced.
你是说我不够高级?
You’re saying I’m not advanced?
不 我只是说我知道目前 你的音乐品味如何
No, I’m just saying I know where you are musically right now…
那堆里面的不适合你
and it’s not in that stack.
坦白地说 我真的不确定这店里会有
Frankly, I’m not really sure it’s in this store.
真的?你什么时候成了音乐专家啦?
Really? When did you become the music expert?
自从星期二 亮皮鞋先生
Since Tuesday, Mr. Shiny Shoes.
等等 听着 我来是…
Wait. Look, I came by to…
为了那天晚上的事道歉
Apologize for the other night.
都不曾提起你要娶我表姐!
And for never mentioning that you were marrying my cousin!
我不知道 对不起
I didn’t know. I’m sorry.
不 不要道歉
No, don’t apologize.
你真行
You were amazing.
谢谢
Well, thank you.
我通常是不会和女孩睡觉然后…
I don’t normally sleep with a girl and then…
保罗 对吗?
Paul, right?
有趣的是我们什么也没做过
The funny thing is we didn’t sleep together.
我们虽睡在一起 可没什么也没做过
We slept together, but we didn’t sleep together.
我们没有?那我还不是很行哦?
We didn’t? So I’m not amazing?
我不知道
I couldn’t say.
不过说到唱片 你还是挺可爱的
But for the record, you were cute.
要是事情不是那样 要是你没有
If things were different and you hadn’t passed out…
在裤子脱到一半时睡着了 谁知道呢?
with your pants around your ankles, who knows?
如果我们没做什么 那我怎么得的阴虱?
If we didn’t sleep together, how did I get crabs?
-你得了阴虱? -是你给我的
– You got crabs? – You gave me crabs.
我没有阴虱!
I do not have crabs!
你没有?
You don’t have crabs?
上帝啊 没有 但是如果我确实得了得了阴虱…
God, no. But if I do get crabs…
我会把你放倒 打烂你那长了阴虱的屁♥股♥
I will hunt you down and kill your crabby ass.
那我是怎么得的呢?
Then how did I get them?
我不知道 也许是马桶座?
I don’t know. Maybe a toilet seat?
嘿 保罗! 祝贺你 伙计
Hey, Paul! Congratulations, man.
好啊!
Yeah!
真的 那可能吗?
Really, that happens?
在实验室里我们看到很多
We saw it a lot in the lab.
-实验室? -说来话长啦
– The lab? – Long story.
她很辣哦
She’s hot.
听着 我只希望…
Listen, I’m just hoping…
我们今后还会见面…
We’ll know each other for the rest of our lives…
我什么都不会说
I won’t say anything.
你现在会那么说 但是…
You say that now, but what if…
我不会去破坏你跟凯伦的好事
I’m not going to screw up what you and Karen have.
你们是天生的一对
You are perfect for each other.
没错 我们是
That’s right. We are.
你为什么那么说?
Why do you say that?
天哪 你很烦啊
God, you are exhausting.
买♥♥这个吧 你会喜欢的 相信我
Buy this. You’ll like it. Trust me.
唱片店?
Record store?
我以为她是个跳提基舞的
I thought she was a tiki dancer.
她是那么的自大 你知道吗?
She’s just so cocky, you know?
我懂音乐 我见过乐队
I know music. Come on, I see bands.
为什么她认为她了解我?
Why does she think she knows me?
她一点也不了解我
She doesn’t know anything about me.
我很酷
I’m cool.
我穿有品有型的服饰
I wear on-the-edge clothing and hip stuff.
等等
Hang on.
嘿 我叫吉姆
Hi, I’m Jim.
好吧
Ok.
那钟怎么搞的?还是5点10分
What’s up with that clock? It still says 10 after 5.
帅哥 那钟坏了 一直没好过
Dude, that clock doesn’t work. Never has.
该死的!
Asshole!
是的 那就是了
Yes, that’s it.
-抱歉我迟到了 -快结束啦
– I’m sorry I’m late. – Finally.
路上堵车很严重
There was a lot of traffic.
这是我们最后一堂课 可你却迟到了45分钟
This is our last lesson, and you are 45 minutes late.
看看这的其他人 他们都比我们强
Look at everybody else. They’re better than us.
好吧 我们去跳吧
All right, let’s go.
对不起
Sorry.
我想要大家都注意到了凯伦和保罗
I hope everybody noticed Karen and Paul.
他们就是教科书上标准的错误示范
They are a textbook example of what not to do.
凯伦 你介意吗?
Karen, would you mind?
这不应是家务事 你要是想玩就去外面
This shouldn’t be a chore. Have fun out there.
去吧 尽情享乐吧
Let go. Enjoy yourself.
够了 霍华德
Come on, Howard.
现在 我就是凯伦 我要你感觉
This time, I’m Karen, and I want to feel your joy…
在这舞池里跟我跳舞很开心
as you fling me around that dance floor.
-好吗? -好的
– ok? – ok.
很好 我就是你的女舞伴
Good. I am your lady…
你就是我的男舞伴
and you be my man.
凯伦 请放音乐
Karen, music please.