新郎上错床（2003）

I know what happens at these things…
你也不用觉得有负罪感…
and you should not feel guilty…
而且你什么都不用告诉我
and you don’t have to tell me anything.
除非你有事要告诉我
Unless there’s something you want to tell me.
别走! 听我解释!
Don’t leave! Let me explain!
闭嘴!
Shut up!
可能我喝了一两杯
Maybe I had a drink or two.
我确信你不会喝多过两杯的
Yeah. I’m sure you kept it to two.
好了 听我说
OK, look.
我给你买♥♥了你这个星期参加 聚会要穿的所有衣服
I got all your outfits for the parties this week.
这个…
This…
哇 很漂亮的毛衣
Wow. That’s a nice sweater.
你喜欢吗?
And you like?
喜欢
I like.
我想参加预演晚宴穿这个再合适不过了
I thought it would be perfect for the rehearsal dinner.
-当然 -我知道你会喜欢的
– Perfect. – I knew you’d like it.
弦乐四重奏乐团的事你办得怎么样了?
How is the string quartet coming along?
我正在办
I’m on it.
那是唯一一件…
It is the one thing…
我要你为婚礼做的事
I have asked you to do for this wedding.
是啊 那个 基本上 已经完全…
Yeah. It’s basically almost completely…
办好了
taken care of.
你的单身派对怎么样?
How was the bachelorette party?
我 我的天啊 真的太棒了
Oh, my God. A total blast.
我们去了季吉斯 坐在前排…
We went to Giggles, and sat in front…
一个劲的向笑星提问
and heckled the comedians.
乔迪把能问的都问遍了!
Jody got so wasted!
喂?地球呼叫保罗
Hello? Earth to Paul.
过来 你这个大派对动物
Over here, you big party animal.
为了那些回忆亲一下怎么样?
How about a kiss for that hangover?
好啊
All right.
你在干…
What are you…
你在… OK 我还有好多事情要做
What are you… OK. I have a million things to do.
我的大姑妈巴吉明天要来
My Great Aunt Budge is coming in tomorrow.
我妈妈都紧张死了
My mom is completely freaked out.
你妈妈早上…打电♥话♥来过
Your mom called… this morning.
是吗?
She did?
她有没有告诉你我要过来?
Did she tell you I was coming over?
那你为什么看到我的时候那么惊讶?
Then why were you so surprised to see me?
可能回忆比我想象的要多一点吧
I might be more hung over than I thought.
古怪的家伙
You’re a weirdo.
哦 我的天啊 我有好多事要做啊
Oh, my God. I have a million things to do.
哦 天啊
Oh, God.
昨天晚上发生什么事啊? 你上哪儿去了?
What the hell happened last night? Where were you?
对不起 老大 我被打劫了
Sorry, chief. I got waylaid.
如果你知道我在说什么…; 我被劫色了
If you know what I’m saying… way laid.
-什么? -那个提基女郎汤尼娅
– What? – That tiki girl Tonya.
我一直都试图关掉我的魅力…
I kept trying to turn off the charm…
但我想我没找到开关
but I guess I couldn’t find the switch.
你没在听我说
You’re not listening to me.
今天早上我醒来发现的床上 多了个陌生的女人
I woke up this morning with a strange woman in my bed.
怎么会这样? 我喝得有那么多吗?
How could this happen? Was I that drunk?
那是好事啊! 你还报怨什么?
That’s awesome! What are you complaining about?
-什么? -鞋子不错
– What? – Nice shoes.
凯伦买♥♥的 她想让我先穿着合合脚
Karen got them. She wants me to break them in.
很特别
They’re special.
让一下
Move.
我得去跟凯伦说
I got to tell Karen.
保罗 听我说
Paul, listen to me.
在任何情况下都不要告诉凯伦
Do not under any circumstances tell Karen.
昨晚发生的事是非常自然的
What happened last night is perfectly natural.
我们是男人 我们是猎手
We’re men. We’re hunters.
我们的DNA代码里就有这些东西
It’s encrypted in our DNA code.
你必须接受它 忘了吧
You got to accept that. Get over it.
我不知道该怎么做
I don’t know what I’m going to do.
嗨 吉姆 我是昨晚的汤尼娅
Hi, Jim. It’s Tonya from last night.
我过会儿可能会到你们那边去…
I was going to be in the neighborhood later…
所以我想可能会过来看看 给我打个电♥话♥吧
and thought I might stop by, so give me a call.
妈的
Shit.
可怜的姑娘被吉姆俘虏了
That poor girl’s been Jim-ified.
这都是你的错 伙计
This is all your fault, man.
可能吧…
Probably…
但是凯伦永远都不会发现的
but Karen’s never going to find out.
还有那个提基女郎?
And that tiki girl?
算了
Come on.
你永远都不会再见到她的
You’ll never see her again.
以前有个调查 调查了很多男人…
A survey was made one time that covered a lot of men…
上班族…这些人被问了这样一个问题…
working men… and these men were asked this question…
你为什么要工作?
Why do you work?
为什么你早上要起来?
Why do you get up in the morning?
为什么?所有人早上都去上班
Why? Everyone goes to work in the morning.
所以这就是他们去上班的原因…
And that’s the reason they do it…
因为其他人都这么做
because everyone else is doing it.
这就是今天你所遇到的问题
And there you have the trouble today.
是从众…
It’s conformity…
人们盲目跟风而不知为什么要那么做…
people acting like everyone else without knowing why…
或者该去哪里
or where they’re going.
我们将在短晢休息之后继续与艾瑞尔博士…
We’ll have more with Dr. Earl…
继续探讨…
after this short break on KCNP…
这里是KCNP 西雅图最好的脱口秀节目
the best talk in Seattle.
-嗨! -天啊!
– Hi! – Holy shit!
-你在这儿上班? -第一天
– You work here? – First day.
怎么不跳舞了?
What happened to the dancing?
被解雇了
I sucked.
嗨! 快点走 混♥蛋♥!
Hey! Let’s go, asshole!
等一下 对不起
Just a sec. Sorry.
你叫什么名字?
Listen, what’s your name?
贝… 嗨!
Bec… Hey!
别逼我出来 伙计!
Don’t make me get out of my box, fella!
50美分
Fifty cents.
我想让你知道 关于发生的一切…
I want you to know, about what happened…
祝你一天顺利 记得小心驾驶
Have a good day. Remember to drive safely.
对不起!
Sorry!
-栏杆打中我的… -我知道!
– It’s hitting the… – I know!
看看你… 你把我的车蓬都打凹下去了!
Look what you… You dented the hood of my car!
-稍等片刻! -见到你很高兴
– Hang on! – Good to see you.
停车!
Stop!
那就是她
That’s her.
我对有些事情有点担心 保罗
I’m a little disturbed about something, Paul.
什么事 先生?
What’s that, sir?
你开了单身派对?
You had a bachelor party?
我… 那完全是… 是… 我…
I… lt’s totally… It’s… I…
我虽然是你的未婚妻的父亲…
I may be your bride-to-be’s father…
但我也是个男人 啊?
but I’m still a man. Huh?
你个变♥态♥的婊♥子♥养♥的♥!
You sick son of a bitch!
-我要杀了你! -你会掐死我的!
– I’ll kill you! – You’re choking me!
不 不过是平淡无奇的派对
No, it was pretty uneventful.
我们看了几个小时的动作片…
We watched hours of action movies…
然后谈论了些高中时候的事情
and talked about high school.
什么都没有发生
It was a hoot.
答得好 这才是好孩子
Good answer. That’s my boy.
你喜欢那个 啊?
You like that, huh?
我知道你在想什么
I know what you’re thinking.
是幸福生活… 象你从电视上看到的一样
It’s the good life… like you see on TV.
“我永远不会碰到那样的事的”
“That could never happen to me.”
你做到了 孩子
You’ve made it, son.
你是我们中的一员 享受一下
You’re one of us. Enjoy.
欢迎加入我们的俱乐部
Welcome to the club.
谢谢你
Thank you.
孩子们 我们开始吧
Boys, let’s get started.
我♥干♥这一行已经有很长时间了…