伦敦生活剧场版

伦敦生活
他可以见你了
He’s ready to see you now.
谢谢
Thank you.
感谢你今天的到来
Thanks for coming in today.
很荣幸收到你的简历
Really appreciate you sending in your CV.
-应该的 -简历写的很有趣
– No problem. – It was funny.
这样啊 我不是故意的
Okay, that wasn’t my intention.
-但没关系 -好了
– But okay. – Great.
我们目前情况有点特殊
Our current situation is unusual
我们目前的女员工很少 基本没有
in that we don’t have many, any women working here,
主要是因为
mainly due to the…
-那件性骚扰案件 -那件性骚扰案件
– Oh, the sexual harassment case. – …sexual harassment case.
对 对 对 对
Yes, yes, yes. Yes.
-你还好吗 -还好 抱歉 我只是
– Are you all right? – Uh, yeah. Sorry, I just, uh…
我只是刚从车站跑过来 有一点热
I just ran from the station, so I’m a bit hot.
-我真的很激动 -要水吗
– I’m really excited about this… – Water?
不 不 不 不用了
Uh, no, no. No, I don’t, uh…
好吧 要不还是来点吧
Actually, yeah, water would be great.
我们想要招一名
So we’re looking for someone
能够适应激烈竞争的员工
who can handle themselves in a competitive environment.
主要工作就是整理文件
It will mainly be filing
但这工作文件夹也干得不错 所以
but, uh, we have some pretty good files here, so, uh…
这工作还包括网站的更新
It also involves updating the website
偶尔还要发发推特
and throwing up an occasional twit.
简历上面说你之前在咖啡店
It says here you’ve done something similar before
-有做过类似的工作 -是的
– at the cafe that you used to… – Yeah.
我♥操♥
Ah, okay.
抱歉 这行为可一点都不有趣
I’m sorry, but I don’t think it was very funny.
不是啊 抱歉
Oh, no, sorry.
我以为我里面还穿了件打底衣呢
I thought I had a top on underneath.
哦 好吧
Yeah, okay.
-但是 澄清一下 -不 说真的
– But, for the record… – Oh, no, seriously,
刚才纯属意外
in this case, genuine accident.
老实说 我理解你想要做什么
Look, with honesty here, I understand what you might be doing.
不 我不是想 天啊 我是太热了
No, I wasn’t trying to… Jesus, I was hot.
我对待这种事情是非常严肃的
I take this kind of thing very seriously now.
不 我并不是想和你上♥床♥
No, I’m not trying to shag you.
就你那样儿
Look at yourself.
好吧 请你离开
Okay, please leave.
什么
What?
-你不懂 我需要这份 -请你离开
– But you don’t understand. I need this… – Please just leave.
-变♥态♥ -荡♥妇♥
– Perv. – Slut.
-请离开 -你 请离开
– Please leave. – You… please leave.
这是我的办公室
It’s my office.
那又怎样
Yeah?
好吧
Okay.
不好意思 等等
Uh, sorry… Wait!
三天前 我点了个非常淫♥荡♥的披萨
Three nights ago, I ordered myself a very slutty pizza.
那婊♥子♥一直在流水
I mean, the bitch was dripping.
这个淫♥荡♥的小饼 渴望进入我的身体
And that dirty little stuffed crust wanna be in me so bad,
我就无情地把这个小贱♥人♥给吃了
I just ate the little tart like she meant
而她更是乐在其中
nothing to me and she loved it.
大概就那么回事 当时天色已晚
And that pretty much nailed that, and it was pretty late now,
我拖着疲惫的身躯爬上我的办公室
so I dragged myself upstairs to get into my office.
好吧 是我的床
Well, my bed.
想着把咖啡馆的账算一算
And try to work on the figures for the cafe.
我经营着一家豚鼠主题的咖啡馆
I run a guinea pig-themed cafe.
但是钱都赔光了 要关门大吉了
But it’s out of cash and it’s gonna close,
除非有支票从天而降
unless a check falls out of the sky,
或者有个银行家射在我的屁♥股♥上
or a banker cums on my ass.
但这两者都是不可能的
And neither are gonna happen.
我也不想聊那些银行家
And I don’t wanna dignify the banker man
好给他们增光添彩
with the proper mentions,
所以我就不提他了
so I’m not gonna talk about him.
也不再提我有时候真希望自己毫无道德
Or how I do sometimes wish I could own up to not having morals
就让他射我屁♥股♥上换个一万英镑
and let him cum on my ass for 10,000 pounds.
很显然 我们不应该那么做
But, apparently, we’re not supposed to do that.
那么
So…
好吧
Okay.
我不会
I won’t.
尽管那样就能解决一切问题
Even though it would solve everything.
我不会
I won’t.
尽管我能那么干
Even though I could.
躺在我的办公室里 咖啡馆的账目
Lying in my office, the cafe numbers
像小忍♥者一样在我面前跳来跳去
start to jump, pounce at me like little ninjas.
所以 我想先把这个放一边吧
So I rationalized it’d be good to switch off for a bit,
换换脑子嘛
improve my mind.
所以我看了一部很不错的电影
So I watched a pretty good movie,
名字叫做《重返17岁》
actually, called, um, Seventeen Again.
扎克·埃夫隆主演的 他非常
With Zac Efron who is…
他非常 有型
He’s fit.
我知道 但是
I know, but…
说真的 他的确是个很不错的演员
I mean, seriously, he’s actually a really good actor.
电影也没那么烂 说真的 值得一看
And the film could have been worse, Honestly. Check it out.
看完之后 我躺在那想
Then that finished, I lay there, thinking,
“咖啡 账目 账目 扎克 账目”
“Cafe, numbers, numbers, Zac, numbers.”
搜一搜”奥巴马”
Googled “Obama.”
想着了解一下 你懂得
To keep up with, um, you know…
很高兴今天来到这里
I am so happy to be here today.
结果发现他也
Who, as it turns out, is also…
很高兴看到…
It is wonderful to see all of…
超帅啊
…attractive.
躺在那继续想 “咖啡 账目
Lay there, thinking, “Cafe, numbers,
账目 奥巴马 账目
numbers, Obama, numbers,
扎克 奥巴马 账目 扎克”
Zac, Obama, numbers, Zac.”
突然之间 我开始对着P站疯狂自♥慰♥了
Suddenly, I was on YouPorn having a horrible wank.
还发现了最对我胃口的群♥交♥视频
And found just the right sort of gang bang.
然后我真的精疲力尽了
Now, that really knocked me out,
我收起了电脑 俯身亲了我的男朋友
so I put my computer away, leaned over, kissed my boyfriend,
晚安 哈利 然后就睡了
Harry, good night, and went to sleep.
第二天早上 我醒来看到哈利留的纸条
The next morning, I wake to find a note from Harry,
上面写道”这就是最后一根稻草”
which reads, “That was the last straw.”
老实说 这有点出乎意料
It’s a bit out of the blue, to be honest.
从来不知道他还数稻草呢
Didn’t know he was counting straws,
但知道他有在关心 我还是很开心的
but nice to know he was paying attention.
他所有东西都不见了
All of his stuff was gone.
包括冰箱里的一切
And everything in the fridge.
他的自私让我有一点兴奋
I was a bit thrilled by his selfishness.
突然又有点喜欢他了
Suddenly fancied him again.
但我很欣慰终于有人迈出了这一步
But I was relieved that one of us did something.
他过去经常跟我说这样的话
He used to say things to me like,
“你不像其他的女孩 你思维能”
“You’re not like other girls. You can…”
“跟上”
“…keep up.”
“思维能跟上”
“Keep up.”
我站在那看着之前来大姨妈
I stood staring at a handprint on my wall
搞三人行在墙上留下的手印
of when I had a threesome on my period.
哈利和我差不多12到18个月
Harry and I break up
就要分手一次
every 12 to 18 months.
我们分手之后
And when we do, well…
我倒希望我能说那次三人行
I wish I could tell you my threesome story
很尴尬 还整的黏黏糊糊的
was awkward and sticky,
然后每个人都忧郁空虚的回了家
and everyone went home a little bit sad and empty,
但是 那次还挺爽的
but, uh, it was lovely.
抱歉
Sorry.
我倒是很欣赏哈利对我们分手的态度
I do admire how much Harry commits to our breakups.
冰箱这事以前没有过
The fridge is a new detail,
但他每次都要整点新花样
but he does always go the extra mile.
还有几次 他把整个公♥寓♥都打扫了
A few times, he’s even cleaned the whole flat.
就好像这是个犯罪现场
Like it’s a crime scene.
我都想在每次公♥寓♥需要全面打扫的时候
I’ve often considered timing our breakups
就安排一次分手