打开心世界（2020）

1856年 1月1日 星期二
Tuesday, January 1st, 1856.
天气晴朗而寒冷
Fair and very cold.
今天早上
This morning,
我发现卧室里结冰了 这是今年的第一次
ice in our bedroom for the first time all winter.
土豆刚洗好
The water froze on the potatoes
上面的水就结成了冰
as soon as they were washed.
没有一丝锐气 也不抱任何希望
With little pride, and less hope,
新的一年又开始了
we begin the new year.
站在日出后的门廊
On the porch after sunup,
我能听到麻雀的声音
I could hear the low chirping of sparrows
它们在雪中的树篱上低鸣
in the hedgerows that are now buried in the snow.
戴尔一直坚信只要身体好
Dyer has maintained that with good health,
头脑保持冷静
and a level head,
那么勤勉工作的农民
there is always an excellent chance
就会有好运降临
for a farmer willing to work.
他觉得自己永远也无法摆脱那些负担
He feels he can never fully rid himself of his burdens.
我敢肯定那是因为他的精神状态很差
And I’m certain that because his mind is in such a bad state,
这影响了他整个人
it affects his whole system.
他今天早上告诉我
He told me this morning
满足 对他来说遥不可及
that contentment was like a friend he never gets to see.
你挤奶来晚了
You’re late with the milking.
没事奶牛还好
She wasn’t suffering.
你还好吗
And you?
自从我们收♥购♥这个农场
Since our acquisition of this farm,
我丈夫就开始记帐 为理清一年的财务状况
my husband had kept a ledger to help him see the year whole.
这样 他就知道每年
This way he knows what each crop
每种作物每块田的收成
and field pays from year to year.
戴尔让我写好备忘录
And Dyer has asked me to keep a diary of matters
避免忘记一些事情
that might otherwise go overlooked…
像是借出的工具或者未付的账单
From tools lent out to bills outstanding.
我一直在写
That I have done.
但这些单调而简略的记录
But there would be no record in these dull and simple pages
从来没有记录我们真正重要的事
of the most passionate circumstances
我们过去的岁月
of our seasons past.
没有记录过我们的心绪 我们的恐惧
No record of our emotions or fears.
没有我们的幸福
Our greatest joys.
也没有我们刺骨的悲伤
Our most piercing sorrows.
有了孩子后
With our child,
我好像找到了人生的意义
it was as if I’d found my bearings.
但是我很少告诉她 她是我们的珍宝
But I too rarely told her that she was our treasure.
你想试试吗
Would you like to try?
像这样吗 爸爸
Like this, papa?
就是这样
That’s it.
她很独♥立♥
She often seemed separate from us,
好像在努力适应身边的一切
as if she was working at just fitting in where she could.
它们看到了它的兄弟姐妹
They saw his brothers and sisters
它们是老鼠的家人
and they were the mouse’s family…
有些事情是如此的令人心疼
There is something so affecting
她小小的身体经历着
about mute and motionless grief and illness
无言而凝滞的忧伤和病痛
in a child so young.
她双臂环抱着我 什么也没说
She put her arms around me and said nothing else.
但又像什么都说了
But it felt like we were speaking.
我沉溺在悲伤之中
I have become my grief.
我沉溺在悲伤之中
I have become my grief.
“迎接幸福的安息
“Welcome sweet day of rest”,
赞美诗是这样写的
says the hymn.
星期天 是最受欢迎的 因为大家可以享受片刻的安宁
And Sunday is most welcome for its few hours of quiet ease.
至于我
As for me.
我不再参加了
I no longer attend.
不幸地失去了内莉后
After the calamity of Nellie’s loss,
我想获得安宁
what calm I enjoy
不是为了未来或者死后的天堂
does not derive from the notion of a better world to come.
我想买♥♥本地图集
I want to purchase an atlas.
可能会很麻烦 不不 不麻烦
-It could be a bother. -No, no. No bother.
那是谁
Who is that?
他叫芬尼
His name is Finney.
他的妻子泰莉 驾
-His wife Tallie. -Hyah!
我在饲料店遇到过他们
I met them at the feed store.
他们似乎不与人来往
They seem to keep to themselves.
他们租了泽布伦农场
They’re renting the Zebrun farm.
2月4日星期一
Monday, February 4th.
为什么说墨是火
Why is ink like fire?
你能驾驭它 它就是忠仆
Because it is a good servant,
你不能驾驭它 就是难缠的魔鬼
and a hard master.
你说什么了吗
Did you say something?
我想买♥♥一本地图集
I want to purchase an atlas.
你要这种无用的东西
I suppose there are more frivolous purchases
做什么
one could make.
我自己存了90美分
I’ve saved 90 cents of my own.
我觉得很值得
I can’t imagine a better way to spend it.
你可以给你丈夫买♥♥个礼物
Could buy your husband a gift.
我还能给他什么更好的呢
What better gift could I give him
有什么 比一个不再是笨蛋的妻子更好
than a wife who is no longer a dullard?
我不停地学习
My self-education
好像只有这样才能从悲伤中
seems the only way to keep my unhappiness
保持自我
from overwhelming me.
下午好
Good afternoon.
我一直在我家门廊上扫雪
I’ve been using a broom on my porch.
雪太干了
The snow is so dry.
我是泰莉
I’m Tallie.
阿比盖尔
Abigail.
希望我没有打扰你
I hope I’m not intruding.
没有
No.
我只是 我只是需要离开一下
I just, I needed to get away for the day.
这个农场现在简直就是个屠宰场
The farm is a slaughterhouse right now.
我丈夫正在杀猪
My husband is killing his hogs.
你要进来吗
Would you like to come in?
好的我很乐意
Yes, I’d love that.
或者 我们可以呆在门廊上瑟瑟发抖
Or we could just stay out on the porch, shivering.
我知道这很烦人
I know it’s the dullest of all things
一个无知的邻居过来拜访
to have an ignorant neighbor come by
破坏了周日下午的气氛
and spoil a Sunday afternoon.
不不 我没有讨厌你
Oh, no, you’re the most welcome here.
但我懂你说的
But I know the feeling.
有时候我想 大概是在威尔登寡妇来访的时候
Sometimes, I imagine during the Widow Weldon’s visits
我觉得整个人都被无聊淹没
that I’ve been plunged up to my eyes in a vat of the prosaic.
哦 威尔登寡妇
Oh, Widow Weldon!
她有一次被征收了郡税
She got going on the county levy once…
她看见我注意到了她的头发
She saw I had noticed her hair,
她承认 从小她就对自己的头发感到自豪
and admitted she had been vain about it as a girl.
她说那时候她头发留的比现在长
She said that back then, she’d worn it longer
然后在后脑勺上扎个马尾
and plaited in a bun at the back of her head.
冬日的阳光透过窗户
In the winter sun through the window,
她的皮肤呈现出玫瑰和紫罗兰的颜色
her skin had an underflush of rose and violet
它使我如此不安 以至于我不得不把目光移开
which so disconcerted me that I had to look away.
像往常一样
As always,
当我想说话或者
when it came to speaking
试图吸引别人的注意力的时候
and attempting to engage another’s affections,
我总是对周围的一切感到焦虑
circumstances doomed me to striving and anxiety.
从少年时代起我就像一棵长在锅里的树
From my earliest youth, I was like a pot-bound root,
所有的根全都蜷缩在一小块空间
all curled in upon itself.
我希望我没有妨碍你做事
I hope I’m not keeping you from something.
没有
No.
我很高兴你来了
I’m glad you’ve come.
芬尼在合作社看到了你丈夫
Finney saw your husband at the cooperage.
他提到了你丈夫接产小猪的新方法
He mentioned his new method for farrowing his piglets.
他不看好
With some asperity?
我丈夫对什么都很挑剔
My husband mentions everything with some asperity.
我跟他说过一次
I told him that once,
然后
and…