四角关系（2005）

我想说的是很遗憾，它死了
I want something that says,
“I’m sorry he’s dead…
但没那么遗憾
“but not that sorry.
它不过是条狗，你不该爱它胜过我
“He was just a dog and you shouldn’t
have loved him more than me.”
你能不能给我挑一束花表达我前面的意思
Can you do me a bunch that says that?
瑞秋，亲爱的
叫你♥爸♥爸别穿那件西装
Rachel, darling,
tell your father he can’t wear that suit.
他看上去挺不错啊
He looks nice.
你看上去很帅
谢谢，乖孩子
– You look nice.
– Thank you, poppet.
看上去象螃蟹
Seen better-dressed crab.
我有个问题
I have a question.
哦，天那，谁能让我们的女儿安静一会
Oh, God, will somebody please put
a gag on my daughter?
为什么字母表要那么排？
Why is the alphabet in that order?
没人知道，也没人有关心，所以你能不能……
Nobody knows, nobody cares. So, for once
in your little life, would you just…
你们觉得怎么样？
What do you think?
– 哇欧
– 噢，亲爱的
– Holy wow.
– Oh, darling.
你像个蛋白甜饼
You look like a meringue.
好吧
Good.
– 你晚了
– 有个舞会
– You’re late.
– Balls.
– 什么活
– 婚礼
– What’s the job?
– Wedding.
– 都是你送货的
– 总得有人去的
– You always pull.
– One of us has to.
– 新郎新娘怎么样？
– 还没见过
– Nice couple?
– Haven’t met them.
– 只见过他母亲
– 总是这样
– All about the mother.
– Isn’t it always?
– 待会儿跟我一起走
– 好的
– Come out with me afterwards.
– Sure.
– 真的吗？
– 当然啦
– You will?
– Absolutely.
– 噢，棒极了，我们一起去吧
– 我还是在那等你吧
– Oh, cool. Well, we’ll go together.
– I’ll meet you there.
– 你现在不走吗？
– 电视里正在播我最喜欢的广♥告♥
– You’re not coming.
– My favorite advert’s on TV.
– 你该好好谈个恋爱了
– 我有很多喜欢的人，也觉得蛮好
– You need a love life.
– I have a “like” life. It suits me fine.
我感觉好极了，好得出奇
No, I feel good, actually, bizarrely good.
是啊，一点都不紧张，没什么，谢谢
Yeah, yeah, no nerves at all.
None whatsoever. Thanks.
– 谢谢
– 嗨
– Thank you very much. Thank you.
– Hi.
– 嗨
– 你是新郎海克特，对吧？
– Hi.
– You’re Hector, right, the groom?
是啊，我就是,叫我海克就可以了
Yeah, yeah, I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Call me Heck.
– 好的，我就是给你配送鲜花的
– 哦，是你啊
– Well, I did your flowers.
– Oh, did you?
– 嗯，那些花棒极了
– 是吧，库泊？
Oh, well, they’re fabulous.
Aren’t they, Coop?
是啊，棒极了,是没想到有一枝鲜花跑到眼前了
Fabulous, yeah. Although, I wouldn’t know
a nice flower from a poke in the eye.
但它们总是很美，对吧，库泊？
But they’re fabulous, aren’t they, Coop?
艾德，你和老婆结婚多少年了啊？
So, Ned, how long
have you guys been married, then?
三十年
Thirty years.
如果我最早冲动时杀了她，
我现在也该出狱了
If I’d killed her when I first thought
about it, I’d be out by now.
又是个自♥由♥的男人
A free man.
我记得当时前往教堂的路上，我只想大喊
I remember all the way to the church
I just wanted to shout…
“停车，这是个恐怖的错误”
“Stop the car! This is a horrible mistake.”
但是我不能那样，对吧？
But you can’t, can you?
所以我就坐在那里，一声不吭
So, you just sit there, say nothing…
当车轮滚滚开往教堂，
最长的服刑就开始了
as the wheels keep turning,
leading you on to the longest sentence…
停车！我要尿尿
Stop the car! I forgot to pee.
没事了，恐慌结束
All right, panic over.
新娘来了
They’re here now.
好运，老朋友
– Good luck, chum.
泰沙？ 最近好吧？
– All right, Tessa? You all right?
嗨，海克
嗨，小宝贝
– Hi, Heck.
– Hi, babe.
你需要帮忙吗？
You want some help with this thing?
好啊
Yes.
我总算打扮了，爽
I do work out, yes.
－ 有个强壮的男朋友吗？
－ 没有
– Don’t have a six-pack.
– No?
－ 我有12块大肌肉
－ 可我不怎么喜欢肌肉男
– No, 12-pack on this puppy.
– I don’t really like men with muscles.
另外，我是个很细心的男人
The bonus is, though, I’m very…
I’m very sensitive, too.
海克，我有个问题
Heck, I’ve got a question.
哦，不要吧
Not now.
什么问题啊？
What’s the question, H?
当无法停止力量撞上了无法移♥动♥的物体会怎样？
What happens when an unstoppable force
meets a immovable object?
哦，我没想法了
I haven’t got a bastard clue, I’m afraid.
瞧，你总是这样
让他安安心心地做新郎官吧
There you are, you see.
Now we can let him get married in peace.
那是永远不会发生的
如果存在无法停止的力量
It never happens.
If there’s a thing that can’t be stopped…
那么就不可能存在无法移♥动♥的物体
反过来也是一样
it’s not possible for there to be something
else which can’t be moved, and vice versa.
两者不会同时存在
这是个带有诡辩的问题
They can’t both exist.
You see, it’s a trick question…
这就是答案
is the answer.
可以让她坐我旁边吗？Can she sit with me?
－ 叫我过来干嘛？
－ 鱼什么时候睡觉？
– So what am I doing here?
– When do fish sleep?
– 她应该快来了吧？
– 她来了
– She’s coming round, is she?
– She is coming.
当然了
Of course she is.
好
Yep.
她什么时候来啊？
When? When’s she coming?
– 你叫什么名字啊？
– 大家都叫我“H”
– What’s your name, anyway?
– Everyone calls me “H.”
他们告诉我这是海丽塔的缩写
但其实不是这样的
They tell me it’s short for Henrietta,
but it’s not.
那是耶稣“H”基♥督♥的缩写？
It’s short for Jesus “H” Christ.
那是我妈妈在发现自己怀上我的时候说的
That’s what my mummy said when she
found out she was pregnant with me.
海克是不是很帅啊？
Isn’t Heck handsome?
– 我喜欢那个卖♥♥花的姑娘
– 嗯，我知道你喜欢
– I fancy that flower girl.
– Yeah, yeah, I know you do.
她也喜欢我，对吧？
我感觉她喜欢我
She likes me, right?
I got a vibe that she likes me.
库泊，今天是我结婚，别再扯你的事了，好吗？
Coop, it’s my wedding day.
Can we talk about me?
好的
Sure, yes.
你能感觉到她喜欢我吗？
Did you get the vibe
that she likes me?
好，你是最后一个到圣坛的胆小鬼
Right, last one to the altar’s a sissy.
– 到了
– 祝我好运
– Well, this is it.
– Wish me luck.
祝你好运？
Wish you luck?
伴娘常常会把婚礼搞砸
It’s a wedding.
Bridesmaids always blow weddings.
– 祝我好运
– 好运
– Wish me luck.
– Good luck.
她来了
She’s here.
好，你这边没事的话
我去布置宴会了