成长边缘（2016）

听着 我不想占用你太多时间
Look, I don’t wanna take up a ton of your time…
但是我要自杀
But I’m gonna kill myself.
我只是觉得应该通知谁一下
I just thought that someone should know.
我不知道该怎么做
I don’t know how this works.
我是该从立交桥上跳下去被大卡车迎面撞死
I’m probably gonna jump off an overpass in front of a semi, so–
或者搬家公♥司♥的大卡车 不能是公交车
or a u-haul. Not a bus.
我可不想丢人现眼
I’m not gonna be a dick and make people watch.
但是我必须得死得壮烈
But it has to be big. It’s gotta be so big that it just–
死得干脆利落
done. Kills me. Lights out.
要是我半死不活变成了残废
‘Cause if it just maims me and I’m like– well,
这对谁都没好处
how’s that good for anyone?
然后我还得找个护士闷死我
Then I gotta find a nurse to smother me.
如果都这样了 我怎么能让别人明白我说的是“闷死”
How am I gonna get across “Smothering” If I’m–
我们不必在意细节问题
we don’t need to get caught up in the minutia.
我只是觉得作为一个成年人 你应该知情
I just thought that an adult– you should know.
这 信息量太大了 娜丁
Wow. This is, uh, a lot to take in, Nadine.
我 我希望我知道该说点什么
I– I wish I knew what to say.
其实刚才我在写我自杀笔记的草稿
Well, I was actually just drafting my own suicide note just now.
亲爱的诸位
“Dear everybody.
你们有些人知道
As some of you know,
我在每天上课日的中午
I have 32 fleeting minutes
享受着三十二分钟的短暂安宁
of happiness per school day during lunch,
而最近这段美好时光却一次又一次
which has been eaten up again and again
被同一个
by the same…
衣着邋遢的学生吞噬了
Especially badly dressed student,
最后我想到了 你猜怎么着
and I finally thought, you know what?
我宁愿活在黑暗的虚无当中
I would rather have the dark, empty nothingness.
我很认真 听上去 让人很放松
I really would. It sounds… relaxing.
祝你们在没有我的世界里活得开心 混♥蛋♥们
Have a nice life without me, fuckers.”
我要是动真格的你会被炒鱿鱼的
You are so gonna get fired when I actually do it.
哦 不敢确定 但是梦想还是要有的
Well, not for sure, but I can dream.
我从头开始讲吧
Let me start from the beginning.
大概二年级的时候我明白了一个道理
Around second grade I had a realization.
这个世界上有两种人
There are two types of people in this world.
第一种人浑身散发着自信 天生赢家
The people who radiate confidence and naturally excel at life–
太好了 太好了
yes! Yes!
另一种人希望这些人生赢家都被一场大爆♥炸♥炸死
And the people who hope all those people die in a big explosion.
打倒他们 孩子
All right, knock ’em dead, kiddo.
我弟弟从第一天起就成了赢家
My brother Darian was a
有大约一百万个粉丝
winner from day one and had about a million fans.
拜拜
Bye.
他最忠实的粉丝 就是我妈妈
His biggest one– my mother.
拜拜 亲爱的
– Bye, sweetheart.
哦 你们看
Oh, check it out.
好吧 总裁小姐 晚上见
Okay, boss lady, see you tonight.
娜丁 我们不能再重蹈覆辙了
Nadine, we’re not doing this again.
你答应过我的 现在就下车
You promised. Now get out of the car.
好 真是够了
Well, that’s it.
如你们所见 我和我妈妈一点也不像
You could say my mother and I weren’t exactly peas in a pod.
哦 不
Oh. No.
唯一能搞定我们俩的就是 我爸爸
And the only one who could handle either of us… was dad.
-嘿 -爸爸有一个几乎不可能完成的任务
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Dad had a nearly impossible task–
就是同时搞定我们俩
having to manage us both.
现在没事了
All right now,
我知道小孩子有时候会有点坏
I know kids can be mean.
如果有机会 你就往他们背包里放个屁
But if you get a chance, fart into their backpacks.
真希望你也是小孩子
I wish you were small.
那就至少有一个人陪我吃午饭了
Then I’d at least have one person to have lunch with.
然而 学校里最在意我的人是这三个
Instead, the most attention I got at school was from these three.
没人喜欢你 你好讨厌 你还会得艾滋病
Nobody likes you. You suck and you’re gonna get aids.
这边 快跑
Over here! Run!
我的童年一团糟
My childhood had become a raging dumpster fire,
这种难以容忍♥的噩梦
and I couldn’t take one more
我一秒钟也忍♥受不了
second of this intolerable, unlivable nightmare of a–
打扰一下
excuse me.
然后 出人意料地出现了一位天使
And then, out of the clear blue, an angel appeared.
可以麻烦你让一下吗
Can you move, please?
她打扮得就像个小绅士
She was dressed like a small, elderly gentleman.
她的呼吸闻起来就像糖果一般
And her breath smelled of sweetarts.
你想把它放在手上吗
You want to hold him?
别把它压死了
But don’t squash him.
你好 小朋友
Hi, guy.
你愿意的话 你可以和我一起当它的妈妈
If you want, you can be his other mom with me.
真的吗
Really?
我要当你的妈妈 好好照顾你
I gonna be your other mom and take such good care of you.
两个小时以后 我就不小心把它闷死在笔盒里了
I accidentally suffocated him two hours later in my pencil box.
但是我终于交到了我的第一个朋友
But I had finally made my first friend.
我们会告诉对方我们认为绝不会大声说出来的事
We told each other things we never thought we’d say out loud.
有一次 我爷爷睡衣的裤裆不小心开了
Once, my grandpa’s pajama flap accidentally came open
我看到了他的小香肠 真的好失望
and I saw his wiener and got real sad.
我妈妈必须吃药
My mom has to take medicine
不然她就会很烦 在商场里买♥♥很多东西
or she’ll get upset and buy too much at the mall.
是真的
It’s true.
原来克丽丝塔的生活也不完美
It turned out krista’s life wasn’t perfect either.
-我现在就走 好吗 -我算什么
I’m walking away, okay? What am I,
你妈妈吗 我应该照顾
your mother? Am I supposed to babysit–
但我们有彼此的陪伴
but we got each other through.
玩这个
Play with this.
我们可以玩企鹅女士 嘻嘻
We could play with Mrs. Penguin. Hee hee.
接下来的几年里 一切都好
For the next few years,
然后 一场噩梦来临
and then, some extremely fucked-up shit happened.
哦 我的天呐
Oh, my god.
我就知道
I knew it.
只是头发而已啦
It’s really just the hair.
没那么难看 你把头发留长就好啦
It’s not that bad. You can just grow it out.
上帝啊 你忍♥心吗
Are you even up there?
嘿 让开 我要尿尿
Hey, move. I got to pee.
但同时 达里安 却长得更好看了
Darian, meanwhile, just got better-looking,
而且这混♥蛋♥他自己也知道
and that asshole knew it.
那天晚上我和爸爸买♥♥了几个芝士汉堡
That night I picked up some cheeseburgers with my dad.
我的生活中有什么好的东西吗 告诉我
What do I have that’s any good? Tell me. What have I ever had?
你有很多 你拥有爱 你有我的爱
You have a lot. You have love. You have my love.
很快你就有芝士汉堡了
Very soon you’re gonna have cheeseburgers.
哦 你看
Oh, look.
我没告诉你吗 芝士汉堡
Did I not tell you? Cheeseburgers.
嗯
Mmm!
-你想吃薯条吗 -好
-Do you want a fry? -Oh, yeah.
嘿 那是比利·乔尔的歌♥
Oh, hey. That was Billy Joel.
不准切比利·乔尔的歌♥
You don’t turn past Billy Joel.
爸爸
–Dad?
我
I–
爸爸 你没事吧
– dad, are you okay?
爸爸
Dad!
爸爸
Dad!
我就不告诉你们细节了 免得你们难受
I’m not gonna depress you with the details.
我只想说接下来的几年糟糕透顶
So… let’s just say the next few years were complete shit.
哦 天呐
Oh, god.
有一件事除外
Well, except for one part.
我有克丽丝塔
I had krista.
那是上个星期五的事
This was last Friday.
你看我 我心情很好
Look at me. I was in a good mood.
-我喜欢被剧透 -不
-I love spoilers. -No.
是的 我喜欢 这样的话我就不用费时间看了
Yes, I do. That means I don’t have to watch it.
我只需要知道前因后果 然后继续我的生活
Then I can just know and move on with my life.
我给你个提示
I’ll give you a hint.
我就知道 我就知道 他们结婚了 太好了
I knew it. I knew it. They get married, yes.
哦
Ohh.
天呐 少管所把他变得好性感
God, juvie made him so hot.
哦 天呐 有件事我忘记告诉你了
Oh, god. I forgot to tell you something.
他现在在宠物家园上班
He works at petland now.