一个头两个大（2000）

♪♪我的车和心口都有星型警号♥♪♪
l got a star on my car and one on my chest
♪♪腰间配枪，手执拘捕令♪♪
A gun on my hip and the right to arrest
♪♪我是这条公路的大老板♪♪
l’m a guy who’s the boss on this highway
♪♪在我面前驶过时，千万留神♪♪
So watch out what you’re doing when you’re driving my way
♪♪若触犯法纪，必追你到天脚底♪♪
lf you break the law you’ll hear from me, l know
一个头两个大
♪♪我为州政♥府♥服务，叫公路巡警♪♪
l’m working for the state l’m the highway patrol
♪♪一看就认得我，因家门刷的白漆♪♪
Well, you’ll know me when you see me ’cause my door’s painted white
♪♪警号♥咆哮，警灯闪着红光♪♪
My siren a- screaming and my flashing red light
♪♪白天工作，晚上也工作♪♪
l work all day and l work all night
♪♪维持治安，主持正义♪♪
Just to keep the law and order trying to do what’s right
♪♪发告示给你时，你最好驶慢点♪♪
lf l write you out a ticket then you’d better drive slow
♪♪我只是秉公行事，因我是巡警♪♪
l’m just a- doing my job l’m the highway patrol
♪♪我就是巡警，我就是巡警♪♪
l’m the highway patrol the highway patrol
♪♪工作长，工资低♪♪
My hours are long and my pay is low
♪♪但会尽力，叫你不敢开快车♪♪
But l’ll do my best to keep you driving slow
♪♪我只是秉公行事，因我是巡警♪♪
l’m just a- doing my job l’m the highway patrol
我是查理，乐于助人，敦厚老实的市民
Meet Charlie. Helpful dad, upstanding citizen,
在最伟大的执法机构任职十♥八♥年♥
and an 1 8- year veteran of the greatest law enforcement agency in the land:
就是罗德岛警局
the Rhode lsland State Police.
那是查理的住♥宅♥，与他一样平实
That’s Charlie’s home. Modest, like the man.
虽住近河边，但查理并不善泳
Even though he lived on the water, Charlie wasn’t much of a swimmer,
这点对他日后有点影响
which will come into play a little later in our story.
但我说过了头
But l’m getting way ahead of myself.
还是回头说，从开始说起
You know, maybe it’s best if we just go back and begin at the beginning.
查理年青时意气风发
As a young man, Charlie had the world by its bootstraps.
（十♥八♥年♥前）
是最棒的州警
He was the best young trooper on the force,
女友是俏娇娃
and was dating the prettiest and smartest gal in town.
她名叫莉娜，多美的名字
Her name was Layla. . . Just like the melody.
查理…
Charlie,
你不知道我有多爱你
you’ve no idea how much l love you.
是吗？- 是的
Yeah? – Yeah.
会与我一生一世在一起吗？
Well, will you stay with me no matter what?
查理，我一定伴着你
Of course, Charlie.
若我要搬到北极…
What if l had to move to the Arctic and you could never come home
你每天要吃鲸油当饭？仍要伴我？
and had to eat whale blubber for the rest of your life? Would you still stay with me?
一定会伴着你
Yeah, l’d stay.
但希望不会发生
But l hope that never happens.
我也不希望发生
Yeah, me too.
到了春天，他们的关系合法化
Well, by springtime they had made it official.
告诉你，就是举♥行♥婚礼
Boy, let me tell you, that was some wedding.
简甘拔神父主持婚礼
lt was presided over by Father Ken Gumbert,
罗德岛警局的一半警员都出席了
and half of the Rhode lsland State Police Force was in attendance.
恭喜你，查理
Congratulations, Charlie. – Thank you, Captain.
好了
All right!
看我娶得娇妻
Look what l got!
到了
Here you go.
对不起，你们收支票吗？
Excuse me, do you people take checks?
请再说一次，你们收支票？你指我们黑人？
Say that again. Do “we people” take checks? You mean a black man?
不，老友，我是说你们公♥司♥
No, no, no, no! God, no. Your company.
别转话题，你刚才那句话种族歧视
Don’t give me that bullshit! That was a racist slur.
不是，真的不是 – 告诉你，我会让你轻松的
No, it wasn’t. l would never. . . – Tell you what, I’ll make it easy for you.
不如用黑油漆或卷发器来支付？
Why don’t you just pay me in cotton or a cartload of watermelons?
或者来两桶炸鸡？你知我们黑人多爱吃炸鸡
Or how’s about some fried chicken, because you know black people love fried chicken !
别这样，冷静点 – 什么事？
Hey, no, come on now. – What’s going on?
这家伙不信黑鬼，懂得兑现支票
This cat don’t believe a nigger knows how to cash a check! ain’t that ’bout a bitch?
查理，我不想听你鬼叫声
Charlie, l don’t wanna ever hear you use the n- word in this house.
我绝对没说过种族歧视的话
What! l never said anything remotely racist!
那你是针对长得矮这回事？- 不
Oh, so it’s a “little people” thing, then. – No!
以为我矮，便可欺负？放马过来
You think just ’cause l’m small you can push me around? Come on, let’s boogie.
给你看看下盘稳阵的利害
l’m gonna give you a little lesson in low center of gravity.
等等，不，别打，先生
Stop it! Cut it. . . Stop it now. Sir!
别用“先生”这种鬼称呼来压我
Don’t patronize me with that “Sir” crap!
那是非法的，停下来
Hey, those are illegal. Stop.
来料了
Oh, it’s on now. lt’s on !
查理，别打他 – 我
Charlie, don’t hit him ! – Me?
查理，住手！
Charlie! Stop it! Charlie, stop it!
让我来处理，住手
Let me handle this. Stop it!
对不起，杰克逊先生
Excuse me, Mr. Jackson. . .
住手！你名叫什么？
Stop it! Wait. What is your first name?
桑达
lt’s Shonté.
桑达，真对不起，向你道歉
Shonté, l am so, so sorry. l apologize.
来这里，我送你上车
Come on here. Let me walk you to your car.
我不能忍♥受那些以貌取人的人
l have no patience for people who judge books by their cover.
你不能那样做
And you shouldn’t have to!
将以我当傻瓜，他以我是谁？
Treating me like a dumb shit! l mean, who does he think he’s talking to?
我是布朗大学量子遗传教授
l’m a professor of molecular genetics at Brown.
高智商学会波士顿分会主席
And l’m head of the Boston chapter of Mensa.
你在开玩笑 – 不是
You’re kidding? – No.
我驾驶这车纯为作社会学实验
l’m just driving this limo as a sociological experiment. That’s it.
真的？高智商学会？我是普维分会主席
But Mensa? l’m president of the Providence chapter.
真的？
No kidding.
正当查理沉醉在欢快时刻时
Just when Charlie thought life couldn’t get any sweeter,
送子仙姬探望他俩夫妇
old Mr. Stork dropped in to pay him and Layla a visit.
是小子
lt’s a boy!
小子…
Oh boy, oy, oy.
哇哦…
Wow!
他真…
He’s so. . .
哇哦…
Wow!
你们走运了
Whoa, you’re in luck!
他还有孪生弟弟
He’s got company!
推，用力推
Push ! Push !
查理太爱俩兄弟，不能面对现实
Charlie loved those boys so much, he just couldn’t face the truth.
他如常地生活下去，像没事发生
And so he went on with his life as if everything was normal.
喂，费拿
Hey, Finneran.
喂，老兄
Hey, buddy.
希望你好胃口 – 我胃口很大
Hope you brought your appetite with you. – Oh, l did.
你的儿子很趣致 – 真的？多谢
Charlie, your kids look great. – Yeah, don’t they? Thanks.
查理
Charlie,
我私下与你说
just between you and me,
注意你孩子肤色全年都黑
d’you ever notice that your kids have a year- round tan?
有
Yeah, well. . .
我曾祖母有一半意大利血统 – 一半意大利血统
My great- grandmother’s half- ltalian. – Half- ltalian?
也许解释他们为何头发卷曲
Well, that’s probably why the water beads off the hair, huh?
那又怎样？很多人有不同种类的头发
Yeah, so? l mean, a lot of people have different kind of hair.
你究竟想说什么？
What are you getting at?
我只想说…
Well, no, l’m just saying it’s. . .
他们的小鸡鸡比香肠还要大
Come on, goddamn it! Those kids’ dicks are bigger than them sausages!
别说了，你在说我儿子
Knock it off! You’re talking about my children.
对，关于… – 费拿
Since you brought it up, l wanna ask. . . – Finneran !
过来，轮到你了
Get over here. lt’s your turn.
查理
Charlie. . .
别放在心里，我随便说说
Don’t mind me. lt’s just the beer talking, you know?
不会的
Sure.
父亲，我心里很气顶
There’s something powerful bubbling up inside me, Father.
怕自己总有一天…
And l’m afraid that some day,
若不及处理，会爆出来
if l don’t do something, l’m gonna explode.
孩子，你恨什么？
Where does this rage come from, my son?
不知道，其实我恨很多东西
l don’t know. lt’s a lot of things, really.
以老婆为例
Take my wife, for example.
我深爱她，但…
l love her like no other, but. . .
我怀疑他有婚外情
Part of me suspects that she may be having an affeir.
也许我神经过敏，但…
And l’m probably just being paranoid here, but. . .
觉得整镇的人都在背后笑我
l get the feeling that the entire town is laughing at me behind my back.
查理，是你吗？
Charlie, that you?
查理最怕的事终于来了
Eventually, Charlie’s worst fears were realized.
查理，对不起
l’m so sorry, Charlie.
真的很对不起
Really, l am.
但一定要这样做
But l have to do this.
我找到心灵友伴
l found my soul mate.