怒呛人生（2023）第一季 第五集

注意右侧
On your right.
你这是崔克SLR9型？ -是啊
Is that an SLR 9? – Sure is.
太厉害了 我原来有一辆
That’s crazy. I used to have one of those.
是吗？ -不过我现在不骑碳纤维的了
Yeah? – I don’t do carbon anymore, though.
铝制的才是王道
Aluminum is just the king.
是啊 我在考虑要不要换一辆
Yeah, I was thinking about making the switch.
你骑到哪里？
How far you headed?
就骑到老托潘加峡谷 然后返回 -太巧了 我也是
Just down Old Topanga and back. – Oh, word, me too.
很高兴今天能有个骑友 -没错
It’s nice to have a riding partner today. – Definitely.
对了 我叫乔治
I’m George, by the way.
嘿 我是赞恩
Hey. I’m Zane.
怒呛人生
内心如此隐秘的生物
该死的居家软禁 再加上这个？
Ugh. Fucking house arrest, and now this?
我最不能相信的是 我竟然被戴脚环了
I can’t believe I got shingles on top of everything else.
伙计 这确实让人焦虑
It’s stress, dude.
用你内心的力量 做到心无旁骛
Power of the mind. Mind over matter.
这是疱疹的力量 -鲍比 你给我闭嘴
It’s the power of herpes. – Shut the fuck up, Bobby.
嘿 我说的是带状疱疹
Yo, herpes zoster.
别再说“疱疹”这个词了 -这是水痘
Stop saying “herpes.” – It’s chicken pox.
不是任何事都能用科学说得通 这能帮你放松
Not everything is science. It helps to relax.
放松？谢了 迈克尔 我该怎样放松？
Relax? Thanks, Michael. How am I supposed to relax?
他们发现我非法跨越州界 严重盗窃 袭击他人 我完蛋了
They got me crossing state lines, grand larceny, assault. I’m fucked.
伙计 我完蛋了
I’m fucked, dude. –
是你表弟
It’s your cousin.
别表现得太热情 我想让他难受一下
Don’t be all welcoming and shit. I want him to feel bad.
嗨 好久不见 兄弟 你的无檐小便帽真不错
Yo, long time, man. Sick beanie, bro.
去你的
Fuck you.
好吧 -嗨 丹尼
Okay. – Hey, Danny.
进来吧 很高兴见到你
Come on in. Nice to see you.
我要替咱俩坐牢去了 你就带来了这个？
I’m going to prison for the both of us, and that’s what you brought?
莎莉重油蛋糕？ -我…
Sara Lee pound cake? – I–
我就是顺路买♥♥了
I just made a quick stop.
随便吧 去切一下
Whatever. Cut the shit up.
要厚切的 微波炉热15秒
Thick slices. Put it in the microwave for 15 seconds.
好吧 搞什…
Okay. What the…?
你觉得这里面有麸质吗？ -全都是麸质
You think there’s gluten in here? The whole fucking thing is gluten.
嘿 其实
Hey, you know,
我试过和警♥察♥解释不全是你的错
I tried to tell the cops it wasn’t all you,
但他们不相信我
but they wouldn’t believe me.
是吗？你跟警♥察♥说了？ -是的 就说…
Yeah? You told the cops? – I did. Like–
他们知道卡车和公♥司♥在你名下 所以就…
They knew the truck and business were under your name, so it’s like…
如果你没偷那台冰箱 这一切都不会发生
None of this would’ve went down if you didn’t steal a fridge.
谁会给迷你冰箱登记？简直见鬼了
Who registers a mini fridge? What the fuck?
如果你弟弟没偷走卡车 这一切都不会发生
None of it would’ve went down if your brother didn’t steal the truck.
这是那个卖♥♥植物的婊♥子♥的错
This is that plant bitch’s fault.
是吗？那个卖♥♥植物的婊♥子♥ 会负担我的律师费吗？
Yeah? The plant bitch, will she pay my legal fees?
会还你欠我的两万美元吗？
Pay back the 20K you owe me?
我就在想 “这婊♥子♥不可能是白手起家的”
I got to thinking, “There’s no way this bitch is self-made.”
那些对于自食其力 负担全家开销的吹嘘？
All that bragging about pouring milk into mouths?
闭嘴吧 骗子 你在说什么？ -你♥他♥妈♥在说什么呢？
Shut up, liar. What are you talking–? – The fuck are you talking about?!
卖♥♥植物的婊♥子♥ 负担全家 你在说什么呢？
The plant bitch, the milk, what are you talking about?
她没嫁给白人这件事一直让我疑惑
It always fucked with me she wasn’t married to some white dude.
你猜怎么着？
And guess what,
她的丈夫 是一位著名日本艺术家的儿子
her husband is the son of a big Japanese artist.
她嫁进了艺术世家
Dude, she married into art money.
他们有好多值钱的东西 我们可以偷
They got all this crazy shit we could steal.
真的是这样 他告诉了我很多他父亲作品的事
No, for real. He told me all about his father’s pieces.
你现在和她丈夫混在一起了？ -别担心 我没告诉他我的真名
You’re hanging out with the husband now? – Don’t worry, I didn’t tell my real name.
我告诉他 我叫赞恩
I introduced myself as Zane.
见鬼
Oh! – Fuck.
你去玩角色扮演了？
You’re out there doing fucking cosplay?!
你接下来要这么做 完成教堂的工作
Here’s what you’ll do. You’ll finish working at the church,
然后我来兑现那张支票 我来兑现！
and then I’ll cash that check. I’m gonna cash it!
你工作 我拿钱
You work, I cash.
然后我会继续拿钱
And then I’m gonna keep cashing.
我会一直拿钱 直到足以请律师 让我免于牢狱之灾 懂吗？
I’ll keep cashing till I can pay off the lawyer to keep me out of jail, okay?
你同意吧？
Is that cool?
你能做到吧？
Does that work for you?
看到照片了吗？
You see that?
我在韩国城暴♥乱♥的现场 就在镜头之外
I was there. K-Town riots. Just off of frame.
如果他们用的镜头再宽一点 我就名垂青史了
If they just used the wider lens, I’d be in the history books.
见鬼 这玩意真好吃
Oh, fuck, dude, this is good.
你们尝了吗？
You guys try this?
老兄 这东西太沉了
This shit is so heavy, bro.
什么破工作
Fuck this job.
搞什么 鲍比？ 枪的事我怎么跟你说的？
What the fuck, Bobby? What did I tell you about the gun, dude?
怎么了？ -拜托 这里是教堂
What? – Come on, this is a church.
放车里吧 -放松 我忘了放了
Put it in the car. – Relax. I forgot.
记得迪克吗？还有他那些朋友？
Remember Dick? Remember him and his friend?
我不认识什么迪克 现在谁还会给孩子起名迪克？
I don’t know any Dicks, bro. Who’s naming their kid Dick anymore?
我说的是前副总统迪克切尼
The former vice president Dick Cheney is who I’m talking about, dude.
伙计 他一枪就打在他朋友脸上了
He shot his friend in the fucking face, dude.
好吧 我会放车里的
Fine. I’ll put it in the car.
你听说过哈佛大学的 那个乌鸦研究吗？
Did you ever hear of the Harvard crow study?
我进过哈佛的候补名单 -我知道
I got waitlisted at Harvard. – I know.
他们让一个人戴着迪克切尼的面具 对乌鸦做坏事
They put this dude in a Dick Cheney mask and he was mean to these crows,
乌鸦会告诉其他乌鸦
and the crows talked to other crows.
无论全国何处 只要切尼出现
All over the country, no matter where Cheney was,
乌鸦就会袭击他
crows would attack his ass.
他们会对着他的脸叽叽喳喳地叫 还会啄他
They’d be chirping at his face, just pecking him and shit.
我也进过德州大学奥斯汀分校的名单
I got into UT Austin as well.
挺好的
Dope.
嗨 两位 感谢你们的帮忙
Yo, thanks for helping with this, guys.
我们就是为了赚钱
We’re just here to get paid, man.
挣得不够多 是吧？ -懂我意思吧？
Not paid enough, right? – Know what I mean?
嘿 我听说你们两年前 开始为艾萨克做事
Hey, I heard you guys started working for Isaac about two years ago.
他是这么说的？ 为他做事 不是和他一起做事？
Is that what he said? Working for him, not with him?
我们小时候他就是这样
He’s been doing that since we were kids,
说什么大家都平等 但最后总是他当上老大
telling you that you’re equals, but he always ends up being the alpha.
他也就做梦是老大 -他连老二都算不上
He wishes he was alpha. – Dude’s not even a beta.
是啊 他顶多是老六 一身软骨头的老六
Yeah, no, he’s like zeta. Catherine Zeta-Jones.
什么？
What?
行吧
Cool.
是 那家伙一点远见都没有
Yeah. Yeah, dude’s got no vision.
没错 不过我有远见 只是没人认可我的远见
Yeah, I got vision, though. Just no one can see my vision but me.
你那个抢劫艺术品的主意？
Yo, your art heist idea?
实在太牛了 -没错
Fucking fuego. – Yup.
谢谢了
Thanks, man.
她升级了自家的安保系统
She upgraded her security system,
但我进去过一次 就能再进去
but I got in before, I can get in again.
你上次做了什么？
What did you steal last time?
我…
I, uh…
我尿了她家卫生间一地
I pissed all over her bathroom.
很大一泡
Like, gallons.
很厉害
Very cool.
我自称建筑承包商 就直接进去了
I told her I was a contractor and walked right in.
我们也可以说自己是承包商
Yo, we could say we’re contractors.
没错
Yup.
不行 我已经用过这招了 所以…
Nah, I already did that one, so, you know…
但你们知道的 有想法就好
Well, you know, but there’s no bad ideas.
我和艾萨克不一样 大家都能说上话
I’m not like Isaac. This is a three-way street.
你有什么想法吗？
What did you have in mind?
赞恩 我的朋友 -嗨
Zane, my man. – Yo.
谢谢你能过来 我知道太仓促了
Thanks for coming, man. I know it was short notice.
谢谢你邀请我
Man, thanks for having me.
通常我得带领唱诗班排练 但我今天休息
I normally have to lead praise band rehearsal, but I have a day off.
我认识你
I know you.
抱歉 她见到陌生人就怪怪的 -挺好的
Sorry. She’s weird around new people. – Oh, no, it’s…
进来吧
Come on in.
哎呀 你家真漂亮
Oh, man, beautiful home.