8位机圣诞（2021）

Jeff Did you guys hear?
今年忠诚游骑兵童子军
The Loyal Ranger Scouts are giving
会送一台任天堂
out a Nintendo this year.
谁卖♥♥的花环最多 谁就能得到它
Whoever sells the most wreaths in the wreathselling contest gets one.
不是吧
No way.
真的 一个六年级生告诉我的
Yes, way. A sixthgrader told me.
是那个告诉你最佳运动队
The same sixthgrader who told you that there were tryouts
有选拔赛的六年级生吗？鬼才信
for the ATeam? Yeah, right.
不 那是骗人的 这可是真的
Nope. That was a lie. This one’s real.
我们需要一些确凿的证据 法默
We’re gonna need some solid proof, Farmer.
杰克道尔
Jake Doyle
你有什么想和全班同学分享的吗？
Do you have something that you’d like to share with the rest of the class?
没有
no.
别以为我没在注意你 杰克
Don’t think I haven’t been watching you, Jake.
你是这里唯一一个穿着湿鞋的人
You’re the only one in here with wet shoes.
你知道规定的
Now, you know the rules.
没靴子就不能参加课间活动
No boots, no recess.
可是…
But…
我希望在课间看到你穿靴子
I expect to see you in boots at recess,
否则你的名字会上公告板
or your name goes on the board…
外加一个勾
with a check.
So what’s it going to be, Mr. Doyle?
你会怎么做 道尔先生？
靴子
Boots…
or a check?
还是勾？
快！
Josh Go, go, go!
Josh Catch it. Get out there. Catch it.
接球 出去接球
不行
No.
我一舔它就会变色
It changes colors when I lick it.
康纳斯塔普
Connor Stump
是迄今为止全校最奇怪的小孩
was by far the weirdest kid in school.
他总是随身带着录音机
He always carried around a recorder
他的午餐几乎都是金枪鱼
and his lunch was almost exclusively tuna.
你有没有试过
You ever put socks and shoes
把袜子和鞋子穿在手上到处爬？
on your hands and just crawl around?
是我而已 康纳 我不是真的狮子
It’s just me, Connor. I’m not really a lion.
杰克 快来 你是我们队的
Jake, come on,you’re on our team
来吧 排好队
Josh you’re on our team. Josh Let’s go. Line up.
你们玩吧 不用带我
Just play without me.
你们在后面做什么？
What’re you doing back there?
又是一只死松鼠吗？
Ooh, is there a dead squirrel again?
是不是毛茸茸又冻得僵僵的？
Is it all furry and frozen?
伙计
Dude.
你穿了凯蒂索伦蒂诺的靴子
You’re wearing Katie Sorrentino’s boots.
是我的
They’re mine.
你妈妈又用优♥惠♥券了？
Your mom use a coupon again?
走吧 特罗特 你这个烦人精
Let’s go, Trotter, you baby.
没错 我们得把你弄出去
Yeah, we gotta get you outta here.
如果被杰戈尔斯基看到 他会杀了你
If Jagorski sees you, he’ll kill you.
嘿 你…
Hey. What’re you…
你穿了凯蒂索伦蒂诺的靴子
You’re wearing Katie Sorrentino’s boots.
是我的
They’re mine.
行了！我要过去
That’s it! I’m coming over there.
不！我该怎么办？
No, no! What do I do? What do I do?
有人有糖或是色情杂♥志♥之类的吗？
Does anybody have some candy or a nudie magazine or something?
如果那里又有死松鼠 我先要了
If there’s another dead squirrel there, I’ll take it first
这里有人穿了女童靴
I think we got ourselves a pair of girl’s boots here.
我的脑中痛苦地闪现
Painfully, my mind flipped through
我即将收到的各种惩罚
the Rolodex of punishment I was about to endure.
要连续几周
Weeks of wedgies
经历抓裤裆、喝马桶水 麻腿
swirlies, dead legs.
我真的好想把一个小孩的脸
I wanted to punch a kid’s face un
揍成一滩饮料
until it turned into KoolAid so bad
但我没机会…直到现在
and I didn’t get the chance… until now.
怎么了 笨蛋？ 嗨！
What’s up, dork? Hi!
四眼今天好吗？
How’s Four Eyes?
然后 我听到了一个天使的声音
But then, I heard the voice of
an angel. Jeff Guys, I got proof!
大伙 我有证据了！
大伙！
Jeff Guys! Guys!
这里说了！真的是一台任天堂！
It says it right here! It really is a Nintendo!
那只是一个蠢花环的图
It’s just a picture of a dumb wreath.
你得看文字
You gotta read it.
“今天的一等奖是一台全新的任天堂娱乐系统”
“This year’s first prize is a brandnew Nintendo Entertainment System.”
（圣诞花环售卖♥♥比赛）
我要杀了你
I’m gonna kill you.
放学不到30分钟
Less than 30 minutes after the final school bell
我就穿了一身绿上路了
I was fitted in my dress greens and on my way…
展望我即将卖♥♥掉的花环
envisioning the acres of Alaskan pine forest
需要消耗多少英亩阿♥拉♥斯加松树林
needed to cover the amount of wreaths I was about to sell.
我定好了销♥售♥宣传语
And I had my sales pitch all planned out.
“女士 我是忠诚游骑兵童子军
“I’m with the Loyal Ranger Scouts ma’am
如果你不帮忙
and without your help
thousands of boys may become drug addicts
成千上万的男孩
可能会成为瘾君子”
and communists.”
啥事！啥事？
What? What?
什么？你有事吗？
What? What do you want?
嗨 我叫…
Hi. My name is…
等等 你不会是要卖♥♥东西给我吧？
Wait. You’re not trying to sell me something, are you?
谢绝推销
想买♥♥花环吗？
Wanna buy a wreath?
怎么 你有学习障碍吗？
What, do you got a learning disability or something?
等等 你不会真的有学习障碍吧？
Wait, you don’t really got a learning disability, do you?
好的 妈 这孩子觉得你的花环很烂！
Good. Ma, this kid thinks your wreath sucks!
嘿 道尔
Jeff Hey
要注意那些“谢绝推销”的标志
Doyle. Gotta look out for those “no solicitor” signs.
你在这里做什么 法默？
What’re you doing here, Farmer?
毁掉你的人生
doorbell chiming Ruining your life.
你不能在这里卖♥♥花环
You can’t sell wreaths here.
你觉得这有规矩吗 道尔？没有
You think there are rules here, Doyle? There are no rules.
任天堂是我的
That Nintendo’s mine.
我已经卖♥♥了67个花环
I’ve already sold 67 wreaths.
卖♥♥给谁了？
To who?
人啊 你妈妈
People. Your mom.
你在胡扯 法默
You’re full of it, Farmer.
你好 年轻的小姐 我希望你妈妈在家
Hello, young lady. I was hoping your mother was home.
我想和家里的大人聊聊
I need to speak to an adult in the house.
我说过我喜欢你的毛衣吗？
And did I mention how much I like your sweater?
城里的人行道上
All over town
到处都是行色匆匆的绿衣男孩
the boys ingreen pounded the pavements
in record numbers,
他们以任天堂之名
不断地刷新数字
all in the name of Nintendo.
一群流鼻涕的戈登盖科斯诞生了
A swarm of snotnosed Gordon Gekkos had been born.
圣诞快乐 女士 你想买♥♥花环吗？
Merry Christmas, ma’am. Would you like to buy a wreath?
你好 女士 圣诞季到了
Hello, ma’am. ‘Tis the season.
圣诞快乐 先生
Merry Christmas
你觉得《虎胆雄威》是圣诞电影吗？
sir. Do you think Die Hard is a Christmas movie?
瞧瞧 都已经30分了？
Look at that, it’s already wreaththirty?
“道格拉斯冷杉圣诞花环”
“Douglas fir Christmas wreaths.”
快说就是了！
Just say it!
你为什么不说？
Why don’t you just say it?
因为我不在愚蠢的游骑兵童子军里
Cause I’m not in stupid Ranger Scouts,
也不是愚蠢的男生
cause I’m not a stupid boy.
每个小孩都只顾自己
And it was every kid for themselves.
（珠宝）
连不是游骑兵童子军的孩子
Kids who weren’t even in Ranger
都参与了进来
Scouts were getting in on the action.
我不会接受回绝！
I will not take no for an answer!
这是销♥售♥的第一条规则！
That is the first rule of salesmanship!
第一条规则！
The first rule!
甚至连我都掌握了窍门
Even I was getting the hang of it.
你是来给我的车道铲雪的吗？
Oh, are you here to shovel my walk?
不 我是来卖♥♥圣诞花环的
No, I’m here to sell Christmas wreaths.
好吧 让我想想
Okay. Um, let me see.