初恋50次（2004）

And found out why Doug always Has to change his sheets
善忘的露西
Forgetful Lucy
脑袋天天重开机
Cracked her head like Gary Busey
但我还是深爱她
But I still love her so much
永远不会离开她
And I’ll never let her go
就在我唱歌♥的当下
Even if while I’m singing this song
她还希望我跟胖仔一样猛
She’s wishing I had Jocko the Walus’ schlong
善忘的露西
Forgetful Lucy
她的唇儿甜如蜜
Her lips are so damn juicy
再来一次初吻吧
How about another first kiss
睡不着
Can’t fall asleep.
我没睡
I’m not sleeping.
我只是闭个眼
I’m just closing my eyes.
那我下楼去吧
Well, I’ m gonna go downstairs then.
不要，我只是在休息
No, no. I’ m just resting.
露西
Lucy.
什么事？
Yeah.
你愿意嫁给我吗？
Will you marry me?
当然愿意 -好
Of course. – Good.
别忘了我
Don’t forget about me.
永远不会
Never.
早安
Good morning.
靠！
Oh, shit!
救命！ -哎，哎，哎，露西
Help! Help! – Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lucy.
露西！等等
Lucy! Lucy! Hey, hey, hey.
我知道你现在很难明白…
I know this is hard for you to understand…
但我们其实是一对
…but we are actually seeing each other.
我们交往好一阵子了
We have been for a while now.
露西！…
Oh! Lucy! Lucy! Lucy!
我若说谎，怎会知道…
If I was lying, how would I know this?
你是美术老师 你每周日都会去阿苏小吃店…
You’re an art teacher and you go to the Hukilau every Sunday…
你会盖松饼屋，还喜欢百合花
…and you make waffle houses and you like Casablanca lilies.
跟踪狂！ -你一点都不记得我了？
Stalker! – No, don’t you remember me a little?
也许我没办法开扁你 不过我老姐倒可以
I may not be able to kick your ass, but my sister can.
谢了
Thanks, buddy.
格斗天女抓狂了，她没事的
Little Sammy Sosa’s a bit shook up, but she’ll be okay.
她现在正在看带子
She’s watching the tape as we speak.
医生，我的颞叶还好吧？
How’s my temporal lobe looking there, doc?
别担心，你不会丧失记忆的
Don’t worry. You’re not gonna suffer any short-term memory loss.
你的头原来就长的像咸蛋吗？
But was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?
别闹了，像咸蛋又不是他的错
Don’t make fun of Henry. It’s not his fault it’s shaped like that.
反应过度也是类固醇的副作用
Note the intense overreaction. That’s the “roids” talking.
再说一次，别再吃禁药了 -不是禁药
Doug, once again, off the juice. – It ‘s not juice.
是高蛋白
It’s a protein shake.
他们说你要开船去阿♥拉♥斯加研究海象
Henry, the boys tell me you’re setting sail for Alaska to study walruses.
这是何时开始的？ -10年前…
When does that adventure begin? – That actually began…
我从那时开始存钱造船
…ten years ago. That’s when I started planning and building my boat.
我只知道海象 他们有世上第二大的鸡鸡
All I know is, out of all mammals, they have the second-largest penis.
第一大的是我
I have the first.
那是我的笑话
That’s my joke.
你跟露西提过这个旅行了？
Did you tell Lucy about this trip?
这个嘛…
Well…
其实没什么好说的 因为我决定不去了
…actually, there’s nothing to tell because I decided not to go.
露西需要我
I mean, Lucy needs me here.
我担心离开一年之后…
I’m just worried about going away for a year…
会摧毁她一切的进展
…and ruining all the progress she’s made.
我知道你认为我疯了…
I know you think I’ m crazy…
但我觉得，在内心深处..
…but I think deep down inside…
她已经开始记得我了 -不
…she’s starting to remember me. – No, Henry.
那是你自己想相信的 那也是我们都想相信的
That’s what you want to believe. It’s what we all want to believe.
但是那不可能
But it’s never gonna happen.
我得去上班了
Okay. I gotta go to work.
告诉她我会来接她
Will you tell her I’ II be back later to pick her up?
回头见，别跟你姐说她扁了我
See you, guys. Don’t tell anyone your sister beat me up.
那小子就算去一趟月球 露西也不会知道他离开过
He could go to the moon and back and Lucy would never even know he left.
真希望我老婆得了金氏症候群
Sometimes I wish my wife had Goldfield Syndrome.
那样她就不记得我说过她老妈…
That way she wouldn’t remember when I called her mother…
长得像得过天花加嘛疯的如花
…a loud, obnoxious drunk with a face like J. Edgar Hoover’s ass.
好，这是你的药，小家伙
All right. There’s your medicine, little fellow.
芭乐！回去清理池子！
Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool
你的特制巧克力蛋糕 可别让海豚吞下胜
If that’s one of your special brownies, don’t let any of the dolphins eat that.
你以为我怎么训练海豚跳高 还教他们陪小鬼玩？
How do you think I get them to double flip and play with white kids?
好了，小威，就这样
Okay, Willie, that’s it.
这回试着保持干净吧
This time try to stay clean for more than a day.
我帮你准备了鳀鱼圣代
I made you a nice anchovy sundae.
好好享受
Okay, enjoy that.
亨利？
Henry?
你好！ -你的头没事吧？
Hey! – How’s your head?
没事，别担心 -很好
Oh, it’s fine. Don’t worry. – Good.
怎么有空大驾光临？
What brings your royal cuteness out here?
我要见你
I needed to see you.
好吧，你手上拿着什么？
Okay. What you got there?
我的日记，我每晚都写
It’s my journal I write in it every night.
你不喜欢录影带？ -我喜欢
Oh, you don’t like the video? – No, I love it.
只是有时我看带子的时候 我总觉得是别人在说我的故事…
It’s just sometimes when I watch it, I feel like I’ m being told about my life…
而当我读这本日记…
…from someone else. And when I read this…
则像是我自己告诉我自己
…it’s like I’ m telling myself.
你何时开始写的？
When did you start this up?
就在你给我带子之后
Right after you gave me the video.
真的？ -我心里很紧张…
Really? – I was so nervous to come here…
要见让我每天爱上他的男人
…and meet the guy that makes me fall in love with him every day.
你也许以为我会受不了这一切
Well, you probably thought I couldn’t live up to the hype.
不，我之所以紧张…
No. I was nervous because…
是为我是来跟你分手的
Because I came here to break up with you.
在认识我之前…
You had plans and a life…
你原本有个计划、人生…
…before you met me and now all you have time for…
现在你却成天设法让我爱上你
…is to make me fall in love with you.
不只啦，我今天还帮企鹅洗澡
That’s not all I do. I gave a penguin a bath today.
我明天还要帮他洗一次
Which I’ II have to do again tomorrow.
我看着我爸和我弟的生活 我不想让你也那样
Ilook at my dad and my brother’s lives and I won’t do that to you.
你要我在你生命里 留下痕迹之后，翩然离去？
What do you want me to do? Be some chapter in your scrapbook and go?
不是
No.
我打算将你完全抹去 就当你从未出现过
My plan is to erase you completely, so it’s as if you never existed.
你为什么要这么做？
Why are you doing this?
因为你必须明白 跟我在一起没有未来
Because you have to understand that there is no future with me.
你难道不想要有一番事业 结婚生子？
Don’t you want to have a career and marriage and children?
我昨晚向你求婚，你答应了
I asked you to marry me. You said yes.
孩子？好，我想要有
Kids? Yeah, I’ d love to do it.
这怎么可能呢？
But how is that going to work?
我每天醒来胜子逐渐变大 却完全搞不清…
I’m gonna wake up every morning with an enormous belly and no memory…
是怎么回事？
…of how it happened?
我得写本新的、没有你的日记
I have to make a new journal that doesn’t have you in it.
在那之前…
But before I do…
我要你先看过它
…I really want you to read what I wrote about you.
我明天再看…
I will read about it tomorrow…
等你忘了分手的事再说
…when you forget about all this breaking up stuff, okay?
我不会忘的 我已经写下来了，我不能忘
I’m not going to forget it. I wrote it down. I won’t let myself.
不管你要不要，我都会这么做
And I’ m gonna do it whether you want me to or not.
我会待在家里
I’ll be at my house.
好，打下这段
Okay, type this one in there.
11月25日，周六
Saturday, November 25th.
我今天去了疗养院 跟医生谈了一下
I drove out to Callahan Institute today and had a talk with Dr. Keats.
这里有一段跟我有关
There’s one about me.
小小提醒 我亲他脖子时，他会发出怪声
Reminder: He makes funny noises when I kiss his neck.
我会想念这个的
I’m gonna miss that.
你真的不要我把这放进去？
You sure you don’t want me to put that in?
这页跳过 -让我看看
We can skip that one. – No, let me read it.
我们今晚做♥爱♥了 虽然不够久，但还是很棒
We made love tonight! It didn’t last long, but it was incredible.
久不久不重要… 重要的是感觉
It’s not all about how long you go. It ‘s… There was a connection, I thought.
直接撕掉吧
Actually, let’s just rip that out.
(“读我”)