一百样东西

No Grandma, we don’t have time.
他自从安娜·克洛斯克后就没谈过恋爱了
He hasn’t been in love since Anna Kloske.
她怎么了
What happened to her?
她为了别人离开我了 奶奶
She left me for someone else, Grandma.
为了谁
For whom?
-别这样 -真的吗
– Hey, please. – Really?
我的天 保罗 那是12年级的事了
My God, Paul, it was in 12th grade.
别再提了
Get over it!
-我有几段美好的 很长的 -没错 很长的
– I had some nice, long… – Yes, long.
-恋爱经历 -“美好”有点争议
– …relationships. – “Nice” is debatable.
总好过你每晚和不同的人上♥床♥
Better than sleeping with someone else
就为了抚慰你的自尊
every night to feed your ego.
-她们都很恶毒 -恶毒
– They were all so bitchy. – Bitchy?
总比你操有假咪♥咪♥的充气娃娃强
Better than your fuck doll with fake tits.
你找不到一个有个性的女人
You can’t get a woman with character.
她们老远就能闻到你有不对劲的地方
They can smell something’s wrong from miles away.
我去找找那个香薰小人
I’ll go find the incense smoker.
是时候安静地点一管香了
Time to smoke a peace pipe.
看 娜娜
Look, nana.
-这件还是 -我喜欢这件
– This one or… – Yes, I like that one.
-还是这件 -这上面还有运动鞋
– Or this one? – With those sneakers?
当然要选奥斯卡·德拉伦塔了
Obviously Oscar de la Renta.
美国十大设计师之一
你好
Hello.
抽起烟来不方便吗
Having some trouble smoking?
从警卫那儿拿的 是服装的一部分
It’s from the security guard. Part of the outfit.
你能拍张照吗
Can you take a picture?
当然
Sure.
行 等一下
OK, wait.
娜娜 你能听见我说话吗
NANA, can you hear me?
对不起 保罗
Sorry Paul,
但是这个月的流量已经用完了
but this month’s data limit has been reached.
什么 这不可能
What? That’s impossible.
你俩在这干嘛 这是一项研究吗
What are you two doing here anyway? Is it an art project?
这是个赌注
It’s a bet.
-赌注 -100天无消费品
A bet? – 100 days consumption-free.
-你们是环保狂吗 -不算是
– Are you guys tree-huggers? – Not really.
-那是为什么 -就是这样
– What for then? – Just like that.
太愚蠢了
That’s stupid.
你把胸罩穿在裙子外面 还住在车♥库♥里
You wear a bra over your dress and live in a garage.
这是时尚 而且我不住在这里
It’s fashion and I don’t live here.
你想和我约会吗
Do you want a date?
我不太懂你什么意思
I think you just lost me.
-什么 -什么
– What? – What?
对啊 约会
Yes, a… date?
约会
A date?
靠 我没衣服穿了
Fuck! I have nothing to wear!
别煮那些素食主义者吃的玩意儿 行吗
Don’t cook some vegetarian shit, OK?
我看看你现在还能说什么
What do you say now, huh?
我找不到一个有个性的女人
I can’t get a woman with character?
如果你的网络连接有问题
If you have a problem with your internet connection…
-请说”四” -四
– …please say “four”. – Four.
由于来电者较多
Due to the high number of callers,
此次通话可能会有所延迟
this call may be subject to delays.
剩余等待时长为27分钟
The remaining waiting time is 27 minutes…
31分钟
31 minutes.
45分钟
45 minutes.
你是否上网咨♥询♥过
Did you already consult the internet for help?
请查看www.Vodaf…
Check www.Vodaf…
我是迈克·施密特 有什么可以帮你
Meike Schmidt, what can I do for you?
有人吗
Hello?
-有人吗 -别挂 别 别 别
– Hello? – Please! No, no, no…
别 别 别
No, no, no!
你目前等待时长为1300分钟
Your current waiting time is 1300 minutes.
已为你预留下一个可通话的接线员
The next available representative has been reserved for you.
救救我
Save me.
-你出什么事了 -我陷入两难境地了
What’s wrong with you? I got stuck in the Twilight Zone.
天哪
Oh, no…
我没法上网 因为我没付钱
I can’t go online because I can’t pay
不上网我又没法付钱
and I can’t pay without going online.
-我的天 -我见过地狱
– Oh God. – I’ve seen hell.
世界就是被热♥线♥电♥话♥终结的
This is how the world will end, in a hotline.
进来吧 我给你弄点儿自来水
Come in, I’ll make you some tap water.
跟我说说你有什么糟心事 让我打起精神
Tell me something terrible from your life to lift my spirits.
怎么样了
How’s it going?
-什么怎么样了 -约会
– With what? – With the date.
约会怎么了
What about it?
约会糟糕吗
Is it going terribly?
不啊 怎么了
No. Why?
因为你没法取悦她
Well, because you have nothing to entertain her with,
没了蛋白粉 你就成了瘦子 没有魅力
you turned skinny and unattractive without your protein,
没了药片 你的头发成把地掉
your hair is falling out without your pills.
什么
What?
-在哪儿 -在后面 看不太出来
– Where? – In the back. It’s barely noticeable.
糟了 拍张照
Shit! Take a picture.
过来
Come on.
-你的眼睛干吗 – 你究竟想让我♥干♥嘛
– Are your eyes dry? – What do you want from me?
我在手♥机♥上花了四个小时
I spent four hours on the phone.
我生命中的四个小时 再也无法挽回
Four hours of my life I’ll never get back.
-手♥机♥本是用来节约时间的 -那就放下手♥机♥
– My phone is supposed to save me time. – Then put it away.
-什么 -放下手♥机♥
– What? – Just put it away.
-你疯了吗 -你看到了吧
– Are you crazy? – You see?
你就是不能一个人呆着
You just can’t be alone.
你总是需要什么东西
You always need something.
你拥有的东西占有了你
Your possessions possess you.
胡说
Nonsense.
你有没有想过为什么你会买♥♥下
Ever wondered why you bought
我们推荐的所有东西
all the things we offered you?
-胡说 -对
– Nonsense! – Yeah!
该死 该死 该死
Shit, shit, shit!
生发药片
娜娜 我们认识以来我买♥♥过多少东西
Nana, how many things have I bought since we met?
151样
151.
-有多少是我已经有的 -24样
– How many did I already have? – 24.
有美国人想要我们程序的测试版本
Hey, the Americans want the test version of our program.
发给他们吧
Send it to them.
-但是 -抱歉
– But… – Pardon me?
给我点私人谈话的空间好吗
This is a private conversation.
但是 娜娜
But, Nana…
我为什么会买♥♥我不需要的东西呢
why do I order things I don’t need?
因为购物让你幸福 保罗
Because buying makes you happy, Paul.
那什么是幸福呢 娜娜
What is happiness, Nana?
娜娜
Nana?
我可以为你谷歌♥”幸福”的意思 保罗
I can google “happiness” for you, Paul.
贝蒂
Betty!
听着 我要说的话是我们俩的小秘密
Listen. What I’m about to say will be our little secret.
不要告诉任何人
Nobody can find out about it.
上帝啊
Oh God!
这和上帝有什么关系
What does God have to do with it?
我就知道会有这天的
I knew this day would come.
你是克里斯蒂安·格雷 我是安纳斯塔西娅·斯蒂尔
You’re Christian Grey, I’m Anastasia Steele.
什么
What?
你是高大帅气的老板
You’re the handsome, screwed-up boss
而我是羞涩的实习生
and I’m the shy intern
在经历你给予的酷刑之后 我偷走了你的心
who steals your heart after going through your torture chamber.
你到底在说什么啊
What are you talking about?
《五十度灰》
Fifty Shades of Grey.
我没看过
Never read it.
这不重要
Never mind.
我需要你的帮助
I need your help.
我有个约会 需要做点吃的东西
I have a date and I need to cook something.
有约会