一百样东西

First one home gets to take a bath.
什么 不行 那是我的浴缸
What? No, it’s my bathtub.
你的肩膀太宽了 你吃太多蛋白粉了
Your shoulders are abnormal. You eat too much protein.
然后呢
Now what?
第二天
Day 2
我受不了了
I can’t take it anymore.
这就好像有人按了暂停键
It’s as if someone pressed pause.
我生命中的音乐消失了
The music in my life is gone.
只能听见自己的想法
I only hear my thoughts.
终于发现你乱七八糟的想法太多了是吧
Ever notice how much shit you think?
再听五分钟 我就会从这里跳下去了
If I listen for five more minutes, I’ll jump out the window.
这一天是不是没完了
Will this day never end?
才早上8:45 天啊
It’s 8:45 am. Oh God!
-你下一样会选什么 -我不会告诉你
– What are you picking next? – I’m not telling.
黑板上写着什么
What does that say?
-别看了 -你哪里来的粉笔
– Hey, stop looking! – Where did you get chalk?
你在作弊 我也想要粉笔
You’re cheating! I want chalk too.
快上楼 我烦透了
Go upstairs. I’m bored.
面对现实吧 你随时都可能放弃
Deal with it. You can give up any time.
-去你♥妈♥的♥ -你说什么
– Fuck you! – Excuse me?
妈妈
Mom!
我试着联♥系♥你 但你的手♥机♥关机了
I tried to reach you, but your phone is off.
我知道
I know!
你们在干什么
You’re doing what?
-100天 -100件东西
– 100 days. – 100 things.
为什么
Why?
-这还不明显吗 -明显吗
– Isn’t it obvious? – Is it?
-明显吗 -这是一项政♥治♥宣言
– It is? – It’s a political statement.
这是一项反对消费主义的宣言
It’s a statement against consumerism.
当然 也可以这么理解
Yes, that’s one way of putting it.
我的天 他终于明白了
My word, finally he gets it!
我还以为你没有骨气呢
And I thought you had no backbone.
1989年 他们用高压水枪
In ’89, they hosed us off the Wall
把我们从柏林墙冲下来
with a water cannon.
为什么 这样我们就能买♥♥买♥♥买♥♥ 一直买♥♥
Why? So we’d buy and buy and buy some more.
人性去了哪里
How about being human?
-Wolfgang -钱不是最重要的
– Eh… Wolfgang? – Money isn’t all that matters.
你那啥怎么样了 你的应用程序
How is it going with your thingy? Your app?
你说谁对它有兴趣来着
You said someone was interested?
是的 妈妈 但是
Eh… Yes, Mom, but…
这种东西能赚多少钱 五千吗
What would you get for something like that? 5000?
-不太准确 -四千
– Not quite. – 4000?
蕾娜特 别这么说
Renate, stop it already.
我很骄傲 年轻人觉醒了
I’m proud. The youth awakens.
小伙子们 我要请你们吃饭
Men, I’m buying you something to eat.
给我点儿钱
Give me some money.
拐角那儿有家麦当劳
There’s a McDonald’s on the corner.
你们太棒了
You hell raisers!
1989年他为自♥由♥选举作斗争
In ’89 he fought for free elections,
现在他要么投德国选择党 要么干脆不投
and now he’ll vote AfD or not at all.
德国的新政♥治♥运动团体
要求德国退出欧元区 并重启德国马克
他就是不能接受马♥克♥思♥
He just can’t handle it that Marx
原来是对的
turned out to be right in the end.
说起马♥克♥思♥
Speaking of Marx…
你的母亲怎么样了
How is your mother?
她在世界各地飞来飞去
She’s flying around the world,
做关于西方终结的演讲
giving lectures on the end of the West.
有些人总是能绝处逢生
Some people always land on their feet.
通常以牺牲别人为代价
Usually on those of others, yes.
你看起来很疲惫
You look tired.
你吃饱了吗
Are you eating enough?
你父亲和我要去波罗的海
Your father and I are going to the Baltic Sea.
我剪了一些优♥惠♥券
I cut out some coupons.
我需要一点浪漫的东西
I need a little romance and stuff.
不然我都忘了我们为什么要结婚
Or else I’ll forget why we’re married.
保罗 你要好好照顾奶奶
Paul, you’ll look after Grandma,
不然她又要爬到椅子上擦窗户了
or she’ll climb the chairs and clean the windows.
不要啊 妈妈
Oh, no. Mom!
安东 别幸灾乐祸了 你也要去
Anton, stop grinning. You’re going too.
穿上衣服
And put something on.
第三天
Day 3
鞋
衬衫
内♥裤♥
裤子
床垫
-娜娜 -保罗
– Nana! – Paul!
-我好想你 -我也想你
– I missed you. – I missed you too!
别开玩笑了 给我看
Stop joking and show me.
你一直开玩笑 我怎么给你看
How can I when you keep joking?
娜娜
Nana?
靠
Fuck!
第七天
Day 7
这不算犯规吗
Uh… isn’t that cheating?
我只睡了0.02小时 后背和脖子酸痛
I slept 0.02 hours. My back and neck hurt.
我三天没拉屎了
I haven’t crapped in three days,
因为你们只喂我们吃谷物棒和香蕉
because you feed us cereal bars and bananas.
你要是敢告诉东尼
One word to Toni
我就把R2D2捅进你菊花里
and I shove R2D2 up your ass.
星球大战中的机器人 高96厘米
-明白了 -那就好
– I see. – Ok.
-好的 -保罗
– Great. – Paul?
来了
Coming!
贝蒂
Betty?
我想改变我的赌注
I want to change my bet.
500欧元押东尼
500 on Toni.
那就没人押保罗了
Then no one is betting on Paul.
那我们在和谁打赌呢
Then who are we betting against?
戴维·扎克曼让我转达
David Zuckerman asked me to say
他很期待与你们见面
he looks forward to meeting you.
我们冒昧地给你们发送了一份安全指南
And we took the liberty of sending you a little security guide.
这个男人的身价比奥地利的GDP都高
The man is worth more than the GDP of Austria.
因此有些事情不得不考虑
So there are some things to consider.
关于奥地利的事 是个玩笑
That was a joke, about Austria.
他的身价是奥地利GDP的三倍
He’s worth three times that.
这是安全规程
The security regulations.
的一半
Half of them.
然后纸用完了
Then I ran out of paper.
-保罗 你母亲打电♥话♥了 -靠
– Oh, Paul, you’re mother called. – Fuck!
奶奶
Grandma?
奶奶 看看我把谁带来了
Grandma, look who I brought!
奶奶
Grandma?
奶奶
Grandma!
为了抗♥议♥
Out of protest?
是的 奶奶 我们摆脱了物品的束缚
Yes, Grandma. We got rid of our things.
但是保罗要输了
But Paul’s losing.
你是谁
Who is that?
-是我 东尼 -安东·卡茨 奶奶
– It’s me, Toni. – Anton Katz, Grandma.
-他之前和我们住在一起 -我知道
– He used to live with us. – I know that.
-谁 -东尼
– Who? – Toni!
东尼
Toni.
帅哥东尼吗
Handsome Toni?
对了
That’s right.
你有一次把我的香薰小人掉在地上
You dropped my incense smoker once.
它来自厄尔士山脉 现在一条手臂没了
It came from the Erzgebirge. It’s missing an arm now.
-不是我♥干♥的 是保罗 -你说什么
– No, that was Paul. – Excuse me?
我当时正准备点燃你就把它抢走了
Listen. I got to light it and you pulled it away from me.
那是唯一一件你不能拥有的东西
It was the only thing you couldn’t have.
我的奶奶 我的香薰小人
My grandma, my incense smoker.
看到了吧 你太小气了
See? You’re so petty.
我妈妈为你买♥♥下了半个玩具店
Mom bought half the toy store for you.
我的牛仔裤都破得不行 你却有乐高玩具
I had those shitty jeans, you got Lego.
你们都没老婆吗
Don’t you have wives?
没有 奶奶 我们没那个时间