一百样东西

– Everything? Really? – Yes, every…
每天都可以取回一样东西 对了
Fine, every day you get one thing back. Oh, right…
不管谁放弃
And whoever gives up
都把他一半的股份留给全体员工
leaves half his shares to the entire staff.
你疯了吗
Are you nuts?
看 这就是他害怕的时候
Oh! That’s when he chickens out.
只要是关于钱 他就会害怕
If it’s about money, he gets a little scared.
因为他是守财奴
Because he’s stingy.
东尼 东尼
Toni! Toni!
保罗 保罗 保罗
Paul! Paul! Paul!
太好了
Great!
现在有无数个人想要看到我们赌输了
Now we have ten people trying to catch us slipping up.
没用的 他们都醉了 明天就全忘了
Nonsense! They’re all drunk. Tomorrow, they’ll have forgotten.
第一天
Day 1
东尼
Toni!
糟糕
Shit!
妈妈 你需要帮忙吗
Mom, do you need help?
干
Fuck!
多好啊
How nice!
你好
Hello.
对 那就是阴♥茎♥
Yes, that’s a penis!
那里有包皮
The foreskin.
对 那里也有包皮 你也有的
Right. There’s foreskin too. You have it too.
能让他看到这个太好了
It’s great that he gets to see that.
我是说 艾尔克和我帮不了他
I mean, Elke and I can’t help him.
看 就像一条穿高领毛衣的蟒蛇
Look! It’s like a python wearing a turtleneck.
我真的得走了 祝你过得愉快
I really need to go. Have a nice day.
东尼
Toni?
我的天啊
Oh God…
幸好你还活着 所有的东西都不见了
Thank God you’re alive. Everything’s gone.
所有东西 我的家具 我的东西
Everything! My furniture, my things.
我的天啊 我的手♥机♥呢 我们需要打给…
Oh God, my phone! We have to call the…
你看起来像个肉排
You look like a steak.
-我睡在炉子上 -为什么 怎么…
– I slept on the heater. – Why? What…
发生什么事了
What happened?
你就是不能喝酒
You just can’t handle alcohol.
我断片了
I had a blackout.
酒里一定有什么东西
Probably something in my drink.
天啊 这是新闻里才能看到的事
Oh God, you read about that in the news.
入室抢劫 洗劫一空
Knockout drops, robbed…
什么
What?
脱♥光♥ 脱♥光♥ 脱♥光♥
Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!
-不是吧 -就是这样
– No. – Yup.
不 不 不
No, no, no, no…
就是这样 你自己的主意
Yes, and it was your idea.
但是没人会当真的
But nobody would take that seriously.
本来没人会当真 直到你说要给股份
Nobody took it seriously until you promised shares.
我当时喝醉了 这不算
I was drunk. That doesn’t count!
当然不算
Of course it doesn’t count.
我们一起宣布它无效 那只是在开玩笑
We’ll both say it’s off. It was a joke.
-我们俩一起 -一起
– Both of us, together. – Both of us.
-我们不会丢脸 -对
– We won’t lose face. – Right.
-他们能怎么办 -他们能怎么办
– What can they do? – What can they do?
早上好 小伙子们
Good morning, lads!
这确实需要一段时间来适应
It sure took some work to get it all to fit.
你好
Hello.
这里已经预付了100天的房♥租
The rent has been paid for exactly 100 days.
我们凑钱付的
We all chipped in.
我也给了钱 甚至用上了我的实习工资
Me too, even with my intern wage.
我们把规矩重新写下来了
Here we wrote down the rules again.
每天午夜 你们可以取回一样东西
Every day at midnight you can take back one thing.
一双鞋子一双袜子算一样 我们很慷慨的
Shoes and socks count as one. We’re generous.
办公室里有食物
There’s food in the office.
你们的银行卡和现金在这里
Your bank cards and money are in here.
打开这个 你们就输了
Open this and you lose.
这是你们每周的配给
These are your weekend rations.
贝蒂买♥♥的
Betty brought it.
为宿醉准备的枸杞果汁和冰沙
Superfood with goji berries and smoothies for the hangover.
-谢谢 -罗尼
– Thank you. – Uh… Ronnie.
你不用把规矩定得太严格
You don’t have to be so meticulous about the rules.
你知道这是什么吗
Do you know what this is?
这是凯丽·费雪
This is the bikini
在《星球大战3: 绝地归来》中穿的比基尼
Carrie Fisher wore in Return of the Jedi.
它正在佳士得拍卖♥♥ 猜猜谁在出价
It’s being auctioned off at Christies. Guess who’s bidding?
好的
Okay.
听着 罗尼
Listen, Ronnie…
东尼有话要说
Toni has something to say.
保罗害怕他不会完成
Paul’s afraid he won’t manage.
失败者
Yes! That loser!
他是对的
He’s right.
你们现在一无所有
You’re starting with nothing.
没有钥匙
Right. No keys.
也没有杯子
You don’t have glasses either.
对 而且…
Right, and…
这个也不能留
This has to go too.
-贝蒂 -来了
– Betty! – Yes!
你说的 我们一起叫停这个玩笑
You said we’d call it off together.
对 但我刚想起来我的股份是安全的
Yes, and then I remembered that my shares are safe.
我不能输给你
I can’t lose against you!
-不 我不会这样做的 -天啊
– No, I won’t do it. – Oh God!
我要上车了
I’m taking the car.
好 那这就是你的第一样东西
Right. Then that’s your first thing.
什么
What?
东尼 给我一些东西
Toni, bring me something!
操 东尼
Shit! Toni!
我的东西 这些蠢货
My things. Those idiots.
所有东西都还在这里 都被混在一起了
Everything’s still here. Everything’s mixed up.
好的 现在让我们理一理顺序
OK, let’s be logical.
保暖 穿衣 擦干
Warm up, get dressed, dry off.
遮体 保暖 穿衣
Cover nudity, warm up, get dressed.
我的手♥机♥
My phone.
我的西服
My suits.
那是羊绒的 你得挂起来
That’s cashmere, you have to hang it up.
娜娜 娜娜 能听见我说话吗
Nana! NANA, can you hear me?
你在搞笑吧
You’ve got to be kidding.
我已经穿上袄子了 我已经准备好了
I’ll take the coat. I’m ready.
你呢
And you?
那就是你的第一件物品吗
That’s your first thing?
-是的 -你打算滚回家吗
– Yes. – Are you going to roll home?
该死
Shit.
那太棒了
That’s good.
打开你的袄子
Open your coat.
为什么
Why?
-给我看看 -我不
– Show me. – No.
-哥们 -都是贝克汉姆的品牌 算是一样
– Dude! – It’s both David Beckham. Counts as one.
-脱了 -为什么
– Take it off! – What?
这袄子太薄了 毛衣又太短了
The coat’s too thin, the sweater too short.
我又没碰巧在车♥库♥里
I don’t happen to keep a survival kit
放巴塔哥尼亚的生存工具包
from Patagonia in my garage.
裤子还是毛衣
Trousers or sweater?
裤子 毛衣
Trousers. Sweater!
毛衣 干 我做不到
The sweater… Fuck, I can’t do this!
快停下
Stop it! No!
嗨 我不是有意要打断你们的
Hi, I don’t mean to interrupt.
我能用一下电♥话♥吗
May I?
谢天谢地 谢谢你们
Oh, thank God. Thank you.
你们可以挂电♥话♥了 我找到了
You can hang up, I found it!
如果是我 就选那件袄子
Oh, I’d take the coat.
毛衣太短了
The sweater’s a little short.
干
Fuck!
谁第一个到家 谁就可以洗澡